Women who cheat to cheat

[driedout]

I believed this is the first time I've run into one like that. My ex did not know why she cheated but kept apologizing. According to her there was nothing lacking in me nor the relationship but couldn't explained what happened within her.

Is this now happening to other men or is it just me? How can she not know why she cheated?

Or are there women like her who cheat to cheat for no good reason at all (but to screw OM)?:mad:

 

I thought that was typically a male cheater's behavior while the woman tend most likely do it if something is missing within the relationship not just screw any man out of no where?

 

This wasn't even a known friend or relative. She met this guy online and went to his house.

[zetkin]

Ok, I cheated on my boyfriend, even though our relationship seemed to be perfect. At the time it was like I did cheat just to cheat, but now I think I cheated because the relationship was wrong, he was wrong, I was wrong (in choosing to be with him), everything was wrong. It was just not me, and he was not my person. It only occurred to me in about half a year (since the moment I cheated), but it did. And the infidelity was just the first sign.

Edited July 4, 2010 by zetkin

[Bryanp]

Thank goodness your ex is your ex. Sorry but I do not believe her excuse. She wished to cheat for the thrill and excitement of somebody new. She clearly had zero respect for you and your marriage and could have cared less putting your health at risk for STD's. You married a woman who was totally selfish and had a broken moral compass to begin with.

[LSNoob]

Look, there is no excuse for cheating. It's that simple, absolutely NO excuse for cheating. I speak from a guy who never cheated and never been cheated on. People that got involved in this kinda situations, specially the cheaters, will always try to find a excuse to justify their behavior.

 

Give me any excuse, I'm sure I can give you an option-B, which is safer and so much easier; Relationship bad? You break up. BF/GF cheated on you? Be the bigger person and walk out, no need for revenge. No sex? End it and go sleep with all people you want. Etc,etc. Now, you see how easy that is?

 

See, cheating is like a thing NOT everyone is capable of doing. It depends on the character of that person. Like for example; I read few stories about men/women who been cheated on by their spouses, and when they were asked to just cheat for revenge, they simply refused. Why? Because, being faithful, is a thing they did for themselves ( one of the the husband asked his wife to go have sex with other man to make her feel better, to even them up, the wife responded with a "NO!!" and prob slapped the husband for being an idiot).

 

My point is, any decent human with high standards and good character would never step that low to humiliate him/her self. A cheater is just... is just THAT, that's who they really are. I'm sorry to hear that OP, about your ex, but listen. Your ex cheated, because she just wanted to have sex, its really that simple. Of course her character is capable of cheating, otherwise she wouldn't have acted on it, she would come up to you and end it. Then go spread her legs wide open for everyone.

 

I thought that was typically a male cheater's behavior while the woman tend most likely do it if something is missing within the relationship not just screw any man out of no where?

:laugh:ahahaha:lmao:

 

It has nothing to do with gender. It's with character. Guys used excuses, "oh its in our nature", "not enough sex", blah blah and girls say "something missing", or one of the classic ones " i don't know " or blame it on the "relationship" , it was "wrong" or "it wasn't right". I say bulls---.

 

Your gf just wanted to have sex. She says she doesn't know because she really doesn't want to admit she's a cheater. If that's first time in her life cheating, then now she knows what character she have. And "CHEATER" will be written on her forehead and only she can see it every time she look at her self in mirror. Of course not saying that cheaters are bad people, no they are not, they are just "weak" . I sometimes feel pity towards them.

 

You must be a lucky man that she is an ex now . Cause if you're a strong decent man then you def deserve a strong decent woman.

[txsilkysmoothe]

I agree with the other posters who say that "cheating" is a character flaw.

 

If there was such a thing as "cheating for no reason," your wife's behavior doesn't fit that. I would expect the only scenario that would come close is getting too drunk and something happening with a stranger one time, having immediate regret, and it never happening again.

 

Your wife planned her cheating, sought the guy out online, had days or weeks to consider it, and then did it. There is a reason she made this choice. She may be saying there isn't a reason because she doesn't want you to blame yourself. Or, she knows something is missing in the relationship but doesn't know what it is, or she knows whatever the problem is, it's not an excuse for what she did.

 

It may be better to ask, "Are you happy?" Starting there may help her think through what in her life is satisfactory and what is not.

 

Regardless of what is wrong in a person's life or relationship, there is no reason or excuse for cheating. A partner (you) can't do anything that justifies this behavior.

