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How do I manage with the GF baby on the way


HardPlace2b

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HardPlace2b

I know , I screw up royally, seeing someone on the side , doing the affair thing, it was fun exciting something that i hadnt felt in 25 yrs. the GF is a bit nuts and possessive and manipulative.. she and her ex broke off bc she was unable to have kids. Now after seeing her for 2yrs she is 6 mo pregnant , the realtionship is such an on off thing bc she is very hard to handle emotionally. things can be great and 2 seconds later they are the worst. I have been married for 18 years have 2 kids. I am having a hard time telling my wife what i have done.. so much i am in a panic and getting depressed , drinking way too much.. I want to be there for the new baby, the GF is begging me daily to be with them , using the baby to pull me emotionally , i am dying inside , i am not a cold person and have feelings for her and i do love my wife and my family.. I dont run around and chase skirts all the time.. or sleep around. however i prob flirt more than i should. I have a place i can go in the event my wife throws me out. I dont want to lose my wife. and i would like to be a dad to the baby. and this other woman is crazy .. without getting into detail of past things she has done , she has tried to keep me using every emotion , excuse and plan. however i dont believe she trapped me with a baby bc of the fertility tests she had in the past. and i do plan on getting a paternity test done.

being the relationship was so bumpy. any ideas if what i can do .. please keep the punches to a min .. i know what i have done.. and deserve

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Oh my lord. You've gotten yourself into a mess here.

 

Look, you have to come clean with your wife. There is no choice here. The closer you get to this baby's birth, the closer you get to your wife finding out from the OW. You are flat up stuck. Get it over with.

 

Once you come clean (and I mean COMPLETELY honest) with her, then you can see if she will reconcile. You better be prepared to do whatever she asks without a hint of defensiveness. With a baby on the way, wow. But spouses are more forgiving than you might think. If you do EVERYTHING right, you have a definite maybe on your hands.

 

As for the preggo crazy OW, you have to be a father to this child. At minimum, she needs 18 years of child support. Your wife will be thrilled with that.

 

That's it, dude. Get started.

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HardPlace2b

I wish there was a way to spare her/the wife, from the pain of finding out , I know i get what i deserve at this point.. sucks that i was away from the OW for a while and get the I am pregnant txt bc i was ignoring her calls

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frozensprouts

If I were in your place, I'd suck up all my courage and tell my spouse the truth as soon as possible, especially if your ex other woman is unstable. It will be much less painful for your wife to find out what has been going on from you than from your ex ( should she decide to "spill the beans")...

 

Not trying to scare you or anything, but you may be in for a rough go of things for the next while....but don't let that deter you from being honest. Be prepared for your wife to be very hurt and for her to have her heart broken, and , if you love her at all, for you to hurt a whole lot when you see her go through that.

 

You can't do anything to change what has happened, but you can make changes to help make things better in the future. It won't happen overnight, and depending on your wife and how she feels, you may not be able to reconcile...but maybe you can. It's going to take a lot of work, but if you are able to do it, you may well find that your marriage is better than before (mind you, that will be after a lot of counseling, honesty, and hard work)...

 

as for the new baby...sounds like a paternity test is in order. If the baby is yours, you and your wife will have to have some serious discussion about what that means for your marriage

 

 

best of luck to you :)

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Wow

You did a big hurt to your wife but you better tell her soon before she finds out from another source.

This is going to hurt your wife really bad but you took

the chance of this happening.

Sit down with your wife tonight and bare your soul she

might forgive you but it will be alot of work and time.

You children will also be hurt but if your wife finds out

before you tell you will not have any chance.

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dreamingoftigers
I wish there was a way to spare her/the wife, from the pain of finding out , I know i get what i deserve at this point.. sucks that i was away from the OW for a while and get the I am pregnant txt bc i was ignoring her calls

 

Hoooold on. Did you have the pregnancy confirmed yet?

 

Get the pregnancy confirmed.

 

It's one thing to confess to an affair, it's another altogether to confess to getting another woman pregnant.

 

This could easily, easily be a manipulation. My fathers ow tried to pull that.

 

And no, just don't fall for a hand-drawn line on a stick. Go to a CLINIC.

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HardPlace2b

well she doesnt want my wife to find out , then she knows she will and the baby will be at the mercy of my wife , if my wife says dont ever even go to see the baby , i will have to do as she states.. the OW doesnt want this to happen.

