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husband cheated too many times...


confused woman23

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confused woman23

Ok im new to this whole thing but i really need someone to talk to about this. My husband and I been together since high school and been married for 4 years all of which he had cheated on me. Now the thing is he denies ever really cheating on me but just says that he talked to other women because he felt as though he couldnt talk to me. Im confused because not even 10months into our marriage i found numbers from different girls and emails from him sending the girls sort of love emails about them being beautiful or how much he misses them. Called the girls and they all said that he was trying to come onto them but they didnt want any drama with his wife (ME). But my husband told me that the girls were lying and that everyone of them were all "just friends" and its innocent. Now he is in the forces and i found out for about a year in a half he has been talking to this one girl with a kid. First off he hates kids well atleast thats what he tells me cuz we have no kids and the girl was like four years older then him and 6yrs older than me. My husband denied it so badly that he had sex with her but i dont believe him since they were deployed together for 6months he had nothing but time to spend and be with her without me miles away. My husband hid talking to this female for over a year in a half and the only reason i found out about her is because i checked the phone records and discovered the password has been changed and seen everytime they talked and text over 500text mgs and they talked all the f***** time even when i was at work also when he was at work. which i find it very hard for him to do considering how busy he is at work. I dont know what to to do anymore cuz he has constantly lied to me and is possibly still lying. He told me over and over again how he would hid anything from me but still does. now thing is i didnt mind him talking to other females or having female friend, but i feel if you have to hide them and lie or dont tell me at all about the friendship then it must be more then "just friends". He has stop talking to her since but at first he didnt feel as though he needed to becuz she was a really great friend to him and he really enjoyed her great conversation. Now im thinking wtf cuz this dont sound right he defended her to the fullest and she was so crazy obessed with him when i called her to ask her side of the story of them being "just friends" she then said to me "ASK YOUR HUSBAND". Im confused its way more to the story then i have time to type but the whole point is now i have become sexually not interested in my husband becuz of all the lies and infidelity he has done to me. he is the only guy i has been with and i have never had an orgasm and now i dont feel as though i ever will with him becuz of the past. I really need some advice here someone please help... Thank You confused woman23:confused:

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Ok im new to this whole thing but i really need someone to talk to about this. My husband and I been together since high school and been married for 4 years all of which he had cheated on me. Now the thing is he denies ever really cheating on me but just says that he talked to other women because he felt as though he couldnt talk to me. Im confused because not even 10months into our marriage i found numbers from different girls and emails from him sending the girls sort of love emails about them being beautiful or how much he misses them. Called the girls and they all said that he was trying to come onto them but they didnt want any drama with his wife (ME). But my husband told me that the girls were lying and that everyone of them were all "just friends" and its innocent. Now he is in the forces and i found out for about a year in a half he has been talking to this one girl with a kid. First off he hates kids well atleast thats what he tells me cuz we have no kids and the girl was like four years older then him and 6yrs older than me. My husband denied it so badly that he had sex with her but i dont believe him since they were deployed together for 6months he had nothing but time to spend and be with her without me miles away. My husband hid talking to this female for over a year in a half and the only reason i found out about her is because i checked the phone records and discovered the password has been changed and seen everytime they talked and text over 500text mgs and they talked all the f***** time even when i was at work also when he was at work. which i find it very hard for him to do considering how busy he is at work. I dont know what to to do anymore cuz he has constantly lied to me and is possibly still lying. He told me over and over again how he would hid anything from me but still does. now thing is i didnt mind him talking to other females or having female friend, but i feel if you have to hide them and lie or dont tell me at all about the friendship then it must be more then "just friends". He has stop talking to her since but at first he didnt feel as though he needed to becuz she was a really great friend to him and he really enjoyed her great conversation. Now im thinking wtf cuz this dont sound right he defended her to the fullest and she was so crazy obessed with him when i called her to ask her side of the story of them being "just friends" she then said to me "ASK YOUR HUSBAND". Im confused its way more to the story then i have time to type but the whole point is now i have become sexually not interested in my husband becuz of all the lies and infidelity he has done to me. he is the only guy i has been with and i have never had an orgasm and now i dont feel as though i ever will with him becuz of the past. I really need some advice here someone please help... Thank You confused woman23:confused:

 

You deserve someone who loves and respects you. If you stay with your serial cheating husband, you'll never be happy. If I were you, I would file for divorce.

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dreamingoftigers

Yes you have a serial cheater. Her response speaks volumes. I am so sorry.

 

Go 30 days no contact with him, toss him out until you can figure out what to do. If he isn't cheating 30 days won't change that, if he is then he will switch sides to his mistresses and that will prove it all.

 

It will also give you a chance to figure out what to do and to give you a rest from his bs, you probably don't even realize all of the stress that you are under.

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Four years married. No kids. Serial cheater. The general consensus is to get out. It's not worth effort to save it (it's a monumental effort).

There's no love left. Just a tattered social/legal contract.

Time to bail.

It will get so much better.

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I don't think you are really confused. I think you are working really hard to not believe what you already know.

 

Your husband lying.