[lostsunsets]

She cheated because she felt entitled to it. She earned that orgasm. She worked hard for 6 months, sneaking, researching, hiding, lying. She felt she deserved it. It wasn't a momentary lapse in judgment, it was planned, dreamed, fantasized about. And in the end, she drove over to his place with a smile on her face and butterflies in her stomach. She did it without hesitation. She knows exactly why she did it. consequence be damned, I'm going to screw this guy and not worry about what happens after. I don't care that I'll crush someone who loves me. I want this, and I will have it.

[driedout]

Thank goodness your ex is your ex. Sorry but I do not believe her excuse. She wished to cheat for the thrill and excitement of somebody new. She clearly had zero respect for you and your marriage and could have cared less putting your health at risk for STD's. You married a woman who was totally selfish and had a broken moral compass to begin with.

I did not married her but almost made that mistake. I had just recently bought the ring and was going to propose to her as my surprise. I wanted her to become my wife and mother of my future children but was bombarded by all this. I had to return the ring.:mad:

Come to think of it maybe things happen for a reason. What if I would have proceeded on proposing to her and have a child only to later on find out who she really was?

I don't think I'll ever marry. No point anymore.

Edited July 4, 2010 by driedout

[Woggle]

Good thing she showed her true colors. People like her do it because she can and she feels entitled to it. Her friends are probably high fiving her right now for being a strong woman and an empowered feminist. It shocks me how naive most men are to how most women really are these days and now you have lesson in that.

[Green]

I believed this is the first time I've run into one like that. My ex did not know why she cheated but kept apologizing. According to her there was nothing lacking in me nor the relationship but couldn't explained what happened within her.

Is this now happening to other men or is it just me? How can she not know why she cheated?

Or are there women like her who cheat to cheat for no good reason at all (but to screw OM)?:mad:

 

I thought that was typically a male cheater's behavior while the woman tend most likely do it if something is missing within the relationship not just screw any man out of no where?

 

This wasn't even a known friend or relative. She met this guy online and went to his house.

 

Yes WOMEN cheat, a big way to protect yourself from this is having boundaries. If some one isn't willing to be within these boundaries just assume they will cheat.

 

Ok, I cheated on my boyfriend, even though our relationship seemed to be perfect. At the time it was like I did cheat just to cheat, but now I think I cheated because the relationship was wrong, he was wrong, I was wrong (in choosing to be with him), everything was wrong. It was just not me, and he was not my person. It only occurred to me in about half a year (since the moment I cheated), but it did. And the infidelity was just the first sign.

 

I would say that the reason you cheated has nothing to do with HOW BAD your bf was for you. You could have just broke up with him.

 

Thank goodness your ex is your ex. Sorry but I do not believe her excuse. She wished to cheat for the thrill and excitement of somebody new. She clearly had zero respect for you and your marriage and could have cared less putting your health at risk for STD's. You married a woman who was totally selfish and had a broken moral compass to begin with.

 

People fall into the trap of trying to understand/believe every excuse about why the cheating happened. Actions speak louder than words.

[driedout]

Good thing she showed her true colors. People like her do it because she can and she feels entitled to it. Her friends are probably high fiving her right now for being a strong woman and an empowered feminist. It shocks me how naive most men are to how most women really are these days and now you have lesson in that.

Woggle this was a real shock to me. I'm hardly ever wrong when choosing who are my friends and what woman I'm dating. Just like many women place list of expectations towards dating a man, I too don't date any skirt walking by (I wouldn't date a woman who does nothing in life, smokes nor gold-diggers). With me, if I'm in a relationship then it's to commit and settle. I don't like playing games nor taking dating as a joke. I'm not interest in ONS nor friends with benefits (never was). The way I see relationships is either you commit or you don't.

 

Again I'm hardly ever wrong but why didn't I see this one coming? Why did my senses failed this time?

Edited July 4, 2010 by driedout

[Woggle]

My view is expect the best from women and they will let you down over and over again. Expect the worst and you will get what you expect and there is a small remote chance that one might pleasently surprise you. I hope you take this time to play around a little bit with women and develop a thicker skin.

[spriggig]

Assuming she felt she was in a committed relationship with you, she MUST have justified her choice before following through.

 

What is really going on here is she doesn't want to take responsibility for her half of your failed relationship. She especially doesn't want to face the pain of GUILT. She justifies her cheating by revising history in her own mind and blaming you. She knows her justification is half shyt and if she told you the whole thing, you'd see right through it, so she simply says she doesn't know why she did it.

