Seriously? ...What do you want now?

[jnel921]

So my H calls me at 1:50am from work. He is in a panic. He says I wanted to call you and tell you something before you hear it from someone else.

 

He said that he was at the command and one of the sergeants said there was a call for him at the front desk. The person said it was his sister. He was concerned as he knew his sister has his cell number but wondered why she would call his command.

 

When he gets on the phone the woman asked if it was him then he asked who it was since he knew by the voice it was not his sister. She told him it was her...the OW and wanted to know if he could talk. He immediately said no then she proceeded to ask him if he could call her later. He then told her he doubted that very much. Then she hung up.

 

He was very upset and called me with this new development after 14 months of NC after DDay. His concern was that she may be trying to create a wedge between us or worse try to hurt me. He came home this morning and was in tears and started throwing up.

 

He kept apologizing for having putting me through this and was upset that she dared reach out to him again as if he cared. He said he only cared about me and our M and wished he could go back in time. He thinks she may be a fatal attraction case and is concerned. He was clearly very upset about the whole thing.

 

I have yet to decide what I want to do. Part of me wants to call her and tell her to back up off of my H...as he clearly doesn't want her. Warn her that if she tries again she will get a deserved a$$ kicking.

 

Then there is a part of me that just wants to leave it alone. Let her realize no one is acknowledging her or gives a crap about her.

 

After 14 months .... Not sure what she wants and I don't care. But I am extremely pi***d that this witch wants to go there again.

 

Not sure how to handle. What do you think?

[Mickey_Fitzpatrick]

Nothing says "you don't matter" better than just ignoring her. Make believe she doesn't exist. 14 months?

[TaraMaiden]

Tell him to advise the front desk that he refuses to take personal calls at work.

Messages only and leave a number.

 

leave her alone.

if you pay attention to her, she's getting attention, no matter what kind.

"I still got it, I can still shake the foundations, I'm still on his mind, I can still twist the knife.....

 

Let her stew, and tell him to man up and quit being pathetic.

If he's really sorry, let him take control and deal with it.

[jnel921]

Yes 14 months since DDay.

[jnel921]

Tell him to advise the front desk that he refuses to take personal calls at work.

Messages only and leave a number.

 

leave her alone.

if you pay attention to her, she's getting attention, no matter what kind.

"I still got it, I can still shake the foundations, I'm still on his mind, I can still twist the knife.....

 

Let her stew, and tell him to man up and quit being pathetic.

If he's really sorry, let him take control and deal with it.

 

My H was shocked that she would call there. He already went through the humiliation when this happened. He got caught off guard from what he told me.

[TaraMaiden]

No, he didn't.

He was lied to, and advised it was his sister ringing, when it was obviously untrue.

He should have just hung up the very instant he knew who it was, though....

 

I'll grant you that.

 

Hence my 'grow up' comment.

 

[No Limit]

Don't react at all.

Plus, she might be annoying and all, but your (ex-?)husband started it and now he should have enough manhood to end it. If he avoids her she'll never get it in her head.

[harrybrown]

I think it is good that he would tell you right away.

 

I do not know if others were standing around when he was on the phone. Sometimes him throwing up over the situation is a good sign that he wants his marriage and you. (should have written that he wants you and the marriage).

 

So he knows you. I hope he will do something to show his love to you.

 

do not contact her. do not respond.

[PurpleCardigan]

I agree with the others and do not respond but 14 months later she reaches out of the blue to call him and NOW he's worried about a fatal attraction?

 

To me that sounds like they haven't had NC for 14 months. If it was a few months later, sure I'd buy that. But over a YEAR?! And now she's bunny boiler? Seems odd.

 

Not to make you paranoid but I'd check for recent contact between them. I'd wonder if they had contact, she got some mixed messages and now is confused/feelings stirred up so she's reaching out to him. The urgent call to you seems like a ploy to cover his tracks just in case she contacts you. I hope that I'm wrong, but the timeline seems suspicious to me. Sorry.

[ComingInHot]

Hey there. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this so long After the ending of his A! I can completely understand as I dealt with this same type of exOW. For Years after My H dumped her.

Cease and desist letter?

[whatatangledweb]

 

To me that sounds like they haven't had NC for 14 months. If it was a few months later, sure I'd buy that. But over a YEAR?! And now she's bunny boiler? Seems odd.

 

Not to make you paranoid but I'd check for recent contact between them. I'd wonder if they had contact, she got some mixed messages and now is confused/feelings stirred up so she's reaching out to him. The urgent call to you seems like a ploy to cover his tracks just in case she contacts you. I hope that I'm wrong, but the timeline seems suspicious to me. Sorry.

