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Cheating Wife (twice) Plus Bastard Kid


Nickster1

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Here is my story:

About 6 years ago, after being married for 3 years and living with the woman for 7 years, I found that my wife was cheating on me with another man. I found that by accident as I returned home to pick up something and overheard a phone call where she was explaining to the dude that she is “risking her life to see him….” At that point, we had a 1.5 year old boy. She had a girlfriend that provided her an alibi - basically babysitting that friend’s daughter... (That lady friend was also a cheater on her husband - as my wife was telling me back then...)

I did some investigation by looking at phone numbers, reverse phone search, and found the dude's address. On one of the "babysitting" nights, I loaded my 1.5 year old kid in the car, and we drove to the friend (babysitting) looking for “mama”. I was praying and hoping to find it... Of course I could not find the wife's car there... So we turned and drove to the dude's apartment building. And walla, I easily spotted the car parked on the street.

I confronted her about this, telling her that I know her story and I understand why she was somewhat distant from me, and in many cases avoiding sex. At first she would not admit, but after telling her what I know, she admitted being with him as she needed love and attention and that I wasn’t providing that to her enough. She claimed, (even until today), that she never had full sex with him and only had him sleep next to her, hug her, kiss her, and that he gave her oral sex, something that I never gave her. She insisted that she never had intercourse with him and her reason was that his “thing” was too small.

She said (crying) she was really sorry about it, and she would never hurt me again. I told her and to myself that I love/d her so much that I will do anything to forgive her. The only way for me to forgive her was to trust her MORE than I trusted her before. Basically knowing that a person can make a mistake once, but after realizing the mistake (cheating), he/she would never do that again, ever. So I gave her my full trust.

The dude kept calling her from time to time, she was telling me that he is really just a friend now and just helps here and there when she needs help. Whenever she wanted to order some food, he would run to restaurants and bring her. Many times, I wanted some food, and she would call him and let him bring it to her (me). He was kind of in loved with her, but whenever he would call she would make a fool out of him by blowing him on the speakerphone. We were both joking about him being there and the fact that she uses him for whatever she needs.

About 3 years later, we had our second kid. Our life was pretty much casual. Our sex life, to my knowledge and my wife’s feedback had improved and never been better. About a year ago, we had an issue with a plumbing leak and we had to call the insurance company. A subcontractor company came in and repaired the damage. A guy/foreman (dude B) from that company became very friendly. We invited him to a lunch one weekend. During the next couple of weeks, my wife started going out very often. She told me that she met the foreman’s (dude B) girlfriend and they became very good friends. Next month, I received the cell phone bill and discovered $500 bill vs. $100 we had before. I told her that I would not pay that bill and she got dude A to pay it for her…Most of it was running over the sms massages. We used to have 300 sms messages that were enough for her for the last year and that month she had 3000 messages. Most of them (90 %) were to same number. I confronted her with this bill…and she claimed that she started using text messaging with her friends and that it is very convenient. I called the number private and got to the VM of that foreman’s (dude B) company/cell phone. It was his voice in the voice mail. When I asked her about that same number she said that it is being used by his girlfriend as she doesn’t have her own cell phone. I called it couple of times but always got his VM. After couple of months, I asked her how come I never seen that girlfriend…I don’t know why and how, but somehow I never really wanted to find out about it as I fully trusted my wife. Unlike the (first) cheating, this time she (learned the lesson), and never showed any sign of not being interested in me. Pretty much every time I wanted to be with her, she would happily agree.

Raising the two kids and my busy work schedule (9 to 5 everyday), the time flew by. My wife was complaining to me that I don’t spend enough time with my older kid and helping him in reading and homework. She was not working and pretty much was staying at home with the little baby and driving my kid to and from school.

During the last year I noticed that the wife has a password on her cell phone. I did ask about couple of times, but she always answered that our kids are playing with her phone and sometimes delete phone numbers, etc, so she put a password on it. Two months ago, I got very nervous about something not related to her, but I was so pissed that I came to her and she was texting something on the phone. I demanded the phone and asked her password. She would not give me the password. I told her that I would take the phone from her unless she tells me the password…she wouldn’t. So I took it and cracked the password out using some codes. I found many text messages from that dude B. I found picture messages with his privates in various positions, etc. I found voice mails left by him describing them together with much detail. I also found email (luckily) in her deleted items pretty much detailing their “great” sex life during the last year and her true and deep concern for him and her love to him.

