molly78 Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 About a month ago i got an email from someone telling me my fiance is cheating on me. It was from someone i didnt know. I asked my fiancé about it and it turns out he knows this person-it's someone he dated before me. First she pretended to be someone else, then i wrote back and she turned into herself. He had a few people confirm that she stalked him, showed me past emails from her. I sent one email back to this person and she responded back to me basically getting emotional saying she doesnt know why they broke up, he just broke off all communication and it made her crazy. BUt she was like, bottom line, he cheated on you with me. First she said saturday, then changed it to friday night. My fiance works night. This has caused GREAT trouble in our relationship. I am already a jealous, insecure person. He is denying it. I either have to believe him or break up with him. I didnt have any doubts before this. We live together, he seems very into our wedding...but this is just WEIRD. He has emails from her still because he said he was going to file a retraining order against her. I went through his phone and found them. I didn't have a chance to read them all. They were mostly from 2011 when she was begging for him back, but one from 2012. He claims she showed up at his work more than once. His roomate also told me that she showed up at the house and broke into the front hall to wait for my fiancé to come home and had to tell her to leave. Whether this person is insane or not it really hurts to get an email like this...the thought of it is awful. I didnt need to even know about this person. From what my fiance it sounds like a fling gone bad...but i dont understand how she could be this mad....unless something really happened between them recently:mad: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 Did he admit it or deny cheating on you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author molly78 Posted May 18, 2013 Author Share Posted May 18, 2013 Hes denying it. I even asked if he had any type of recent contact with her whether it be phone or email and he said no...the last contact i could see on his phone was 2012. This hurts too because he didnt tell me about her at all...she was begging for him back at the beginning of our relationship and i had no idea he had anything like that going on. He said he didnt tell mebecause id have left bc it was too much drama. Well maybe i would have! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 The fact that he's hidden all this communication with her from you is a major red flag. You should ask her for proof. It's not uncommon for an "other woman" to try to tell you anonymously. The common scenario is that he broke things off with her recently and she's jilted. Telling you would be revenge against him; she doesn't want to get left in the dust while he rides off into the sunset with you. Again, ask her for proof of their ongoing relationship. She should have emails or texts confirming it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author molly78 Posted May 18, 2013 Author Share Posted May 18, 2013 I have thought about asking for proof. In one of her emails she described his clothing, said shr still had texts from him and her landlord saw him. None of this is damning evidence. He says that this is her way of getting back at him for how he treated her and because he isnt marrying her. Weve been fighting about this for 6 weeks. He is convinced that she wants to ruin our relationship and it seems to be working with how much this has upset me. I dont know what to think. Ive had issues with peoples exes before but nothing like this. I dont know how useful it would be for me to ask her for proof. She claims to have texts from him but those can be made up also especially since she has his phone number. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author molly78 Posted May 18, 2013 Author Share Posted May 18, 2013 He thinks she saw somewhere on facebook or on the net somewhere that we are getting married and flipped out Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 Settle it with a polygraph. If he's not hiding anything - he'll be happy to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Janesays Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 I'd bet money that he cheated. The 'crazy ex' is a common excuse for men when they get busted. It's so predictable, it is almost cliche. Honey do yourself a favor and walk away from this man. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author molly78 Posted May 18, 2013 Author Share Posted May 18, 2013 Well others have confirmed that she is crazy including my cousin who lived with my fiance and had dealings with this person. I know guys will call the other person crazy but this woman does not seem normal based on her emails to me and emails hes showed me not to mention word from other people. Plus i cant imagine why hed cheat on me 7 weeks before our wedding. Other than this email theres been nothing. I just feel like this has really been ruining mu life. I feel like i will never know for sure what happened. People are telling me, well if u dont beleive him u shouldnt marry him yet this is so odd i cant help but question him... Link to post Share on other sites
Janesays Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 Yea. I'm so shocked that he got his friends to lie and call her crazy too. Except I'm not at all shocked. Also, you don't want her to be normal because that means she's telling the truth. And you don't want to believe the truth that is smacking you in the face. Even if she IS crazy, I'd place money on he still screwed her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author molly78 Posted May 18, 2013 Author Share Posted May 18, 2013 Nd even if they did cheat it is craaazy of her to track down my work email address and email me this crap.she wasnt nice or heartfealt about it. And oh u feel bad now that u hooked up with my fiance? Yeah right. She is coming through me to hurt him for something he did. Whether it was recent or back before i was with him i dont know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Janesays Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 This isn't her fault. It's his. Would you rather she kept silent and let you marry and have children with a cheater? Link to post Share on other sites
Author molly78 Posted May 18, 2013 Author Share Posted May 18, 2013 Im sure you would Jane. Link to post Share on other sites
Author molly78 Posted May 18, 2013 Author Share Posted May 18, 2013 Omg the whole point is i dont know if hes cheating! If u were with someone u loved and got an email from a stranger who u told was unstable by many people would u end the relationship with your loved one? Walk in my shoes. Link to post Share on other sites
