peaksandvalleys Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 It's been a while. Happy New Year to you all. I would like to thank you all for the support and encouragement I received here. I had to take some time off but I kept reading on and off. My health took a turn for the worse and I needed to focus on that. But the good news is within a few weeks I will be officially divorced. We didn't get to that point easily though. My soon to be ex husband (that sounds so good:D) lost his ever loving mind. He stalked, threatened, begged, drank, and basically showed his butt to any and everyone. Then he tried to claim I was the one having the affair and he had proof of it. He used my first few threads from here and claimed to have more "stuff" though nothing was ever produced by him or his attorney. He then wanted me to pay his attorney fees and alimony. That didn't go over too well either. By the time the judge was finished with reviewing everything, he was lucky to walk away without several charges filed against him. As for the OW, she is facing charges of embellishment from her company. Her BS contacted me and asked if I would be willing to testify if he needed me and I said yes, though I think that won't be necessary. She has bigger issues to deal with than divorce. He told me he and the children are in counseling which is good and that they will be fine. I hope so. My children are dealing with things as best they can. My oldest is refuses to speak with soon to be ex:D. Maybe in the future things will change for them all. 14 Link to post Share on other sites
cozycottagelg Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 I've been thinking about you and I'm so glad that you posted today. I feel so terrible for the children involved, but I am very happy to hear that legally you are doing well. This was a really hard road and I wish you all the best. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author peaksandvalleys Posted January 8, 2014 Author Share Posted January 8, 2014 I've been thinking about you and I'm so glad that you posted today. I feel so terrible for the children involved, but I am very happy to hear that legally you are doing well. This was a really hard road and I wish you all the best. Thank you. I have been reading some but I decided not to respond to some of the threads because I couldn't do so with any type of civility. The anger is still there but not in a way that I want them set on fire at a gas pump anymore. Maybe just stuck in tar with a truck coming them with no brakes. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Thank you. I have been reading some but I decided not to respond to some of the threads because I couldn't do so with any type of civility. The anger is still there but not in a way that I want them set on fire at a gas pump anymore. Maybe just stuck in tar with a truck coming them with no brakes. I've been wondering about you as well. Sounds like you have all of your ducks in a row. The anger will fade and you will move on. I think you will be one that won't hold a grudge forever and you'll find happiness. I hope you are well. and best wishes to you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted January 8, 2014 Share Posted January 8, 2014 Hey there stranger!!! I am glad to hear you are doing a little better. Keep taking good care of yourself. I am amazed at how fast the divorce is moving....I thought they took at least a year or two. So are the MOW and her BH staying married? And he is okay with her being brought up on charges? And willing to help? Link to post Share on other sites
Author peaksandvalleys Posted January 8, 2014 Author Share Posted January 8, 2014 Hey there stranger!!! I am glad to hear you are doing a little better. Keep taking good care of yourself. I am amazed at how fast the divorce is moving....I thought they took at least a year or two. So are the MOW and her BH staying married? And he is okay with her being brought up on charges? And willing to help? No they aren't staying together. He has the children and seems to be doing well. Sorry if I was confusing. He asked if I would testify for him in his case. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 I think when you are completely free of all contact your health will stay improved. the stress of DDAY, divorce and an angry dissembling spouse is just all too much to bear. Holidays can add another level. Have you heard a peep from the in-laws? I bet not. Mine ran and hid under rocks mostly after DDAY. The apple rarely falls too far from the tree. Before I decided to give reconciliation a shot, in which counseling was a mandatory condition, I told my children that while developing feelings for another would have been hurtful, I would never understand the deceit and lying. He did not have to. I would have let him go. They got it. I also told them that I hoped he would get the counseling he needed. As a mother I suppose I was setting a stage for them: Don't expect too much right now from someone who has so self-destructed AND hoped maybe they would start to plant the seed with him.... Perhaps he would have the courage to become a better father to them in the future. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 (edited) He used my first few threads from here.....What the ..... is he reading your posts here on LS? I hope you get your health improved and do whatever is needed. This has been an event. Did they ever figure out the paternity of the OW's child? I am glad the husband/dad and her kids are getting counseling and hopefully pulling together. I suspect those kids will have a strained relationship with their mom over the years. You don't really discuss it but was you’re soon to be ex a good dad or not? We know he sucked as a husband. I hope in the long term he can maintain some sort of connection to his (your) kids. Best wishes in 2014 Edited January 9, 2014 by dichotomy Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Good to hear you are doing well. You handle yourself with grace. