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He doesnt think he really loved her

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Old 30th September 2013, 3:08 AM   #16
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Thanks. I think you are right. But I guess he was clinging to the idea it was real love because then he felt like less of a fool and that he hasn't risked us for a little fling.

Funnily enough I had managed to convince myself I didn't care what he thought for her - but since he told me that I have been so much more relaxed and happy with him. It's as if I was waiting for the other shoe to drop.... but now both shoes have simply evaporated!!
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Old 30th September 2013, 7:30 AM   #17
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Hey ho. Onwards and upwards!

Originally Posted by waterwoman View Post

The most hurtful thing for me since d-day was that H insisted he loved OW - you know?

The little treacherous whisper in your mind in the wee small hours

Now after 15 months he tells me that he isn't sure what he felt for OW

Hey ho. Onwards and upwards.
Yeah, I am very familiar with the treacherous whisper in my mind in the wee small hours!

What is love? The rush of having your ego stroked by a new lady or making that house payment? Sure he loved her! Like he would love a pet poodle. I am sorry that you had to go through all that, I know it hurts and the hurt never goes away... just waits in the background. But I think it is an illusion at this point, existing only in the mind.

So you know your H, he will have illusions too. Life gets sticky and his mind probably does find an escape in things that might have been. That woman or maybe even someone that existed before her, or just of being alone as a bachelor. Or when it gets real bad he may even fantasize of living alone in a cave. When you wind up having to nag him, hell yeah he is going to wish he was somewhere else. But that's just an illusion... right? But who can tame the human mind? Can you control yours? Those treacherous whispers... tell them to go away... see what I'm saying?

What do you think he thinks about when he is having sex with you? Hopefully he is for the most part right there in the moment enjoying you for that is the best sex. Do you think there may be times when he reminisces about this other gal? Maybe a great aphrodisiac for him or it may be a turn off. You are never gonna know unless you can get close enough that he would share such things with you. And does it really matter as long as you are both having fun? Do you think he might sometimes fantasize about you having sex with other men? He does. If you can sense that you lost his attention then do something about it. Tell us, are you reliably present during sex or does your mind wander too? Where does it go? You don't have an erection to maintain so you could just go shopping perhaps? Or maybe something a little more erotic... But you aren't constantly there for your H. The point in my question is... so you never think of other men. Right? Which leads me to your final solution as you really have the perfect answer to this thread that you started:

Hey ho. Onwards and upwards!
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