Reviving my old thread on the the double betrayal

[tiredofitall2]

So guys, as you can probably see from my posts here I have learned and grown quite a bit. I don't know how many of you are religious out there, but since this all started I found my way back and am focusing on my spiritual growth which I neglected when this all started.

 

So after reading my original post I saw that I started by stating all the things that I thought lead me to my A. Now I came to realize that I and my selfishness was the only thing that led me to my A.

 

I really hurt my W for a very long time and her background and personality drove her to her revenge A. Now I realize she is VERY wrong for doing what she did, but that is for her to discover and be convicted for, as I'm convicted. I am not in a position to point her faults out.

 

Since, we had to deal with a few legal things and of course our sharing our daughter as well. She has ended it with the OM and has really made a 180. The funny thing is that she has not openly asked me to take her back, but has insinuated it in many other ways. I now feel confident that she has only cheated with this cop guy and the other 2 guys did not go far. The one was a guy that had a crush on her and she called him "the stalker". She was only interested in his friendship but they did go on a date once or twice. He stole kiss from her when saying good night and she felt nauseous. The other friend she texted with was someone she tought was "cute" but I scared him off early on.

 

All this time she was I guess open to an exit A, but she was too in love with me while I was being a complete *********.

 

Anyway, all the stupid charges were dropped by the prosecutor and she didn't even pursue the RO as she had no grounds. We talked after the RO hearing court date and she started crying. We have talked on the phone a few times and she always ends up crying when she realizes what has been lost and that she failed herself by pursuing a revenge/exit A.

 

I know had I not done all of this she wouldn't have done what she did. I truly know she is not a serial cheater or the cheating type, but she is a vengeful person, but only after a long time of my bull$it she did the deed.

 

Anyway, as of recent she has been texting me and honestly, using our daughter by sending me pictures and little messages etc to kind of warm my heart. Nothing forward as she is very proud and stubborn.

 

Tonight we talked and she told me exactly how she felt with OM and why she "used" him. she agrees she was addicted to talking to him and in the fog. She also admits that once the A blew up and I ended up in such deep $hit the A turned sour and the feelings dissipated. I'm not sure who dumped who, but I have a feeling that he did. Tonight she did all but asked me to take her back. She wouldn't as she is proud.

 

But she spoke very rationally and I realized it was my old W and not the WW anymore. She is very sorry for her actions and feels it was all a big mistake.

 

She said she wishes things had not gone as far as they did that night when I was arrested as perhaps now we would have had a chance as she knew the A wasn't going anywhere. She recognizes she needs to be alone for a while and that all was a series of BAD decisions.

 

My dilemma is that as you guys may know I always advocate for reconciliation. I know I could easily reconcile if I just go out with her and our D. She even suggested we went back on family dates together. She has been very nice to me lately and I do miss her.

 

But as a hypocrite I tell everyone to try to reconcile especially when there are children involved, but I can't wrap my mind around it in my situation. The biggest obstacle is the fact that that ********* humiliated me by using his buddies and authority to get me in such deep crap. She backed him up and not me. I feel as second choice. But at the same time I made her 2nd choice for a long time too. I would love to be back with my family, but don't know if it is possible to have a healthy relationship after all that has happened.

 

I have other options in terms of girls and there is one girl that is nothing but nice to me and wants a R with me, but I'm giving myself time to heal a little before engaging. But now I'm confused as my case is somewhat crappier than most seen here.

 

The D should be final soon...

 

Sorry for the long post and any typos, just don't feel like proofreading.

 

Link to my first post:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/439068-revenge-affairs-bad-outcomes#post5332475

[Scott Thomas]

Her 'backing' him and choosing him over you is rather concerning-getting you arrested and filing false charges. It smacks of hatred and contempt.

I would have a very long conversation about why she did this and how she could make up for it, if I were in your shoes. Despite the animosity, I find it very appalling that someone would do this to the father of her daughter. Quite concerned...

[tiredofitall2]

Her 'backing' him and choosing him over you is rather concerning-getting you arrested and filing false charges. It smacks of hatred and contempt.

I would have a very long conversation about why she did this and how she could make up for it, if I were in your shoes. Despite the animosity, I find it very appalling that someone would do this to the father of her daughter. Quite concerned...

 

Her reasoning...She didn't know I had been arrested until the next day. I don't buy it. I think she was so deep in the fog she couldn't see straight. She was so angry because we were the ones to call the cops and blow up her A. I called her mom and instantly her whole family found out. My mother called her and insulted her. Even my aunt drove to her house that night and insulted her. They were best friends. I mean it was a crazy DDay.

 

I really went as Nuclear as I could on her. So I understand her being supper angry with me and filing the restraining order. The exposure was so ridiculous that her mom flew in town the next weekend. Her entire family got involved. Everyone was against their R. They knew the cop guy had cheated and abused his EX wife. They were not happy about how she approached the situation n having an A.They could probably care less that she is divorces me as I did screw her over, but her having an A is not condoned by them. They are very religious Pentecostals.