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted January 9, 2014 Share Posted January 9, 2014 Glad you will be free soon. I hope you and your kids find some fun times together in 2014. Do something fun for you and the kids soon. You need some fun memories now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author peaksandvalleys Posted January 10, 2014 Author Share Posted January 10, 2014 He used my first few threads from here.....What the ..... is he reading your posts here on LS? I hope you get your health improved and do whatever is needed. This has been an event. Did they ever figure out the paternity of the OW's child? I am glad the husband/dad and her kids are getting counseling and hopefully pulling together. I suspect those kids will have a strained relationship with their mom over the years. You don't really discuss it but was you’re soon to be ex a good dad or not? We know he sucked as a husband. I hope in the long term he can maintain some sort of connection to his (your) kids. Best wishes in 2014 I don't know if the paternity of the OW's child has been found out yet. I have to admit I don't ask many questions when I do speak with her BS. I don't want anything developing there be it innocent or not. I always thought of soon to be ex a decent father to our children. Now, I just don't know. I feel like most days I don't know anything about him. Unfortunately, I think the kids are feeling the same way. They are wondering what was real and what wasn't. They now know that it was possible for them to have a sibling they might have not ever known about if not for my nosiness (those are the words their dad used to describe how I found out). Honestly, I think that at least one of our children is done with him. Maybe if she hadn't been with me when the OW approached us at breakfast, but after that incident, who knows? Link to post Share on other sites
Author peaksandvalleys Posted January 10, 2014 Author Share Posted January 10, 2014 I think when you are completely free of all contact your health will stay improved. the stress of DDAY, divorce and an angry dissembling spouse is just all too much to bear. Holidays can add another level. Have you heard a peep from the in-laws? I bet not. Mine ran and hid under rocks mostly after DDAY. The apple rarely falls too far from the tree. Before I decided to give reconciliation a shot, in which counseling was a mandatory condition, I told my children that while developing feelings for another would have been hurtful, I would never understand the deceit and lying. He did not have to. I would have let him go. They got it. I also told them that I hoped he would get the counseling he needed. As a mother I suppose I was setting a stage for them: Don't expect too much right now from someone who has so self-destructed AND hoped maybe they would start to plant the seed with him.... Perhaps he would have the courage to become a better father to them in the future. There has been "a" peep. But not much else. Do you think that if you had not reconciled it would have been harder for your children to work on their relationship with your husband? Link to post Share on other sites
Author peaksandvalleys Posted January 10, 2014 Author Share Posted January 10, 2014 Good to hear you are doing well. You handle yourself with grace. You are very kind. If only I really did handle myself with grace. I was/am pissed off and I get very focused on when I am pissed off. Single minded in finding a way to protect myself and my children can make for a very ruthless person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Raena Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Good to hear from you again Peaks! I'm glad things are starting to shape up for you. It's not an easy road, but one can only hope that it gets better as we go right? Link to post Share on other sites
Speakingofwhich Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 As for the OW, she is facing charges of embellishment from her company. Her BS contacted me and asked if I would be willing to testify if he needed me and I said yes, though I think that won't be necessary. She has bigger issues to deal with than divorce. He told me he and the children are in counseling which is good and that they will be fine. I hope so. My children are dealing with things as best they can. My oldest is refuses to speak with soon to be ex:D. Maybe in the future things will change for them all. is this similar to embezzlement or something different? Link to post Share on other sites
Speakingofwhich Posted January 10, 2014 Share Posted January 10, 2014 Probably more of an autocorrect issue... ha! well, guess there are those of us who are guilty of embellishment for sure! Link to post Share on other sites
Author peaksandvalleys Posted January 15, 2014 Author Share Posted January 15, 2014 is this similar to embezzlement or something different? Embellishment, embezzlement, it's all lies. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 There has been "a" peep. But not much else. Do you think that if you had not reconciled it would have been harder for your children to work on their relationship with your husband? yes, because he would NOT have sought counseling and would have had the single OW as a soft landing. Since they thought they were perfect and everyone else was to blame, I do not think he would have sought counseling at that point. Link to post Share on other sites
Fluttershy Posted January 15, 2014 Share Posted January 15, 2014 PnV i think your soon to be x is a classic example of how people who go against their own moral fibre become unhinged. Just remember you didn't marry crazy and raise kids with crazy... He made himself crazy. Btw, i think he is crazy, i'll admit it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts