Aspergers

[waterwoman]

I had a google re aspergers in adults and I was blown away. Having a child on the spectrum is one thing - a lot of the behaviours can be explained away by different developmental rates, and just childish idiosyncracies.

 

I have got used to H being the way he is - it's just him. Hugely intelligent, but self-absorbed, unable to take responsibility for things he doesn't think are important, can't read emotions unless they are write VERY LARGE indeed - ie if I am really happy or really angry. Has reduced empathy for the children when they get upset. Loves routines and habits.

 

Oddly enough i think it tends to describe me as well....

[NotInProvence]

I dunno about your H...I am an Aspie and proud of it. Yes, sometimes I say things that are accidentally hurtful (and, in typical Aspie fashion, obsess over them for ages afterwards).

 

However, there is this: I was not the cheater. Why would I be? It was illogical. I had opportunities, but I KNEW it would hurt R and damage our relationship. I had no reason to want to cause him pain--even now.

 

Aspies are also terrible liars, as a rule.

 

I am a female Aspie, yes, so I present differently than a male would. I will say, though, that I have never known an Aspie of either gender who cheated; we're more likely to be the victims, IMO.

 

If you would like resources to present to your counselor though, please let me know and I would be happy to help!

[veryhappy]

I'm glad to see you are reading about it. Having a child on the spectrum is very different than having a partner on the spectrum. Completely different relationships.

 

If he does have it, the fact that you feel you exhibit the traits is because you morphed yourself into someone who could live with his rules. You're probably more quiet, more depressed, see less friends or are more reclusive than you'd want to be. The term you'll find for it is "aspergated". It feels like abuse, but it lacks intent because they'd never mean to harm.

 

Hope you continue reading and see where this leads you. It might bring relief in having an explanation for a lot of things. It also changes the future in knowing that you will never have some of the things two typical people have.

Edited January 25, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[waterwoman]

Thank you.

 

Resources would be most welcome notinprovence.

 

Dragon - it was your post that finally prompted me to check. No, I didn't ask for it to be deleted.

[waterwoman]

people with autism/aspergers, in my experience, can and do lie, but they are really, really bad at it

 

most people that I have met with autism or aspergers are fiercely loyal and love routine...anything out of the ordinary can really throw them...

 

 

Strangely enough H never actually lied to me throughout the affair. He just didn't tell me things which I guess is easier - although he found it really hard not to share everything with me as he would normally do. It would explain in part why he was so irritable with everyone at the time.

 

And yes, oddly enough he is very very loyal - I know it sounds crazy - he didn't complain about me to OW and he refuses to criticise OW to me.

 

I will have a look at that website, thanks

[Turtles]

A certain South Park episode comes to mind... What is the line? "Why would they name a disorder of socially awkward persons "ass-burger"?" Lol. Something like that.

 

Anyway, I think what you wrote applies to a majority of males, OP. Except for the hugely intelligent part, obviously. And that Asperger is a fairly vague label and it makes sense to categorize the developing personality of children but not so much in grown, healthy adults because they would probably have some traits from almost every possible disorder. Still, if it helps in your interactions with him, it's a good thing, right?

[synes]

A certain South Park episode comes to mind... What is the line? "Why would they name a disorder of socially awkward persons "ass-burger"?" Lol. Something like that.

 

Anyway, I think what you wrote applies to a majority of males, OP. Except for the hugely intelligent part, obviously. And that Asperger is a fairly vague label and it makes sense to categorize the developing personality of children but not so much in grown, healthy adults because they would probably have some traits from almost every possible disorder. Still, if it helps in your interactions with him, it's a good thing, right?

 

Aspergers isn't a vague term at all, it's typically high functioning autism, a person with aspergers has autism. it's not purely a childhood developmental disorder either, a person with an autistic spectrum disorder such as aspergers doesn't simply grow out of it, they have it for life. what changes is their ability to adapt and learn how to interact in ways that are natural for a person without the autism.

The routine and order is linked to anxiety, but not all aspies are orderly, many are incredibly disorganised.

 

Im in agreement that people with asd DO feel as much as any one else, often they have difficultly understanding and expressing their feelings though, my son confuses his feelings so everything is expressed as fear, whether it be excitement, happiness, boredom, sadness or fear itself, yet he still feels all of these.

[synes]

Thank you.

 

Resources would be most welcome notinprovence.

 

Dragon - it was your post that finally prompted me to check. No, I didn't ask for it to be deleted.

 

Search Tony Attwood he has written many guides and studies into aspergers, an amazing source of information.

[M30USA]

I've never been officially diagnosed, but I'm pretty sure I have a certain degree of Aspberger's. I am able to write endlessly, and in detail, on the most insignificant things which nobody cares about.

Edited January 27, 2013 by M30USA

[Mme. Chaucer]

I just finished reading a great, touching and entertaining memoir written by a man with Aspergers; it's called "Look Me in the Eye" by John Elder Robison. I highly recommend it.