Does "rehab" really assist a cheater in "recovery"???

[Tony T]

Tiger went into rehab after he got caught. Now Jesse is going into rehab since he recently got caught (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36109582/ns/entertainment-celebrities/). Many others have done the same.

 

Is going into rehabilitation to get cured of wanting strange something that really works...or is it just a show for the public and for a spouse that maybe hopes beyond all odds that her guy won't stray anymore? I personally don't see how any kind of counseling can cure somebody of this. I also don't think cheating has anything to do with sex addiction. A sex addict would probably continue to play forever without getting married.

 

Thoughts?

[Spark1111]

Tiger went into rehab after he got caught. Now Jesse is going into rehab since he recently got caught (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36109582/ns/entertainment-celebrities/). Many others have done the same.

 

Is going into rehabilitation to get cured of wanting strange something that really works...or is it just a show for the public and for a spouse that maybe hopes beyond all odds that her guy won't stray anymore? I personally don't see how any kind of counseling can cure somebody of this. I also don't think cheating has anything to do with sex addiction. A sex addict would probably continue to play forever without getting married.

 

Thoughts?

 

Good point Tony! Psychologists are very divided if sex addiction can even be classified as an addiction because all human beings need sex. It is a natural desire and all humans need it!

 

There are some phychological disorders that do have trouble remaining faithful, such as borderlines during their manic phases, because they are seeking release and peace. This is usually coupled with other out-of-control behaviors like gambling and excessive spending, and fighting with the boss and losing jobs.

 

Once medicated properly, these self-sabotaging activities subside.

 

So, is it easier to send someone to a sex addict recovery program than to say a famous person needs intensive therapy and meds because of phychological issues, which tends to frighten the public at large?

 

I mean, who ISN'T addicted to sex? Usually though, one can remain faithful to one partner unless other reasons force the end of a romantic relationship.

 

Maybe all these celebs are truly nuts, and "sex-addict" just sugarcoats their self-sabotaging behaviors.

[BlueeyedJonesy]

I think what we're getting confused is that there is a HUGE difference between a womanizer and a sex-addict..anymore I think celeb's pull the whole sex-addict card so it will be forgivable..

[Woggle]

No. This sex addiction stuff is a load of crap anyway.

[califnan]

How can you talk a man out of wanting to sleep around .. It seems that a man who will cheat on his wife - will always wish to do so.. Take away the inventory of desparate women? ha - impossible..

[threebyfate]

Sex addiction can be a symptom of NPD. Both these men, IMLO, appear to display NPD traits, based on how the media has portrayed them.

 

Therapy helps people who want to be helped and are willing to put some serious energy into rerouting dysfunctional thought processes. Therapy won't help people who are looking for a magical, instant and easy cure or who don't want to be helped, since they don't believe they need help.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

How can you talk a man out of wanting to sleep around .. It seems that a man who will cheat on his wife - will always wish to do so.. Take away the inventory of desparate women? ha - impossible..

 

I agree. You might think the public embarrassment alone would be enough to curtail their wandering, but that hasn't always proven to be the case.

 

 

Sex addiction can be a symptom of NPD. Both these men, IMLO, appear to display NPD traits, based on how the media has portrayed them.

 

Therapy helps people who want to be helped and are willing to put some serious energy into rerouting dysfunctional thought processes. Therapy won't help people who are looking for a magical, instant and easy cure or who don't want to be helped, since they don't believe they need help.

 

While sex addiction or lack of control in that area is a symptom of NPD I don't believe that therapy can help them at all. Which is why in the case of celebrity infidelity or anyone who has suffered some type of public outing they tend to be right back out there. These NPD'ers actually don't suffer embarrassment for long because they have to uncanny ability to alter their perception of how they are perceived by others. If only they could lie as well to others as they lie to themselves.

[threebyfate]

While sex addiction or lack of control in that area is a symptom of NPD I don't believe that therapy can help them at all. Which is why in the case of celebrity infidelity or anyone who has suffered some type of public outing they tend to be right back out there. These NPD'ers actually don't suffer embarrassment for long because they have to uncanny ability to alter their perception of how they are perceived by others. If only they could lie as well to others as they lie to themselves.

I've seen therapy make a difference with the ex-H, albeit sometimes falls back to old ways. He's been in therapy now for almost 3 years.

 

But I do agee that NPD can't be cured. It's a lifelong uphill battle, hence why the desire to get help and then consistent application of learned coping tools, are necessities, in order to curb themselves to a degree.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I remember you saying that your X had made progress in therapy. I've only spoken with one psychiatrist who believed he had ONE patient who was "cured". I think the patient actually had learned how to pull the wool over the Dr.s eyes! I told him as well, but so we agreed to disagree.

[Woman In Blue]

I think men LOVE using the "sex addiction card" when they get caught with their pants down, plain and simple.

 

I've never understood our society's need to slap a label on what really amounts to sleazy behavior and nothing more. Some men simply enjoy acting like pigs and exercise no self control whatsoever - to slap an "affliction" label on that is actually laughable.

[nofirstnames]

I think what we're getting confused is that there is a HUGE difference between a womanizer and a sex-addict..anymore I think celeb's pull the whole sex-addict card so it will be forgivable..

 

Let me throw this out there, if it can work as a valid and acceptable excuse for the leader of one of the most powerful nations today, why on earth wouldn't every man who gets caught with his hand in the cookie jar use the same excuse? I don't think it would have become as epidemic as it is now if Hillary would have kicked his you know what to the curb.

 

I don't usually go around throwing politics into every argument, but in this case it seems to fit. I remember reading many years ago how some believed that the filming and subsequent airing of President Kennedy's assisination served to desensitize Americans to violence. It's a complex issue that admittedly, I don't know enough about to argue, so I don't know if I agree completely with that finding, but I can see how it might have played a role. My point is that it was turning point in society, as I believe our acceptance of our former president's behavior was.

 

Sorry, hope I didn't just TJ

Edited April 1, 2010 by nofirstnames

[Dexter Morgan]

dumbasses like Tiger Woods aren't going into rehab for cheating because they think they need it. He is doing it to hopefully gain corporate sponsers back that he lost. he is doing it for his photo ops and press conferences.

 

no amount of rehab is going to take away his desire to plug as many different women behind his wife's back. once a cheater always a cheater, even if you never actually do the deed again or not.

[carhill]

IMO, such an 'addiction' is like alcoholism, and requires a lifetime commitment to recovery, including 'rehab' and continuing peer support. Constant reminders of and commitment to the goal.

 

'I'm a cheater and I will not cheat today'

 

I've had this philosophy tested since divorcing and found the boundaries to be healthy. Each day is a new day and a new commitment.

[TaraMaiden]

No. This sex addiction stuff is a load of crap anyway.

I'm in complete agreement.

 

It's Part of the cure to wish to be cured, abut I think most public sex addicts do it because it's expected of them.

Not because they see it as a genuinely destructive problem they need to kick.

 

How do you assess how successful it was?... do they become celibate? Frigid? asexual?

 

A drug addict stops taking drugs, an alcoholic stops drinking alcohol, so obviously it should follow that a sex addict must stop having sex.... right....?

 

Oh, please.....

[2sunny]

Does "rehab" really assist a cheater in "recovery"???

 

totally depends on their willingness.

[OldEurope]

Tiger went into rehab after he got caught. Now Jesse is going into rehab since he recently got caught (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36109582/ns/entertainment-celebrities/). Many others have done the same.

 

Is going into rehabilitation to get cured of wanting strange something that really works...or is it just a show for the public and for a spouse that maybe hopes beyond all odds that her guy won't stray anymore? I personally don't see how any kind of counseling can cure somebody of this. I also don't think cheating has anything to do with sex addiction. A sex addict would probably continue to play forever without getting married.

