Stop because you are satisfied or stop because you're ashamed...

[jnel921]

Very interesting words spoken about an A on an episode of Madmen I was watching the other night.

 

Both still very hurtful scenarios...

 

Tough watching all of this stuff on TV without feeling some kind of way...

[compulsivedancer]

Stop because you got caught....?

[jnel921]

I think that is how most of our WS got here... but seriously...had it not been for that when does it stop?

[Coolit]

I think that is how most of our WS got here... but seriously...had it not been for that when does it stop?

 

When one AP gets bored

When you come down from the high

When you move

 

But I think most get caught. And those that confess don't see very promising stories here.

[AlwaysGrowing]

I think some people arent cut out for affairs, they stop because they cant handle the double life, the selling off of their soul.

 

Most however are caught.

[ChooseTruth]

Stopping because you got pregnant.

[compulsivedancer]

When H reconsidered the open relationship, we discussed that if we did it, we would have to bring things into the light. At that point, if H had said "stop," I would've had to stop. He was thinking 3 times, so once the 3 times were over, we were probably going to be done. This was a consideration that H would probably never allow us in the same room unsupervised again, so it would be over. I think we were both in a very mixed state over this. On the one hand, it would've put a cap on things and we could call it good. On the other hand, we weren't sure that we were ready. Ultimately, it didn't happen, so I'm not sure whether we would've followed through or continued anyway. I imagine it would've been very very confusing, either way.

 

Before we were caught, I think it was winding down. I wrote in my diary that the high the "need" seemed to be wearing off. On the other hand, the emotions were becoming stronger, so if it didn't end, it may have morphed into less of a sexual relationship and more of an emotional one. And, we definitely, when talking about contingencies, had left it open to go into an "occasional" booty call scenario once it was "over."

 

It's really hard to know. Since we were caught, vs. ending it, it seems more conjecture. Maybe it would be a good question for the OW/OM forum. Many of them are in various processes of ending the relationship, not all of them due to DDays.

[Spark1111]

My H said six months before DDay, he knew she wasn't the one he would ever leave me for.

 

But the same inability to confront conflict in our marriage that landed him into the affair, was keeping him in it past it's expiration date.

 

She had fallen in love with him and started to harp on "their future" together. He continued to encourage it because having been her hero, how could he possibly tell her the truth of his feelings now?

 

He said he thought he could "control it" (Don't you love the irony of that word?) and it "just grew out of hand."

 

He thought what I didn't know would not hurt me.

 

He thought all the mantras of those who can lead double lives for a long time.

 

I think he wanted to get caught. It wasn't as much fun and the limerance was wearing off.....

 

DDay forced it ending, but not in all the ways he predicted. It almost ended the marriage, which was the very thing he was trying to hold onto, hence all that secrecy for all that time.

 

So I think it was a combination action of both: The affair was growing less satisfying with more strings attaching, and the guilt was making him stupid and less able to be devious.