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Confessions of a bad boy friend...


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 13th October 2011, 10:09 AM   #16
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finally!

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Originally Posted by Spark1111 View Post
You chose the OW when your fiance found out and ended it with you, yes?

You are soon to be a father and you will have to own that choice for the rest of your life.

I suggest you get to counseling to come to terms with the choices you keep making and keep regretting. You seem to suffer from permanent grass is greener over there syndrome. It's not.

I think you owe it to your child to commit to the mother right now. And a good counselor can help you find peace with that decision.
Your the first person to nail it i think! Thank you for your feed back.
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Old 13th October 2011, 4:24 PM   #17
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"But i did not end my realationship with the other woman then, which I should have. I kept her to myslef...I didnt want to hurt my gf in anyway...so i lied and did not tell her that i had been meeting with this other woman over coffe and dinners.

After we got back together, things did not smooth out, we faught all the time, when fridays came i did not want to go home, i wanted to go out and relax with my "friends" and started skipping weekends home. That way I didnt have to face the problems at home. "

because you chose to stay with the woman on the side when you returned to your relationship of course you fought with your gf!

in the back of your mind you were thinking that things could be better with the other woman, so you proabably picked fights with your gf so you could chose one of them easier.

Luckily they were both smart and found out anyway.
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Old 18th October 2011, 4:41 PM   #18
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well..

I can agree that having another woman on the side did play a big part of our ongoing fights, it was a very big lie to carry around and look someone in the eye with.I dont believe for a second that I started anything intentionally.

The only thing that made me do this (i think) was the fact that i had never been with anyone else really...i didn't know what was out there. Though I should have just expressed this feeling to her...i lied and screwed up something that could have been forever.

Im just looking for some help...i need to know how you deal with losing what I feel is my true love? I know we will never be together and I have a child to raise and be a man for...but alast, the heart wants what the heart wants! i dream of her...and though im not proud of it i sometimes call our old apartment (she kept our number) just to hear her on the voicemail. And to see if she is still iving there.

i think i mistook lust for love with the other woman! I feel bad for her, I got her involved in this and now I know I dont lover her, the child is what is keeping me with her now!
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Old 18th October 2011, 5:50 PM   #19
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Originally Posted by sour_pikle View Post
I can agree that having another woman on the side did play a big part of our ongoing fights, it was a very big lie to carry around and look someone in the eye with.I dont believe for a second that I started anything intentionally.

The only thing that made me do this (i think) was the fact that i had never been with anyone else really...i didn't know what was out there. Though I should have just expressed this feeling to her...i lied and screwed up something that could have been forever.

Im just looking for some help...i need to know how you deal with losing what I feel is my true love? I know we will never be together and I have a child to raise and be a man for...but alast, the heart wants what the heart wants! i dream of her...and though im not proud of it i sometimes call our old apartment (she kept our number) just to hear her on the voicemail. And to see if she is still iving there.

i think i mistook lust for love with the other woman! I feel bad for her, I got her involved in this and now I know I dont lover her, the child is what is keeping me with her now!
You are a total wimp.

You lied to your fiance the first time when you weren't honest about your cold feet. You should have spoken to her honestly about what you were feeling and agreed to take a break, which would have been easy since you were living a few hours apart.

Instead, you decided to try to hold on to the security blanket of that relationship and play the field at the same time....pure arrogance on your part. ("Hey these girls like me. I have money. They are throwing their phone numbers at me. Aren't I great?")

Then things spiraled out of control for you, and now you have lost the person you love and another woman is pregnant with your child. This is where your arrogance has gotten you.

You should a- man up and try to see if you can establish a long-term relatinoship with the woman carrying your child, and b- call your ex-fiance and tell her about you screwed up, tell her how your feel about her, and tell her about the pregnancy so she doesn't make the mistake of sleeping with you again.

If the relationship with the baby's mother doesn't work out, make sure you make long-term plans to take care of that child financially, and plan on supporting the baby physically and emotionally for the next 18 years.

If you are lucky, somewhere down the line your ex-fiance might forgive you and you may be able to rekindle that relationship, but for now ALL of your energy should be focused on your upcoming child and its mother.
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Old 19th October 2011, 2:51 PM   #20
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wow

you nailed it...it sucks but your right. I know that I need to focus on the baby, its just really hard to deal with losing her because of some bad choices i made when i was young and dumb..mabye still am a little.

The babies mother is not at all who i thought she was, but im sure thats how my ex feels about me. KARMA is one cold beeeotch!
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Old 25th October 2011, 4:11 PM   #21
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haha...

go figure....

Just found out today that the OW was cheating on me the whole time too. She had sex with some guy while i was away on work ..... Three months ago....she's three months pregnant!!! FML!!!....
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Old 25th October 2011, 5:10 PM   #22
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Not so Quick

And your probably automatically thinking the child belongs to the other guy and your off the hook!!!!

Despite what your gf has done by cheating on you, you still owe it to the child to stick around long enough until a DNA test can be done.

I do not suggest you see this as a window of oppertunity to go running straight back to your ex fiancee..
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Old 25th October 2011, 6:28 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by sour_pikle View Post
go figure....

Just found out today that the OW was cheating on me the whole time too. She had sex with some guy while i was away on work ..... Three months ago....she's three months pregnant!!! FML!!!....
Unless you have reason to believe differently (you weren't have sex with her during the time she was cheating or something) that baby could still be yours. You certainly don't need to stay with her - but a real man would demand DNA testing at birth and take care of his child. If the DNA test shows this child isn't yours then you're off the hook completely.

You should take this opportunity to spend some time getting to know yourself. You fantasized a lot about your ex...but it could have been that you just wanted what you no longer had. Take a moment to let your head clear, get your life in order, find out if you're a father or not...then, if you still want her, go for it. But go to her as a complete man...not just some selfish jerk doing what's best for him and no one else.
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Old 25th October 2011, 10:30 PM   #24
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And your probably automatically thinking the child belongs to the other guy and your off the hook!!!!

Despite what your gf has done by cheating on you, you still owe it to the child to stick around long enough until a DNA test can be done.

I do not suggest you see this as a window of oppertunity to go running straight back to your ex fiancee..
The thought of running back to my x actually didnt cross my mind at all when this **** hit the fan. I was actually more crushed by the idea that this baby wasn't mine. I did not celebrate the idea of this child not being mine. It broke my heart actually.

I was never the type to want kids..but ovr the last two weeks i've ben doing alot of soul searching and I started to feel that this child is what i needed. Someone to give purpose to my life. Someone that I can help mold into a person that WILL NOT have the same problems I do. This news but a dark cloud over these feelings...not to mention the knife in the gut that is being cheated on.

I will not even mention the fact to the mother that i dought the baby is mine. But at birth i will get DNA testing so i can know.
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Old 25th October 2011, 10:33 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by ShatteredReality View Post
Unless you have reason to believe differently (you weren't have sex with her during the time she was cheating or something) that baby could still be yours. You certainly don't need to stay with her - but a real man would demand DNA testing at birth and take care of his child. If the DNA test shows this child isn't yours then you're off the hook completely.

You should take this opportunity to spend some time getting to know yourself. You fantasized a lot about your ex...but it could have been that you just wanted what you no longer had. Take a moment to let your head clear, get your life in order, find out if you're a father or not...then, if you still want her, go for it. But go to her as a complete man...not just some selfish jerk doing what's best for him and no one else.
I scheduled my first counselling appointment today! Working on myself and gain some trust in relationships and myself is top priority now!
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Old 26th October 2011, 3:39 PM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sour_pikle View Post
I scheduled my first counselling appointment today! Working on myself and gain some trust in relationships and myself is top priority now!
Glad to hear it. I know it'll be difficult to form an adequate bond with the baby until you know if you're the father or not...but try not to analyze every feature and decide from that. Newborns can look like mother/father/no one at all in particular.

You've got time...work on you - don't just take whatever the counselor says without really honestly thinking about it - and you will come out of this situation a better person.
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Old 26th October 2011, 10:46 PM   #27
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How can i find out for sure

I feel I'm like the second women in your story. My husband had a long term affair while married to his wife who died. He ended it when his wife became ill but started seeing her again when she died. He says it didnt work out and he ended it before he met me due to large arguments (i do wonder). I suspect he is still seeing her which is tearing me apart. He married me but yes he like you could be still feeling the loss of her. I feel until he lets go we can not truely be as one and move forward with our marriage. The lady you are with now who is going to be the mother of your child needs to be the one who has your thoughts and loving attention. Show love and you will love her more and she to you. Dont hurt her or your self by giving any more thought to your ex. Take care of your family unit, it is precious!
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Old 7th November 2011, 1:10 PM   #28
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I feel I'm like the second women in your story. My husband had a long term affair while married to his wife who died. He ended it when his wife became ill but started seeing her again when she died. He says it didnt work out and he ended it before he met me due to large arguments (i do wonder). I suspect he is still seeing her which is tearing me apart. He married me but yes he like you could be still feeling the loss of her. I feel until he lets go we can not truely be as one and move forward with our marriage. The lady you are with now who is going to be the mother of your child needs to be the one who has your thoughts and loving attention. Show love and you will love her more and she to you. Dont hurt her or your self by giving any more thought to your ex. Take care of your family unit, it is precious!

I wish it was a simple as switching my focus on the woman I am with now...but you dont get to pick who you fall in love with. Though I've tried to run from what my heart wants, it only makes it worse on myself...though i may deserve it.
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Old 7th November 2011, 1:21 PM   #29
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We live with our "choices" - and YOU chose this woman (#2) and NOW have a baby involved. Yes, we live with our choices.

Start living in your choices man! Stop living in your dream world!

That is a good place to start!

You caused a toboggan harm to gf#1... Let go of that gal. You are nOw with a gal you said you love - so ACT like it!
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Old 7th November 2011, 3:19 PM   #30
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"Happiness isn't getting what you want, it's wanting what you have."

I can't remember who that quote is from, but it applies here.

Sadly, neither you, your ex GF, or your current GF are relationship material at this point, and you're certainly not marriage material. And the saddest part about it is that there's a baby on the way.

You should find out as soon as you can who the father is. If it is you, do what you can 2 take care of the baby. If it's not you, run screaming from the room!

You have no idea what love really is. What you describe is about brain chemistry. Romantic love is nothing more lofty than brain chemistry. It fades in a few years. If you don't have real love for one another when the romance fades, you'll spend the rest of your life looking for the chemical high you had when you first "fell in love." And so cheating will become a way of life for you.

Real love is a conscious choice, it isn't a feeling at all.

-ol' 2long
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