 

Thoughts?

 

 

My thought is that the idea of "sexual addiction" is a fraud and a farce. It is just another way to avoid pointing to the real culprit--Bad Character-- because no one wants to take responsibility for one's actions anymore. It is "an addiction", implying a physiological-psychological dysfunction, and not pure, plain lack of self control.

 

Also, the more "addictions" out there, the more cashing in for every nature of pseudo psychotherapist who becomes an "expert" as such an issue, shows up on Dr. Phil, and speaks in a patient, dramatic tone about nationwide cases of "sexual addiction" with all the gravity of a physicist explaining quantum mechanics to an audience of housewives....Blah blah and blah.

 

It is like my other favorite, "obesity epidemic". An "epidemic" is viral, transmitted through germs and bacteria/unhygenic contact. This expression makes it sounds like fat kids are victims to airborne cheesburgers that slip into the bloodstream and make them fat. Again, no self control , no responsibility.

 

America, America....

Edited April 3, 2010 by OldEurope

[carhill]

Is it known whether Tiger and/or Jesse have chemical dependencies as well? If so, that might indicate a brain chemistry of addiction, with the brain chemistry of sex being vulnerable to the same dynamic. As is well known here on LS from the relationship issues shared, the chemicals of sex and orgasm are a powerful influence on decision-making other behaviors. 'Under the influence', many of us make unhealthy decisions or engage in unhealthy behaviors. If that's global, meaning our brain happens to respond to a number of substances and/or stimuli that way, and it interferes with the formation or continuance of healthy interpersonal relationships, then it bears scrutiny as a brain function issue.

 

They are responsible for their actions. Of that there is no doubt, save for legally being declared incompetent or mentally ill and not responsible for their own actions. Seeking to understand and/or treat the underlying brain chemistry, IMO, is a separate issue. If they're getting 'treated' as a publicity lubricant, they have to own that perspective. They live with it. I don't. I hope they're getting treated to live a healthier life.

[White Flower]

Tiger went into rehab after he got caught. Now Jesse is going into rehab since he recently got caught (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36109582/ns/entertainment-celebrities/). Many others have done the same.

 

Is going into rehabilitation to get cured of wanting strange something that really works...or is it just a show for the public and for a spouse that maybe hopes beyond all odds that her guy won't stray anymore? I personally don't see how any kind of counseling can cure somebody of this. I also don't think cheating has anything to do with sex addiction. A sex addict would probably continue to play forever without getting married.

 

Thoughts?

For those who are not aware of your other thread:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t226887/

 

Not all cheaters are sex addicts. But most sex addicts are cheaters.

 

Yes, the sex-addicted spouse/partner/person CAN get help and be cured of this but as with all addictions the addict will have to be 'in recovery' for the rest of his/her life.

 

A sex addict will probably continue to play forever regardless of whether he is married or not. He will continue to play until he

 

a) gets caught and confronted

b) gets tired of it (personal and financial loss)

c) becomes incarcerated (depending of the level of addiction he/she has)

4) finds what he is actually looking for. If he has found true intimacy the need for the endorphin fix is interupted.

 

Some addicts will commit themselves for 'a show for the public' and some will commit themselves because they are actually seeking help. Some use SA to excuse themselves of selfish behavior and give all the other true sufferers of SA a bad name. I know you think they already have a bad name but if you put them in the same boat as those who suffer from alcoholism and other forms of drug abuse you can begin to see them as human beings.

[ADF]

No one in the medical or theraputic community claims rehab as a cure for anything. Rehab shouldn't be thought of as a cure, but rather as a kind of dextox. Addicts who complete rehab still need follow up care. Most will spend the rest of their lives guarding against relapse (and not always successfully).

