renee23 Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 I'll try to make this make sense but I'm reeling right now... When I met my husband I was married and he was in a serious relationship. Our friendship became love and we both broke off our other relationships. We have been together for 6 years and have two children. I just found out that he has been sleeping with his ex and communicating with her on and off the entire time. I found an email he wrote to her days ago where he basically called me and our children a mistake and professed his love for her and his despair with his life. I have caught him in lies before and asked him to change his number before when I suspected he was still talking to her, now this. I kicked him out but I don't know if I should try to make it work. He has basically been cheating on me through our entire relationship. How can I get over that. He still has her name tattooed on his back. Whenever I asked him about it he said that it was because she played an important part in his life. Now i'm thinking it is because he still wants her to. Should i stay? Will he ever stop with her? Why won't she just go away! Link to post Share on other sites
GLDheart Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 ...we both broke off our other relationships... Nope. He did not. His EX pursued him as he left and he let her. He has been enjoying the power trip the entire time. His shallow selfish ego has been getting stroked by two women. He tells you what you need to hear... and then turns around and tells her whatever she needs to here. I guarantee he has (literally) been getting off on this the entire time. Link to post Share on other sites
96nole Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 I'll try to make this make sense but I'm reeling right now... When I met my husband I was married and he was in a serious relationship. Our friendship became love and we both broke off our other relationships. We have been together for 6 years and have two children. I just found out that he has been sleeping with his ex and communicating with her on and off the entire time. I found an email he wrote to her days ago where he basically called me and our children a mistake and professed his love for her and his despair with his life. I have caught him in lies before and asked him to change his number before when I suspected he was still talking to her, now this. I kicked him out but I don't know if I should try to make it work. He has basically been cheating on me through our entire relationship. How can I get over that. He still has her name tattooed on his back. Whenever I asked him about it he said that it was because she played an important part in his life. Now i'm thinking it is because he still wants her to. Should i stay? Will he ever stop with her? Why won't she just go away! Let me get this right: When you met, you were married and he was in a serious relationship. You cheated on your ex husband. He cheated on his serious girlfriend. Now you find out he is cheating on you. You are surprised by him cheating on you how? Welcome to the saying: "if they will cheat with you, they will cheat on you." What do you think will make him stop? If he stops cheating on you with the ex, he'll just find someone else. Unless you want to continue in an open marriage. This one is over. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
96nole Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 Why won't she just go away! Why didn't you when you both were with other people? You may find your answer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 I feel for you. I was married to my x for 5 years before I realized he had been cheating the entire time. I don't think there is any black and white game plan when it comes to dealing with infidelity. I do know that when it comes to the kind you describe...that if you want any kind of truth with which to make decisions or move forward...you should talk to the OW. Also, remember that he has lied to you all along and that the emails you have read...he probably lies to her too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author renee23 Posted August 9, 2012 Author Share Posted August 9, 2012 ...you should talk to the OW. i called her. she, like a coward, didn't answer. my husband changed his number and i blocked her from calling his new number. Link to post Share on other sites
eeyore1981 Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 i called her. she, like a coward, didn't answer. my husband changed his number and i blocked her from calling his new number. And he can unblock her number, or she can change her number, and they still have email to fall back on... Come on, Renee, you've been on that side of it, you know how it works. You can't MAKE him stop seeing her, he has to decide that on his own. Where is he now? Is he still kicked out? Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 i called her. she, like a coward, didn't answer. my husband changed his number and i blocked her from calling his new number. Oh god, I know what it's like to wonder just like you are now. To feel so frustrated because you can't get the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 renee23, what you had is an affairriage. Statistically they do not last. How could you think that your OM now WH would not cheat on you? Have you never been taught that they cheat with you they will cheat on you? Time to ditch this cheater. Make amends for cheating on your 1st BH and children for having an affair. Learn how to have a healthy relationship and how to avoid losers, predatory OM. Where you honest with your BH when you ended your marriage with him? Link to post Share on other sites
