Silly generalizations

[HtotheN]

Thinking about how affairs are often glamorized in the movies, etc. I wonder how many ridiculous stereotypes are perpetuated because of this.

 

For example, every time I discovered another of my WH's flings, I assumed that the AP was younger, prettier, etc. The two from our church? Not even. At all. I am not a shallow person and am not trying to be catty at all but one of the ones from church is actually quite homely, and the other is quite overweight and kind of ugly. The one from his work is also kind of homely. I do not know any of the other ones but I allowed my curiousity to get the best of me and tracked many of them down on facebook and, you guessed it; same thing. One actually looks like a man. Many are overweight/older. I think that the only qualities that he looked for were:

1. interest in him, and

2. a pulse

 

I freely admit that I did gain weight but so did he so other than that, I did not "let myself go" and even if I had, I would have still looked alot better than any of them. This has just been my personal experience so the whole theory of WH straying for someone who is more beautiful, smart, thin, etc. does not ring true at all. (I also read many emails between him and most of them and they are not particularly bright)

 

I would never stray but if I would, I would make it count and go for a hottie!

 

Other generalizations that I have noticed from infidelty-type message boards over the years:

 

An affair is always only about sex (from the BS point of view)

An affair is never just about sex (from the AP point of view)

 

Any thoughts?

[HtotheN]

Point taken.

[dichotomy]

Cheating Survey Finds That People Cheat With People Less Attractive Than Their Spouses

 

Very common that AP's are not as attractive as BS.

[2sure]

My X was a serial cheater. One would think it would have to be all about sex since he had so many OW.

 

Nope. The sex was almost gratuitous. He was all about the validation.

He basically was a serial dater, but married.

 

Some people can't forget images of WS and AP together.

I can't forget the endless mundane stupid emails and texts. Like form letters. They thought he was charming I guess.

It was literally a boring chore to have to read them to try to figure out what his malfunction was.

 

So, when OW say it's not about sex, I remember all those Letters, and feel a little sorry for them.

[Sofie2013]

Cheating Survey Finds That People Cheat With People Less Attractive Than Their Spouses

 

Very common that AP's are not as attractive as BS.

 

Yeah this is true in my case. My husband is way hotter than my AP was.

[ChooseTruth]

I wasn't too impressed with OMM. I was in the worst shape of my life when the A started though. One thing that's different about me is I started my weight loss and health kick *before* Dday.

 

exWW said it was more to do with confidence level than looks. OMM was a top ranker in the dojo and also cooked the $$ books. I think his rank was what it was about. When she met me in college I was a lead guitarist in a band, taking groups out to go dancing etc. Looking back on it I was kind of a social leader with a lot of personality and crazy hair. When the A started I was a boring overweight programmer who stayed home with the kid while she hung out with martial artists. Looking at it from that perspective I understand her better...not that I excuse her.

[Phoe]

In the cases where I was cheated on, the girl was always far better looking than me. Stunning girls.

 

It's hard to say whether it was only about sex or not. I always begged for sex and couldn't get it, so I was pretty inclined to think it was an emotional and psychological thing for these guys.

[atreides]

I wasn't too impressed with OMM. I was in the worst shape of my life when the A started though. One thing that's different about me is I started my weight loss and health kick *before* Dday.

 

exWW said it was more to do with confidence level than looks. OMM was a top ranker in the dojo and also cooked the $$ books. I think his rank was what it was about. When she met me in college I was a lead guitarist in a band, taking groups out to go dancing etc. Looking back on it I was kind of a social leader with a lot of personality and crazy hair. When the A started I was a boring overweight programmer who stayed home with the kid while she hung out with martial artists. Looking at it from that perspective I understand her better...not that I excuse her.

 

And who is she with now if she is with someone?

[ChooseTruth]

And who is she with now if she is with someone?

Possibly some dude she was partnering with on all her projects while working on her Masters. I've never seen him, but DD has many times. Younger guy by about 10-15 years I think. Given his youth he's probably better looking than me. I haven't heard much about him since she graduated. I don't know. I'm not trying to find out. My ex could easily attract a guy that age. She's extremely fit for her age. Very attractive.

[atreides]

Possibly some dude she was partnering with on all her projects while working on her Masters. I've never seen him, but DD has many times. Younger guy by about 10-15 years I think. Given his youth he's probably better looking than me. I haven't heard much about him since she graduated. I don't know. I'm not trying to find out. My ex could easily attract a guy that age. She's extremely fit for her age. Very attractive.

 

oh... i was going after "rank" or "status"... oh well younger it is.

[ChooseTruth]

oh... i was going after "rank" or "status"... oh well younger it is.

 

Yeah, funny cause OMM was about 10 years OLDER than me lol. She's trying it all I guess.

[NotCamelot]

My W "chose" a guy who is quite plain and less than average looking. He is also heavily in debt - he revealed that to her, and I verified it to be true.....he was having trouble making his payemts. He has current tax liens against his home.

 

He also makes about half the money I make.

 

I could not believe what kind of mess she was headed into. Our home is paid for....4 cars in the yard, 3 of them new!....new pool in the back....and more..

 

At that time, she was looking to borrow money to help him, looking at what his future child support would be - to help pay that - looking for a house to buy because his W and young kids would stay where they were.......and more.

 

We are empty-nesters....freedom. That guy has a 4 yr old and a 6 yr old.....and he is 42 (as is she, me 53). He was looking at paying child support until his retirement age!!!!

 

This woman, who really has to do nothing unless she wants to, was going to become a slave to work for the rest of her life because of that azzhole.

 

No, the movies do not show the reality of an affair ...... and it makes me sick that they show so much of it now, and glamorize it as well.......and it is a comedic subject, too, when there is nothing at all funny about it.

[beatcuff]

Very common that AP's are not as attractive as BS.

 

why? was told by a WS --- they did not want to become 'confused'. they wanted something on the side.

[dichotomy]

Beside main OM, I had the opportunity to view the appearances of a number of my wife's ex's from her crazy period. They were all over the map from obese to thin - geeky to rugged - good looking to ugly.

 

However, the main issue - EA with OM that intruded into our marriage- he was fairly attractive, much older, a bit rugged, womanizer, charming, physical, with an attractive accent. Hard to compare to my looks... apples and oranges I suppose. While I am sure his physical attractiveness and "charm" was a huge factor in him being tops in stable of guys, I would say it was the fact that he reminded or represented a part of her father who had passed just before she met him. It was a deep emotional and unhealthy physiological attractiveness that OM presented as she coped with the loss of daddy and wanting to connect to daddy through him.

 

This made it more of a mess - because being his mistress (one of several by the way he had) was wrapped into such a deep need - beyond his attractiveness or the sexual chemistry they had. I am so tired with the fallout and overlap in to us from her crazy time - she still can't figure out how to be healthy in a marriage.

Edited October 9, 2013 by dichotomy