G8trgirl Posted November 22, 2012 Share Posted November 22, 2012 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/358554-lbs-here-dont-shoot I posted this in the OW/OM forum and they suggested I post it here too. I am on my iPhone and don't know how to copy and paste. I am not good at these things. My Internet will be on at my house on Saturday so. I f anyone knows how to add it here. Be my guest. I also welcome comments if you are able to read my post. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
meandmyself Posted November 22, 2012 Share Posted November 22, 2012 Well to me you are not longer a victim but more of a volunteer... you know him, he has done it many times, he comes home and you have sex with him? I don't know what to say... speechless... Get over it... Link to post Share on other sites
Author G8trgirl Posted November 22, 2012 Author Share Posted November 22, 2012 No more victim or volunteer. I have begun to take my life back. I do blame myself for 90 percent of the pain I feel bc I should have stopped it along time ago. I am not here looking for pity. But support. And a good kick in the ass if I get sideways. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Author G8trgirl Posted November 22, 2012 Author Share Posted November 22, 2012 MMI, I admit I wasn't being very bright about this but I am reaching out for help now. While I understand your comment "get over it" it came across kinda rude. I maybe should read up on your story to understand the anger bc I don't want to judge. I am finally becoming my own woman and no not a victim nor volunteer anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 By my count, he has left you four times for OW and you have taken him back each time. You should be filing for divorce and have no contact with him other than what is necessary for child custody, the divorce, and financials. Can you do this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author G8trgirl Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 I am doing it now. Last Friday I paid my 2400 retainer fee and am ready to start a new life. I do not answer his texts unless about kids. It drives him crazy when I don't answer him when he sends texts like where are you? I used to answer now I don't and I get these texts saying " oh you must be with your boyfriend " or " maybe you will text me when you are off your date". I just ignore. I am taking steps to recover myself and my family. He will never destroy me again 5 Link to post Share on other sites
meandmyself Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 By my count, he has left you four times for OW and you have taken him back each time. You should be filing for divorce and have no contact with him other than what is necessary for child custody, the divorce, and financials. Can you do this? Not trying to be rude, sorry if you have felt it that way... I am just meaning it, get over it, let your husband be where he needs to be (in your past). Look what he did to you was Horrible the first time that happened, terrible the second one and predictable all the other times... You should make sure your husband can have a relationship and visit your kids without you getting in the bed with him... this will only keep him in your life in a way is not good for you. I really know how much a person is able and willing to forgive to a person that you love... believe me, I know it but sometimes you need to be strong as affection is the strongest of the addictions. Try to build a life without him.. is my only point. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 I am doing it now. Last Friday I paid my 2400 retainer fee and am ready to start a new life. I do not answer his texts unless about kids. It drives him crazy when I don't answer him when he sends texts like where are you? I used to answer now I don't and I get these texts saying " oh you must be with your boyfriend " or " maybe you will text me when you are off your date". I just ignore. I am taking steps to recover myself and my family. He will never destroy me again Good deal. It's time for you to start living your second life. My (ex)wife and I only speak by text/email other than parent/teacher conferences and once-a-week drop-off. None of our communication is of a personal nature. We will both say please, thank you, and, have a nice weekend but that's it. Perhaps it would be worth it to explain this approach to him (in order to limit his advances) but it sounds like you are doing well. If you just wanted encouragement to keep doing what you're doing, you've got it from me. Forgiving a one-time mistake by a truly remorseful wayward spouse is one thing; serial cheaters can go take a long walk off a short pier. You can do better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author G8trgirl Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 I am sorry duck soup but 4 of my children were conceived before his cheating started and within the bounds of matrimony. How dare you make the comment you did about Obama taking care of my children. I am not an Obama supporter and am not on aid. I am educated and I support my family. Must be so hard to sit around and be so perfect yet so unhappy to judge someone you don't know. I paid my own 2400 retainer. I pay my own bills. That's just very offensive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author G8trgirl Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 I do not have a problem what so ever with a slap on your face 2x4 over the head dose of reality. Believe me I have seen what am idiot I have been however the personal attack about Obama taking care of my kids is a little too far. I mean wow just wow Link to post Share on other sites
Author G8trgirl Posted November 25, 2012 Author Share Posted November 25, 2012 Any one else here dealing with a serial cheater? Have you finally had enough and filed for divorce as I have done? I am asking if anyone has gone through this in the past or now. This is the right thing for me to do and I know that I have issues that I am starting to work on. I know that job 1 is my children and myself. But it's still very difficult after 15 years. He is very controlling and narcissistic. Anyone have experience dealing with someone like this? I am doing the least contact as I can considering we have 6 children. Our 12 was close to his dad and it was hitting him very hard so his counselor suggested that his dad take him for a week or so. Since he has been there he is withdrawing from the rest of us. H won't let me see him and h doesn't even ask to see other kids. Yes I am heading in to court for temp support, custody , alimony and visitation . I think he is using my son as a way to get to me bc all hell broke lose several weeks back when I finally decided to take my life back and I put my foot down about how he was treating the kids and me. I made an ample visitation schedule and he refused saying I was controlling when he could see his kids. He basically wanted to see them when it wasnt in the way of his time with ow/gf. He works 2 hrs away so he is on the road to his job 2 hrs there and 2 hrs back. His work hours are he leaves here at 5 am and gets back to our town at 10:30 pm he has Wednesday off and Sunday off all other days those are his hours. His Wednesday's off he can't plan time with kids bc he doesn't know her schedule. Same with Sundays. I was kinda sick of him giving the kids and I 20 minutes notice he was on his way over. So I set a schedule using the minimum schedule in our county bc his jon leaves no extra time. But he didn't like that. I stopped calling and texting over little things and I stopped answering his silly texts. I did make the huge mistake of having sex with him on a time he came to visit the kids yeah I know big mistake. But since then he has tried everything to get a reaction from me and hasn't gotten one. I mean he has been cruel with words in texts that I don't answer and he then makes comments about me being with some other man so I must be too busy to answer him etc. I am willing to answer questions and I would like to read around and offer support to others. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Author G8trgirl Posted November 26, 2012 Author Share Posted November 26, 2012 H, you know the one madly in love with ow has been attempting to sexually flirt by text all morning. No response from me. He switched over to a question concerning our sons broken arm which was casted today and I answered. Then he went back to the innuendo asking for pics. Really? Are you that cocky? I did respond then which I shouldn't have but I asked " pic of what the divorce papers coming your way". He responded with "no" he then resorted to calling. Is he serious? I guess he thinks this is the way I let things be played in the past but umm no no. You guys here have helped me understand I am not a doormat and I am getting pretty damn strong about it. Some of these men are just wow..... Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted November 27, 2012 Share Posted November 27, 2012 H, you know the one madly in love with ow has been attempting to sexually flirt by text all morning. No response from me. He switched over to a question concerning our sons broken arm which was casted today and I answered. Then he went back to the innuendo asking for pics. Really? Are you that cocky? I did respond then which I shouldn't have but I asked " pic of what the divorce papers coming your way". He responded with "no" he then resorted to calling. Is he serious? I guess he thinks this is the way I let things be played in the past but umm no no. You guys here have helped me understand I am not a doormat and I am getting pretty damn strong about it. Some of these men are just wow..... I think you did quite well. You're going to have to learn how to respond amicably to discussions about children, financials, and the divorce but not at all about anything personal. Actually, it looks like you have already learned quite well. I liken it to dealing with a coworker that you just hate at the office. I still give the courtesy of a please and thank you pretty routinely but otherwise keep detached entirely. By the way, nice line about the divorce papers. That was funny. Link to post Share on other sites
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