Feeling betrayed

[cooperzoey]

Hi everyone this is my first time posting. I don't know where to begin.

 

My husband and I have been married for over 20 years and he has suddenly turned into this mean difficult person. I am really trying but how do I trust someone who does things behind my back. He sees nothing wrong with the things he does.

 

He tells me he is suffering from a midlife crisis. He knows he says that he has a great family,wife and job but doesn't know why he's unhappy. I know this was wrong of me but I suspected things so I looked at his phone come to find out he signed up for dating services and planned to leave. I confronted him and he says he was going through a bad time. Since then there is a password on his phone. Prior to this I discovered he met a women online who he brought to our house while I was at work. He says only to talk.

 

Can I ever trust him. I have made significant attempts to fix us but he never says he's sorry about anything he does.I feel like everytime he doesn't get his way he'll decide to leave.

 

We have a lot of fights in regard to sex. He has some desires that I find unusual that I don't want to do and am uncomfortable with. We have always had a very physical relationship but this past year he has made it clear that if I won't do the things he wants then I must not love him. I always felt you shouldn't be forced to do things you don't want to do.

 

Can anyone please give me some advice ? I don't want to involve family.I really need some perspective if I am the one whose wrong on things.

[cooperzoey]

I love my husband. We always had a great relationship.We never fought much.

 

Recently I discovered he did somethings that make me not trust him.Now everytime he does or says something I suspect him of things.Such as if he has a meeting is it really work related.I don't know how to trust him.

 

We fight over stupid stuff almost every day. I hate having things be this way. I know sometimes it's me but he never seems to think things are his fault.

 

Is anybody else dealing with a relationship that seems to be out of control ?

[River Rain]

Not completely out of control on my end, but the lack of being able to trust him fully is what I'm struggling with right now. I've read that in order to rebuild trust with someone, you have to re-experience positive and meaningful quality time together. It doesn't happen overnight, but the more good experiences you have, the better able you'll be to trust him again. Are you both making efforts to spend that quality time together in fun, loving and positive ways?

[mitzikilgore]

I feel like the password on the phone, his "need" to sign up for a dating service, and the new, sexual incompatibility (he wants you to do stuff you are uncomfortable with) are all RED FLAGS! Trust is essential to the relationship, and when someone's sexual habits change significantly, that usually means they have had a different experience or are seeking something new. You have a hard road ahead, but need to ask yourself some hard questions and figure out what you want. Also some guidelines - trust yourself and be honest with yourself about what you can deal with and what you need to do. Good luck!

[cooperzoey]

Yes, we have been talking more .I told him he needs to start talking to me and open up so things don't get out of control.He can't just be quiet and say there's things on his mind because then I think the worst

 

I am also worried

about the password on his phone.What is he hiding he hasn't told me or is he following up on this dating thing.I truly want to believe him.

 

He works from home and I leave to go to two jobs so he always has the house to himself.I sometimes think we would get along better if we didn't see each other so much. We decided to start going away once a month to rekindle things.

 

Is am trying to be more open minded on the things he wants in the bedroom.That's taking some thinking.

[Fishermanj]

I suspect that he wants to regain that sense of adventure he had while younger or dating. He needs a hobby, preferably one you can do with him. Take up flying small airplanes (not as expensive as it sounds), try fly fishing, try hiking, try anything physically demanding that you haven't ever done. Think back to the movie Cityslickers. Those guys did something for adventure every year in order to feel young again. Guys need that. They need to fish in Alaska. They need to scuba dive. They need to skydive. They need to do things they never have on a regular basis. If they don't, if they have to stay at home and experience the same thing all the time, you can bet we will get restless. We may not act on it, or we may take it right to the line. If a guy is willing to cross that line, you probably need to take a close look at your marriage. "Talking" to other women usually leads to more. If you suspect he is cheating, there is a good chance he is.

 

In terms of wanting to do things in the bedroom. Even if you go through with them reluctantly, it won't be the same as his expectations. If he is looking for the porn star, he probably won't be satisfied unless by some miracle you find yourself enjoying whatever acts he is asking for and are uninhibited by showing it. That has two big "if"s 1) enjoying it and 2) showing you enjoy it.

 

I hope all goes well for you and things improve.

 

Cheers

Fishermanj

[cooperzoey]

First let me say sorry how this is posting.I have a antivirus program on my phone and it will not post so using my phone.

