rumbleseat Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 I think that for some, their spouses infidelity may be too much to bear, and it can even lead to an adjustment disorder. Adjustment disorders: Risk factors - MayoClinic.com This is really troubling, as it can be very serious and even result in severe depression and suicide. I would highly suggest that anyone dealing with infidelity get some therapy if they feel that they are not able to cope. It can really help. Link to post Share on other sites
katielee Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 I agree. How could a personality change NOT happen. It calls into all sorts of questioning about the person you married, the life you thought was going one way but really it was another way, the devastation at finding out your spouse is a very very good liar. Heartbreaking, discerning, and tragic. How DOES one survive that? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hippetyhop Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 (edited) I agree. How could a personality change NOT happen. It calls into all sorts of questioning about the person you married, the life you thought was going one way but really it was another way, the devastation at finding out your spouse is a very very good liar. Heartbreaking, discerning, and tragic. How DOES one survive that? By denial; putting their head in the sand pretending this never happened, and they wouldn't be the type to cheat. Any idea of their SO cheating would affect the family structure they created. Edited October 16, 2013 by hippetyhop Link to post Share on other sites
katielee Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 By denial; putting their head in the sand pretending this never happened, and they wouldn't be the type to cheat. I suppose that's why some turn to alcohol, a RA, harming themselves.... I actually told my husband the next person most likely to cheat is the BS. I knew the signs and caught him in both affairs within three weeks. Still didn't change how devastating it was for me. He told me my affair changed his personality, like he coudln't help himself. His affairs changed me too. I have no right to do anything that angry. If it's too much to bear I'll get divorced.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
yellowmaverick Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 By denial; putting their head in the sand pretending this never happened, and they wouldn't be the type to cheat. Any idea of their SO cheating would affect the family structure they created. People who are honest and have integrity tend to seem themselves in other people. They do not naturally view everyone else - especially a spouse who vowed to be faithful and be their partner for life - to be capable of such deceptive behavior. On the other hand people who are deceitful and dishonest themselves fully expect others to be the same because honesty and integrity are not part of their personal code. These people can spot a liar and cheater a mile away because they are all too familiar with the signs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 I can't help but feel that all these diagnoses tend to blur the lines of personal responsibility. My partner didn't cheat, he/she had a "split self relationship". Or a "sexual addiction". Or a "borderline personality disorder". And I can't participate in the recovery and/or resolution because I have "adjustment disorder" ? Rumbleseat, I don't look to minimize the pain that you or any other BS feels. Been there myself. But are we well served by all these labels, disorders, diseases and addictions? Shaw said "We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future"... My. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author rumbleseat Posted October 16, 2013 Author Share Posted October 16, 2013 Actually, I found out about this in another context that had nothing to do with infidelity ( a teen I know has been diagnosed with it, and it got so bad they had to be hospitalized for inpatient treatment) What I meant was that it is something that can happen to a person who as undergone an extremely stressful situation, and it can become very serious, even leading to severe depression, anxiety, withdrawal, lack of ability to function and even suicide. Not everyone dealing with infidelity will develop this, but some do. The good news is that it can be dealt with, usually through cbt therapy or therapy of some other kind. Medication can sometimes be helpful, but is often not needed. Rather, the therapy is aimed at helping someone face the situation they find stressful and finding ways to deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rumbleseat Posted October 16, 2013 Author Share Posted October 16, 2013 I can't help but feel that all these diagnoses tend to blur the lines of personal responsibility. My partner didn't cheat, he/she had a "split self relationship". Or a "sexual addiction". Or a "borderline personality disorder". And I can't participate in the recovery and/or resolution because I have "adjustment disorder" ? Rumbleseat, I don't look to minimize the pain that you or any other BS feels. Been there myself. But are we well served by all these labels, disorders, diseases and addictions? Shaw said "We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future"... My. Lucky interestingly, the treatment of choice for an adjustment disorder is therapy, which is aimed at helping the person find healthier ways of dealing with the situation. they are encouraged to talk and to face what has happened. Link to post Share on other sites
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