 

"Ask Your Husband" is the standard, IMO cowardly, response some OW give when they are sleeping with your husband but are afraid of the drama that ensues when the wife finds out.

 

She might as well have screamed YES! YES! I AM HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH YOUR HUSBAND!!

 

Right now your husband is untrustworthy. Don't depend on anything he says when it comes to making decisions about your life

 

Trust yourself first. Trust what you know, not what he says.

 

Make decisions about your life based on what you know.

 

You know he is cheating. You know he is going to lie about it.

 

What are you going to decide to do about it?

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Phoenix, love your signature line!

Picasso,A man who in himself was a cheater for years ...speaking of women...ironic.

 

To the OP, welcome to LS. Sorry to hear of this matter yet you came here for support. May you find it.

 

Whatever you do , refrain from sharing this in another forum thread, there seems to be alot of supporters for the OW/ OM.

 

Most advice is easier said then done. May you find the strength to do what is right for you...

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Phoenix, love your signature line!

Picasso,A man who in himself was a cheater for years ...speaking of women...ironic.

 

.

 

Thanks Tayla

:D:D

 

I do love the irony.

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Woman In Blue

Yup, you've got a serial cheater. What's worse is that you have a serial cheater whose obviously a lousy lover and has no CLUE how to please a woman. Way to go, jerkoff.

 

You sound awfully young. Dump this loser and divorce his ass BEFORE you get saddled with children and debt. I'd also NEVER touch him again (just because he's an a*sshole, for starters) but more importantly, because he's probably carrying some kind of STD or another.

 

You're in for a lifetime of heartache if you continue to waste your life with this guy.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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confused woman23

Thanks for your advice i really appreciate it its like i'm stuck between a hardship and a rock with him. He's never admitted to having sex with any of the girls, but i don't believe him because if he lied about something so small as having a female friend in the first place and talking to them through text msgs and phone calls while i'm at work then why wouldn't he lie about having sex with these girls also? Then on the other hand i cant stand for him to touch me cuz i think about all the bs he has put me through with all the lies and never ever wanting to talk about those girls or tell me why he has talked to the girls in the first place.

 

Now i dont understand because i am 23 yrs 5'4 120 model,singer, and dancer very pretty girl,but everyone told me it doesnt matter how pretty you are guys will be dogs look at Halle Berry she is pretty also and has been cheated on numerous of times too. I guess i really don't know what to do i want to be with him because he said he will change. This is something ive heard so many times before from him. It has been only 3months since the last incident with him and an ex-coworker of mines who i thought was my friend found out they had been texting eachother back n fourth but i don't think anything happened with them but heck i don't put anything past my husband. Also a few months back in Oct 10' i found out that he had been flirting with his little cousin. Now the thing with that is she is suppose to be his adoptive cousin from his mother's side so this is why he said she isn't his cuz but it doesnt matter cuz she has been apart of his family since birth who he hasn't seen in years since she was about 5 or 6 yrs due to deployments.

 

One day we visited her adoptive mom which is his great grandmother like the end of september this was my first time meeting this part of his family. Never knew my husband had a sick thing for preying on younger girls and family for that matter,but according to him she is not family because shes adopted. I asked him why was he hiding talking to his lil cuz so i called her and pretended to be someone else so that she would tell me more information this girl was so scared she said that she had just turned 18yrs and she was still in high school and she had no one to talk to about the matter. She told me that she had received a voicemail stating for her not to call him anymore and if she ever sees his number again not to answer the phone becuz it could be his wife. she told me she was so confused and couldn't believe her cousin she said she known him since she was little and he was not raised that way. She even tried telling his mother which would be her auntie but the type of mother she is she is so in-denial about her son and dont believe any bad thing said about him. I just really need guidance and peace.

Edited by confused woman23
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You've gotten guidance from the other posters, and leaving him is the only way you'll get some peace. You have to wrap your mind around the fact that your husband is not only a cheater, he's preying on young girls.

 

Get the hell out of this marriage!

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi...I have read this post and all of the replies and feel a very heavy heart with each word that is written.

I too have beeb with my husband for 12 years...when we first met life was simple, then I supported his through the entry into the military, police academy and several deployments (one 10 months in which I also heard about questionable behavior)

we had a "perfect life" at the time...a toddler great home and future

after our second child, life started getting crazy..colicy baby, loving needy four year old. he found someone else who gave him emotional supprt and eventually the sex that we weren't having either (probably because I was home all day alone while he was working and screwing someone else)

i found out about it years later and and found it so hard to move on even though i want to

we recently separated (about 10 weeks ago) and it just doesn't sem to get any better.

he too texts and talks to several women who are "just friends" or just co-workers but my gut tells me otherwise

I have spoken to a few other women in this same situation and they all tell me the same thing...nc for at least 30-45 days...I just don't have that option though with the boys. I am a nurse and pretty much work his days off so he has to be here for them.

