mikeymad Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 So it is a little over a year since my XW asked for a divorce (finalized in may), and a few months before that i had found out she had a EA and limited PA (kissing supposedly) during the previous 6 months. She had written him a letter that said she was sorry and they couldn't talk anymore. Fast forward to today, and I find out they are together now. I know she never admitted it to anyone, and I never exposed it back then because I was afraid the consequences would drive her away. So I swallowed my pride and unconditionally forgave her to work on the M, and obviously that didn't work out so hot. I know her story has been I'm the bad guy, and I've lost friends to that degree. I know nothing will change, but I just want the truth to be heard and to clear my name, and maybe yes a little revenge that she can't live in her rationalized lie without some sort of consequences from her actions. Link to post Share on other sites
1956peace Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 I think you have lost your opportunity, I think exposure at the time makes the guilty parties accountable by family and friends, it is the best way to break up an affair, affairs thrive in secrecy, they don't last long when everyone else is putting pressure on them to do the right thing. Just know in your heart you weren't the one that did anything wrong, when people have a affairs, no one holds a gun to their heads......they do it willingly knowing the consequences............ sorry about all that has happened to you, I am a BS as well I know what that pain feels like. Link to post Share on other sites
martini-mae Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 I have a friend who this happened to. (similar situation) He never said a word - But Lo & Behold about a year or so later the truth did come out. It's too late at this point anyway, you're already getting a divorce. Do you think people will really care at this point? Suck it up & be the better man. Take the high road. It's been about 5 years now for my friend & no one talks of it anymore at all. (it just is what it is) Everyone has moved on with their lives. The wife married the other man & the husband is in a pretty meaningful relationship now. - So, see, everyone wins. Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 I think you have lost your opportunity, I think exposure at the time makes the guilty parties accountable by family and friends, it is the best way to break up an affair, affairs thrive in secrecy, they don't last long when everyone else is putting pressure on them to do the right thing. Just know in your heart you weren't the one that did anything wrong, when people have a affairs, no one holds a gun to their heads......they do it willingly knowing the consequences............ sorry about all that has happened to you, I am a BS as well I know what that pain feels like. I agree with this to a point.... But you know what? If he had left me for her, and it was a very real possibility at the time, I still would have shouted it from the rooftops. Here is why: No ONE deserves to be cheated on. NO marriage is without conflict and issues, but still, no one deserves to be cheated on. I understand, especially if you love and value your partner, and want to make it work, why you protect them from their own infidelity. But now? No way. I would tell the world what happened. Not that it would make a difference in the relationship or its future. But remember this: YOU were the victim of an unfaithful partner. There are so many other means to fix a difficult marriage. Cheating is NEVER the way to do so. Don't ever forget this. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 So it is a little over a year since my XW asked for a divorce (finalized in may), and a few months before that i had found out she had a EA and limited PA (kissing supposedly) during the previous 6 months. She had written him a letter that said she was sorry and they couldn't talk anymore. Fast forward to today, and I find out they are together now. I know she never admitted it to anyone, and I never exposed it back then because I was afraid the consequences would drive her away. So I swallowed my pride and unconditionally forgave her to work on the M, and obviously that didn't work out so hot. I know her story has been I'm the bad guy, and I've lost friends to that degree. I know nothing will change, but I just want the truth to be heard and to clear my name, and maybe yes a little revenge that she can't live in her rationalized lie without some sort of consequences from her actions. Go for it. She has made YOU out to be the bad guy, omitting truths and probably lied (again). She cheated, you got hurt, betrayed and SHE is the "good one" in people's eyes? Karma is going to bite her, that's all I can say. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Good to hear from you Mikey. Hope all is well. IMO the time for exposure has passed. If you do it now, all you will accomplish is to look vindictive, and re-enforce the azzhole appearence your XW has already painted. Exposure has a means to an end. IMO Exposure is best used to knock the fencesitter off. She chose the side opposite you. In the long run you will thank God she did. Mikey, you fought the good fight. You stayed above the fray during this crap, take solice and pride in that. You were and ARE right. Your XW, well, she shows her true colors once again. Don't drag yourself down to her level. She will get hers one day. Kharma's a bitch. Peace, Link to post Share on other sites
Distant78 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 So it is a little over a year since my XW asked for a divorce (finalized in may), and a few months before that i had found out she had a EA and limited PA (kissing supposedly) during the previous 6 months. She had written him a letter that said she was sorry and they couldn't talk anymore. Fast forward to today, and I find out they are together now. I know she never admitted it to anyone, and I never exposed it back then because I was afraid the consequences would drive her away. So I swallowed my pride and unconditionally forgave her to work on the M, and obviously that didn't work out so hot. I know her story has been I'm the bad guy, and I've lost friends to that degree. I know nothing will change, but I just want the truth to be heard and to clear my name, and maybe yes a little revenge that she can't live in her rationalized lie without some sort of consequences from her actions. You guys are divorced and she is not your wife anymore dude. Forget her and let her roll in her self-centered attitude with some punk. Cheaters who are in relationships with the scum they destroyed their marriage with never last. Trying to defend yourself over what a cheating whore said is pointless, and is a waste of your time. Find some hot chicks to bone and forget about her. Trying to "clear your name" over some he-said-she-said bullsh*t will not solve anything. You can't control gossip. She knows what she did was wrong and I guarantee you she thinks about it, and that is why she's doing all of this blameshifting. If your friends left you because they believed a cheater, then they were never true friends to begin with. All you need to know is that YOU KNOW what she really did. She will fall soon in due time like all cheaters. The best revenge you can have is to live well and find someone who will divorce you before deciding to have orgasms with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
rowell2024 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 I know her story has been I'm the bad guy, and I've lost friends to that degree. I know nothing will change, but I just want the truth to be heard and to clear my name, and maybe yes a little revenge that she can't live in her rationalized lie without some sort of consequences from her actions. She has defamed your character, and you have suffered lost friendships because of it. If you do choose to expose her, let it be because you wish to clear your good name, and not for revenge, no matter how much better it would make you feel. If you feel you can live with those lost friendships, then just let it go because they weren't real friends anyway since they chose to believe one side of the story over yours. Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 The best revenge is living well. Put this all behind you and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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