Anyone get an email from the other person?

[Ringa78]

Anyone get an email from someone telling them their partner was cheating on them, but partner denied it? I had this happen a few months ago. My fiance told me it was a girl he dated before me who was trying to get revenge. It happened right before our wedding. She had no solid proof, sent me three unstable sounding emails that he was cheating on me with her, would try to tell me this was a lie, etc. I wrote back telling her to back off, she wrote back basically getting emotional telling them she didnt understand why they broke up, he just stopped calling her. It was all very weird. He showed me past emails from her in like 2010 and 2011 where she was begging for him back, telling him she was in therapy over their break up. I have never had anything like that happen. In the end I believed him. I did not see the point in going back and forth with someone i didnt know over my fiance when it did sound like she was trying to ruin our wedding....not help me out. I still sometimes think of this though...especially when i read stories online about cheating.

[experiencethedevine]

I think you will find that it is quite commonplace for the other woman to send emails to the wife of her married man, particularly if she feels frustrated by his seeming inability to progress the affair into something she wants and demonstrates that she needs.

 

 

She will want to gain some sense of control over the situation for any number of reasons. Not least that the married man continually refuses to leave his wife, makes excuses that there are reasons for him not leaving 'just yet' or perhaps ends the affair for whatever reason.

 

 

What does your gut instinct tell you about the emails you have received and the explanations your husband is giving you?

[Mickey_Fitzpatrick]

Anyone get an email from someone telling them their partner was cheating on them, but partner denied it? I had this happen a few months ago. My fiance told me it was a girl he dated before me who was trying to get revenge. It happened right before our wedding. She had no solid proof, sent me three unstable sounding emails that he was cheating on me with her, would try to tell me this was a lie, etc. I wrote back telling her to back off, she wrote back basically getting emotional telling them she didnt understand why they broke up, he just stopped calling her. It was all very weird. He showed me past emails from her in like 2010 and 2011 where she was begging for him back, telling him she was in therapy over their break up. I have never had anything like that happen. In the end I believed him. I did not see the point in going back and forth with someone i didnt know over my fiance when it did sound like she was trying to ruin our wedding....not help me out. I still sometimes think of this though...especially when i read stories online about cheating.

 

 

 

From what you posted, I would tend to believe him. She seems unstable. Also, just because you got married wouldn't mean that she would have to stop cheating with him. If she was cheating with him right through your engagement, why wouldn't she and he just continue after you got married. To me it sounds more like she felt that the thought of your marriage to him was going to end any possible chance that she could ever have him.

 

 

What you posted is kind of one-sided in your husband's favor, yet you are posting here. It really doesn't sound like there is anything there other than an obsessed ex. Is there anything else, besides what you posted, that makes you doubt your husband's story?

[Ringa78]

yeah i have thought that she would want to 'gain control' by emailing me to get to him. That's what she did whether he was cheating with her not. She knew she could get to him by emailing me and she did.

 

He showed me some emails from her including one where she apparently saw who i am online somewhere (probably Facebook) and told him i was unattractive and thought he'd end up with someone better looking.

 

from what he tells me and some of the emails that i've seen it does seem like she had an obsession with him and couldn't let go. Of course i am angry that I am now forced to wonder, did he do something or is she just disturbed. I've been lurking on this board and it does seem like people here believe the OW emails to be true rather than be a disturbed jilted lover that the ex hurt...and now that ex is moving on and is happy with someone else. Believe me i've though of all these things and why someone would do this. I am already a paranoid/worried person so i was not a good person for this to happen to.

[Mickey_Fitzpatrick]

I am now forced to wonder, did he do something or is she just disturbed. I've been lurking on this board and it does seem like people here believe the OW emails to be true rather than be a disturbed jilted lover that the ex hurt...and now that ex is moving on and is happy with someone else. Believe me i've though of all these things and why someone would do this. I am already a paranoid/worried person so i was not a good person for this to happen to.

 

 

 

I generally believe the OW emails to be true, but not every time, and not if there is no evidence to support it, and also there is evidence that OW is unstable and obsessed, which in this case it seems there is. How long did he go out with her for, anyway, and how did they break up? In this case, I don't think she is OW, but rather ex-GF.

