a594109 Posted May 29, 2011 Share Posted May 29, 2011 ok so in the last month or two my bestfriends wife and i started getting closer and ended up having an emotional affair. we both knew what we were doing was wrong and that it had to stop. we knew nothing physical could ever happen between us, and it never did. we didnt want to hurt her husband and decided to just keep it all a secret until it blew over. they have been having marital problems and a week ago decided they were done as a couple but will be waiting until the end of the year to seperate after they move cross country. yesterday he tried to text me from her phone and saw me call her huni and saying i couldnt wait to see her. an hour or two later she called to tell me that she told him and that we couldnt talk anymore, im no longer welcome at their house, and he and i could no longer be friends. i know she and i were doing something wrong, but i dont wanna lose either one of them from my life. the only thing i can think of is giving him a chance to cool off and apologizing and begging his forgiveness. what should i do? how long should i wait before trying to contact him? Link to post Share on other sites
OldOnTheInside Posted May 29, 2011 Share Posted May 29, 2011 It's too late. Respect their wishes and don't contact them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 29, 2011 Share Posted May 29, 2011 Yup. It's blown out of the water. The real reason you want to stay in touch, is to see whether the EA has a future chance of becoming a PA, but you'd like his blessing on that too. At least, if I was him, that's how I'd see it. "get the hell outta here...!" Nope. Suck it up, it's a done deal. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted May 29, 2011 Share Posted May 29, 2011 You can't repair something like this... Link to post Share on other sites
Author a594109 Posted May 29, 2011 Author Share Posted May 29, 2011 i am honestly not interested in a relationship with her at all, i just want to keep them as my friends. they are like my family and the fact that this happened is killing me inside. is this really a done deal? is there no way i can go back and apologize and try to correct the mistakes that were made? Link to post Share on other sites
OldOnTheInside Posted May 29, 2011 Share Posted May 29, 2011 Let me point out that if your "friends" had marital problems before, a double betrayal is only going to exacerbate things. Real life doesn't have takesies-backsies. Move on with yours. Link to post Share on other sites
YellowShark Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 My supposed "best friend" did what you did with my EX. And more, it went physical. Trust me. Stay away. Even a year later I still want to cripple him for life. (Not that I would, that would be childish, but I would get great satisfaction from beating the crap out of "a friend" whom I trusted that betrayed me so deeply.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Idalis Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 The idea of apologizing to him and everything being hunky dory and all of you laughing about this over a glass of wine would only work in the movies. In real life there are real consequences and I think what you've done is not repairable. You should respect their wishes and let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 Another perspective is that everything is on the MW's word. Who really knows what went on? A woman with low enough boundaries to consider/predate her H's best friend can be capable of anything. My instinct is she killed two birds with one stone and has a completely different goal in mind. Perhaps that's a cynical POV borne of MW experiences over the years in this realm. In any event, just stay away. Your boundaries weren't strong enough and this is the cost. It's a life lesson. If your former best friend ever approaches you again, be open to listening to him and accepting what he has to say. Sometimes, recovery is possible. Sounds like he's had problems at home for a long time. Married couples don't do 'done' on a whim. Welcome to LS. Sorry it couldn't be under better circumstances. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 ok so in the last month or two my bestfriends wife and i started getting closer and ended up having an emotional affair. we both knew what we were doing was wrong and that it had to stop. we knew nothing physical could ever happen between us, and it never did. we didnt want to hurt her husband and decided to just keep it all a secret until it blew over. they have been having marital problems and a week ago decided they were done as a couple but will be waiting until the end of the year to seperate after they move cross country. yesterday he tried to text me from her phone and saw me call her huni and saying i couldnt wait to see her. an hour or two later she called to tell me that she told him and that we couldnt talk anymore, im no longer welcome at their house, and he and i could no longer be friends. i know she and i were doing something wrong, but i dont wanna lose either one of them from my life. the only thing i can think of is giving him a chance to cool off and apologizing and begging his forgiveness. what should i do? how long should i wait before trying to contact him? DO nothing. Let go. Double betrayal is worse than just betrayal .The two people she thought she could trust most, were having an emotional affair behind her back. The friendship is over. Forever. You and her are no more and so are you and her husband. DO NOT contact him. Focus on your marriage, either fix it or divorce. Let them be and sort out their life and marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 i am honestly not interested in a relationship with her at all, i just want to keep them as my friends. they are like my family and the fact that this happened is killing me inside. is this really a done deal? is there no way i can go back and apologize and try to correct the mistakes that were made? If they were like family then the EA should never have happened. What's done is done and all you can do is respect the request for no contact. That's how you can fix this by not contacting either of them. You can't keep them as friends, betrayal and loss of trust has happened and most of the time it's not repairable, especially with double betrayal. Link to post Share on other sites