 

My husband's ex OW did the same thing. She tried to contact him (which he never read and phone app blocked her calls) She tried at two days, 5 days, 3 months,15 months and two years later. She has not be able to find a way through to him. I know this because her last contact was texts to me from another number. She was pissed because he had not contacted him since d-day. Some of the OW do not want to let go.

[Ap22]

if you pay attention to her, she's getting attention, no matter what kind.

"I still got it, I can still shake the foundations, I'm still on his mind, I can still twist the knife.....

 

 

This. Knowing you can still get the person is almost as good as getting them.

 

Its like an internet troll. They post stupid things to get a rise out of people. When no one responds, they feel dumb and silently go away.

[cozycottagelg]

My husband's ex OW did the same thing. She tried to contact him (which he never read and phone app blocked her calls) She tried at two days, 5 days, 3 months,15 months and two years later. She has not be able to find a way through to him. I know this because her last contact was texts to me from another number. She was pissed because he had not contacted him since d-day. Some of the OW do not want to let go.

 

That actually makes me sad. Not that she should have been involved with a married man, but to have this idea in her head of what they were or could be, and then go NC, cold turkey, nothing...I can't imagine what that would to do me, and I consider myself pretty level headed.

 

Not that I think she has any right to intrude on your marriage more than she already has...just trying to put myself in her shoes.

[JamesM]

My advice is to simply let him handle this.

 

It is his problem and he needs to solve it. If he wants to contact her and tell her off, then he needs to do it. If you want to tell her to back off, then he needs to tell her.

 

Just my opinion.

 

I went back and read through some of your threads and admire how the two of you reconciled. I assume that you both are still as in love.

 

So when I ask this question, it may be directed at you and not at him. Please don't get mad at me. Reading through everything I see that you have done alot of rebuilding. My question is more to you as a way to confront possibly a fear you have inside and as a way to deal with it. Please understand it is not done to hurt you at all.

 

Do you trust him completely as to what he told you? Was he telling you this as the complete truth or as a way of heading off the complete truth? Do you fear that there may be more to it? Or are you very secure in his openness and honesty to you?

[Owl]

Is your H military?

 

Is she?

 

If they both are...my thought would be that he may need/want to involve his chain of command. Admit to what he did wrong, explain to them clearly that he's confessed to you, been in NC for 14 months, and has been working on your marriage ever since.

 

Odds are, they won't take action against him since he's doing the right thing, and has been doing so for a long time. And he's going to them...not getting busted externally.

 

If she's military, and still pursuing him after all of this...they can have her chain of command contact her and tell her to stop...or face UCMJ action, if she doesn't do so immediately.

[goodyblue]

Jnel, I was OW as you know. I would have never behaved that way and it's positively deplorable. My opinion, and maybe it's already been stated because I haven't read all the replies, is that she was 'checking'. Checking to see if he was interested in resuming things. And that would piss me off.

 

It's your husband's job to shut it down. It sounds like he did. I would just not worry about it. Don't let it take up one brain synapse. You're fine.

[jnel921]

My advice is to simply let him handle this.

 

It is his problem and he needs to solve it. If he wants to contact her and tell her off, then he needs to do it. If you want to tell her to back off, then he needs to tell her.

 

Just my opinion.

 

I went back and read through some of your threads and admire how the two of you reconciled. I assume that you both are still as in love.

 

So when I ask this question, it may be directed at you and not at him. Please don't get mad at me. Reading through everything I see that you have done alot of rebuilding. My question is more to you as a way to confront possibly a fear you have inside and as a way to deal with it. Please understand it is not done to hurt you at all.

 

Do you trust him completely as to what he told you? Was he telling you this as the complete truth or as a way of heading off the complete truth? Do you fear that there may be more to it? Or are you very secure in his openness and honesty to you?

 

 

Thanks for the response. I did tell him that if he ever heard her voice he should be silent. We have come a long way in our R. It is not without tears and moments where my H looks at me with tears in his eyes wishing he could take it all back. I do believe he has been sincere and above all honest. Lying was the worst he could ever do to so he knew he had to be transparent going forward. He does so without issue. I just think he doesn't want any problems. The OW is an emotional disturbed person.

[jnel921]

Is your H military?

 

Is she?

 

If they both are...my thought would be that he may need/want to involve his chain of command. Admit to what he did wrong, explain to them clearly that he's confessed to you, been in NC for 14 months, and has been working on your marriage ever since.