[Ringa78]

they dated around 3 months. He said she thought the relationship was much more serious than he did, she was ready to settle down with him. I dont know exactly how he broke up with her or if it was even done face to face. I did see emails that he had sent her telling her that he had explained to her that things were over, he's sorry she's upset. Then i saw emails from her to him saying things like he just stopped communicating with her. That's what she said in her email to me as well. that he just stopped all communication. I guess i am feeling sorry for myself that i had to deal with this and that it still bothers with me. I do not feel that he was cheating on me or is now...but i am upset that i deal with this person's wrath. Maybe i'm a complete idiot, maybe he did cheat and i'll never know. My gut feeling is that he did not, but i am still upset that i got emails like this from someone he was with. He told me she was not an ex girlfriend, sounds like she was a fling. I've met two of his ex girlfriends before actually, he's never been shy about telling me about people in his life. He told me he was never going to tell me about this person because she meant nothing and was not worth telling about.

[Mickey_Fitzpatrick]

I did see emails that he had sent her telling her that he had explained to her that things were over, he's sorry she's upset. Then i saw emails from her to him saying things like he just stopped communicating with her. That's what she said in her email to me as well. that he just stopped all communication.

 

 

 

I generally have stopped communicating with GFs once I broke up with them. They with me, too. Fortunately, I guess I never was stalk-worthy.

 

 

Do you continue to get emails or hear from her, or has she now given up?

[experiencethedevine]

they dated around 3 months. He said she thought the relationship was much more serious than he did, she was ready to settle down with him. I dont know exactly how he broke up with her or if it was even done face to face. I did see emails that he had sent her telling her that he had explained to her that things were over, he's sorry she's upset. Then i saw emails from her to him saying things like he just stopped communicating with her. That's what she said in her email to me as well. that he just stopped all communication. I guess i am feeling sorry for myself that i had to deal with this and that it still bothers with me. I do not feel that he was cheating on me or is now...but i am upset that i deal with this person's wrath. Maybe i'm a complete idiot, maybe he did cheat and i'll never know. My gut feeling is that he did not, but i am still upset that i got emails like this from someone he was with. He told me she was not an ex girlfriend, sounds like she was a fling. I've met two of his ex girlfriends before actually, he's never been shy about telling me about people in his life. He told me he was never going to tell me about this person because she meant nothing and was not worth telling about.

 

 

 

Return a brief email to her stating that you require her to cease all contact with BOTH of you, and that if she does so again you will provide your solicitor with details and evidence contrary to your requests (this should be sent from your account and also a copy of the exact same from your husbands) to instigate proceedings for harassment.

 

 

That should be enough to stop this silliness. If not, then you will know that you have a problem that needs to be seriously dealt with. Good luck.

[Ringa78]

No i only got emails from her over a span of two days. Never heard from her before and havent heard from her since. I have heard from exes after breaking up with them/vice versa. But not in a stalking way. I did continue to text someone after we broke up and i knew he was with someone else. It was mainly when i'd been drinking. the person's girlfriend actually responded to me and i exchanged words with her. I felt silly about it the next day. But i never said, hey he's cheating on you with me.

[Ringa78]

'Return a brief email to her stating that you require her to cease all contact with BOTH of you, and that if she does so again you will provide your solicitor with details and evidence contrary to your requests (this should be sent from your account and also a copy of the exact same from your husbands) to instigate proceedings for harassment.'

 

well the emails she sent were 8 months ago. I only hear from her 3 times over a span of two days. I've asked my husband if he has heard from her and he said no. So it would seem weird if i suddenly emailed her now.

 

People tell me i have to beleive him over her and forget this.

[Mickey_Fitzpatrick]

I'm sorry it still bothers you. Hopefully you will be able to get past this in time. It would be a shame to let a couple of emails from a crazy ex of his continue to have a bad effect on you.

[tiredofitall2]

she would have been able to provide proof of the affair. recent emails or texts at the very minimum. When people are in an A there is always stuff to link them together. At least call log cold have been provided. But I seriously doubt it, because most OWs would have at the very minimum would have sent some sort of incriminating evidence.

[Ringa78]

Thanks. She also messed up the nights. First she said he was with her saturday, then the story changed to friday. Problem is, he was not with me friday night, he was at work. She also described what he was wearing, and was like, how would i know what he was wearing? She said she had texts from him, but never sent them. The outfit she described was a generic outfit, jeans and plaid shirt.