 

You are right Fishermanj he definetely is looking for adventure in the bedroom.He has always been the aggressive one in our relationship.He is very oral and anal and feels if I love him I should be willing to do or try anything he asks.I am not a prude I have done my share of things years ago but somethings I am uncomfortable with and yes he can tell.I always feel like during sex he is holding up a score card and judging me.

 

We never dated anyone before each other.We met in high school.He admits he is having a midlife crisis.He knows he has a great wife. kids and job but doesn't know why he s unhappy.His words not mine.

 

He is not a very active person.He works from home and he is more than happy to be there.I am the one who always wants to busy all the time

 

He says I should be starting things more often and that I should be like him.I try to tell him women are not like men they think differently.Doesn't understand that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He feels I should be the one to start th

 

 

e doing things ALL

[Fishermanj]

I dunno if that is necessarily only a guy thing. Everyone wants to feel wanted by their lover, guys and girls. I hope that you initiate at least once in a while. At the same time, it sounds like you are already above and beyond most people's comfort level if you going along with oral and anal. Unless he is trying to think of crazy places to try it, dunno where else he is planning to go! In any case, the simple act of asking for some action turns a guy on. It's flattering, it speaks to our ego. We have big egos that need that.

[BetrayedH]

Hi everyone this is my first time posting. I don't know where to begin.

 

My husband and I have been married for over 20 years and he has suddenly turned into this mean difficult person. I am really trying but how do I trust someone who does things behind my back. He sees nothing wrong with the things he does.

 

He tells me he is suffering from a midlife crisis. He knows he says that he has a great family,wife and job but doesn't know why he's unhappy. I know this was wrong of me but I suspected things so I looked at his phone come to find out he signed up for dating services and planned to leave. I confronted him and he says he was going through a bad time. Since then there is a password on his phone. Prior to this I discovered he met a women online who he brought to our house while I was at work. He says only to talk.

 

Can I ever trust him. I have made significant attempts to fix us but he never says he's sorry about anything he does.I feel like everytime he doesn't get his way he'll decide to leave.

 

We have a lot of fights in regard to sex. He has some desires that I find unusual that I don't want to do and am uncomfortable with. We have always had a very physical relationship but this past year he has made it clear that if I won't do the things he wants then I must not love him. I always felt you shouldn't be forced to do things you don't want to do.

 

Can anyone please give me some advice ? I don't want to involve family.I really need some perspective if I am the one whose wrong on things.

 

He put a password in his phone AFTER you caught him trying to date other women? He had a woman over to "talk?" Is this a mutual friend? Um, yeah, you have more than trust issues going on here.

 

I recommend you get a voice activated recorder for the house when you are away. I would consider a keylogger for his computer (although you don't sound tech savvy enough for that). There are lots of other ways to figure out what is going on. How about checking phone records? Internet history. Financial records.

 

I would also stop having sex and get an STD test. Sounds to me like he is exploring his sexual fantasies with others and wants you to play them out, too. When you don't, he whines like a kid that had his stolen cookie taken away.

 

You need to very quietly go into investigative mode. A person with nothing to hide, hides nothing. A spouse that is remorseful about being busted for trying to date others would be trying to rebuild trust and would be transparent with his life.

[Mickey_Fitzpatrick]

Hi everyone this is my first time posting. I don't know where to begin.

 

My husband and I have been married for over 20 years and he has suddenly turned into this mean difficult person. I am really trying but how do I trust someone who does things behind my back. He sees nothing wrong with the things he does.

 

He tells me he is suffering from a midlife crisis. He knows he says that he has a great family,wife and job but doesn't know why he's unhappy. I know this was wrong of me but I suspected things so I looked at his phone come to find out he signed up for dating services and planned to leave. I confronted him and he says he was going through a bad time. Since then there is a password on his phone. Prior to this I discovered he met a women online who he brought to our house while I was at work. He says only to talk.

 

Can I ever trust him. I have made significant attempts to fix us but he never says he's sorry about anything he does.I feel like everytime he doesn't get his way he'll decide to leave.

 

We have a lot of fights in regard to sex. He has some desires that I find unusual that I don't want to do and am uncomfortable with. We have always had a very physical relationship but this past year he has made it clear that if I won't do the things he wants then I must not love him. I always felt you shouldn't be forced to do things you don't want to do.