Janesays Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 Im sure you would Jane. You're sure I would do what? Marry a cheater? Well you're right. I DID marry a cheater and ruined 10 years of my life. I wish I would have listened to his 'crazy' ex, but I was blind. Like you are. Open up your eyes. Don't make the same mistake I did. Link to post Share on other sites
Author molly78 Posted May 18, 2013 Author Share Posted May 18, 2013 (edited) She would show up at his work and house whem they had broken up. He showed me emails she had writtten going on about her thyroid making her act crazy. She admitted to acting crazy. Even in the email she sent me she told me she lost her sh*t because when they broke up he just stopped comminicating with her. He did tell her it was over...and they had only dated a few months. She is also 45 yrs old.. I live with with the guy...ya ya im sure u all lived with ur cheater too..but him cheating doesnt add up...but this email has freaked me out. Also i her email to me she was speaking of their breakup and said, believe me ive since moved on, but its a pain you dont forget when u dont see it coming. She also said, pain is bitter, truth is more. It was odd. And she sure didnt seem like someone whod moved on. Oh and her last sentence to me said plz dont contact me again. After she had emailed me at work! Edited May 18, 2013 by molly78 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 We live together, he seems very into our wedding...but this is just WEIRD. He has emails from her still because he said he was going to file a retraining order against her. I went through his phone and found them. I didn't have a chance to read them all. They were mostly from 2011 when she was begging for him back, but one from 2012. He claims she showed up at his work more than once. His roomate also told me that she showed up at the house and broke into the front hall to wait for my fiancé to come home and had to tell her to leave. And why didn't he tell you about this? Something seems really "off". You need to ask him why he didn't discuss this with you to begin with when she started pestering him and showing up at his work. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author molly78 Posted May 18, 2013 Author Share Posted May 18, 2013 Im 34, hes 39. He said she also lied to him about her age, said she was younger of course. His story of the situation is believeable to me...but i hate that i got this email and i hate that he didnt tell me about this girl. Hes like why would i tell u? I guess i didnt need to know abouther but i do now. I just dont know that i even want to give this chick the time of day. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 Omg the whole point is i dont know if hes cheating! If u were with someone u loved and got an email from a stranger who u told was unstable by many people would u end the relationship with your loved one? Walk in my shoes. Then hire a PI. If he IS cheating on you and this whole thing is one big fat lie to cover his ass (and the fact she emailed you, pretending to be someone else) this OW could be sick and tired of him jerking her around and leading her on to believe they have a future together. Why someone would do that (engaged and cheating on the side, still planning on going ahead with a wedding) makes no sense to me. Let's hope that she IS a nutty and he is telling you the truth. Still doesn't answer WHY he didn't discuss this with you from the get go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author molly78 Posted May 18, 2013 Author Share Posted May 18, 2013 He said he didnt tell me because he knew id be mad...in the end he didnt tell me bc she had nothing to do with he and i. In hindsight he did say he should have told me about her but who k ew this wouldve happened. He and i had just started dating when she was showing up at his work and house. Link to post Share on other sites
Author molly78 Posted May 18, 2013 Author Share Posted May 18, 2013 He even said that if he was going to cheat it wouldnt be with her...we have been planning a wedding...it makes no sense that hed go back to this person who gave him all this grief even if it was just for sex... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 Im 34, hes 39. He said she also lied to him about her age, said she was younger of course. His story of the situation is believeable to me...but i hate that i got this email and i hate that he didnt tell me about this girl. Hes like why would i tell u? I guess i didnt need to know abouther but i do now. I just dont know that i even want to give this chick the time of day. Umm, no! This IS something you should've known a long time ago! why would he keep this from you? If the situation was reversed and some guy was harassing you, showing up at work, emailing you a lot etc, I'm sure you'd for sure tell him! If for anything, support and him helping to make sure that guy leaves you alone and involving the cops. Again, sorry but something feels "off" with his how casual he is with this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 He even said that if he was going to cheat it wouldnt be with her...we have been planning a wedding...it makes no sense that hed go back to this person who gave him all this grief even if it was just for sex... And there's another red flag. Men who are truly in love and about to get married don't say stuff like that. Seriously, put your wedding on hold until you find out the real truth. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 18, 2013 Share Posted May 18, 2013 He said he didnt tell me because he knew id be mad...in the end he didnt tell me bc she had nothing to do with he and i. In hindsight he did say he should have told me about her but who k ew this wouldve happened. He and i had just started dating when she was showing up at his work and house. That's no excuse. And, why would you get mad? This woman is harassing him and won't let go, he should have talked to you. Would you get mad or is that him assuming? Maybe they were still together a bit when you two started dating, maybe things didn't end well with them and she felt ignored and that got her crazy. She couldn't let go.. I don't know what to tell you except 1)listen to your gut and 2)Hire a PI. Borrow the money if need be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author molly78 Posted May 18, 2013 Author Share Posted May 18, 2013 Well he did kind of go right from her to me and i dont think he wanted to divulge that. Im not saying its right...but if he told me about the stalking hed have to tell me they dated. I havent told him about everyone i dated. He also gave me proof that he was at work on the she said they were together...she said two different nights and the other night he was with me. If she had proof i think shed just give it to me. I mean she emailed me to tell me my fiance was i. Her bed...why not just bare all Link to post Share on other sites
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