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Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 24th September 2013, 6:49 PM   #61
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Originally Posted by anne1707 View Post
But she came to this site in June when it just an EA. She received loads of good advice, ignored it and ended up having a full PA. That was in spite of her repeatedly saying it was definitely over.

Anne I wouldn't say I had a full PA it was a kiss once and then one other occasion. Still bad but two times - and never again despite him bringing up a hotel again the second time but whilst drunk. I said no I'm not up for that
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Old 24th September 2013, 6:52 PM   #62
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Originally Posted by Coolit View Post
As long as the MM lives and can put a sentence together, he is the wild card. He could confess one day to his W. or get caught in another R and then tell his w about Betsy. Anything can happen because you don't know what te other person involved could decide to do.

And I truly know that it took my confession to start my heing process. That it took the confession to really fully grasp the awfulness of it. It took my confession and this whole process to lose my attatchment to xMM. It took my confessing to put the nails in that coffin. And i didn't realize any of this until after I confessed.


This wasn't a one night stand with a stranger while on a business trip. This was an ongoing affair with a friend of the family. This was something that took months of effort and time.
Cool it it was two drunk occasions. We haven't been meeting up or anything apart from that. I'm positively almost 100% that he will never ever admit it.

Ok he may not admit to me if there has been others maybe there have but I don't think so. I don't think he's a serial cheater
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Old 24th September 2013, 6:53 PM   #63
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Originally Posted by Betsy34 View Post
Anne I wouldn't say I had a full PA it was a kiss once and then one other occasion. Still bad but two times - and never again despite him bringing up a hotel again the second time but whilst drunk. I said no I'm not up for that
You said second time you had sex with him - right? What kind of affair is subjective, but you cheated on your husband and that's not up for debate.
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Old 24th September 2013, 6:54 PM   #64
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Originally Posted by klotzak View Post
Betsy,

Keep your mouth shut and reflect. If you confess now you will bring his life down, you're over it & ready to move on and remorseful. You can punish yourself all you like, but your husband doesn't need to know any of this if you know he's 'the one'. Somebody earlier says guilt fades, maybe it does? But if there is no way he can find out then get on with the couselling you need immerse yourself in your marriage and count yourself lucky. If you stray again you deserve everything you get.
This is what I'm going to go.

And there's NO WAY I'm even looking at anyone else again.
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Old 24th September 2013, 6:55 PM   #65
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Originally Posted by drifter777 View Post
You said second time you had sex with him - right? What kind of affair is subjective, but you cheated on your husband and that's not up for debate.
Yes. Once. And I did cheat yes.
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Old 24th September 2013, 6:57 PM   #66
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Originally Posted by anne1707 View Post
But the bolded is just not true.

Plus seeing as she plans for her and her husband to socialise with the MOM and his wife, there is a REAL chance that they will be found out. It is just plain cruel, disrespectful, nasty etc to allow her innocent husband and the MOM's innocent wife to have their noses rubbed in the **** like this.
The bolded is true I'm ready to move on even though I am not over it no but I am ready to move on .
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Old 24th September 2013, 7:00 PM   #67
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Originally Posted by James-London View Post
As I said above - if its OK to avoid the damage by not telling the H, what is wrong with doing it again and again, providing the H never finds out? If Betsy can learn to live with the guilt, I'm sure she could have a great marriage and at the same time have multiple OM through her life.... providing her H never finds out, no harm done. Right?

This logic seems fundamentally flawed to me.

No James I don't want to continue cheating of have multiple affairs.

I've never done this sort of thing In my life before .
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Old 24th September 2013, 7:00 PM   #68
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Originally Posted by Betsy34 View Post
I haven't got his phone number anymore I've taken it out of my phone.
One time I deleted my address from my phone.

But it turned out OK.

I had been there so many times, I was able to remember it.
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Old 24th September 2013, 7:02 PM   #69
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Originally Posted by Betsy34 View Post
Anne I wouldn't say I had a full PA it was a kiss once and then one other occasion. Still bad but two times - and never again despite him bringing up a hotel again the second time but whilst drunk. I said no I'm not up for that

You say you did not have sex.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Betsy34 View Post
Yes. Once. And I did cheat yes.

Then you say you did have sex.


UNDECIDED by Chick Webb and his Orchestra with Ella Fitzgerald 1939 - YouTube
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Old 24th September 2013, 7:04 PM   #70
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Originally Posted by Betsy34 View Post
There's absolutely no chance of him telling/admitting it anything that I know.

The OM that is.
Is there any possibility that some time in the future, maybe 7 or 8 years from now, that something will change in the other man's wife and he will tell his wife what happened? For example, he begins to feel guilty about it? Or he is divorcing and wants to hurt her? Or are you absolutely certain that the way he feels and acts now is the way he always will feel and act?
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Old 24th September 2013, 7:05 PM   #71
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Can you explain how "no contact" will work in the future?
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Old 24th September 2013, 7:12 PM   #72
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Originally Posted by road View Post
You say you did not have sex.





Then you say you did have sex


UNDECIDED by Chick Webb and his Orchestra with Ella Fitzgerald 1939 - YouTube

I'm saying there has been two occasions

First time a kiss 2nd time sex.

Two physical occasions ever.
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Old 24th September 2013, 7:14 PM   #73
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Originally Posted by Mickey_Fitzpatrick View Post
Is there any possibility that some time in the future, maybe 7 or 8 years from now, that something will change in the other man's wife and he will tell his wife what happened? For example, he begins to feel guilty about it? Or he is divorcing and wants to hurt her? Or are you absolutely certain that the way he feels and acts now is the way he always will feel and act?

No I can't say what he will do in the future but I'm pretty sure he doesnt want to wreck his life so he's not likely to say.

He loves his wife
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Old 24th September 2013, 7:17 PM   #74
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I cheated on my spouse with a friend of ours. I am not going to tell my spouse, though, because that would be bad for me. My spouse might leave me. My spouse probably would want to know if I cheated, because then my spouse would be able to decide whether to stay married to me based on the truth, based on reality. I love my spouse, but I love myself more. If my spouse ever finds out that I cheated in the near or even distant future, I will cross that bridge when I come to it. It might be especially bad because it was with a friend, and the fact that I let my spouse go right on seeing this friend. My spouse might find it especially hurtful, also, that I have a special secret with this friend, just between us two, that was my spouse was not a part of and that we actively kept from my spouse.

I don't like this situation, but I can't do something to hurt myself and make my own life worse in order to do what's better for my spouse. Because I know what's better for my spouse, and it's to stay in the dark, to not know the truth about me, that's what's best for my spouse. It is unthinkable to me to be honest with my spouse so my spouse can make decisions based on the truth, at my own expense. I will not risk hardship in my own life for the benefit of my spouse.

Is this the line of reasoning?
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Old 24th September 2013, 7:18 PM   #75
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Originally Posted by Mickey_Fitzpatrick View Post
Can you explain how "no contact" will work in the future?

All I can do now is not text or talk to him again by myself.

I can't think of a way around never seeing them again unless I fully confess.

Weeks will go by sometimes before we arrange anything so time will pass now and if we do anything again I will make sure I'm never on my own with him so I never get to speak to him one to one again.

Tbh I really don't want to. He's hurt me with his weird behaviour.

But I DONT and WONT take this any further. I think he would if I did all the chasing I think he'd meet up in a hotel room as he gas suggested it twice.

I'm DOnE
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