 

I dont know if i'm feeling more emotional because i'm pregnant. I just feel like i want revenge on her in some way for making me feel so terrible. It didnt seem that she wanted to help me in her emails. She seemed hateful towards both of us, but obviously still cared enough to hurt us. Then of course it was upsetting to see that she basically called me ugly at one point and he'd never told me of this relationship. I can see why he didnt tell me. I havent told him of all my relationships that didnt mean anything, etc. Also, his former roomate did call me to let me know that he almost had her arrested because one day he showed up and she was just waiting in the hallway of their house for my husband to come home. I dont know if my husband and i were dating at this time, but i do wish he had told me about her. He was like, oh would you have stayed with me if i told you i had dated someone right before you who wouldnt leave me alone? i'm not sure i would have but now i'm questioning whether he was with her when we were together.

[experiencethedevine]

'Return a brief email to her stating that you require her to cease all contact with BOTH of you, and that if she does so again you will provide your solicitor with details and evidence contrary to your requests (this should be sent from your account and also a copy of the exact same from your husbands) to instigate proceedings for harassment.'

 

well the emails she sent were 8 months ago. I only hear from her 3 times over a span of two days. I've asked my husband if he has heard from her and he said no. So it would seem weird if i suddenly emailed her now.

 

People tell me i have to beleive him over her and forget this.

 

 

Then if you are happy to do so, leave it there. Should any problems arise at a later date you will be equipped to make appropriate choices.

[whichwayisup]

Anyone get an email from someone telling them their partner was cheating on them, but partner denied it? I had this happen a few months ago. My fiance told me it was a girl he dated before me who was trying to get revenge. It happened right before our wedding. She had no solid proof, sent me three unstable sounding emails that he was cheating on me with her, would try to tell me this was a lie, etc. I wrote back telling her to back off, she wrote back basically getting emotional telling them she didnt understand why they broke up, he just stopped calling her. It was all very weird. He showed me past emails from her in like 2010 and 2011 where she was begging for him back, telling him she was in therapy over their break up. I have never had anything like that happen. In the end I believed him. I did not see the point in going back and forth with someone i didnt know over my fiance when it did sound like she was trying to ruin our wedding....not help me out. I still sometimes think of this though...especially when i read stories online about cheating.

 

He showed you her emails, but did he show you his responses to her emails?

 

Where there's smoke, there's usually fire.. It is possible that there was an overlap between the relationships, and he was still kind of seeing her at times while seeing you. Hate to say it but women usually don't go emotional like that unless there's a reason (him ignoring her and cutting her off, and going to counseling..)..

[Ringa78]

Yes, i saw several emails of him writing to her explaining that it's over, he's given her reasons, he doesn't care anymore why she doesn't understand. she would say things like, we have a good thing, i know we can get it back. It was very odd, one of her emails said she had never felt this way before...yet she was in her 40's...i mean come on. There was one where he told her he was very happy with where his life is going now (without her), he made a decision for his life and he's sorry she was affected. He even told her that he hopes she finds someone she can settle down with and have a family with, he just didn't see it going that way for them. Then there a few in there just telling her to stop emailing/texting him, he's sick of reading things from her, move on. i saw the dates/times these emails were sent. They were when he and i first started dating and continued for months. He has sworn that he ended things with her before he began them with me. He told me that he told her about me.

 

I cant rationalize why someone would want to suddenly email a past lovers finance to say, hey he's cheating on you with me if they really weren't. that is what puts doubt in my mind and it's why i'm writing here...why would someone do that? It's easy to say, oh well it must be true, but to me, i live with the guy, i know him better than anyone and i realize that yes men cheat, but it wouldn't be fair for me to not believe him. Part of me does wonder, and again that's why i'm here. It's just an awful email to receive. I have thought that i could never do that to another person, but I'm not all people. Maybe she really is just a crazy hateful person who wanted to hurt him as badly as he hurt her. From what i read of those emails she was pretty darn hurt, really sounded like she needed to swallow her pride and move on regardless of the circumstances. I realize that her flying off the handle by emailing me *sounds* like something must have been going on...but when i look back it just really doesnt seem like it was possible.

