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"friends".....


shawnm789

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on this site and other forums i have noticed quite a few threads and posts that have popped up concerning whether or not the WS and AP can be friends after an affair has happened-3 days,3 weeks,3 years down the line.in my own experience-my A ended back in august of 2010 for this very reason-my MOW wanted to be " just friends" and stay in contact with me-so therefore i ended it and have not heard from her nor have i reached out to her either.i would like to hear everyone's opinion on this and i have one more question as well-does it ever get to the point of where one or the other party reach out to the other to appease them or does it not matter-by appease i mean they may be growing tired of the affair but are still doing so to put the facade on that they still care about the OP.

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After my H ended the affair, the OW wanted to be "friends" - all that meant was that she figured she'd be able to re-kindle his interest if they maintained some level of contact.

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no expectations

In my experience it has re-opened old wounds. I still hear from xMM about once every six months...we talk about our kids, life, etc. and while its good to know he's doing well, its still painful. I've finally gotten to a place where I genuinely want his happiness. It took a really long time but I know he is exactly where he is supposed to be.

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Why, oh WHY do all these xAPs just want to be friends?

 

Either it is in hopes of rekindling the romance one day...

 

OR, it is to assuage their guilty conscience, as in, "We are still friends, so see? I didn't really hurt him/her the family too badly. How could I have? We are still friends!"

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I would never/have never remained "friends" with an xBF! How DISRESPECTFUL to my spouse.

 

How in the world could xAPs even think they could remain "friends"?

 

My H's xOW was devastated that he insisted they could not be friends three months after DDAY.

 

And the fact that she felt that way showed the complete lack of respect she had for ME, not only during the affair (why, of course) but afterwards. when he had recommitted to the marriage.

 

How can you think you can be friends with an xAP while still married?

 

Right there, it tells me YOU do not know how to do marriage well at all.

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NC must be for life.

Being an ex WS is as being a ex addict. Bring the "drug" in front of the addict from time to time will eventually cause the addict to fall of the wagon.

 

Breaking NC is how Affairs resume.

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The bottom line is that they need to remain in NC .... forever. So that rules out "friends".

 

That of course assumes that the marriage is going to continue.

 

Otherwise, there is no point in NC.

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In my "AFFAIR". I decided to be friend with the man when his girlfriend learnt about the fact that he was talking to me, she never knew anything about what we were doing exactly. So we kept on being only friends for like 2 months, but it seems like this stupid jerk was unable to control himself (and press the "delete" touch on his phone).

We had deep conversations, his girlfriend is really young and immature (the girl is pregnant) so he could talk about certain things with me that he couldn't talk about with her, I told him to delete everything or wait till we met to talk about those things, because it would hurt her.

 

He didn't listen, she snooped in his phone, found out, and banned me from talking to him.

 

If you have an affair with someone, you can perfectly be friend, but It's better not if he stays in a relationship with his SO.

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In my "AFFAIR". I decided to be friend with the man when his girlfriend learnt about the fact that he was talking to me, she never knew anything about what we were doing exactly. So we kept on being only friends for like 2 months, but it seems like this stupid jerk was unable to control himself (and press the "delete" touch on his phone).

We had deep conversations, his girlfriend is really young and immature (the girl is pregnant) so he could talk about certain things with me that he couldn't talk about with her, I told him to delete everything or wait till we met to talk about those things, because it would hurt her.

 

He didn't listen, she snooped in his phone, found out, and banned me from talking to him.

 

If you have an affair with someone, you can perfectly be friend, but It's better not if he stays in a relationship with his SO.

 

Yeah, i could see how that might really p*ss some people off.

 

He should learn to talk to the mother of his child would be my first suggestion.

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In fact they are completely f**ked up! They won't last for sure, he is pissed at her he cannot stand her princess behavior, her nagging and her immaturity, but she decided to keep the baby (because he is 25 and can take care of it, she is 19). They've been together for 10 months the baby is due in 1 months.

 

Lust is fading away and they realize that they made a mistake. They cannot communicate because they are not at the same point in their life right now.

 

I'm better off out of this sh*t!

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ladydesigner
I would never/have never remained "friends" with an xBF! How DISRESPECTFUL to my spouse.

 

How in the world could xAPs even think they could remain "friends"?

 

My H's xOW was devastated that he insisted they could not be friends three months after DDAY.

 

And the fact that she felt that way showed the complete lack of respect she had for ME, not only during the affair (why, of course) but afterwards. when he had recommitted to the marriage.

 

How can you think you can be friends with an xAP while still married?

 

Right there, it tells me YOU do not know how to do marriage well at all.

 

I actually stated this in my NC email to my XAP. The main reason it was wrong for us to remain friends was because it was very disrespectful to my H and his girlfriend. It has been crickets ever since and I love it! NC is a lifesaver and I agree that it should be for life.

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