 

Here's the secret, it's not about the bad things you DIDN'T do, it's about the good things you DIDN'T do. It's not enough to be good--that is what she married--you have to be great. You're good enough when they marry you, but they expect you to change for the better. And, God help you if you become complacent or settled in any way.

 

She was probably telling you this all along. Maybe she said, "It's nothing" (it's huge!) or "I'm fine" (I'm pissed!) or the dreaded "Do whatever you want" (you DAMN well better not do that!). LOL.

[driedout]

My view is expect the best from women and they will let you down over and over again. Expect the worst and you will get what you expect and there is a small remote chance that one might pleasently surprise you. I hope you take this time to play around a little bit with women and develop a thicker skin.

I haven't thought about it as I've almost been optimistic. I trusted her and really didn't think she had the bones to cheat. She used to tell me how cheating is disgusting and can't stand why people do this to someone they love. One time we talked about former President Clinton's affair and we both agreed he was a selfish pig. She even got mad saying why is she still with him and I would have divorce that prick, yada yada, yada.

Other good qualities I loved about her was she never smoked nor drink, came from a decent family (my parents liked her, until I told them what she did), was on her last year of university and we both had very few sexual partners (she was at 4 at the time while I've with 3 women).

It was all nothing but a total fraud. She was a lie the whole time.

 

Even if I were to stupidly forgive her (as she's been leaving tearful messages), I would never be able to see her the same. All that image I had in her is now nothing but a ghost. I would not be able to touch her without picturing everything she did with the OM. That would drive me insane.

Edited July 4, 2010 by driedout

[Bryanp]

You may not realize it now but I think you are one of the luckiest people I have ever heard of. Getting this information right before you were to propose to her has saved you a lifetime of heartache. Why in the world is she leaving you message to get back together again? Does she honestly think you are that much of a fool?

[linwood]

 

I thought that was typically a male cheater's behavior while the woman tend most likely do it if something is missing within the relationship not just screw any man out of no where?

 

I`ve never noticed any difference between male and female infidelity other than male infidelity is more greatly publicized.

[zetkin]

I would say that the reason you cheated has nothing to do with HOW BAD your bf was for you. You could have just broke up with him.

 

 

Well, it has definitely nothing to do with how he was bad, but with how I was wrong for him.

 

My bf was just great in relationship, maybe the best I could have, but he was not someone I wanted to be with - and those are different things. I simply didn't love him. And because he was so great and relationship so great (I'd even say perfect), I couldn't find the way out.

 

I do agree with LSNoob, that cheating is a way weak people behave. I couldn't find enough strength to be honest and just say the words "I don't love you and I want out". And this was my way to say it. I never asked him to give me another chance or bla-bla-bla, because I knew that it would only make things worse, I broke up with him. It was like I couldn't break up with him without having a reason enough - I was afraid that he wouldn't understand (because he never really understood me) and wouldn't let me out.

 

I know, that it might have been a wrong way, that a usual, normal break-up wouldn't cause so much pain for both of us, but I couldn't see another way out. I was immature and really weak at the time. I now feel much stronger and not afraid to think and talk about what I did wrong.

 

Right now my conscious decision is to be alone and work on myself, until I feel that I grew up enough for a commitment. Then I can look for SO, without hurting myself and others.

 

What I am trying to tell is that infidelity is how some people say they don't love you. That's all.

 

And I also don't believe that a cheater once is always a cheater. I now think that in my future relationship (I hope it will happen some day:o) I won't have a need to cheat, for any reason, whatever that can be.

[michelangelo]

You may not realize it now but I think you are one of the luckiest people I have ever heard of. Getting this information right before you were to propose to her has saved you a lifetime of heartache. Why in the world is she leaving you message to get back together again? Does she honestly think you are that much of a fool?

 

I sure wish I knew what I was dealing with before getting married to my wife.

 

You truly received a gift.

[driedout]

Why in the world is she leaving you message to get back together again? Does she honestly think you are that much of a fool?

I haven't answered any of her ridiculous messages. Why cry when I caught in her lies and not when she was about to cheat?

It can't be a mistake nor accident if she was conscious and sober enough to get into her car and drive all the way to the guy's house. On top of that I estimate it must have taken her about 2-3 hours (maybe a bit more) to get there.

I live more closer to her house than the OM and she couldn't share those intimate moments with me? Oh wow just wow:eek:

 

So if the OM would have been in yet another state, she would still have travel all the way there.

Edited July 5, 2010 by driedout

[LSNoob]

I think you misunderstood few things.

