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In A Unexpected Situation [AP pregnant]


EasternStandard

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EasternStandard

I have been having an affair for over a year now and my girlfriend has recently found out that she is pregnant. This is shock to both of us as she was using birth control. I am married and I love my wife very much and would hate to have her find out about this as I know it would hurt her so much.

 

I have been married for 4 years and I have 1 daughter with my wife. I do love my wife very much and I think the world of her. I do have teenage daughters from a my first marriage. My first wife had died from cancer and left me a widower after 10 years of marriage.

 

I am mainly looking for people to talk to that have been in a similar situation as this.

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I do love my wife very much and I think the world of her.

 

You might want to rethink that sentence, Einstein...

 

 

How bout this...You tell your wife, accept the consequences and let your wife move on far away from you so she does not have to go through a lifetime of paying for your actions?

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Since moderation received a report to move this thread to the most appropriate forum, that being Infidelity, we'll remind members to be cognizant of our guidelines when replying. As this is an open forum, all input is welcomed as long as it complies with our rules, both as to being topical as well as civil and respectful. Thanks!

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whatatangledweb

Does your OW want to keep the baby? You have several choices, abortion, adoption, or keep the baby. Now is she keeps the baby are you leaving your wife for her? You need to tell your wife and end the affair. This is one of the worst things to happen in an affair for the BS.

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compulsivedancer
Since moderation received a report to move this thread to the most appropriate forum, that being Infidelity, we'll remind members to be cognizant of our guidelines when replying. As this is an open forum, all input is welcomed as long as it complies with our rules, both as to being topical as well as civil and respectful. Thanks!

 

Huh. I would've put this in the OM/OW forum, since he'd qualify as an OM there, and would be more likely to find support there.

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AlwaysGrowing

How exactly do you plan on paying child support or take care of an infant without your wife...heck for that matter...your whole family, her family, your friends not knowing?

 

FTR...a married man is not supposed to have a girlfriend.

 

Your teenager daughters are going to be mortified.

 

You should expect there to be lots of tears, slamming doors, loud voices....you know...total chaos.

 

You have to tell them. The sooner the better.

 

Your wife just might...might..not want the stigma of actually being married to you when the child is born.

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I have been having an affair for over a year now and my girlfriend has recently found out that she is pregnant. This is shock to both of us as she was using birth control. I am married and I love my wife very much and would hate to have her find out about this as I know it would hurt her so much.

 

I have been married for 4 years and I have 1 daughter with my wife. I do love my wife very much and I think the world of her. I do have teenage daughters from a my first marriage. My first wife had died from cancer and left me a widower after 10 years of marriage.

 

I am mainly looking for people to talk to that have been in a similar situation as this.

 

How is what your doing as a father and husband going to influence your daughters, whatever you do will have an effect on them. You will have to disclose the affair and pregnancy to your wife and prepare yourself for the consequence, the very probable ending of your marriage. You will need to be prepared to support two households as well as child support for your wife's child and possibly your girlfriends child if things get nasty in the divorce. There is no easy way out of this, many will be hurt by your actions and you may not recover from this financially. Time to be honest.

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AlwaysGrowing
Huh. I would've put this in the OM/OW forum, since he'd qualify as an OM there, and would be more likely to find support there.

 

I have noticed...that which forum feels more like home to the married ap...says a lot of how they view affairs.

 

And not sure how support for being in an affair helps this poster. He did not state that the affair was his primary concern.

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AlwaysGrowing

ES

 

You have put yourself and your offspring in a very bad position.

 

Most likely to happen:

 

Your second wife will divorce (based on how many BS are willing to deal with a child borne of the affair) and get child support. If she works, your household will lose her income as well. The OW claims child support as well...there goes more income. Your teenage daughters are mortified and will no longer have a parent that can financial assist them through college. Their life as they know it...will change drastically . Not something that their Mother would have ever wanted for them.

 

Possible:

 

Your second wife considers working with you through the quagmire you have created. The OW still gets child support. Your teenage daughters are still mortified at all of this...and wonder where the heck are the adults.

