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Repost in NEW thread - I told my WH I want a Divorce


longjourney

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I just wanted to start a separate thread for this, I originally posted it on New Years Eve, you have all been SO helpful. I don't know how I can repay all your words of advice and kindness. Thank you all.

 

 

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You are ALL right. I just told WH I am filing for divorce. I am completely scared but I realize that no matter what he says or does tomorrow or five years from now. It doesnt matter how many "good" family moments we may have I will always know that he chose me because his love, the OW didn't chose HIM, she chose her H. I have lost respect for him and even IF he says and does it all from here on out it doesnt change the fact that he spit on our vows only a few months after we said them. I am "his choice" because he isnt her choice. I am not so stupid as to buy into anything else he may say. Anything else doesnt matter. He stomped all over my heart. If he TRULY loved me.he NEVER would have taken the chance of losing me, hell he wouldnt even have been looking. WE WERE NEWLYWEDS FOR GODS SAKE!! He was with her before during and after my pregnancy. I am not as stupid as some. He cant talk his way back because lets not kid ourselves he only wantsme because it links him to the kids. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

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I think it's healthy to be able to be decisive about your dealbreakers. For you, it seems that being his second choice is one. I have a feeling that the length of the affair (essentially your whole marriage) is another.

 

I also think that filing for divorce is pretty healthy for a BS. It's a definitive statement that you deserve better and will accept nothing less. Sometimes, that's also the wake-up call that the WS needed to see what they're really losing; up until then it's all kinda hypothetical. Sometimes the BS will see enough remorse to stop the proceedings. Sometimes the couple reunites after divorce. And of course, sometimes the dealbreakers were just that.

 

Good luck, longjourney. I'm glad you have chosen to stand up for and respect yourself.

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Your H really messed up a good thing, he was married to you and you have a family.

 

Someday soon, he will hopefully realize what he lost.

 

I am glad that you are not in limbo, limbo sucks. Affairs suck, and divorce sucks big time.

 

However, I hope you continue to heal, and find happiness in 2014. There are good men out there, I hope someday you find one.

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