 

Can anyone please give me some advice ? I don't want to involve family.I really need some perspective if I am the one whose wrong on things.

 

He is lying about just talking to that other woman in your home.

 

He password protected his phone because he intends to continue to use dating sites without you knowing.

 

He either knows that you are so terrified of losing him that you will let him get away with anything or else he just doesn't care if you leave him. Or else he figures if you do decide to leave him and he then agrees to cut out the funny business that you will change your mind and keep him.

 

The thing about the sexual activity is an interesting debate. Him-If you really loved me, you would recite the Gettysburg Address while we have sex. You-If you really loved me, you wouldn't ask me to recite the Gettysburg Address while we have sex. I guess we all have things that we absolutely need or that we absolutely don't want to do and would refuse to do even for the ones we love the most. Weird though that it would come up after 20 years.

[seren]

It sounds like he is expecting rather a lot of giving from you and not doing much himself. IMHO, love and marriage is all about reciprocity, in that both give and take. No one should feel compelled to do anything, sexually or otherwise they are uncomfortable with, midlife crisis or not, it doesn't seem like there is a great deal of understanding how you feel, but a lot of how much you are expected to go along with his needs and wants.

 

If I were suspicous and if H had brought anyone into my home then I surely would have boundaries I needed put in place, total transparency being one of them. If he wants to try to rebuild trust and your relationship, then he should agree to this. It does sound like there is more to this than he is saying and a lot of expecting you to change, give and sorry to say, like he expects you to just suck it up.

 

What do you want and need him to do to help reconcile? Think about what your boundaries, needs and wants are and tell him. Reconciling will never work while one feels they are doing all the work, it's tough enough when both are trying to fix things. Time to face it all head on.

[cooperzoey]

The password was placed on his phone after I confronted him about reading his texts and his emails. That will be his arguement that he did it for that reason.The women he brought to the house was not a mutual friend but someone he met online actually. I found a conversation between them and confronted him pretty much in a rage.Threw things in his face and just lost it. He apologized we talked things got better.

 

I agree this is weird after 20+ years but he says things just came to a head that he is tired of waiting for things he wants in the bedroom .That I have never wanted him the way he wants me.

 

I agree it has been one sided. He has been the one to start sex or lovemaking. We had a great marriage til the kids went off to college . We also made some big financial mistakes that caused us to fight a lot.

 

I still am far from trusting him. I can't. Part of the reason I looked at his phone was if he left I wanted to be ready for it.

 

I can't put a device on his phone because it is his work phone.He typically texts so the voice activated device might not help.

[2sunny]

Stop the denial... He's totally cheating yet you keep trying to appease his cheating a$$.

 

He needs consequences! Pack his bags and file for divorce! That may be a wake up call that smacks him with reality of treating his wife so poorly!

 

And stop allowing him to treat you like he owns you!

[cooperzoey]

Certainly have thought about leaving. I deserve better.

[BetrayedH]

The password was placed on his phone after I confronted him about reading his texts and his emails. That will be his arguement that he did it for that reason.The women he brought to the house was not a mutual friend but someone he met online actually. I found a conversation between them and confronted him pretty much in a rage.Threw things in his face and just lost it. He apologized we talked things got better.

 

I agree this is weird after 20+ years but he says things just came to a head that he is tired of waiting for things he wants in the bedroom .That I have never wanted him the way he wants me.

 

I agree it has been one sided. He has been the one to start sex or lovemaking. We had a great marriage til the kids went off to college . We also made some big financial mistakes that caused us to fight a lot.

 

I still am far from trusting him. I can't. Part of the reason I looked at his phone was if he left I wanted to be ready for it.

 

I can't put a device on his phone because it is his work phone.He typically texts so the voice activated device might not help.

 

Regardless of a poor sex life, he owed it to you to fix the marriage or leave it. This is not your fault and you need to remember that. You did nothing to deserve this.

 

My opinion remains that you need to quietly go into investigative mode. I caught my wife with a GPS. You need to somehow monitor who comes into that house when you are away. You need to know the truth so you can make an informed decision about how to live your life. Did you question this other woman? Is she married? If so, talk to her spouse. Don't reveal your sources. Just play dumb and gather evidence. Again, what about the computer? Internet history, email, financial records are usually enough to see something.

