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How did they get caught?


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 6th September 2013, 10:42 PM   #1
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How did they get caught?

How did the WS end up getting caught? in situations where getting caught caused the dday.
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Old 6th September 2013, 10:48 PM   #2
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I found evidence after my intuition told me to go looking.

There's always evidence if you're willing to dig. They tend to slip up at some point or another... Just depends if the BS is paying attention enough to go digging.
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Old 6th September 2013, 11:08 PM   #3
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I'm not really comfortable with answering this question without knowing the intent behind it. Reason being is I wouldn't want to help give ways to more cleverly deceive a BS and help a MP to avoid getting caught, don't like the thought of aiding an affair and in ways to conceal from BS.
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Old 6th September 2013, 11:09 PM   #4
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In my sister's case, the second time her husband cheated, the angry OW called my sister to inform her of the cheating. The first time he cheated, he confessed out of guilt. Unfortunately, the guilt feelings did not last for him. He has NPD and felt entitled to cheat. There were probably other affairs he had during their marriage, but both those two times were what my sister came to know about. With her second husband, he accidentally left his Email open, and she read the Email exchanges he had with a couple of other women.

In my older sister's case, the BS found out because my other sister and I told her.

In my friend's case, her husband found out because she was spending an inordinate amount of time on the internet, which was uncharacteristic for her, and he came across some Emails between her and her OM.

For some of the other people I know, it was lipstick on the collar, or discovered Emails, discovered hidden cell phones. That's mainly what caused a DDay. One BS discovered inappropriate text messages.
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Old 6th September 2013, 11:11 PM   #5
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He forgot to clear the browser on the computer. It showed his secret email with her name. I have heard of them being caught by phone bills, computer browsers, credit card statements, ..usually they start acting oddly which makes a bs look for evidence. Once you start looking it is normally easy to track it all.

Are you trying to keep him from being caught or are you hoping your MM gets caught?
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Old 6th September 2013, 11:17 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by HopingAgain View Post
I'm not really comfortable with answering this question without knowing the intent behind it. Reason being is I wouldn't want to help give ways to more cleverly deceive a BS and help a MP to avoid getting caught, don't like the thought of aiding an affair and in ways to conceal from BS.
Good point. Hopefully that wasn't the intent of the OP in posting this, and she was just curious, and she's not looking to use this information for helping her MM to better deceive his BS.
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Old 6th September 2013, 11:33 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by LilGirlandOW View Post
How did the WS end up getting caught? in situations where getting caught caused the dday.
No matter how much a cheater and the OW/OM may conspire to keep the affair a secret they cannot control random circumstances that eventually leads to a d-day.

The majority of WS's are like deer caught in headlights when caught. If it were not so devastating for the betrayed spouse it would almost comical how so many cheaters throw the OW/OM under the bus to save their own azz.

Rarely do cheaters confess unless they are threatened of exposure by the OW/OM or the other betrayed spouse going to their own spouse with the truth.
Most often affairs are discovered and in each situation is unique in how it's been uncovered.
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Old 6th September 2013, 11:33 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by HopingAgain View Post
I'm not really comfortable with answering this question without knowing the intent behind it. Reason being is I wouldn't want to help give ways to more cleverly deceive a BS and help a MP to avoid getting caught, don't like the thought of aiding an affair and in ways to conceal from BS.
Indeed.

Contrary to popular belief , we are not empty headed no accounts. My intuition spoke to me in all three instances. Three women ( that I know of) in going on a decade. I knew something was up and not one of those times were we even living together. That's how well a betrayed person can know the wayward.

I do not in any way want to contribute to helping someone to humiliate an innocent person simply because they existed in the MP's life first.
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Old 7th September 2013, 2:20 AM   #9
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I was out at sushi with my man when a strange woman came up to our table. She put her hand familiarly on my boyfriend's shoulder and said "Hello" to us. I could feel the instant tension in the air. I thought maybe they used to date or something.

She introduced herself to me and my boyfriend said "This is my friend Naomi" in reference to me. I was thinking..."What the F*** is up with the 'friend' s***t."

She asked "Are you two working?"
Greg: "Ummm, no."
Her: "Is this like, a date type situation?"
Greg: "Kinda."
I'm thinking, "Who is this nosey bitch?"
At this point the OW turns to me and says, "Are you dating Greg?"
Me: "Yes."
Her: "I'm dating Greg too. How long have you been seeing him."
Me: "About two years."
Her: "I've been dating him for a year."

