Triggers...

[jnel921]

So the road to R is not always easy. Whenever I feel like things are feeling great there is always something that brings us back to that topic.

 

But this time I wasn't triggered. It was my WH.

 

I was on my way home earlier today and he offered to buy me a sandwich. I later thought about it and decided to call him to tell him to forget it but he never answered his phone. He texts me about 10 minutes later and said his phone was on the charger and that he went to pick up the sandwiches and never took the phone with him.

 

I wrote him that I changed my mind about the sandwich and told him yes before I could really think about it. He told me what he got me and I reminded him that I dont eat the bread he bought. Then he got upset and said I was ungrateful. I told him that I would still eat it, however after all of these years how could he not know the kind of bread I eat by now.

 

Meanwhile we are texting this back and forth because I was still on the train on my way home. So he snaps back at me and writes oh really what type of bread do I like?

So I replied "puerto rican buns". Now when I wrote this I was referring to my own a$$... as I am puerto rican and was trying to be funny.

 

However my H however got really upset and asked me why did I have to go there. Bring up the past, why do I keep reminding him, blah blah blah.

 

I replied to him the true intent of my answer but from his reaction I told him that he must have been really impressed with someone else s buns to react that way instead of thinking of only me.

 

I also let him know how sad it made me feel and how this reminded me of how broken our relationship still is. How I am hoping for the day I can reference something and his thought is of only me. If that never happens then I may have to consider other options.

 

Thought triggers were only for us BS.

[Athens]

My husband triggers as well- his intense guilt and remorse is on his mind more than I thought-

[lifelesson101]

I was not prepared for all the triggers. After three months of no contact I was on a business trip out of town and drove by the hotel where we first made love. Just when I thought I had a handle on this thing and believed I was moving forward. . . I had a major melt down right there on the highway and had to pull over and cry it out.

 

Good Lord. . . does this crap ever get better???

[seren]

JNE, we are 5 and a half years on from D Day, we have reconciled, but when any programme comes on that shows the pain a BS goes through H's toes curl up and he becomes silent. I go give him a hug and we talk, he will apologise over and over and I just say, but this is now and right now you (he) makes me the happiest I have ever been and that I love him. I don't think he will ever truly forgive himself and that makes me sad as I have forgiven. Triggers are indeed crap, but acknowledging them is the way to go. I always use the we word and remember that I cannot change the past, neither can H, but we can live our future. I hope it gets easier for you both x