[Tara247]

You and your husband should get into marital counseling A.S.A.P. It sounds like he's cheating. Until you know one way or another, you should protect yourself from S.T.D's. He shouldn't try to force you to do things that you are uncomfortable with in bed. The sexual preference thing shouldn't be coming up in your marriage now either. Since you've been married for 20 years, it should have come up before. I don't know why people who find sex important marry other people who they are not sexually compatible with. Has he wanted to do this kind of adventurous sexual activity from the very beginning? Or has it just come up now?

[Fishermanj]

That brings up a good point. This doesn't seem like a normal midlife crisis sort of behavior. I am wondering if there is an underlying medical or mental health concern here. Has he been to a doctor and had a physical recently? Not to panic, but it seems like something might be going on in his head that he hasn't got control of. A counselor might notice some signs if you get him to one.

 

Cheers

Fishermanj

[cooperzoey]

This will sound unbelievable to most of you but I have no idea about are finances. He does everything online. I never questioned it til recently.He has a password on his computer and his phone. Can't check anything. I am on my computer which he doesn't use.

 

Yes, there are underlying problems. He takes medication for depression and there is a history of mental illness in his family.

 

Alcohol was becoming a problem too but after enough fights he has really cut back. He knows he shouldn't drink while taking the medication he takes.

 

We talked about counceling for us he won't go because he says he doesn't want to hear what they might say. I agreeded to go and tried to convince him .He says he is afraid I won't be able to handle their personal questions. I told him I'd manage.

 

Have been to the doctors.Haven't heard back.

[beenburned]

cooper,

 

You need to get everything concerning all of the financial accounts! No one should ever be kept in the dark, or naive, about their financial future!

 

Regardless of whether he is cheating or not, his actions toward you are cause for alarm!!!

 

My D is in the middle of a messy divorce right now, and she had to obtain copies of all loans, credit cards, checking/savings, CD's, IRA's, pensions and much more. This is how she found out what all her H had bought for his 2 OW.(hidden loans for cars, hidden condo, lots of jewelry, entertainment, and more)

 

Are all of your bank accounts jointly owned? If so, just call the bank and request paper copies of everything.

 

Don't let your H run over you or intimidate you in any manner!

[cooperzoey]

They are jointly owned. Not sure if they would be able to print and give to me. I am at work all day. He gets the mail .

 

We will see on Monday.

[beenburned]

Walk into the bank on your lunch hour and request them. They are all on the computer and they can print them in no time. They might or might not, charge a small fee.

[cooperzoey]

So today I confronted my husbamd in regard to the password he suddenly put on his phone after Idiscovered he signed up for dating services.I told him that after researching the subject it is considered a red flag when a husband feels he needs to put a password on his phone and computer.It suggests that a spouse might be cheating or doing something they shouldn't be.

 

He stated that it was done because of his job. (he uses a work phone) that if his phone or computer was taken it would be bad since some info. is confidential. I guess that is somewhat true because he has spoke of this.

 

He got his phone and said "do you want to look " I said yes. I looked at his texts and emails and did not discover anything. I stated that he could of erased it,renamed it or hid it. He then asked if I wanted the password. I told him it wasn't necessary.

 

He says he is not cheating and that he never has. He signed up for the dating services because he was ready to give up on us. Felt I wasn't trying in the bedroom or addressing his needs.

 

Somewhat true. His needs are unusual and I feel most women would agree. Really don't want to say what.

 

He said it is not good to have complete honesty in a marriage. Such as it's a secret what he bought me for christmas or if maybe one of the kids disagreeded with me he wouldn't want to disclose that. He says no marriage is completely honest.

[Anoidtoo]

Hi cooperzoey,

I've just joined this forum as I myself I'm going through a similar issue. My problem started many years ago and at least around 4 years into our marriage. I was too naive to realize that something was not alright. My wife and I have been very close and so in love,we have two lovely children. There was never any arguments between us.. everyone one sees us as a perfect couple. In her line of employment (Medical) she does attend medical conferences around the country and at times overseas but for sure no reason to have to pick anyone at the airport. I did not see or thought of any red flag back then when that day she told me:

 

Tomorrow I need to pick up "someone" at the airport and that same day she had a work function to attend. That night she got back home past 11pm and had a thorough long shower. She usually take her function clothes with her to work and shower there ( clue number 1)!! (And besides that, who would have been that "someone" unless it's someone she's very close to she had to pick up at the airport !)