I returned the phone to her after deleting it so that she would think that I simply erased it and wasn’t able to see the content. I did confront her on the password and she “admitted” that she was simply texting some inappropriate messages with a guy (that I know). That guy is actually just someone that is not involved in this. She didn’t mention the dude B’s name at all. Couple of times I have teased her with questions on having sex with other men, and she always demands that she never had any sex with other men except me. Looking back this year, she did add some interesting position to our experience in bed that she obviously learned with dude B.

I decided to play it smart this time and get more evidence even though no more was really needed. I simply couldn’t believe that and needed extra proof (to wake me up from this nightmare).

So I hired a private investigator that was able to get her phone calls. I was unable to stand the two of them meeting and having sex, I decided to tell her that I’m all upset with here going out (with her friends) and that I want her to be home for the next month. No more going out alone expect with ME.

Since I had access to their conversations, I knew about the plans to meet. As I had “locked her” in the house, they decided to meet at our house. They did meet and she took care of his business plus fed him lunch. He was pretty quick so my wife asked him to rent a hotel room so that she could get more of his “time”. He did rent the room and in that evening the wife came to me asking to go for shopping. I knew where she was going…so I offered to bring in babysitter and go with her…she got very upset. I asked her why, she gave me many reason why she needs to go alone. That this was her way to get out of the house, out of the kids and “breath”. I didn’t let her go…so the dude B got very upset after that and demanded that she pay him for the hotel room he got in vain. She initiated 99% of the phone calls, and in many occasions tells him how much she misses him and loves him. Couple of times, she even asked him to tell her if he loves her…he never did. He also got upset for her asking him this question. I realized that she would call him every morning first, then she would call me 2nd…

I was disgusted by the whole scenario, and knowing exactly in detail about their relationship and all the various positions and actions she did with him. I also know that they were not using condoms while she had a birth control device that as far as I know meant for women after giving birth that are in a relation with one single man (husband) only… (to prevent infections).

I decided to run couple of experiments. Couple of days before their planned meeting, I would get really busy with her in bed such as to get her really “tired”, that still didn’t prevent her from calling him and asking him to come over and xxx her. I also did an experiment by being super nice to her one week, bring her flowers, etc to no avail. She still kept calling him anytime I wasn’t home. Again, during this time, she would never avoid me, and show no other sign.

During the last couple of years I was sometimes teasing with my wife about our 2nd kid not being mine…and the fact that I need to check that. She would always respond by saying that If I was to check that, I would never see them (wife and two kids) again. All this joking or what sounded like joking…

Well the situation got me to still do that test. I figured that this woman has being lying to me for at least twice already… So I decided to check this small issue once and for good.

Turns out the 2.5 year old baby is NOT my kid…while the older 7 year old is my kid. This was a real shock to me as it diminished the whole issue of the cheating and having other man messing with my wife. I realized that this baby that I have been attached to for the last 3 year plus… since the pregnancy begun belongs to someone else…it is not mine. It took me couple of hours and I realized that the dad is probably (not verified yet) dude A from 6 years ago. Yes, same dude that she never had intercourse with…I wonder how she got pregnant without having full sex…. I happened to find his picture online and indeed the kid looks somewhat like him.

Right now, I’m not sure if he is indeed the dad. Not sure if he knows about being the dad. She almost never talks to him on the phone now…as she is busy with dude B. I’m 100% sure that dude A doesn’t know about dude B and also that dude B doesn’t know about dude A.

It is most likely that the wife knows that I’m not the father…Even though at that time, I was sleeping with her though using withdrawal method and she was without the birth control device. This is a fiasco and I still didn’t blow it out. I’m waiting for the right moment but I’m not sure how to handle all this.

I know that if we get this fiasco exposed, it will ruin the wife. None of our friends knows about it and so is the family. My parents have the pictures of their grandkids all over their house…how will I get them that news that one of them is not their grandkid. Would they remove him from the pictures?

Should I fight for my (biological) kid and thus split him from his (half) brother? Should I disconnect completely from the 2nd kid…how would I do that? I still love him so much – he is such an adorable baby. Should I blow it all open by contacting the dudes and telling them about each other? Was she extremely selfish by cheating on me, then using my trust to continue cheating, getting pregnant by someone else, and not doing an abortion and still giving birth to such child… What a poor child that will have a messed up life and he is so innocent and absolutely not his fault that his mom is a whxxx. How will I be able to trust a woman again? Any woman?

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She has been cheating on you for a long time, even in your own home, yet all you do is gather evidence? Why did you not stop it or leave her by now? None of the evidence really matters anymore since you have sat by and let her do it.

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I just found out about this 1-2 months ago. I simply wait for a moment to blow it up. It (the 2nd) was going on for a year now...so another week or month would not matter.

I simply don't know how to handle it...that is why i didn't blow it up ...

As I said before, I trusted her so much after the 1st cheating that i was 1000% sure (at that time), that there's no way she would do that again...

:(

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Holy smokes, How much humiliation are you willing to endure. Are you just going to wait until you get an STD? She screws him in your own home. You would have to be a masochist to remain in this relationship. She does this because she can. She sees you as a total doormat. Her actions clearly shows that she has no respect for you whatsoever. She had no problem getting pregnant by another man and having you raise it having you thinking it was yours. This is the lowest of the low.

If you do not respect yourself then who will? See an attorney to understand your options. Please get checked for STD's. How can you even stand to be in the same room with her?

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It seems you let her do these things to you.

 

You never let her bear the real consequences of her affairs.

 

When you decide you had enough, then maybe you'll do something for your own self-respect.

 

When you are really ready, people here on this forum can help you with good advice.

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I know that if we get this fiasco exposed, it will ruin the wife. None of our friends knows about it and so is the family.

 

 

Everyone needs to know, and your wife needs to be ruined.

 

Also you need drop your balls and finally show her the evidence, you need to sit her ass down and tell her you know everything, gather every bit of information and lay the law.

 

Leave her ass for the love of god, your being such a doormat.

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This isn't really a relationship, it's a series of games you play on each other.

 

In most places, your 2nd son is legally yours unless the bio dad seeks 2 be involved in the kid's life (and is willing 2 pay support). Whatever you do, take care of him now as if he were your own. He didn't ask 2 be brought in2 the world this way, and he depends on you, the only dad he's ever known.

 

As for the marriage - it really isn't one. What do you want 2 do about that?

 

-ol' 2long

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Wow...So many responses so quick. You people are great, thank you so much from the bottom of my (broken) heart.

 

Yesterday night we had a late bed talk. Since i was teasing her on her going out alone and all that, she said yesterday that maybe she should go out and find someone...so that my imaginary story (as she calls it) would be correct.

She also said that our relationship is rotten but she still loves me a lot.

She sent me an email saying that our sex life is great and always been great and that my problem with her is our "togetherness". She claims we are distant from each other, but that she loves me more than ever. And also she thinks we are going to be together forever and nothing will split us apart.

 

I love the kid so much and I can't let go. I'm going to do another test to make sure my 1st test was OK.

Bryanp: It is true that it's very hard to be in the same room with her, look into her lying eyes, sleep in the same bed...

2011aug: I'm ready, I just need to find the best path. Should i throw her out of the house? with/out the kids? who's going to take the kids to/from school. I can't with my work schedule...

Osiris1234: Are you sure that everybody needs to know...on one hand, it will destroy her and her image in front of everybody that she knows inc. her own family...on the other hand, i will lose all my best poker cards. Maybe by keeping this information somewhat between us, i could separate from her with my own terms, and really call the shots...you know by getting access to the kids at my will, money issues, etc... I'm pretty sure she would do anything for me to keep my mouth shut.

2long: I know that. I'm trying to gather all the advice i can from great people like you guys and decide...

TrunkPaired: I'll do that, but there are so many other issues that i need to figure out...

kristismiles: Yes, it is a huge mess. My life turned upside down. I'm double checking about the kid to be "super sure". I know the kid is the last to blame here...but I'm quite torn.

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I agree with Aug. YOU'RE letting this stuff happen. I mean, really? Usually we coach people into finding the truth, then exposing the truth once it becomes fact. You've know the truth for a while now and you STILL let it happen. She's playing you for an idiot.

 

I think she rattled your cage when she told you that if you ever get the kid tested, that you would never see them again. Well, that's not for her to decide. That's for the family courts to decide on visitation and CS. And if you never see her again, well then thank God for that! She has no respect for you what-so-ever. To bring OM into your home. If she had the gall to bring him in the marital home, then you know damn well, she was having sex with him IN the marital bed! Think about that when you lay your head down tonight.

 

SO, you need to confront and expose. Expose to your family, to her family. Tell them that things are going to get hair because you have to sue OM for back child support. They'll get the picture. Expose to the OM wife or girlfriend. She has a right to know.

 

Time to stop watching your life implode and start doing something about it!

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Are you sure that everybody needs to know...on one hand, it will destroy her and her image in front of everybody that she knows inc. her own family...on the other hand, i will lose all my best poker cards. Maybe by keeping this information somewhat between us, i could separate from her with my own terms, and really call the shots...you know by getting access to the kids at my will, money issues, etc... I'm pretty sure she would do anything for me to keep my mouth shut.

 

REALLY?!?! She cheated on you and had a child by another man. SHE did this, not you. SHE needs to feel the consequences of her action. If you just "sweep it under the rug" SHe gonna to it to you again. She's gonna walk all over you; thus, the term of being a "doormat" Remember, she decided to cheat on you. She's the one that got pregnant and she's the one that has been so dissrespectful towards you that she has you raising another man's kid, she decided to keep that information from you and not give you a choice in the matter. SO, you don't give her a choice. SHe wanted to play with fire, well, she will have to live with the burns and stop burning other people.

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I thought I was bad for letting my wife get away with an affair years ago. At least she makes it up to me 5 times a day, and stays in line most of the time. I think I would be in jail if I were in your shoes. I dont think I could have contained my rage. You are way to sympathetic to her needs when she doesnt give two ****s about yours.

Ive been in that boat, and it sucks esp when you have a strong emotional dependency on that person and they use ti to their utmost advantage.

The only thing to do is work on yourself, and bide your time.

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REALLY?!?! She cheated on you and had a child by another man. SHE did this, not you. SHE needs to feel the consequences of her action. If you just "sweep it under the rug" SHe gonna to it to you again. She's gonna walk all over you; thus, the term of being a "doormat" Remember, she decided to cheat on you. She's the one that got pregnant and she's the one that has been so dissrespectful towards you that she has you raising another man's kid, she decided to keep that information from you and not give you a choice in the matter. SO, you don't give her a choice. SHe wanted to play with fire, well, she will have to live with the burns and stop burning other people.

 

Chi TownD, I didn't mean that i will keep is between us and keep living with her like nothing happened. I meant that we will separate and stuff, but would tell everybody that asks us (inc family) that we simply decided to split as it wasn't working for us...

Don't you think that if i indeed expose everything to everybody it would leave me no other weapons and then it would be a fight on equal grounds?

I always like to have some advantage/control, this is the minimum i deserve today.

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... I think I would be in jail if I were in your shoes. I dont think I could have contained my rage..

 

I have huge rage. I simply found that i have powers that i wasn't aware of before...I keep sucking it up and imagining that I'm in Hollywood playing in a movie...

One of the ways i was considering to release my rage was to bust (the story) and them in the act. I pretty much could know on their meeting ahead of time especially if that is in my house.

Should i do that?

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Chi TownD, I didn't mean that i will keep is between us and keep living with her like nothing happened. I meant that we will separate and stuff, but would tell everybody that asks us (inc family) that we simply decided to split as it wasn't working for us...

Don't you think that if i indeed expose everything to everybody it would leave me no other weapons and then it would be a fight on equal grounds?

I always like to have some advantage/control, this is the minimum i deserve today.

 

Why would you let her spin her own story on why it ended? Why let her get away with " Things haven't been working out between us for a while. We were rommates. He was available to me either emotionally or physically."...blah...blah... She's a cheater and she's rather put the blame on you rather than expose herself. What's wrong with telling people the truth?

 

I wouldn't bust in on them in the middle of their "visit". Even though you think you are in control, you'll never know how you'll respond when it actually goes down. Believe me, she's not worth going to jail over.

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I have huge rage. I simply found that i have powers that i wasn't aware of before...I keep sucking it up and imagining that I'm in Hollywood playing in a movie...

One of the ways i was considering to release my rage was to bust (the story) and them in the act. I pretty much could know on their meeting ahead of time especially if that is in my house.

Should i do that?

 

dude its been years and everything is going great in our marriage but there are some days I just want to jack her up against the wall and say"WHY, WHY THE **** DID YOU LET HIM DO THAT TO YOU, WHEN I WAS RIGHT UPSTAIRS!?!?!"

the **** never goes away my man. Even when things are great it creeps into your head out of nowhere. Next thing you know your in full blown rage mode.

I dont think you should do anything right now. You'll end up in jail. You have to wait. Patience is the key. Work on yourself. Make yourself a better man.

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Start now by keeping all the evidence you have and keep it in a safe place somewhere.

 

Remove yourself from any joint bank accounts and credit cards. Remove yourself from any joint debts/loans.

 

Start preserving your own financial assets. Hide what you can away from your wife.

 

Research what your legal options are regarding the children.

 

If the second child is not yours, can you sue the other man for child support?

 

 

Basically, protect yourself. Know your legal rights. When you are ready, execute.

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Why would you let her spin her own story on why it ended? Why let her get away with.

I know and agree with you. I also know that it would provide me some 'revenge' as everybody around us that know her and think she is such a good girl and wife...is actually a whxxx. I'm just afraid that once i do that, she would become an evil bitch and uncontrollable. This is one of my debates...

Funny, but she sometimes like to point me of women that she claims are whxxxs...And now I'm saying to myself...yeah right, YOU are the whxxx.

She is actually worse than a whxxx as I was reading from other stories that these days whxxx are using condoms in oral sex...and my wife does not.:mad:

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You can't think of it as some kind of "revenge". You're just letting people know about the truth of the matter. If she can't handle the truth, well...she shouldn't have been doing what she was doing. You don't want people thinking that you two ended because it just wasn't meant to be. Plus, after some time, she'll start bringing the OM around. You don't want them thinking that he has been a good friend to her throughout this diificult time and it grew into something more. THEY are the reason you two aren't together anymore. Don't make it easy for her. Don't make it easy for people to accept her "new" relationship.

 

Evil and uncontrolling? Ummm..... she's been cheating on you. Had another mans baby and is pulling the wool over your eyes and having you raise the child allowing you to believe that the kid is biologically ours......how much more evil can you get?

Edited by Chi townD
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I know and agree with you. I also know that it would provide me some 'revenge' as everybody around us that know her and think she is such a good girl and wife...is actually a whxxx. I'm just afraid that once i do that, she would become an evil bitch and uncontrollable. This is one of my debates...

Funny, but she sometimes like to point me of women that she claims are whxxxs...And now I'm saying to myself...yeah right, YOU are the whxxx.

She is actually worse than a whxxx as I was reading from other stories that these days whxxx are using condoms in oral sex...and my wife does not.:mad:

Do you enjoy being a cuckold? You must have nerves of steel or great fear because no one would put up with that unless they were either real strong or real afraid.

You have more evidence than Sherlock Holmes to solve this mystery..yet you wait around and let your wife have sex with another man..does this excite you? I'm serious.

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Calling a small INNOCENT child a bastard? :sick:

 

The child is a bastard, that simply means his parents were not married. The title is correct, if it offends you that someone uses the correct term, that's your problem not his. Don't slam a guy who's hurting.

 

To the OP, time to sit down with an attorney if you haven't already.

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It's important 2 realize that you don't expose out of vindictiveness, you expose because it's the truth. Affairs don't like the truth, they prefer 2 be kept secrets, when they thrive. You don't want her behavior 2 thrive, do you?

 

Also, when you confront, you don't need 2 reveal your sources 2 her. SHE already KNOWS she's cheating, so why do you think you need 2 prove it 2 her? Let her wonder how you figured it out (but don't play 21 questions with her about it either).

 

I'd be frank with her. You don't want 2 be married 2 someone who doesn't want 2 be married 2 you, do you? When I told my W that, she ended the contact with Rat Meat so she could stay married 2 me. I still had the option of ending the marriage, and would still do so in a New York minute if she were 2 cheat again. You have that option, 2.

 

If you decide 2 recover, you've both got a lot of work ahead of you. Same is true if you divorce. Put the kids' welfare ahead of your anger at your WW, and keep them in mind if you decide 2 divorce. Seek full custody if you have 2, but joint 50/50 at the very least. Don't reward her for having an affair by losing your kids.

 

-ol' 2long

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I'm just afraid that once i do that, she would become an evil bitch and uncontrollable.

 

As opposed 2 the sweet but evil philandering bitch who's controlling you now?

 

-ol' 2long

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:sick:\

OP, I'm sorry you are in this pain, and this has happened to you but I and I hope others find your thread title offensive.

 

Calling a small INNOCENT child a bastard? :sick: One that you are proclaiming to love? Yuck!

 

 

I find if offensive. :sick:

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Yes Chi townD. She is pretty damn evil by doing what she did...

I had such enormous feelings for her that it will take me some time to forget.

I'm leaning toward exposing the hole thing. Just want to protect the kids from the event of her running from me (like she already said /joking)

 

SoulStorm, No I'm not enjoying it and actually doing anything i can to prevent them from doing that. I simply not ready to blow it and that is the reason I'm still waiting...Why do you think I'm afraid? of what?

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