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HardPlace2b
Hoooold on. Did you have the pregnancy confirmed yet?

 

Get the pregnancy confirmed.

 

It's one thing to confess to an affair, it's another altogether to confess to getting another woman pregnant.

 

This could easily, easily be a manipulation. My fathers ow tried to pull that.

 

And no, just don't fall for a hand-drawn line on a stick. Go to a CLINIC.

 

she is 6mo pregnant , i went to the dr with her, heard the heartbeat and saw the sonogram.. no doubt she is preg.. and prob is mine 95% sure

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dreamingoftigers
well she doesnt want my wife to find out , then she knows she will and the baby will be at the mercy of my wife , if my wife says dont ever even go to see the baby , i will have to do as she states.. the OW doesnt want this to happen.

 

Wha...?

 

Buddy this ain't about the ow.

 

This is about you and being a responsible husband and father.

 

I know those just sound like words to you, but you owe it to EVERYONE in this situation.

 

If you reconcile with w. She can't tell you never to see your child. That's ridiculous. And if you think it will be a secret forever, you're delusional.

 

Buddy, you're in it thick. To quote a great show: Don't give crazy a baby!

 

And you are still trying to stick your head in the sand.

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dreamingoftigers
she is 6mo pregnant , i went to the dr with her, heard the heartbeat and saw the sonogram.. no doubt she is preg.. and prob is mine 95% sure

 

Time to fess up. You don't have long.

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frozensprouts

a very good point was made...are you sure she really is pregnant? Do the dates/times add up? Even if she is, how do you know the baby is yours?

 

If your ex other woman ( are you seeing her again or is she your ex?) is as manipulative and unstable as you say, then you have good reason to get the facts.

 

As for her not wanting your wife to know...she may be hoping your wife finds out, as she may hope that your wife ends your marriage and you'll end up with her and the baby.

 

whatever else may happen, I hope that the baby is able to be left out of all the foolishness that is so often a part of situations like this. He/she is innocent and did not ask to be put in the middle of this.

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I know , I screw up royally, seeing someone on the side , doing the affair thing, it was fun exciting something that i hadnt felt in 25 yrs. the GF is a bit nuts and possessive and manipulative.. she and her ex broke off bc she was unable to have kids. Now after seeing her for 2yrs she is 6 mo pregnant , the realtionship is such an on off thing bc she is very hard to handle emotionally. things can be great and 2 seconds later they are the worst. I have been married for 18 years have 2 kids. I am having a hard time telling my wife what i have done.. so much i am in a panic and getting depressed , drinking way too much.. I want to be there for the new baby, the GF is begging me daily to be with them , using the baby to pull me emotionally , i am dying inside , i am not a cold person and have feelings for her and i do love my wife and my family.. I dont run around and chase skirts all the time.. or sleep around. however i prob flirt more than i should. I have a place i can go in the event my wife throws me out. I dont want to lose my wife. and i would like to be a dad to the baby. and this other woman is crazy .. without getting into detail of past things she has done , she has tried to keep me using every emotion , excuse and plan. however i dont believe she trapped me with a baby bc of the fertility tests she had in the past. and i do plan on getting a paternity test done.

being the relationship was so bumpy. any ideas if what i can do .. please keep the punches to a min .. i know what i have done.. and deserve

 

This is who you chose as the mother of your child i.e. unprotected sex. It's a little late to have the opinion of her that you do.

 

God help your wife. :(

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well she doesnt want my wife to find out , then she knows she will and the baby will be at the mercy of my wife , if my wife says dont ever even go to see the baby , i will have to do as she states.. the OW doesnt want this to happen.

 

Really? You'd abandon your own child if the wife just said the word?

 

Wow.

Your wife does have every right to be hurt, get mad, divorce you, throw you out, take you for all you've got, etc..

but you would actually turn your back on a helpless baby (with an unstable crazy mom, as you described) because your wife said so.

 

Don't think the mom is the only unstable one here.

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HardPlace2b

I definitly gave crazy the baby.. and thats what i call her to my friends , they only know her as crazy.. and you are right crazy wants things to go really bad for me in hope i will end up with her.. but that isnt gonna happen.. she is way to unstable .. I will be a father to the child never the less.. and i wouldnt blame my wife if she never takes me back.. i just dont know how i will deal with that if that were to happen..

