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He is intimidating me


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it has being a while since I last posted here as being busy getting to terms with what i had to do. Found a good site 'wikivorce' which has helped me through the divorce process.

We have had a short marriege and i had to wait the ful year before i could file for divorce. In the meantime he tried to convince me that he had not being unfaithful, that i was wrong even though there was evidence to the contray (i bugged his home amoungst other things - he managed to get hold of some items of evidence). We still had our own homes so reletivley it has being easy to walk away physically.

He said he would make things as difficult fo me as he could so I was supprised that when he received the divorce petition he went to a solicitior the following day and signed it and has even asked the solicitor too deal with the clean break consent order, which will be at his cost.

What he has done is; we are both Chritadelphians so I requested a transfer to another ecclesia from the 'recordeing brother' stateing we were parting. My husband was asked the question why and he said he had no idea why I was leaving him and that the only reason he can think is that I have someone else. (as to what else he may of said I have no idea)I have being asked to have a face to face meeting with the 'recording brother but on advice of a lady from the ecclesaia i wish to move to have written back stating that I wish to make it clean that i donot have anyone else and am leaving him for reasons which he is aware. He wont recommend me unless i have the face to face meeting with him.

I am not able to outwit my husband with his lies and denial, he is very cleaver. Even me with the knowlege i have of how he acts, manipulates and lies get court out with things. He knows how to get peole to believe him.

He threatens in a subtual way i.e. he told me that he thought I had created a profile of him on a dating site, printed it off to show others. He told me he had hired a detective and will send the report to the 'recording brother', he said he found a leaflet from a tablet box for genital herpes. All of these things I beleive are to let me know that he will destroy my character to preserve his own.

I have had a couple of letters from ladies at the ecclessia saying they miss me and to please find the courage to talk to them. I do miss them but can't go there as he is there. If i talk to any of them I know he will hit me with what ever he can.

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it has being a while since I last posted here as being busy getting to terms with what i had to do. Found a good site 'wikivorce' which has helped me through the divorce process.

We have had a short marriege and i had to wait the ful year before i could file for divorce. In the meantime he tried to convince me that he had not being unfaithful, that i was wrong even though there was evidence to the contray (i bugged his home amoungst other things - he managed to get hold of some items of evidence). We still had our own homes so reletivley it has being easy to walk away physically.

He said he would make things as difficult fo me as he could so I was supprised that when he received the divorce petition he went to a solicitior the following day and signed it and has even asked the solicitor too deal with the clean break consent order, which will be at his cost.

What he has done is; we are both Chritadelphians so I requested a transfer to another ecclesia from the 'recordeing brother' stateing we were parting. My husband was asked the question why and he said he had no idea why I was leaving him and that the only reason he can think is that I have someone else. (as to what else he may of said I have no idea)I have being asked to have a face to face meeting with the 'recording brother but on advice of a lady from the ecclesaia i wish to move to have written back stating that I wish to make it clean that i donot have anyone else and am leaving him for reasons which he is aware. He wont recommend me unless i have the face to face meeting with him.

I am not able to outwit my husband with his lies and denial, he is very cleaver. Even me with the knowlege i have of how he acts, manipulates and lies get court out with things. He knows how to get peole to believe him.

He threatens in a subtual way i.e. he told me that he thought I had created a profile of him on a dating site, printed it off to show others. He told me he had hired a detective and will send the report to the 'recording brother', he said he found a leaflet from a tablet box for genital herpes. All of these things I beleive are to let me know that he will destroy my character to preserve his own.

I have had a couple of letters from ladies at the ecclessia saying they miss me and to please find the courage to talk to them. I do miss them but can't go there as he is there. If i talk to any of them I know he will hit me with what ever he can.

 

I am not learned about Christadelphians, however, I do know that the best defense is a good offense and your H is playing the game very well.

 

Just state your truth....and let the chips fall where they may.

 

Why can't you tell them your truth? That you suspect your H of being unfaithful and no longer trust nor want to be with him? That he is on the offense to preserve his character and destroy your's?

 

Why not talk to those ladies? Women generally have pretty good radar about relationships. There are not too many reasons a religious woman wakes up and tries to both dissolve her marriage and get away from the H.

 

Maybe you would have more support than you think?

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People are pretty smart. Do what you have to do. Let him sling his mud. The people that know you will see him as the one with the dirty hands. 90% of what he says is probably empty threats that he will never follow through on anyway.

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melenkurion

Tibby, hello from a fellow Brummie.

 

I am so glad you are getting divorced from this unpleasant man.

 

The private detective's report will be complete fiction. IF he really has written one himself (which I doubt), it will be totally full of holes with no actual proof. Anyone with any intelligence will realise his story is rubbish.

 

Your husband's behaviour is so "off" that I think the ladies from you current ecclesia have very likely picked up on that. You can meet them without telling him, you are your own person. If you feel they are trustworthy, you could consider telling them the truth, the whole story?

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Thank you for your replys. This is very difficult ; why dont talk to the ladies and tell the truth? We are taught to show compassion and forgive but we all have human failings. I'm not sure what it will achieve if I do talk to them, they may believe me, they may not depending on what he has said and to whom. As for the threats, yes the report would be made up if it is damning towards me. The anger i feel makes me want to say something but knowing him he already has thought about how to deal with that.

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