 

I do agree with LSNoob, that cheating is a way weak people behave.

That's not what I meant. Weak, as in too weak to resist the silly temptation. No self control. Faithful person, NO MATTER WHAT, would never cheat on anyone anywhere.

 

I couldn't find enough strength to be honest and just say the words "I don't love you and I want out". And this was my way to say it.

I don't understand this one. I will tell you how I read this;

"Hey, I'm a small petite girl and I'm too weak to pick this A4 paper up. But I can pull a 747 jumbo with my pinky finger" . . . What the hell woman. You been smoking crack??

 

What I am trying to tell is that infidelity is how some people say they don't love you. That's all.

That's just justifications, c'mon lets be honest;). Did you know that infidelity causes depression and sometimes leads the betrayed spouse to committee suicide:confused:(I just turned 22, and I know about this since I was 12, so don't tell me "I'm young". And, really age have nothing to do with it as well, I mean c'mon we hear about being faithful and true to someone when we little kids. It's nothing new). Would you rather see someone die so you get pleasure? Or just tell them " hey sorry dude, think I gonna bail". That was it, that was good enough to end it.

 

And I also don't believe that a cheater once is always a cheater.

You completely misunderstood this statement. And a lot of people on LS do as well. You can get two messages out of it, and most members here getting the wrong one.

 

I came across a thread last night here about this saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" ( I will refer to it as "the saying" , because I think I be using it few times ). Most people were saying, no its not true and all that. One of the posters even said something like " Twice a cheater, always a cheater ".

 

See, thing is, everyone looking at "the saying" like it's some sort of future reading device to tell you what will the cheater end up doing (cheat again, or not). That's one of the messages it sends. But it's not like that. We are all humans, we can't tell what will happen in the future. No one knows how they will react to things, everything can happen and no body knows. But the second message behind it, is a description of that person's characteristic.

 

Look at it like this. The definition of a cheater is: a person with a character, that is capable of cheating.

 

If your actions proved you once that you have a character that is capable of cheating, then that's it, that's all you need. One time to prove it, and that is it. You have a character that is capable of cheating. Now look back up and read the definition of a cheater. Get it? Now you know why they say "once a cheater always a cheater".

 

For example Mike comes up to me and ask me; " Hey mate, that Rachel chick is cute, I wanna ask her out, but I heard she cheated on her ex before. What you think mate? I will reply him with "once a cheater, always a cheater". My message to him is that if she was capable of cheating before, then she will be 100% capable of cheating again, and again, and again, and again. But weather if she will do it in the future or not, I have no clue about this one. Because I'm human and no human can tell you what any person will do in the future.

 

But, that doesn't mean all the people that have cheated the first time, kept on cheating. Most of them really learned a lesson from the mistakes and grew out of it to be a better person. I'm sure you belong with the good people. Unless , of course, you cheated more than once before (not to mention on the same person).

 

I now think that in my future relationship (I hope it will happen some day:o) I won't have a need to cheat, for any reason, whatever that can be.

Lol, "need". Any person with faithful characteristic will read this and ask this exact same questions: Need to cheat? Ok, so I need to breath air, I need to eat and I also need to drink water so I can survive. But why do I "need" to cheat?. In need for someone's torture, for owns satisfaction?

 

I think why you cheated is simple. You were prob attracted to the guy. But you couldn't resist. Or you were horny maybe and wanted sex (excuse me for this one). But couldn't resist. Or you were lonely. But couldn't control your self. Etc, etc etc. The main reason you cheated because you were too weak and couldn't resist the temptation for excitement, fun and joy and all the good memories ( although, when its in reality, those memories will always be bad ones. Because every time you remember them, you will remember the person that had to suffer for your smile . Unless you are a sadistic person of course if you enjoy that lol). Even tho you knew it could does harm, pain, and hurt to the person that loved you and cared for you, you still did it.

 

 

I always tell cheaters, throw at me any excuse to justify your actions. I give you an option-B, that a faithful person would always chose.

I know, that it might have been a wrong way, that a usual, normal break-up wouldn't cause so much pain for both of us, but I couldn't see another way out.

I would do the same, if I wanted to break up with my gf, and there was no way out 100%. I will do exactly the same, exactly LIKE YOU. Will walk up to her and say "honey, I'm sorry I cheated on you", then all the drama comes up, and after I make sure no physical harm is done to anybody I will just walk out and relax and live my life. But the question is, did I really cheat?? Or did I just made that up because I needed an excuse?? See, I didn't need to cheat, but I definitely needed an excuse. I didn't cheat because I care about her or anything, I did it for myself.