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What exactly do you want to do? I have my suggestions but I'm interested to know what you hope to achieve. Also, it's kind of funny that you say you love your wife and yet have been having an affair. That's not exactly loving husband stuff.

 

As far as which forum this should be in, Infidelity seems right. He isn't really an Other Man... he's the Married Man in this situation. Either forum is good I guess.

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AlwaysGrowing

Also...your teenage daughters have already had trauma in their short lives. Another blow..at the hands of their Father is going to be devastating. I strongly recommend that you get counselling in place ASAP.

 

Expect them to not want to abide by anything you suggest..it might require a third party to get them to agree to counselling.

 

Get into counselling for yourself. Again...ASAP.

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ThatsJustHowIRoll

1. Are you sure its yours?

 

2. Bad bad move trusting her with your contraception. If you dont want kids WRAP IT UP. Same goes for STIs...Jeezus what is with cheats and unprotected sex?!?!

 

3. Is she keeping it?

 

4. If you are certain its yours and shes keeping it, there is no way to get out of this. You might as well come clean now. Prolonging will only make it worse.

 

5. Batten down the hatches.

 

What a mess.

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If I were you, I would take on a second or third job and demonstrate extreme deference towards your wife. Don't let any child of yours go without. Have you thought about a vasectomy?

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This is going to destroy your family as you know it. If you can get your wife to stay, and that's a big if, you will have to dump your GF/OW quickly. Generally, you will need to negotiate child contact and determine child support through an attorney as that will be the only way to keep your wife comfortable. Let the attorney verify paternity before you provide any financial assistance.

 

Don't even try to ask if you can just go "visit" at the OW house at will. You can't keep your marriage and take care of your pregnant GF at the same time so don't even try. If you don't want to stay married file for divorce now and move out before this blows up in your face. The idea is to inflict as little additional trauma on your supposed loved ones as possible. Dont give your family a DD then abandon them.

 

I hope you can afford a lot of counseling for your 2 existing daughters, wife and yourself. You will need it. Good luck.

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If you are in the USA---for at least, the next 18 yrs---you are responsible for the growing up of/support of that child

 

There is nothing easy about your future----if you do somehow, get your lover to stay away from you, and you can successfully hide your child ---you are still gonna be watching over your shoulder---each and ever day, in case your lover comes after you for something she needs, for herself, or her/your child---so by no means will you be able to slide thru this untouched, even if you don't tell your wife----you yourself, will be your own worst enemy

 

Probably best to tell your wife---and let the chips fall where they will---

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tiredofitall2
I have been having an affair for over a year now and my girlfriend has recently found out that she is pregnant. This is shock to both of us as she was using birth control. I am married and I love my wife very much and would hate to have her find out about this as I know it would hurt her so much.

 

I have been married for 4 years and I have 1 daughter with my wife. I do love my wife very much and I think the world of her. I do have teenage daughters from a my first marriage. My first wife had died from cancer and left me a widower after 10 years of marriage.

 

I am mainly looking for people to talk to that have been in a similar situation as this.

 

 

I bet she did it on purpose to tie you down. She wants you to leave your W and is blackmailing you. Great girl you got yourself there!

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I bet she did it on purpose to tie you down. She wants you to leave your W and is blackmailing you. Great girl you got yourself there!

 

 

This was my first thought, but that is irrelevant at this point.

 

Unless you have a great amount of financial means you don't really have but one option and that is to lay all your cards on the table with everyone involved.

 

Some men will try and keep the other child and OW a secret, but that is a short term situation as eventually you will want to be part of the child's life in a significant way.

 

 

You are in for some tough sledding. Good luck.

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The chances are slim-to-none that you'd be able to keep this a secret, no matter what you and your "girlfriend" choose to do with the pregnancy. So, you can either lie and add another layer of betrayal to a situation that will eventually be exposed, or come clean in an attempt to stop the bleeding and salvage event the smallest thread of relationship you'd have left with your family.

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I have been having an affair for over a year now and my girlfriend has recently found out that she is pregnant. This is shock to both of us as she was using birth control. I am married and I love my wife very much and would hate to have her find out about this as I know it would hurt her so much.

