curiousk Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 Husband goes to nude bars but lies about it. What should I do, I no longer trust him or anything he says? I noticed about 6 months ago that my husbands behavior had changed. I found a receipt showing that he was at a nude bar after work one day, but he had previously told me that he was somewhere else. When I confronted him about it he denied it at first, then after persisting he finally admitted going. Then I asked him how many other times he had gone. He stated that it was only twice. I asked him if he was cheating on me and he said he would never cheat on me with another woman and that he only went to the bars twice. After I caught him, I started not trusting him any more. Every time he told me he was going somewhere after work, I would check up on him and ask a lot of questions. The next thing that changed is that he started bringing a change of clothes, aftershave, and deodant in his work truck (he works in construction). When I asked why, he said that sometimes he needed to change before seeing a job. After that I caught him twice coming home with only shorts on. He left in the morning with boxers under his shorts, but returned home without the boxers on. Now I don't know if he is seeing another woman or if there are nude bars where men can get nude too? I have not confronted him about this because, I am trying to catch him otherwise I know he will deny everything. I am not sure what I should do now that I have evidence that he is still going to nude bars but he lies to me about it. I have not told him that I know he still visits the bars. I now have trouble making love with him, becuase I have this vision of him staring at naked women in a bar or doing something worse. I don't want to do it anymore, but I usually give in one or two times a week. It is not at all enjoyable for me though because I am suspicious of his behavior. Please help me. Do many men go to nude bars and not tell their wifes? Link to post Share on other sites
The_Analyzer Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 If you have the extra money hire a PI. They will follow him and find out for sure what it is your H is doing. They even will take pictures for proof. If you're not wanting to do the PI thing then you could be your own. Borrow a friends car etc, and go see where he is for sure. Sometimes people don't truly want to resort to this kind of thing, but they sometimes feel they need to in order to get answers. You know he goes to the strip clubs, now you need to find out if hes doing something else. Good luck. __________________________ When in doubt, check it out. Link to post Share on other sites
deesgirl Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 I found out my H went to one and lied to me also. I just made it clear that, to me, lap dances are cheating and that I won't stay in the marriage if he wants to go there. Have you thought about driving by the clubs and seeing if you can find his car? How long have you been married and do you have kids? He might be changing clothes and wearing shorts to get a better lap dance. They are more likely to rub/grind more if the men are clean. Thin shorts will bring more feeling than thick pants. According to the place, shorts might make easy access also. Now that you've caught him with the receipt, he'll probably just try to be more careful and cover his tracks. The only advise I can give is that he won't stop going unless he feels he is doing something wrong. My H said he felt like he had cheated after he went. Did your H seem remorseful at all? Link to post Share on other sites
lohrewok Posted August 7, 2004 Share Posted August 7, 2004 another reason men wear boxers or go commando to these clubs is to allow the dancers access to their erections. some clubs do not allow this kind of contact but some do, and others bend the rules to make more $$. Link to post Share on other sites
StillHurtin Posted August 9, 2004 Share Posted August 9, 2004 My dh went to the strip clubs when we were dating I hated it!!! One night for my bday my cousin and BF took me out to the bars and they just happen to take me to the same bar (BF was friends w/ the owners). Dh was in there. I sat at the bar w/ my friends and watched the stripper dance in front of my dh and she spread her nasty ass legs right in front him! I was sick to my stomach! I don't really remember if dh left the bar when I did, it was so long ago. I told him time and time again I didn't like him going to the strip club. He wouldn't stop, said it was harmless fun. So what did I do? I went to the male strippers and there wasn't a damn thing he could say about it. Dh finally stopped going to the clubs shortly after we got married. The only reason I think he quit going was b/c it closed down and another business opened up there. I really think he would of continued to go if the club didn't close. I don't recall him ever going again to any other clubs. If he ever ask to go, or I find out he goes his ass will be out the door. He had an A a year ago and at this point I still don't trust him 100%. I don't know why dh had to go to the bar. I was thin at the time had a good figure and I always made sure he was happy in bed. I don't know why he thought he had to go watch strippers. I hope that things work out for both of you. I would put a stop to him going to the clubs. He should respect you and not do something you do not agree w/. I agree, try counseling. I also have been reading Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue and I find it to be very helpful. GL!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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