Hoooooly sh*******t. It felt like gravity had increased by a thousand fold. I couldn't breath because the atmosphere was pressing down on me.

I ended up dumping two cups of water, two cups of hot tea, and some edamame on his head before walking out.

I was completely unaware. There were signs, of course, in retrospect. But at the time I had no idea. It was a complete and utter shock.
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Old 7th September 2013, 3:07 AM   #10
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Dday #1- found a thong in the pillowcase that was not mine. Horrifying. Very obvious. Instant breakup.

Dday#2- a year and a half later, after my dumb ass gave him a second chance----just a weird feeling, and an innocent looking text message caused me to blow up and interrogate him for a week
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Old 7th September 2013, 4:22 AM   #11
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my ex-MM (well, he wasn't married, but in a six year relationship) and I used to speak on facebook chat a lot, one night he was on his way over when he called and said he couldn't come, he had to go back home because S had 'found something'... chills ran down my spine, and that wait until the next morning was one of the worst moments of my life. Not knowing what was going on, running through all kinds of possibilities (has she found it all out, has he confessed, does this mean they're over and we can be together, does this mean we're over because she wants to work on it? etc.)

The next morning he got in touch and basically she'd used his laptop, opened his internet browser and facebook was the last thing on... he was still logged on, and she saw our chat box. She saw a line he wrote where he said 'I can't wait to see you so much xxx' after they'd been back to their hometown for the weekend together. He managed to wriggle out of it and made up some story for why he wanted to see me, but she was mostly furious and really upset about the fact that he was confiding in me about his mental health issues, and not in her. She said:

'I don't want to know what acrosstheuniverse means to you; I just want to know what I mean to you'

That line (she was already a bit weird about us hanging out because we suddenly seemed to be together all of the time out of nowhere, he rarely hid our hanging out, until we were balls deep in the affair and started to conceal it), and the fact that she stopped reading after a few messages when she could easily have read much further back and seen the evidence it was a full affair in all its glory, tells me that she knew something was going on, but she didn't want to know the details.

They're still together, he and I are still 'mates' who text occasionally and have to see each other at some university events and when with mutual friends, but we don't go out of our way to hang out anymore and obviously we are completely over. It did limp on for another month or so until it ended.

What did I learn...? I will NEVER mess with a taken man again. This one took me by such surprise and was so intense, it was a love like I'd never experienced before even during long term relationships (not 'better', just 'different'). In the future I just wouldn't go there. The stress of the situation was immense for both of us. In a different stage of life I'd never have done it because I'd have felt so guilty about his girlfriend, but I was in a post-nasty-breakup stage where I had a crisis of identity and decided I was sick of always being the better person. So I fcked and fell in love with a taken man. Never, ever again.
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Old 7th September 2013, 4:33 AM   #12
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I walked into his home study and he was a bit slow in closing down the window on his computer, so I saw a picture of a woman. I'd been noticing for a few weeks that he'd shut down the computer window, whenever I walked in.

I asked about what he was doing and got a bulls..t story about being on a chat board, so a couple of days later I asked again and insisted he show me. It turned out to be a dating website. I was in a state of shock but I managed to register his "name". The next day I tried to access the account and guessed his password on the third attempt. I then looked at all his chats on the dating website, which led me to his secret email account.

It was obvious that nothing had come of him being on the dating website.

The secret email account revealed, a 3 year affair that had ended more than 3 years earlier, but also that they were trying to resurrect the affair after the recent death of her husband.

Yippee that was D-day for me!

Last edited by SidLyon; 7th September 2013 at 4:38 AM..
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Old 7th September 2013, 5:19 AM   #13
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Are we telling an OW how to preserve her affair?
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Old 7th September 2013, 6:44 AM   #14
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Are we telling an OW how to preserve her affair?
No, she's contemplating all sides from what I've known of her.
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Old 7th September 2013, 7:05 AM   #15
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Good point. Hopefully that wasn't the intent of the OP in posting this, and she was just curious, and she's not looking to use this information for helping her MM to better deceive his BS.
Even if it was the intent for evil. Does not matter because BS are given advice on how to catch their WS on here. And dday discoveries are reported here in detail all the time.

How many people can keep a secret?

Two people can keep a secret.

When one of them is dead.
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