 

I have been married for 4 years and I have 1 daughter with my wife. I do love my wife very much and I think the world of her. I do have teenage daughters from a my first marriage. My first wife had died from cancer and left me a widower after 10 years of marriage.

 

 

How do you define love? I hope no one ever loves me like you love your wife then. I am sorry about your first wife and I hope you didn't have affairs on her. Tell your wife and let her decide what to do.

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As an attempt to answer your question and be helpful, I advise that you come clean with your wife. If you want your marriage at all then you need to end things forever with this OW and have no contact with her....this will be hard because if you are this baby's father then you DO OWE child support legally, regardless of what one might feel morally.

 

Your wife will be hurt beyond what you can imagine. If you truly want her and your marriage you will do whatever it takes for HER.

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If you are in the USA---for at least, the next 18 yrs---you are responsible for the growing up of/support of that child

 

There is nothing easy about your future----if you do somehow, get your lover to stay away from you, and you can successfully hide your child ---you are still gonna be watching over your shoulder---each and ever day, in case your lover comes after you for something she needs, for herself, or her/your child---so by no means will you be able to slide thru this untouched, even if you don't tell your wife----you yourself, will be your own worst enemy

 

Probably best to tell your wife---and let the chips fall where they will---

 

Yes but more than likely the OW is not going to want her child to be a secret because afterall he is that babys father as well. Don't count on the OW keeping her baby a secret from your wife. She is going to want and NEED support from you. Pregnancy can make ones hormones rage. There's no telling what she may do. Your best bet is to go home today and tell your wife what you have done. I don't believe you are madly in love with your wife or this wouldn't be happening.

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Sweet baby jesus.

 

You know, I was OW for some time and this baffles even me! WHY would someone who is engaged in an affair get pregnant? OP is concerned, doesn't know what his next move should be, but he isn't even thinking of what THE CHILD will go through. It's entirely possible that this kid will have half siblings who resent it, who want nothing to do with it, who blame it for the possible loss of the marriage of their parents. The child will most likely be fatherless because the MM doesn't want to raise the child and the only way it will have a father is if someone else steps in to clean up his mess and fill that role. IF he pays child support, it is NEVER enough. I feel so bad. I would have never dreamed of doing something like this, and if OW did this to trap him, she needs her a$$ kicked. I am really just at a loss.

 

You need to make some major decisions, and whatever you do is going to suck for some/all of the parties involved.

 

Good luck.

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the one I feel the worst for in all of this is the baby who isn't even here yet. Assuming the ow decides to have him or her, what a burden to have to carry.

 

This really shows the end result of some terrible choices adults make. This little ( and the children already here) didn't ask for any of this, and will likely need some heavy duty therapy to help them through all of this.

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How is this an UNEXPECTED pregnancy? If your having Sex it Should be considered as Expected. .. unless you wrap it all up in a nice little bow*

I'm the poster girl for "the pill is Not 100% effective" and I learned that in middle school.

 

Best to come clean and let the family make their own decisions based on the Truth of their reality.

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peaksandvalleys
I have been having an affair for over a year now and my girlfriend has recently found out that she is pregnant. This is shock to both of us as she was using birth control. I am married and I love my wife very much and would hate to have her find out about this as I know it would hurt her so much.

 

I have been married for 4 years and I have 1 daughter with my wife. I do love my wife very much and I think the world of her. I do have teenage daughters from a my first marriage. My first wife had died from cancer and left me a widower after 10 years of marriage.

 

I am mainly looking for people to talk to that have been in a similar situation as this.

 

 

Similar situation here. I caught my husband cheating after I decided that something was going on. I hired a PI and computer tech after I hired an attorney to make sure I stayed within the law. I knew that if what I suspected were true I would not want to stay married to him. I got all the info that I needed to file for divorce, sell the business and the house. I believed a child was involved also, that would have been a second deal breaker for me. Know matter how much he says he loves me I don't believe him. I see him as someone who lied to me and made choices from my life without my knowledge.

 

He like you exposed me to STD's and I have health issues that are significant to begin with. He like you place our family at a lower level of respect than he did whatever he wanted. He like you say that he wants to stay with me. That won't be happening. So what do you want to know?

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