He lied again

[Marsha]

Seven months ago I found out my husband was having an affair. Two weeks later I found out he was having another affair. He was having 2 affairs at the same time. I kicked him out and he came back about a week later. He promised me he would never lie to me again. He promised he would never cheat on me again. He gave me the pass word to his cell phone. He calls me every 2 hours. A few weeks ago I caught him in another lie about the first affair. He told me in Nov. when he came back that he slept with her 2 times. Now the story has changed. He tells me he slept with her 4 or 5 times and saw her 2 other times. He also gave her $2,400. He called her baby and his girl. I have asked him many many times since Oct. how many times he slept with her and he would always say 2 times and get mad because I didnt believe him. I asked him if he had any pet names they called each other he always said no. He told me he never gave her any gifts. He said "Now you know everything." Because he lied to me for 7 months about he affair and then lied again each time he said "Now you know everthing." I am very angry and hurt. I feel I can not trust him. We are fighting constantly. I barely believe any thing he says. I do not want to go through this again with him. I let him come back under one condition that he would never lie to me or cheat on me again. But he lied. And he knew he was lieing fom the begining. To make up for this he bought me a $12,000 diamond ring. He called her husband and told him about the affair to prove he was not seeing her. He tells me he loves me constantly and calls me every few hours. But I am still very angry and hurt. I do not understand how he could lie to me again after I gave him another chance. How he could pretend day after day he was being truthful when he was not. I dont know if I can ever trust him again. When I call her his girlfriend he tells me she was not his girlfriend. What else shall I call her? He tells me she was only for sex. But I do not know what to believe. Am I being too hard on him because he lied about the affair? I want to be fair to him but I feel it was wrong to lie to me for 7 months. And if I wasn't snooping around I still would not know. I do not think he is cheating on me now. But when he tells me he will never cheat on me again what am I to believe if he has lied about the affair for 7 months. I told him if he ever cheats on me again we are through. I dont know if we should seperate for a while or what to do. We are seeing a marriage councilor on monday. We saw a marriage councilor when I first found out for a few months but he lied to the councilor also about the affair

[dyermaker]

1. You can't heal until you let yourself heal.

2. You can't let yourself heal until you stop the interrogations and obsessions.

3. You can't stop the obsession until you KNOW you can trust him.

 

You can't heal until you know you can trust him.

 

Counselling is a good idea, but it won't do any good until you're willing to start from scratch. All of these lies are inconsequential, number of times he did it, pet names, etc., --You need to be willing to not hold it against him. I would reccomend abandoning the obsession with the past.

 

You need to operate from Saturday, April 17th onward. If you come to the realization that you can't abandon that, whether through counselling or long introspection--you need to terminate the relationship.

[Goatsbreath]

I agree with Dyermaker. Your not really moving forward if your still grilling him about every detail that was involved in this affair. Trust me- I know how hard it is to forget and try to look past it but if you are truely interested in salvaging your relationship you must. The lies about how many times and ect are just there to make it easier because he knows you would rather here him say once then one hundred. It dont make it right. Now if hes trying to cover stuff up...seeing , talking, ect. with girls then your out the door. Like Dyermaker said....start from today. Make it clear you are willing to give things one chance.