Softlyspoken41 Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 I met a man two years ago online. We talked for a few months and then met in person. We hit it off immediatly first online and in person it was only better. The draw back is he's married. I have a lot of guilt feelings regarding the situation. I know that he's not happy in the relationship with his wife but I also know he's kind hearted and doesn't want to hurt his wife if he chooses to leave her. He and I have only been together 3 times in person. The last time we spent a week in the rockies. We've spent many hours together over the past two years on the phone. He is a person that I would consider as a husband and would definitly chose for a friend. I won't push him ever to leave his wife. If he does it I want it to be on his own and not by my hand. I also know that I can't be on the side lines forever. I'd never live if I did. I have a lot of joy and life in me. I do feel lonely and I always want to share everything with him but naturally he's not there. He lives 9 hours North of me. I guess what my question is, is this: Does anyone know of a man leaving his wife for another lady and finding real happiness with her? Can it actually happen? I wasn't raised to date married men. I never expected anything like this to happen in my life. I do have guilt feelings over it. It's hard. I'm truly not a bad person. Thanks for any responses to my question. Link to post Share on other sites
shamen Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 I hate to say this, but dating a married man can only lead to bad things. I don't know anyone who's actually left their wife (or their husband) for the other and had it turn out well. Especially if s/he has kids! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Softlyspoken41 Posted April 19, 2004 Author Share Posted April 19, 2004 Thank you Shaman for your opinion. His Children are gone and married. I appreciate your response. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 If you go back and read all the OW threads....you'll see you won't have to worry about your question....he's never going to leave anyway. I wish I could add something additionally to take off the rough edges....but it's just the truth. If you are happy in the relationship....enjoy it. If you think it's every going to get any better than this though....you are headed for major heartbreak. I don't think OW's break up marriages. I think they enable the Assclown to stay married because he has the best of both worlds. The beauty of it all is....he only has to support one of them. He has no reason to leave. He can easily have his cake and eat it too. Guard your heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Softlyspoken41 Posted April 19, 2004 Author Share Posted April 19, 2004 Thank you Arabess. I know of one situation where a now friend of many years, met a man who was a teacher in her high school. When she graduated, he divorced his wife and married his student. They've been married for 28 years and have two nice children. I think they're the exception to the rule though. I think what you and shaman said are more the status quo. I am in this situation but I don't ever want to be again. Have a great day. Link to post Share on other sites
shamen Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 OK, believe it or not, I do too! I totally forgot about it. However, he later divorced the second wife for yet a newer younger version later on (another student). I think that he was fired shortly thereafter (as he should've been!). Link to post Share on other sites
echocrush Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 Sometimes men do leave... My grandfather left my grandmother for a much younger woman after grandma found out about their 7 year affair. He married her years later. But until the day he died he never missed a chance to tell us how much he loved my grandmother, they would get in a fight and he would call. "Leaving your grandmother for this balck headed bi**h was the biggest mistake I ever made" is one of the more loving memories I have of him, because it happened so often. I guess that's what kept me away from married men, knowing he never really stopped loving his first wife, knowing how we all felt about her. Knowing you will always be "the other woman" I've seen other situations, and it seems like the kids never really do forgive their father or "that woman" even if they were grown... You deserve better than that don't you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Softlyspoken41 Posted April 19, 2004 Author Share Posted April 19, 2004 Hi Shaman, I'm laughing naturally. I think that's a case of "what goes around, comes around!" I expect to get what I deserve one day as well for letting myself get into this situation. For me I think it might come from a "HIGHER" authority though. In all of this I think I'm hardest on myself. I wish there was a magic answer or fix for this. Link to post Share on other sites
echocrush Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 Originally posted by shamen OK, believe it or not, I do too! I totally forgot about it. However, he later divorced the second wife for yet a newer younger version later on (another student). I think that he was fired shortly thereafter (as he should've been!). Trade em in for two 20's when they hit 40? That's what my ex threatened, but he only made it to 30, so I guess all he could get for me was 2 15's... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Softlyspoken41 Posted April 19, 2004 Author Share Posted April 19, 2004 Thank you Echocrush. That was a sad situation. I did mention to him once that if his marriage ended, I wanted to be out of the picture totally. I would prefer it appear I came along after the fact. If she knew of me it would hurt her badly and forever. I don't want to hurt anyone in all of this. It wouldn't be good for him either. So best I stay in the background. If nothing ever comes of this, I'll always be thankful for this time we've shared. I'll always think of him as a wonderful person and friend. Originally posted by echocrush Sometimes men do leave... My grandfather left my grandmother for a much younger woman after grandma found out about their 7 year affair. He married her years later. But until the day he died he never missed a chance to tell us how much he loved my grandmother, they would get in a fight and he would call. "Leaving your grandmother for this balck headed bi**h was the biggest mistake I ever made" is one of the more loving memories I have of him, because it happened so often. I guess that's what kept me away from married men, knowing he never really stopped loving his first wife, knowing how we all felt about her. Knowing you will always be "the other woman" I've seen other situations, and it seems like the kids never really do forgive their father or "that woman" even if they were grown... You deserve better than that don't you? Link to post Share on other sites
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