[Ringa78]

another strange thing was, i wrote one line back to her, then she came back with an email about how he didnt break up with her maturely, he just cut off contact, but bottom line he was in her bed the other night, then at the end said, plz dont contact me again. Um ok. I did not contact her again, but she still sent me another email after that one...after she said dont contact me again.

[whatatangledweb]

She wrote you hoping you would throw him out. It appears she is obessed with him. Your husband has shown you all his emails so I would trust him. Don't allow her to cast a shadow over your life anymore. Have him make sure she is blocked. Even if both of you have to change email addresses. We have all been cheated on here (or done the cheating) so we would tell you if we thought he cheated on you. I don't see it at all.

[Ringa78]

I dont know why i'm rehashing all of this. I wish i could forget about the shock of getting those emails and just move on. We talked about it when it happened, we haven't ever really stopped talking about the incident but i felt content for a while and at ease. Just recently my feelings about this resurfaced. Not sure if it's because i'm pregnant. My husband is of course upset that i'm upset about this again. He said he doesn't understand why i want to go over all of this again and what else can he say etc. He's like, you can call her and ask her why she did what she did, etc. It's like i have this fear of the unknown, fear that way more went on than what he is telling me. He says he did nothing wrong. He basically just does not want to talk about it anymore. I have been accused of things i didn't do before, it doesn't feel good. I have also cheated before and i felt incredibly guilty. I admitted it when confronted (this was when i was 19), but i did cheat on someone and did not tell them once. It meant nothing, i saw no point in divulging what i had done.

[cozycottagelg]

I dont know why i'm rehashing all of this. I wish i could forget about the shock of getting those emails and just move on. We talked about it when it happened, we haven't ever really stopped talking about the incident but i felt content for a while and at ease. Just recently my feelings about this resurfaced. Not sure if it's because i'm pregnant. My husband is of course upset that i'm upset about this again. He said he doesn't understand why i want to go over all of this again and what else can he say etc. He's like, you can call her and ask her why she did what she did, etc. It's like i have this fear of the unknown, fear that way more went on than what he is telling me. He says he did nothing wrong. He basically just does not want to talk about it anymore. I have been accused of things i didn't do before, it doesn't feel good. I have also cheated before and i felt incredibly guilty. I admitted it when confronted (this was when i was 19), but i did cheat on someone and did not tell them once. It meant nothing, i saw no point in divulging what i had done.

 

The fact that he is being so transparent and encouraging you to contact her if it would help you feel better, speaks volumes to me. So many spouses on this site do not get that same luxury. I can guarantee that if anyone had even the slightest inkling that he was cheating, you'd have known it in the first 2 replies.

[Ringa78]

I think he knows that after 8 months i'm not going to contact her. I do have her email address...but in a way i feel like i'd be feeding into her drama.

[Ringa78]

'I can guarantee that if anyone had even the slightest inkling that he was cheating, you'd have known it in the first 2 replies.'

 

and it sounds like some people do think he's cheating based on the fact that this person would not go to these lengths to contact me

[experiencethedevine]

I think you might have just highlighted the reason why you are feeling insecure over this who episode Ringa.

 

 

You're pregnant. Protecting yours and your unborn child's interest psychologically as well as physically.

 

 

You are to be a Mammabear, and with that comes a whole new set of responsibilities, reactions and reasons............................

[Fluttershy]

Let it go. He was obviously embarrased that he had been involved with a nut job. People don't always disclose everything in the first few months of dating. "btw, I have an ex girlfriend who wanta to get back together" yeah, I know a lot of guys who wouldn't have shared that. And then she stopped and decided to give it one last shot before you got married. She is obssesed. I have known two girls and one guy like this in my life. Close enough to see how ugly it got. The guy never said anythin to "the love of his life" for two years and then a week before her weddin emailed her and told her they were meant to be together and she was making the biggest mistake of her life. So dramatic.

 

She has let it go now it sounds. Don't let her win by hashing over her imbiclic ramblings. She is not worth this torture. If she was/is single and they had been involved she would have been able to provide oodles of more proof.

 

You are pregnant. Hormones do crazy things to us women. Perhaps you should look into IC? I am not always a fan of it but it might give you somewhere safe to vent.