ghgh750 Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 Well I guess what goes around come around. This is karma because if he is willing to cheat with you, he is willing to cheat on you! How did you end it with your first husband? Did you physically cheat on your first husband with your current husband before ending the relationship? Did you tell your ex about your feelings for your current husband? And finally, does his ex girlfriend have a husband or boyfriend? Expose the affair to him. He deserves the truth. I think divorce is the best option for you guys. He has lied throughout this whole marriage. However, given how this marriage started, this is not too much of a surprise to most. I feel bad for the kids though. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 I'll try to make this make sense but I'm reeling right now... When I met my husband I was married and he was in a serious relationship. Our friendship became love and we both broke off our other relationships. We have been together for 6 years and have two children. I just found out that he has been sleeping with his ex and communicating with her on and off the entire time. I found an email he wrote to her days ago where he basically called me and our children a mistake and professed his love for her and his despair with his life. I have caught him in lies before and asked him to change his number before when I suspected he was still talking to her, now this. I kicked him out but I don't know if I should try to make it work. He has basically been cheating on me through our entire relationship. How can I get over that. He still has her name tattooed on his back. Whenever I asked him about it he said that it was because she played an important part in his life. Now i'm thinking it is because he still wants her to. Should i stay? Will he ever stop with her? Why won't she just go away! Leave him. He cheated on her with you, and now he's cheating on you with him. He isn't worth it. And yes he'll keep on with her as long as you allow it. She won't go away because HE is welcoming her. This isn't about her..it's him. HE is a serial cheater and hasn't changed..he's still a cheating man even though you're married to him now. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 Renee - It sounds like your previous marriage was over and you had an exit affair. You say that when you and your H fell in love your left your partners. Everyone here involved in affairs is encouraged to do that so I guess I dont understand why you did the right thing in the end and are still getting sh*yte for it. Anyway....you have the same choices available to you that any other person betrayed by infidelity does. Try to Reconcile or Divorce. Since you have kids, Im thinking that you are entertaining both. If your H wont tell you the truth...like mine would not...finding out the truth yourself is useless if your spouse doesnt understand you need it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author renee23 Posted August 10, 2012 Author Share Posted August 10, 2012 so, i took him back. he just called her and told her that its over and he was lying to her and just keeping her around and he has vowed to work on his family. now she keeps texting him!!! Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 If he ignores her...she will call you. Don't blindly accept his version or hers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author renee23 Posted August 10, 2012 Author Share Posted August 10, 2012 she's texted me twice. says "good luck. i'll need it" among other things Link to post Share on other sites
Author renee23 Posted August 10, 2012 Author Share Posted August 10, 2012 Is she in Mensa? i don't get it. which one are you calling dumb here? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 so, i took him back. he just called her and told her that its over and he was lying to her and just keeping her around and he has vowed to work on his family. now she keeps texting him!!! You took him back? Wow... That's just unbelievable. Expect more cheating! Link to post Share on other sites
Author renee23 Posted August 10, 2012 Author Share Posted August 10, 2012 he is my everything. we met when we were both in the military. i left my job in the navy and stayed with him in a different state because he asked me to. now i am a stay at home mom, in school, with no way to support myself and no family within hundreds of miles. what else am i supposed to do? Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 Take him back, impose partial law, and get your ducks in order. Tell him you're in charge now because he has risked everything for nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author renee23 Posted August 10, 2012 Author Share Posted August 10, 2012 fair enough duck soup. here's the problem. anytime i am not with him i cannot trust him. its eating me alive. he is livid that she texted me. i am sure he won't be contacting her anytime soon! Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 Renee...you were never competing with OW, so neither of you was ever going to win. She needs to get out of your life , yes. But this problem can only be solved by hard work from your husband and yourself. If you don't dig deep together on this...nothing will change. Don't think because she goes away, that it's over. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 he is my everything. we met when we were both in the military. i left my job in the navy and stayed with him in a different state because he asked me to. now i am a stay at home mom, in school, with no way to support myself and no family within hundreds of miles. what else am i supposed to do? Take your power back! Being that dependent upon a man is an unhealthy imbalance! Get a job! Stop doing things to "please him" he's a liar and a cheat... But you knew that when you started with him! Get counseling! If needed - go to a women's shelter to get a new start! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author renee23 Posted August 10, 2012 Author Share Posted August 10, 2012 How did she get your cell phone number? i called her two days ago. she didn't answer. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 Take your power back! Being that dependent upon a man is an unhealthy imbalance! Get a job! Stop doing things to "please him" he's a liar and a cheat... But you knew that when you started with him! Get counseling! If needed - go to a women's shelter to get a new start! Just to reiterate... Link to post Share on other sites
Author renee23 Posted August 11, 2012 Author Share Posted August 11, 2012 can i just ask you users, do you think he loves her? Link to post Share on other sites
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