Jump to content

hind site is 20/20 and facebook and all that crap


longjourney

Recommended Posts

I am gaining speed, getting my momentum up.

 

What I have learned is that I have always known that he did not love me like I loved him. I KNEW he was always not 100% present and now I know why. I also know why that nagging never went away. I know that even if I stayed he would have always been a cheater, I can never erase the fact that he was in love with and having sex with and yes MAKING LOVE to the OW. She consumed his mind heart and body for YEARS. I now know why he never included me in his facebook page, as stupid as that sounds. I was spending time on there this morning. Why he never put up a profile pic of me and him. It was ALWAYS of just him or him and our son (or him and my step daughter). It makes me sick to look at his profile and his picture history, if you didn't know us, you would think I didn't exist in his life gaging by his page, aside from me "INTRUDING" and posting on it, with barely ever a response from him, not even a "like". He blamed it on him not being a mush, not wanting to share private stuff, but HELL DIDN"T HE SHARE OUR PRIVATE STUFF WITH THE OW???

 

He now follows the motions, he does it all to show good face. But give me a break. All three of us, me, him and the OW "the love and LUST of his life" all know it. I don't rate. I barely come a close second to her. He will/would stay. I have made it clear to him that she is out of our lives. He can go to her if he wants, of course he said no, he choses us, but give me a break, I know that he has forever ruined my M, our M history will always be horrible and YEARS of lies. I know I can look him in the face and it will NEVER go away. Or am I wrong? How do you R that? I don't care how many new good memories we can make. The truth is he made a vow to me in front of our family and friends and he broke it, hell he broke it even before the vow. He never gave me a chance. Like I said, how do you R that???

Link to post
Share on other sites

Maybe you don't R at all.

 

Many times the most liberating part of all of this is reaching a point where you KNOW you'll be fine without them.

  • Like 10
Link to post
Share on other sites
whatatangledweb

You ask yourself "what is best for me", "what will make me happier in the long run". An affair is a dealbreaker for many people.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
Mickey_Fitzpatrick
I now know why he never included me in his facebook page, as stupid as that sounds. I was spending time on there this morning. Why he never put up a profile pic of me and him. It was ALWAYS of just him or him and our son (or him and my step daughter). It makes me sick to look at his profile and his picture history, if you didn't know us, you would think I didn't exist in his life gaging by his page.

 

 

He now follows the motions, he does it all to show good face. But give me a break. All three of us, me, him and the OW "the love and LUST of his life" all know it. I don't rate. I barely come a close second to her. He will/would stay. I have made it clear to him that she is out of our lives. He can go to her if he wants, of course he said no, he choses us, but give me a break, I know that he has forever ruined my M, our M history will always be horrible and YEARS of lies. I know I can look him in the face and it will NEVER go away. Or am I wrong? How do you R that? I don't care how many new good memories we can make. The truth is he made a vow to me in front of our family and friends and he broke it, hell he broke it even before the vow. He never gave me a chance. Like I said, how do you R that???

 

 

 

In order for you to feel good about reconciling, you have to feel that you are NOW number one, that he loves you NOW, that he wants to spend his life with you NOW, that other woman, even though he may have placed her above you in the past, now is out of the picture.

 

 

I sense that you feel other woman still is number one in his heart. As long as you feel that way, you cannot feel good about reconciling.

 

 

I am not familiar with your situation. Do you think he is staying with you for the kids, for appearances, for money, for reputation - for some reason other than love of you?

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Your posts truly break my heart. I hate to say this, but I'm willing to bet my paycheck that the only reason he's staying is for your son. He doesn't want to pay child support and alimony. He's too selfish to let you go. You're going to have to be the one to pull the plug. Maybe he does love you in his own way, but he loves himself more. He's ruined your self esteem and confidence. Stop worrying about his Facebook or him. Was he worrying about you when he was with ow in a hotel? Was he worrying about you when he bought his secret phone and hid it? No!!! Start doing the 180 now. This man is destroying you. No person is worth that. No more chances for him. You deserve to be someone who loves you and values you. He's proven to you that he will never stop. Start gathering evidence. Take pictures of his secret phone. Start detaching, limit your conversations to just the kids or mandatory things. You are stronger than you think. You can do this. We've all fallen for the wrong person time to time. Free this A hole to be with his OW. Do not allow yourself to be an option for him. Chances are she won't want him when he's single and available anyhow.