 

She thought I was fast asleep, I felt a weird pressure in my chest that something was not right. I did not say anything, she came to bed and fell asleep within minutes.. As soon as I noticed she had started snoring and in a deep sleep, I got up and went straight to her handbag and something urged me to check her mini phone book.

 

I went to the toilet and sat there perusing it... aside of all the family members and close friends contacts i was aware of, I came across this man's contact from Sydney with his mobile number, home number and address... I thought well this is not good as we've never hidden anything from each other before.

 

The next day after work, during dinner time we talked and I asked her about that contact.. of course she had her convincing excuses and I never expected her to tell me the truth, I just wanted her to know that I was aware of it. I should have copied down that guy's contact, because the very next day she got rid of it (clue number 2). This was my confirmation that she was up to something.

For unknown reasons, I left things as is and proceed with our family routing ( the beginning of faking happiness). She did not do anything out of the norm to arouse my suspicion thereafter (what I'd like to believe). She would always be home on time from work and never had any excuses that would alert me.

 

Having worked at the same hospital for 18yrs,she attends Medical functions where she gets to meet Reps, both men and women trying to promote their Medical products. She says;often at those Medical functions, Reps would entertain the hospital staff buying them drinks,meals etc., to get into their good books so that they can motivate them to buy their products.

 

My wife is a very attractive woman, she's tall with thick long blond hair and with a great body and was around her early 20's. It is quite obvious one of those male Reps had eyes on her and had worked his way to her heart getting her to see it as just platonic friendship. It might have been that this Rep was popular around the hospital she works at and for unknown reason she had this guy's complete contact in her personal diary. (not an appropriate thing to do as business contacts should be kept in one's work database).

 

At one stage, she came home after work with an expensive perfume (clue 3) she did not bother telling me where she got it from as we both know she couldn't have spent that much money as we had a large mortgage and other bills to pay. It's those little things that keep coming up on my mind.

 

Whether she was aware or not that this guy may have had it in for her, I get the feeling that she may now be living with remorse and regretting why she let herself go and get lured into having out of wedlock sex with a stranger damaging her marriage and relationship that has altered beyond repair.

 

We stayed together firstly because of our two children and secondly because of her Mum & Dad who are strict Christian believers that the first marriage is the ultimate. I was also her first lover (never had sex with another man) and coming from a strict christian background having sex before marriage was a no no.

 

After all those years I'm still hurt, confused, frustrated and bitter. I think she prayed that I never get to know what really happened back then and or that she wouldn't do something like that!! Once one has savoured the forbidden fruit, will always be a cheater.

I was never a jealous, possessive or inquisitive type. I was always humorous and never took anything seriously. She's now created a silent venomous person.

 

This coming December, we'll be celebrating our 25years wedding anniversary and for the past 20 odd years it's been a roller coaster for both of us I'm sure. By not admitting to adultery she's protecting her reputation, her status and her family that she does not want to hurt in case I decide to walk out on her. A decision, I'd say we both subconsciously put up with living a clear "fake married life".

 

The number of times when I've felt pretty good verses those times where I've felt down the drain are limited. We make love and most of the time it's just an action to relieve myself and she's just there as a vessel (feels like I'm doing it to a prostitute)...

 

Sad as it may sound, she initiated this and other times when we have a little disagreement she confesses that she's so scared that I may leave her and she'd have to face her strict family (clue number 4), why would she be worried about me leaving her?). I told her so be it, I have no problem with it and that scares her even more.

 

It's possible that many women are not aware that when a man is being so nice, understanding, showing empathy, sympathy and a good listener, it then leads to ensure calmness, relax, trust building confidence until the right time so she'll agree to sex.

 

It is also possible that there are many women out there that are just as horny as many men craving for sex with other guys and wanting to experience being screwed by another guy.

 

I can believe that my wife may have got carried away under alcohol influence as only two glasses of wine is enough to tip her over. She may have confessed to prying ears how a couple of drinks will easily tip her over and this would have been music to any guy's ear!!

And guys like that will have no problem reassuring targeted women that their secret affair will be very safe with them and no harm done to their marriage.( a disgusted reason for a married woman to be involve herself into).

