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Feeling crap. Dont deserve much support..


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..but I dont have much (any) emotional support in my life, so when I happened across this forum I thought I would share my feelings in the hope someone would just be sympathetic.

 

I'm Married. I cheated on my wife. I did the cowardly thing (as they say) and tried to fill the holes in my life with someone else while still staying in my marriage.

 

So I guess I don't deserve any sympathy.

 

We have a 2-and-a half-year old daughter. She is awesome. She makes me feel that moving out is the last thing I would ever want.

 

My sex life with my wife is poor. It is part of the bigger problem that she doesnt know how to show any affection / flirting. Would it have killed her to squeeze my bum once in a while?

 

She also has health issues - pain and fatigue. It means she often just goes to bed at 9am and im left sitting here lonely. I feel very bad for her situation, but I also think she could have made more of an effort to show we attention at times.

 

We sometimes argue too. We dont communicate very well. I dont suffer fools, and can be quick to find holes in BS arguments. She gets hyper emotional and yells and screams rather than talks through problems. Seems like most disagreements have to escalate into nuclear war.

 

Anyway. I looked for some flirting on the internet. I started flirting with a woman who lives an hour away. We really seemed to 'click' on the chat and when she asked me to meet up, I wanted to. At home I felt so much resentment towards my wife I told myself "since you wont show me affection, Ill get some somewhere else".

As soon as me and this ow met, we clicked. We had a six month affair.

 

It has just ended. I have lied to people, I feel **** about it. I am missing my "girlfriend" and I feel so very low. I feel I am back to square one. Ive let my wife down, myself, and also the OW. On top of all this, a friend of mine died of cancer Sunday morning.

 

Feeling heartbroken and very ****. Apologies for the bad language.

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You might receive more support in the marriage sub forum. A lot of users here are very jaded because of being cheated on. My advice to is to seek counsiling. If your mariage is salvigable that would be the best course of action. You don't need a romantic partner to be happy. Your daughter should be a variable in all of your desitions.

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Dont stay with your wife if there is no passion. Don't stay if you don't like being verbally abused. Would you tell some one to stay if there was physically abuse? Of course not. So get out. You deserve better.

 

You made a huge, enormous, colossal mistake in having an affair in this situation. You made it much worse. Thank the stars it is over and you can now leave your abusive relationship without the cloud of an affair. Stay clear of your affair partner and all others until you are also clear of your abuser. Don't seek out another damaged person to have an exit affair with. Get out with your head held high. Only once you are out, then try to figure out why you got in this mess. Only after you figure that out can you then try to find someone who is healthy and right for you. Your affair partner is likely more F*cked up than you so stay clear of that mess and don't pine after her.

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confused48.....I'm confused.

 

His wife has health problems that include pain and fatigue...she gave birth and is now chasing after a two-year old....the MOST exhausting job on the planet if done properly.....she did not have the additional energy to squeeze his bum or flirt with him.

 

Where do you see abuse? Did I miss something?

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what ended the affair?

 

as asked above, did your wife's attitude towards you change after child birth?

 

would you sign for a life with your wife in which she's affectionate and reasonable, or are you done?

 

It's difficult when you feel unloved and/or undesired and see no pain-free way out, especially when kids are involved. Your course of action was not the best, but now that things are moving, better keep them moving until you find an acceptable equilibrium.

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I am not clear on some things

 

1) Does your wife know? Or did you end it on your own and why?

 

2) How long have you been with your wife? Has sex with your wife changed from earlier? When and How?

 

3) Did you both try couples therapy?

 

 

Also let me add I am sorry for the death of your friend, cancer sucks.

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confused48.....I'm confused.

 

His wife has health problems that include pain and fatigue...she gave birth and is now chasing after a two-year old....the MOST exhausting job on the planet if done properly.....she did not have the additional energy to squeeze his bum or flirt with him.

 

Where do you see abuse? Did I miss something?

 

Yelling and screaming at someone is abuse. He said she does that on a regular basis. No one should put up with being yelled and screamed at anymore than they should put up with being punched.

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