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Best friend and first love of 5 years..


greenfairie

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Grew up with these people, they got together the month my ex of 5 years and I broke up.. the whole time, I was venting out to my best friend about the breakup and how sad I was… not once did they ever sit me down and tell me the truth to my face, I had to find out from a handful of people.. more than I could count my toes/fingers. how could they betray me like that?

 

How do you get over something like that?

 

Being betrayed by two people you loved and trusted the most.. how do you get over that???

 

It's hard to love again after being so scarred but I want so badly to be in love.

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I hope you have gone NC with them. The 180 is for you to help you detach.

 

Do things for yourself. Exercise, go shopping.

 

Work on yourself and the love will come.

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I haven't attempted to contact them in six months. I don't plan on doing that for years… probably forever. The last time I saw them which was six months ago, it was at a small party of less than ten people so it was super intimate. I spent hours talking with my best friend, now she's just my ex best friend. She was even like, "We're not doing this, that, trust me, we love you and would never do that." I was just like, " I don't know why people are telling me then. It's making me feel really weird." I saw her two months ago, and I just said hi bye and seriously just walked away. I heard from another friend she broke down crying because she felt like she lost her best friend. I've never felt so overwhelmingly uncomfortable. The ex, the last time he contacted me was on my birthday about two months ago. I didn't reply but it threw me off balance on my healing process a bit. Some days, I just feel like it's so Twilight Zone.

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When I was a kid, a really long time ago, poetry and the famous poets were part of the curriculum. Keats, Shelly, Sandburg, etc. Today they don't teach poetry anymore but I feel that it is still with us in the words of songwriters. Take the time to Google "Operator" by Jim Croce. At the beginning of the song he feels as you do but three minutes later at the end he realizes that there is nothing left for him to be concerned about.

 

I'm not trying to minimize what you are feeling but if you want to start being loved you have to be open to what is yet to come. Everyone wants to be loved. I think that the best advice I can give you is some good advice that was given to me...if you want to be loved, be loveable.

 

Good luck,

 

Twosadthings

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The betrayal is very deep. You are right you it will take a long time to recover. Your also right about not allowing them back in your life. With friends like that who needs enemies. Just focus on finding better friends and as time goes on your heart will heal and when you least expect it love will present itself.

 

It does get better with time.

 

Clay

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A double betrayal is doubly painful and very hard to process.

 

can you afford IC?

 

I think you need to slam the NO CONTACT door on both of them, after you tell them they are scum and will hopefully rot in hell for eternity, or something to that affect.

 

Or you can simply state what is n your heart: I so loved and trusted you that in a million years I would NEVER have believed you of all people, could have done what you did to me. Please do not ever contact me again.

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That is quite a sad story, and I know if it would really mess around with my head, looking back through history and what not.

 

I agree about the counseling--and I would try to stick to places and people who you feel safe and comfortable with right now. I.e., I would not feel obligated to go to parties where they are at. Go total NC and focus on new experiences and people. You will get through this, and I think the best way would be by going forward as much as possible. But also grieve fully.

 

You can do it!

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That is quite a sad story, and I know if it would really mess around with my head, looking back through history and what not.

 

I agree about the counseling--and I would try to stick to places and people who you feel safe and comfortable with right now. I.e., I would not feel obligated to go to parties where they are at. Go total NC and focus on new experiences and people. You will get through this, and I think the best way would be by going forward as much as possible. But also grieve fully.

 

You can do it!

 

 

 

Thanks for your comments.

Yeah, the sadness comes in waves. Sometimes I'm REALLY happy. Sometimes Im just super sad and I miss him a lot. Most of the days, depending on who I'm with and what I'm doing, it definitely has helped eased down my thoughts. I am currently in therapy right now, I started going in Feb and my therapist has been amazing help in my life. When summer began, I started to really expose myself even more to new people and new experiences. I didn't want to look back on the past anymore. I just wanted to get out and live. That definitely helped so much. I still grieve sometimes but I am doing a lot better today than I was months ago…. that gives me hope..also happiness that I accomplished some growth in my healing process

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