Edited by violet1
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
In order for you to feel good about reconciling, you have to feel that you are NOW number one, that he loves you NOW, that he wants to spend his life with you NOW, that other woman, even though he may have placed her above you in the past, now is out of the picture.

 

 

I sense that you feel other woman still is number one in his heart. As long as you feel that way, you cannot feel good about reconciling.

 

 

I am not familiar with your situation. Do you think he is staying with you for the kids, for appearances, for money, for reputation - for some reason other than love of you?

 

Read her previous threads. The OP is in false R. The H bought a secret phone and she found it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing

Sometimes the R that one needs to do...is with themselves. Whether it is a WS or a BS.

 

A WS might have to look honestly if the marriage is something that they want. The same is true for a BS.

 

It seems like you would benefit from some time...figuring yourself out. Independent of this relationship. Find out what you stand for...what you won't tolerate anymore...what is important to you...what do you value..how do you show that you value those things?

 

I know its hard to believe in moments of distress...you can survive without him...heck..chances are you will THRIVE without him.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Your post hit me like a ton of bricks. I can feel your pain and empathize that much more because I can relate to what you said. My ex did the same with FB... never anything said to or liked about me or my page, never even acknowledged that we were together. It's like it was a red flag staring me in the face and I didn't even see it until after the fact.

 

However, I've decided to let go and move on. To me it isn't worth it to try and be with someone who doesn't love or respect me... and darn sure isn't proud to say he's with me. (when he was)

 

So... maybe you need to do the same. I'm not saying it's easy, but each day that he is gone goes by it gets easier. I'm starting to feel liberated and carefree. I'm happier already. I feel better about myself for putting my foot down and saying "enough is enough".

 

Kick him out and move on!

 

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us. –Helen Keller

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Your post hit me like a ton of bricks. I can feel your pain and empathize that much more because I can relate to what you said. My ex did the same with FB... never anything said to or liked about me or my page, never even acknowledged that we were together. It's like it was a red flag staring me in the face and I didn't even see it until after the fact.

 

However, I've decided to let go and move on. To me it isn't worth it to try and be with someone who doesn't love or respect me... and darn sure isn't proud to say he's with me. (when he was)

 

So... maybe you need to do the same. I'm not saying it's easy, but each day that he is gone goes by it gets easier. I'm starting to feel liberated and carefree. I'm happier already. I feel better about myself for putting my foot down and saying "enough is enough".

 

Kick him out and move on!

 

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us. –Helen Keller

 

Yes I know. I know I can move on. I am slowly coming out of my shock, and I guess with that I am getting a full view of 20/20 hindsight. That is what the FB post was about. Just to be clear, I am not telling my WH I want to be with him. I am giving him a strong 180. HE is the one "telling" me he wants it to work, that he will do whatever he has to. I just keep my distance. I did tell him I found the phone and I did not give him a chance to explain because I knew it would be yet another lie. He has since tried to explain again and I still have not heard what he has to say. I know he will do the proper things if I allowed him to, but that doesn't change the fact that he DIDN'T love me as he did her FOR YEARS. Those facts WILL NOT change. You can pour sugar all over crap, but that still makes it crap. Our foundation was NEVER there. It was never what I thought it was. And FYI, his FB page STILL doesn't include me.

 

So let him sit. Let him wonder. Let him wait for me as I sat all those times with that sick feeling in my stomach, when I KNEW and asked him if he was having an A. The times he told me I was nuts, that my thoughts were crazy. When I saw his texting history and he STILL came up with some crap story. So yes, he knows I found the phone. He has left it in our top kitchen drawer since I confronted him, but I am not so stupid as to believe him again. Do I really believe after a LTA he has suddenly gone NC? As if he can't get a third, fourth or fifth phone. Like I said, it is HIS turn to sit and wonder.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...