 

Odds are, they won't take action against him since he's doing the right thing, and has been doing so for a long time. And he's going to them...not getting busted externally.

 

If she's military, and still pursuing him after all of this...they can have her chain of command contact her and tell her to stop...or face UCMJ action, if she doesn't do so immediately.

 

No he is a police officer. The OW was the girlfriend of one of his sergeant's that used to be very good friends with at the command. Once D-Day happened things got bad at work too for some time. It's been some months now since his ex-friend sergeant was transferred to another precinct. There have been new officers and sergeant's that have come in last year. They don't know the story so things have been better for him.

[jnel921]

Jnel, I was OW as you know. I would have never behaved that way and it's positively deplorable. My opinion, and maybe it's already been stated because I haven't read all the replies, is that she was 'checking'. Checking to see if he was interested in resuming things. And that would piss me off.

 

It's your husband's job to shut it down. It sounds like he did. I would just not worry about it. Don't let it take up one brain synapse. You're fine.

 

I agree. I mentioned this to him as well. She probably was wondering where we were in our R. My H has since changed his cell number and I have blocked her from my own so there is really no way to call him unless she calls his work.

 

I just hope that she doesn't take it to the next level and tries to go to his job. I think I would really be upset about that.

[jnel921]

Tell him to advise the front desk that he refuses to take personal calls at work.

Messages only and leave a number.

 

leave her alone.

if you pay attention to her, she's getting attention, no matter what kind.

"I still got it, I can still shake the foundations, I'm still on his mind, I can still twist the knife.....

 

Let her stew, and tell him to man up and quit being pathetic.

If he's really sorry, let him take control and deal with it.

 

I've been ignoring her this whole time. I never entertained her BS. I thought she was an emotionally disturbed person the last time we spoke on D-Day and it was the last. I knew my H wouldn't want to be with a woman like that.

 

She doesn't want to be alone. She literally told me she'd be with the one who wants her the most. She said she called me because she was afraid my H and his co worker would fight to the death for her since they carry guns. I laughed at her.

 

I have spoken to my H. He knows to be silent and walk away if ever she has the nerve to show up at his job. The phone calls at work wont happen again.

 

I sense she is alone and is searching. Very sad and pathetic.

[confusedandhurt2002]

Ignoring her is great advice. I am trying to do the same in my situation but luckily she hasn't tried to contact us in several months. I know one day she will. I absolutely know it. But she is a non-factor now.

Nothing says "you don't matter" better than just ignoring her. Make believe she doesn't exist. 14 months?

[confusedandhurt2002]

I worry this will happen in my situation. Your husband sounds like man. My husband is emotionally distraught over the situation and at times has thrown up and had panic attacks. On this board and others many say "He's a liar. He's a faker. He's..." But in reality, I don't think that is always the case. There are times it is. I think our husbands are the exceptions to that "rule" and are truly devastated by their poor choices. I really hope she gets the hint and moves on. If she feels the need to apologize then she needs to write a letter. Otherwise she should take a hint and take a long walk off a short pier.

[confusedandhurt2002]

I have this awful feeling when the OW in our case gets left by our husband, she already has been emotionally left by him, she will try to get back into my WH's life. Sometimes I feel sorry for her. Other times I want to punch her square in the face.

I've been ignoring her this whole time. I never entertained her BS. I thought she was an emotionally disturbed person the last time we spoke on D-Day and it was the last. I knew my H wouldn't want to be with a woman like that.

 

She doesn't want to be alone. She literally told me she'd be with the one who wants her the most. She said she called me because she was afraid my H and his co worker would fight to the death for her since they carry guns. I laughed at her.

 

I have spoken to my H. He knows to be silent and walk away if ever she has the nerve to show up at his job. The phone calls at work wont happen again.

 

I sense she is alone and is searching. Very sad and pathetic.

[Raena]

Your husband is a police officer, can't he do something to stop her from contacting him? Or would that just put more stress on him on the job?

[whichwayisup]

I agree. I mentioned this to him as well. She probably was wondering where we were in our R. My H has since changed his cell number and I have blocked her from my own so there is really no way to call him unless she calls his work.

 

I just hope that she doesn't take it to the next level and tries to go to his job. I think I would really be upset about that.

 

Then he needs to talk to his sgt or superintendent, platoon chief - Someone who can have his back in case this nutty exOW tries to make waves with his job.

I never entertained her BS

 

Something to think about if she reaches out again.