 

At this point in time, this is all SPECULATION AS SHE HAS NEVER ever ADMITTED TO ANYTHING, something many would do to avoid confrontation and risk losing what's most precious to them not realizing it does not take much for your better half to figure things out.. (one's gut feeling is not to be avoided) and deep down inside knowing that one way or the other the relationship is doomed. My only clues are what I've been observing over the years based on touchy conversations and even nowadays when we hear anecdotes in similar genre whether in person or on TV, I purposely stimulate about how stupid many women are to fall for those type of guys who befriend and work them up to get between their legs and then dump them thereafter.(clue number 5) Her comments and reaction confirm to me that she is living through remorse and hatred for being abused... well this I cannot help.. I've been suffering in silence too.

 

At this point in time, there's no moving on for either of us...our darling children are 23 and 21 now... they are more or less aware of little issues but we do our best to maintain a positive atmosphere around our families, friends and acquaintances (very fake but achievable).

 

The trust has been destroyed for good, the real love I had for her is out the window. No marriage counsellor can ever restore or mend what we had at the beginning of our married life.

 

I firmly believe once any party in a marriage stray, the damage is done and it can never ever be mended 100%.. It is like a deep wound, it heals but the scarred tissue will always be visible and there to remind one how painful it was.

 

How we chose to deal with it is up to each individual. I show her gratitude for being a good mother, I show her affection (not love) in a weird way but not as intense and well meant as I used too and sadly, I have sex with her to fulfil my need.

 

Whether she enjoys it or not, I wouldn't have a clue as I've lost the urge to explore and please her as I used to do. For every time I see her naked, I visualize the other guy on top of her.. it puts me off completely!!

 

Is it right to have lived life this way, is it right to believe she may have cheated and never will admit(clue number 6) she keeps quiet and avoid confrontation...... the confusion is that I've got so used to it, I do not know how to gauge real happiness or fake happiness because when we are among families, friends and acquaintances everything seems to be alright, however, I've noticed how she'd stared at me when I'm around other women being humorous and laughing (something we used to do together, of which has declined rapidly), she appears lost and hurt but never says anything (clue number 7). Is she dealing with her guilt?

 

I've learrned to adjust and cope with my present lifestyle. It has not been easy.... everyday comes and goes with no expectation.

 

Maybe if she had been honest enough in the first place to tell me the truth I may have dealt with the blow then figure out what would be best for our children in a calm humanitarian way. Maybe she kept lying so she'd protect her children and her marriage.

 

it is still my right to know and no one deserves to be treated this way especially from a woman who thinks she can lie to her man and believing that I'd never figure it out. Two can play at this game... I prefer to play my game the way I've been treating her for the past 20years and I'm sure she feels the difference.

 

 

The intense love i had for her once is now tarnished forever.. and every now and then I relive and visualize everything. But now I tell myself that I'm the most important person here.. I'm above her and she's really not that important anymore rather good enough for my needs.

 

The option was to: sell and move our separate ways, she panics and would not hear of it. We have a large mortgage and she's OK with paying most bills, so be it.

 

 

Makes one wonders, how many more people like me in this universe are living like I do and getting on with it!!!!! Peace be with you all...

[Anoidtoo]

Hi Cooperzoey,

No one has any right to force kinky sex on anyone. He may be your better half, he needs to respect and love you properly and not treat you as a prostitute. obviously the OW accepts his kinkiness and is pleasing him. are you up to compete?

He needs to come clean and make the best for you.. otherwise boot him out..

[cooperzoey]

I see Anoidtoo that you also posted a thread so I wasn't sure which one I'd respond to.

 

First up I could of never continued in a marriage not knowing for sure if my spouse cheated. My situation has been for about 8 months and it's driving me crazy. I am the one who always wants to talk. In my husbands mind why talk if we're getting along. To me that's the best time to. I think you need to find out for sure as other's suggested on your thread.

 

Secondly I'm not sure if my husband cheated. He has done some very inappropriate things that I discovered on his phone but I confronted him and for the most part I believe it never got to sex or meeting anyone through the dating services. No responses were sent to anyone who inquired. I'm not sure I understand his answer which was he wanted to see if he's normal . The things I saw online I could of never not asked about for 20 years. It WILL affect your health.

 

You need to confront her. Also after 20 years not all the details are accurate. Maybe that's why she changes her story.If anything happened at all .My husband says nothing happened. I am going to try and believe him because if he didn't it wouldn't be right to not try to make it work for us.