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I definitly gave crazy the baby.. and thats what i call her to my friends , they only know her as crazy.. and you are right crazy wants things to go really bad for me in hope i will end up with her.. but that isnt gonna happen.. she is way to unstable .. I will be a father to the child never the less.. and i wouldnt blame my wife if she never takes me back.. i just dont know how i will deal with that if that were to happen..

 

"the baby will be at the mercy of my wife , if my wife says dont ever even go to see the baby , i will have to do as she states"

 

 

The 2 statements in bold contradict one another.

 

Well unless you mean - "I will always be the biological father to the child"

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HardPlace2b
"the baby will be at the mercy of my wife , if my wife says dont ever even go to see the baby , i will have to do as she states"

 

 

The 2 statements in bold contradict one another.

 

Well unless you mean - "I will always be the biological father to the child"

 

I am just saying I want to appease the wife , i want to be involved with my baby as much as possible. even if the baby is not welcome in the house my wife lives in..

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Lauriebell82
I definitly gave crazy the baby.. and thats what i call her to my friends , they only know her as crazy.. and you are right crazy wants things to go really bad for me in hope i will end up with her.. but that isnt gonna happen.. she is way to unstable .. I will be a father to the child never the less.. and i wouldnt blame my wife if she never takes me back.. i just dont know how i will deal with that if that were to happen..

 

Yeah, but you said that there was a 5% chance it's NOT your baby. I agree with the others that you should tell your wife about this...including the baby. You should throw in there that the baby may not be your's, and you are establishing paternity. If the baby turns out to be your's then you will need to work something out with your wife if you plan on being in the baby's life.

 

You don't know for sure that your wife will leave, even if she does, it may not be her final decision. She will be angry FOR SURE. So prepare for that. You have said numerous times that you wouldn't blame your wife, so in a way you are already preparing emotionally. It will be painful yes, but it's the right thing to do, and you know it.

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HardPlace2b
Your OW sounds like one of those pathetic women who pretend to be pregnant (and ultimately need to produce an infant) and then go searching for a pregnant woman to cut the baby out of her.

 

I would find out if she's really pregnant.

She is pregnant , cant fake it at the dr. office with a sonogram and a baby heartbeat , and kicks inside her belly.

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Your wife has every right to know so she can decide what she wants to do with her life under the circumstances.

It seems you and the other woman are deciding what

your wifes life should be like. You say you love your wife and if you did you would be honest with her she will find out. Are your children grown how will they take this?

I am not trying to be mean just calling it as I see it you

may have no choice but to be with OW and child especially if you continue to lie to your family.

This poor child does not deserve to be a secret either.

Think about this its gone to far you do not have a whole lot of choices now.

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I am just saying I want to appease the wife , i want to be involved with my baby as much as possible. even if the baby is not welcome in the house my wife lives in..

 

whatever...

 

Good luck to you.

 

Agree with everyone here - you should tell your wife as soon as possible, because while you've had 6 months to digest this news, she will get a minimum of 3 until the little one arrives.

Your wife will need all the time and support she can get.

 

Man up!

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HardPlace2b
whatever...

 

Good luck to you.

 

Agree with everyone here - you should tell your wife as soon as possible, because while you've had 6 months to digest this news, she will get a minimum of 3 until the little one arrives.

Your wife will need all the time and support she can get.

 

Man up!

I found out about this baby 2 weeks ago.. so this is pretty new to me as well .. its 2 weeks and its eaten me up this bad already..

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HardPlace2b
So to clarify - you found out two weeks ago and you were in the room during this sonogram that took place within the last two weeks?

yes i went on the 3rd or 4th day , she didnt know she was preg as well .. I know how it sounds , she is a bigger woman and she really didnt look pregnant.

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HardPlace2b

I found out 7/14 to be exact, she had also lost 20lbs when dieting so she wasnt getting bigger as she was losing weight and going to the gym.. I hadnt seen her from about 6/14 since we broke up as welll

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So how did she not know did she keep having periods?

Sounds a little fishy but have heard of woman still having a period. what did you see in crazy their must have been somthing about her to chance losing your wife and family.

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HardPlace2b

she would often skip periods , so it didnt ring a bell , she thought menopause.. and she does have some good qualities.. like i said she was very passionate and giving ,loving.. but very possessive and jealous as well

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