StoneCold Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 stay away... Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 How can you even call yourself family and a true friend to him? Can you honestly look in the mirror and say you're proud of what you've done? And now you want us to help you find a way to get in her pants. Dude you have serious issues. Leave them alone, get your own life and stay out of his. You are no friend to him and you only care about yourself. True friends don't participate in this type of disgusting behavior. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 With friends like you who needs enemies? You need to look deep inside you and ask how you could do this to people you consider best friends and family? My friend you have a very broken moral compass. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 You are one selfish SOB aren't you? Stay the hell away from this family. Haven't you done enough? I for one hope your 'friend' beats the hell out of you, if you were my 'friend' that is PRECISELY what you'd receive and then some. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 You have crossed a line that can't be crossed back. Friends do not do this to each other. No matter what she was planning on doing you just do not go there. Link to post Share on other sites
YellowShark Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 As I posted before this happened to me. It is a terrible thing to do a594109. You'll only understand what "double betrayal" feels like if it happens to you one day. I "thought" my best buddy had my back, when in fact he had my EX on her back, (if you know what I mean.) And I thought my EX was my emotional and financial partner in life, but she simply threw me under a bus for a married man - who was my good friend! The two people closest to me were betraying me and playing me for a fool. So wrong on every level. My EX will never hear my voice again in her life, and my ex-friend can rot in hell for cheating on me and his own wife. He's obviously a real slimy scoundrel. Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 That's pretty harsh and judgmental. Obviously the marriage is as good as finished. They're getting separated. Why is everyone blaming the OP for the death of the marriage? It sounds like his friend's wife was looking to get out of the marriage and probably started up with the OP because she knows him and was available and convenient. I think the OP should go for it and try to get this lady to have sex with him, but having no illusions that she isn't anything other than a cheating slut. It doesn't matter what state their marriage was in he had no right to invade it and destroy his trust between him and the BS, just as his wife had no right to cheat on him. And now you want to encourage him to screw the man's wife. Immaturity at it's highest. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 To Yellow Shark, Not to highjack the thread but your story is so sad. I do hope you contacted your so-called friend's wife and told her everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Entropy3000 Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 i am honestly not interested in a relationship with her at all, i just want to keep them as my friends. they are like my family and the fact that this happened is killing me inside. is this really a done deal? is there no way i can go back and apologize and try to correct the mistakes that were made? It needs to be. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
YellowShark Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 (edited) To Yellow Shark, Not to highjack the thread but your story is so sad. I do hope you contacted your so-called friend's wife and told her everything. Thanks. I really appreciate the thought. And to answer your question I *did* speak to his wife face-to-face. The very next day. After all, I caught them red-handed, in-the-act. And ya know what? She said, "Lemme go home and speak with him." Well I haven't heard a word from her since we spoke. That was a year ago. He obviously gaslit her and convinced her that I was lying. Hell, he had me convinced he was my best buddy, so the guy is real smooth. I hate him for that. Yet it even gets worse, his wife was pregnant with his child during the year that her husband and my EX were fooling around. My EX was going to host her baby shower. That's how sick and toxic the entire affair was. I was packed and out the door within 96 hours. Seven years down the tube. Pathetic. That's why a594109 needs to walk away and let it go. He messed up BIG TIME. He should be glad he's walking away without a scratch. Edited May 30, 2011 by YellowShark Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted May 30, 2011 Share Posted May 30, 2011 He should be glad he's walking away without a scratch. Oh it's still open season for fresh meat. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyDi Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 You were his best friend? You can't fix stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
superpunk Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 You're a terrible friend. Only contact him if you'd like to give him an opportunity to give you the ass-kicking you deserve. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mimolicious Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 ok so in the last month or two my bestfriends wife and i started getting closer and ended up having an emotional affair. we both knew what we were doing was wrong and that it had to stop. we knew nothing physical could ever happen between us, and it never did. we didnt want to hurt her husband and decided to just keep it all a secret until it blew over. they have been having marital problems and a week ago decided they were done as a couple but will be waiting until the end of the year to seperate after they move cross country. yesterday he tried to text me from her phone and saw me call her huni and saying i couldnt wait to see her. an hour or two later she called to tell me that she told him and that we couldnt talk anymore, im no longer welcome at their house, and he and i could no longer be friends. i know she and i were doing something wrong, but i dont wanna lose either one of them from my life. the only thing i can think of is giving him a chance to cool off and apologizing and begging his forgiveness. what should i do? how long should i wait before trying to contact him? Honestly, (the bolded) little too late for that. Try your luck and come across your "Boy" and you will probably no longer have some nice pearly whites for show (or you will get a brand new set of teeth). In reality, you had little scrupples to fall for your friend's W. If you think about it, the reason why ya'll stopped was because she got caught. Eventually, you would have been bedding the chick with no fricking problem... If you think this guy is going to "cool off" you are seriously BUGGIN! Dude, this was not his bike that you wrecked. You got with his W. Contact him for what? You are not to trust and neither is she. Why should he forgive you and be buddies again? He needs to aslo apply the same attitude to his W and get rid of the skank. Unreal... Link to post Share on other sites
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