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How did they get caught?


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 7th September 2013, 9:22 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by AloneNow View Post
Totally devastated. I just walked in on my fiancee cheating two days ago but neither of them saw me. I haven't told her yet but I'm staying with my male cousin for now.

I couldn't stand it and walked away fast and in silence with the ring she left on the dinning table.

Now I'm alone, hence my screen name.
I am so sorry to read this, AloneNow. I'm so glad you have a male cousin to stay with. Surely she knows something is up by now since she hasn't heard from you? How will you handle it with her?
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Old 8th September 2013, 2:06 AM   #32
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WH forgot to delete his texts one night and I looked at his iphone before he woke up. There was enough there to say they were heavily enamored with each other. Many months later I did more digging and was able to get deleted texts off WH's iphone and I had the proof I needed right there. He couldn't deny what was staring him in the face.
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Old 8th September 2013, 3:30 AM   #33
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Texts. Apparently OW kept telling him to delete them regularly but he didn't think I'd ever check. I only did so because he told me about some 'absurd' rumours going around their workplace about them. I just stewed and stewed for 24 hours then I checked his phone - first time in all our lives together.
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Old 8th September 2013, 9:09 AM   #34
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Sorry LilGirl but you "errkk'd me" irked me back

The Spelling Nazi's and Grammar Gestapo are ruthless.
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Old 8th September 2013, 12:53 PM   #35
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Wow i admire your composure. Wouldn't you have felt better if you had made a scene about it? I am a very passionate person who could not imagine staying silent.
I know right. I wonder how he managed to refrain himself from clobbering the OM.
Or maybe some people get into extreme shock that they just don't blow up right away but afterwards.

But I have to agree. That would be a WW scene for most people.
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Old 8th September 2013, 3:23 PM   #36
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My MM does not send me explicit messages as he is not a texting man. But certainly the calls would be pretty obvious. I mean every day. It is the first place anyone should look and also for a secret phone. It is impossible when you are involved with someone not to talk regularly.
Calls and texts would not be obvious if they have a non-contract phone/pay as you go. There is no log kept of these calls. If that is their regular phone, then no secret phone needed.
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Old 8th September 2013, 4:03 PM   #37
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Even if it was the intent for evil. Does not matter because BS are given advice on how to catch their WS on here. And dday discoveries are reported here in detail all the time.

How many people can keep a secret?

Two people can keep a secret.

When one of them is dead.
This is true, but it still is not a good feeling to think you (general you) may be contributing to keeping a BS in the dark.
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Old 8th September 2013, 5:31 PM   #38
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Originally Posted by HopingAgain View Post
This is true, but it still is not a good feeling to think you (general you) may be contributing to keeping a BS in the dark.

You need to do some reading comprehension work. Because I do not know how you got that about keeping the BS in the dark.
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Old 8th September 2013, 6:31 PM   #39
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You need to do some reading comprehension work. Because I do not know how you got that about keeping the BS in the dark.
Perhaps you should take your own advice. I was referring to a BS that may feel that way in giving out that type of info about how their WS got caught to an OW.
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Old 8th September 2013, 8:37 PM   #40
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Originally Posted by HopingAgain View Post
This is true, but it still is not a good feeling to think you (general you) may be contributing to keeping a BS in the dark.
Huh? This works both ways. The information shared here can help a BS discover methods. The number of active WS posting here is so few your concerns seem unfounded.
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Old 8th September 2013, 8:41 PM   #41
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Huh? This works both ways. The information shared here can help a BS discover methods. The number of active WS posting here is so few your concerns seem unfounded.
Yes, I understand that info here can help BSs who are looking for discovery methods. That said, when you have an OW posting asking how a WS got caught, it can lead a BS to think they are gathering info to avoid discovery themselves. It's just not a nice thought for a BS to have, in thinking that they could be offering ways to those engaged in infidelity to continue to deceive the BS in their scenarios. I don't know how to put it any more clearly than that.
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Old 8th September 2013, 8:53 PM   #42
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You can google "How to keep an affair secret" and a thread here pops up from this very board.
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Old 8th September 2013, 9:28 PM   #43
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You can google "How to keep an affair secret" and a thread here pops up from this very board.
My fWH did all sorts of things to keep the affair secret. This included a secret (from me) credit card attached to a secret bank account with the statements sent to a secret post office account. He also had female names in his phone book as similar male names - sometimes people whose names I knew, and knew he would have reasons to have them.

He also engaged in a deliberate pattern of deception that included a form of grooming me to accept deception. For instance he would tell me he was at one place when he was really at another (quite legitimately). Another example was telling me he was at the gym when he really went to work (and I could verify). Then at other times he would tell me he was at the gym when he was with her. Then if I found out he wasn't at the gym he would say he was at work.

Another example he would switch days and say he drove the car to a certain place when really he was with her, but he went to the place the next day, so if I found out he would just confuse the days. Whenever I found out, I would also find out that he was at the other place and no obvious reason for him to lie. It got very convoluted as you can imagine.

This sort of groomed me to accept that he wasn't always honest about where he was, and what he was doing. This enabled him to conduct the affair because my past experience would tell me he was "genuinely" somewhere else. This of course is very manipulative behaviour and also of course I felt a fool for being so duped by him after d-day. It also made unraveling what he had actually been doing very difficult for me even when he wasn't actually doing anything wrong.

I don't mind saying this on here as while it may help a WS to do something similar it also lets BS know the sorts of things that can be done.

Ultimately though my fWH got caught because he became careless and I caught him. This is often how many WS are caught because certainly it's possible to easily deceive somebody that trusts you. It doesn't make the WS a smart person at all, just an abuser in my opinion.
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Old 8th September 2013, 11:56 PM   #44
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Originally Posted by Speakingofwhich View Post
I am so sorry to read this, AloneNow. I'm so glad you have a male cousin to stay with. Surely she knows something is up by now since she hasn't heard from you? How will you handle it with her?
It's ok, I've already dumped her. I've gotten 2 sobbing calls from her asking for another chance.

I'm moving on and hopefully will one day meet a woman I can trust and won't cheat on me. I still want to get marry and have kids but I think I'll now pay attention to early signs before opening my heart again.
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Old 9th September 2013, 8:43 AM   #45
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We had the A bomb. It was a secret. A lot of countries now have an A bomb. Some secret.

Every time a BS comes onboard to a infidelity site they are told their WS based on the way he/she is acting is having an affair. Then they are told how to gather intelligence to catch their WS.

And some people here are worried about this thread teaching WS's on how to not get caught.

Unless the WS and AP are co workers so no need to and never any communicate except in person. Work with each other. Have an office where they can lock the door and have "lunch" Monday through Friday so there is no trail left anywhere they still will leave evidence.

And I am sure there are some AP's that fit this criteria. Though there will be the person that will notice that the office door is locked when they are alone. Two plus two, and the secret is still out if that person has a grudge. Say the AP got the promotion, or never gets the hard jobs. Someone that has an axe to grind now has something to grind it on.
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