 

Hope now you know the true message behind "the saying", so if you come across it in a conversation with others in the future, you can tell them what it means. Have a good day ma'am .

Edited July 5, 2010 by LSNoob

[spriggig]

And I also don't believe that a cheater once is always a cheater. I now think that in my future relationship (I hope it will happen some day:o) I won't have a need to cheat, for any reason, whatever that can be.

 

No, you need to DECLARE that you will not cheat ever again for ANY reason. There is NEVER a need to cheat only a desire to avoid conflict.

 

So, obviously, in future relationships you will not reveal that you cheated on a past BF. You can get away with this because most people don't really care how past relationships ended, unless it was a marriage.

 

Know this, if you choose to cheat on a future marriage and end up divorced, you will have to lie to any future prospects about how it ended, and have the relationship based on a lie. Or, tell the truth and risk having the SO harbor mistrust for the entire relationship. You will always be asked how your marriage ended.

 

So, keep this under wraps, learn the lesson and vow now to never cheat again for ANY reason. Close the door and lock it, that path is no longer available to you.

[seibert253]

I did not married her but almost made that mistake. I had just recently bought the ring and was going to propose to her as my surprise. I wanted her to become my wife and mother of my future children but was bombarded by all this. I had to return the ring.:mad:

Come to think of it maybe things happen for a reason. What if I would have proceeded on proposing to her and have a child only to later on find out who she really was?

I don't think I'll ever marry. No point anymore.

 

You should get on your knees and thank God each and every day that this happened PRIOR to getting married and having kids. He gave you a gift by revealing her true nature early.

[Steadfast]

 

No, you need to DECLARE that you will not cheat ever again for ANY reason. There is NEVER a need to cheat only a desire to avoid conflict.

 

So, obviously, in future relationships you will not reveal that you cheated on a past BF. You can get away with this because most people don't really care how past relationships ended, unless it was a marriage.

 

Know this, if you choose to cheat on a future marriage and end up divorced, you will have to lie to any future prospects about how it ended, and have the relationship based on a lie. Or, tell the truth and risk having the SO harbor mistrust for the entire relationship. You will always be asked how your marriage ended.

 

So, keep this under wraps, learn the lesson and vow now to never cheat again for ANY reason. Close the door and lock it, that path is no longer available to you.

 

 

Your posts are deep and heartfelt my friend. You have truly learned so much and are so incredibility adept at verbalizing it. Good things await you-

[Darth Vader]

You should get on your knees and thank God each and every day that this happened PRIOR to getting married and having kids. He gave you a gift by revealing her true nature early.

 

 

AMEN! TO THAT!!!!! ALMIGHTY GOD does help people!

[jnj express]

Hey driedup---How did you catch her????? What happened when you confronted her?????? Could she give you any kind of reasoning at all for wrecking the engagement, and 2 lives.

 

You did recieve a gift in that you will not have to spend the rest of your life married to a woman that _________ (I will wait for you to fill in the blank as to why) Even if she can't tell you why---she can certainly tell you her thinking as she got in her car---as she drove over---as she knocked on his door---as she undressed---as she allowed him to enter her----You know she damn well had thoughts at every one of those junctures----what were they????????

 

Why did she say she started the whole thing online with him in the 1st place???????

 

Did she try to tell you she loved you after you caught her???? I never will understand what kind of love that is-----how do you love someone, and spread your legs for someone else---full well knowing the horrible repercussions it will cause----Some kind of love!!!!!!!!

 

Please tell me about the catching, and confronting, the why's and thinking, if it doesn't hurt you to talk about it----thanx

[Gfkr2]

She cheated because she felt entitled to it. She earned that orgasm. She worked hard for 6 months, sneaking, researching, hiding, lying. She felt she deserved it. It wasn't a momentary lapse in judgment, it was planned, dreamed, fantasized about. And in the end, she drove over to his place with a smile on her face and butterflies in her stomach. She did it without hesitation. She knows exactly why she did it. consequence be damned, I'm going to screw this guy and not worry about what happens after. I don't care that I'll crush someone who loves me. I want this, and I will have it.

 

BINGO. Your post hit me like a slap in the face over my cup of coffee. My WW knew exactly what she was doing with her A. Her and the OM did a good job covering their tracks for several months before D-day. I can still see her "butterflies" fluttering with every glass of Chardonnay with her friend. No doubt she enjoyed the euphoria of having a secret sexual relationship.