 

does anyone have any ideas about that? no contact but have to deal with kids...:confused:

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Hi, I just opened a new tread myself, spent some time reading about "cheaters" and women with broken hearts..

realised that we all KNOW but we don't want to beleive because we don't want pain, we postpon pain, giving time to get used to idea "yes, he cheated, yes, he is a cheater, yes, he was making love to other woman", Yes yes yes

 

So good once just sit and repeat it aloud to yourself for few minutes, Than stand up and decide which way is easier for YOU to take in order to get ride of him as soon as possible

In situations with no kids its sooo easier..Could be worser..After 10-15-20 years of marriage, after 5 but with 3 toddlers you would discover he is a ..pig..

Good points that you are young, pretty..Bad points that you are needy, you are dependant emotionally, not just hurt, so again worth to repeat yourself "Im separate person, these are MINE beautiful legs, arms, pretty face, im free"..Lots of self-love

At least this advice I would give to sister, if..hope it will never happen with her though

 

You just have to admit what you already know and just walk away to much better lighter future.

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so how r things? u haven't posted anything for awhile

i feel connected to you in our situations and would love to hear how and what you are doing

i just reviewed a 13 hour text record of my husband and the ow (only the ## not contexts)

gonna see if he denies these actions yet again...

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confused woman23

Hi Lorlen99 thanks for checking in on me im not too good since this post i have posted a new one titled unbelievable....is it someone else??? i forgot to add the AGAIN! part to the end of the title with his history ppl need to know that this is a ongoing thing with him cheating. He has not admitted to anything wrong other than talking to the girls, but never once said he slept with them. But now all of a sudden he's had it with me and wants out this marriage now literally by this friday he wants to be so done with this marriage after all the f*****g heartache and pain he has put me through he's done with me and wants nothing to do with me. We were getting along just find read my other post i explained what happened this time. Then all of a sudden he goes and does a complete 360 and told me he wants a divorce when just the other day he was saying how much he wanted to make this work. I really need help guys your replies really do help me please keep them coming cause i really need someone to talk to, to help me through this hardship. Lorlen99 i hope everything works out with you and yours i really wish guys thought like us then they would see "YOU CAN BE FAITHFUL TO ONE PERSON AND IT IS SOOOO EASY TO LOVE SOMEONE BACK YOU GENUINELY LOVES THEM UNCONDITIONALLY "....In a perfect world huh...lol . Lorlen99 I had the same phone problem with my H the other day please read my other posts and K.I.T with me everyone....Thanks

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I am so sorry for you, I'm a guy who after 16 years and a child had the same thing done to me. The longer you wait the worse the ultimate blow up will be. Get out now, it is a horrible feeling but in the long run is the better decision. Again, I'm sorry for your pain but you need to keep your own self respect and forget about the rest of the world for a while.

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confused woman23

Thanks Lance22 that was really encouraging and i needed to hear that i have other posts and threads to others explaining my story and it already did blow up BIG TIME read them please everyone your advise is truly needed i am able to go back to sleep and just move the hell on thanks so much keep me posted LS i really really need help with this matter thanks everyone.

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I've been to a little therapy over my situation. The councilor said the pain of this sort of thing is similiar to the death of a loved one and in a way i guess it is; a relationship has died. It's really, really hard to take sometimes but hang in there and the ups and downs will slowly get better. Treat yourself, talk to friends and family and really just get through it. I had a period where I so wanted life to have a rewind button but it doesn't. So the past is the past and you must move forward and not dwell on what's happened which is tough, I still do but less so. Stay strong and look after YOU. I wish you all the best in this tough journey.

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confused woman23
I've been to a little therapy over my situation. The councilor said the pain of this sort of thing is similiar to the death of a loved one and in a way i guess it is; a relationship has died. It's really, really hard to take sometimes but hang in there and the ups and downs will slowly get better. Treat yourself, talk to friends and family and really just get through it. I had a period where I so wanted life to have a rewind button but it doesn't. So the past is the past and you must move forward and not dwell on what's happened which is tough, I still do but less so. Stay strong and look after YOU. I wish you all the best in this tough journey.

Thanks again Lance22 i totally understand what you mean it did feel like a death but not anymore....i prayed to GOD( no disrespect to anyones religion) and asked for the pain to be taken away so that i can move forward in life and it worked. He doesnt want to be with me and he told me he will never tell me why he has been feeling this way, but it doesnt matter now i really think he is hiding something or there is someone else due to the simple fact how this all played out we were getting along just fine last week and now he doesnt want to be married anymore. I sure do hope whatever it is he is hiding or may be hiding comes to the light soon that way i have closure. He doesnt want to do marriage counseling or talk to anybody about this he just wants out our marriage with me and i dont know why he told me everything was fine hell we just moved into a new house and signed a lease together for the next year. I dont know why he would even do all of this stuff as if we were going to be together forever and if everything was just fine if he was contemplating leaving me. He said there is no one else but i dont believe him there has always been someone else and now its not...sure ok. I guess thats why it hurted so bad at first but now i feel the hell with him its his loss not mines lol. The chat forum really has helped me everyone said to get out of the marriage asap but i didnt want to be alone because we have so much together and have build so much. I didnt think i would cope but i know that with the great people on this site i will be just fine:)

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