 

Studies suggest that in the case of alcohol and some other addictive substances, 90 days of rehab can make a big difference in 5-year sobriety rates. Those who go through a 90 day rehab program are far more likely to still be sober 5 years later than those who don't

 

Unfortunately, very few people get to complete 90 days of rehab. Most get only 30 at best. The reason: that is all most insurance companies will pay for. Remember, in America, doctors don't make medical decisions. Insurance companies do.

[White Flower]

My thought is that the idea of "sexual addiction" is a fraud and a farce. It is just another way to avoid pointing to the real culprit--Bad Character-- because no one wants to take responsibility for one's actions anymore. It is "an addiction", implying a physiological-psychological dysfunction, and not pure, plain lack of self control.

 

Also, the more "addictions" out there, the more cashing in for every nature of pseudo psychotherapist who becomes an "expert" as such an issue, shows up on Dr. Phil, and speaks in a patient, dramatic tone about nationwide cases of "sexual addiction" with all the gravity of a physicist explaining quantum mechanics to an audience of housewives....Blah blah and blah.

 

It is like my other favorite, "obesity epidemic". An "epidemic" is viral, transmitted through germs and bacteria/unhygenic contact. This expression makes it sounds like fat kids are victims to airborne cheesburgers that slip into the bloodstream and make them fat. Again, no self control , no responsibility.

 

America, America....

Pretty funny and cute, but it is real.

 

'The real culprit-BAD CHARACTER'. What does that mean when you really look at it? What is bad character? Sometimes the person demonstrating the bad behavior doesn't even know.

 

When I found out that MM was a serial cheater I suggested that deep down he hated all women. That caused him to look deep inside and give me an answer. He doesn't rememeber everything, but there was abuse as a child and with all the other chemical tendencies he (and anyone else who suffers SA) is made up of an addiction developed. He never displays 'bad character' in any other area in his life and has very successfully gotten away with his addiction his entire life and into retirement. I was the only one who figured him out and now he is getting help with it.

 

Many sex-addicts are perfect citizens outwardly. You might even know a few. You might even look up to them. They tend to uphold the law more than the average Joe.

 

The reason we know there are tendencies to those who suffer from SA is because there are so many of them. You can't gather stats without a large pool.

 

Self control is a mislaid idea with regard to SA. Refer to alcoholics, only endorphins and adrenaline is the fix. This is why SA's usually uphold the law in so many other areas; they cannot uphold THIS law (self-control), so they overcompensate in other areas.

 

By the way, obesity and SA are two of the addictions where the victim is usually hurting only the self, especially if the SA only masturbates. But if he is a serial cheater he hurts everyone in his sexual path.

[White Flower]

No one in the medical or theraputic community claims rehab as a cure for anything. Rehab shouldn't be thought of as a cure, but rather as a kind of dextox. Addicts who complete rehab still need follow up care. Most will spend the rest of their lives guarding against relapse (and not always successfully).

 

Studies suggest that in the case of alcohol and some other addictive substances, 90 days of rehab can make a big difference in 5-year sobriety rates. Those who go through a 90 day rehab program are far more likely to still be sober 5 years later than those who don't

 

Unfortunately, very few people get to complete 90 days of rehab. Most get only 30 at best. The reason: that is all most insurance companies will pay for. Remember, in America, doctors don't make medical decisions. Insurance companies do.

All excellent points ADF. Also, a 12 step program is neccessary as a tool for lifetime recovery.

[White Flower]

I think it's more a public relations move than anything.

 

All forms of 12-step "rehab" state that the "addict" is not able to control him/herself. If you publicly go to rehab, it has the effect of saying, "I'm personally not entirely responsible for my actions, it's a 'disease' that controls me, so don't blame me too much."

 

Compare that with the man saying, "Yeah, I did it. No, I'm not a 'sex addict' I just like to bang lots and lots of hot women, despite the fact I'm married." This would ruin him in the public eye.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Remember the US is still very puritanical toward sex. I think I saw a quote here that 45% of US population believe that the world was created just a few thousand years ago and man plunked down in his present form by God. These aren't exactly "progressive" thinkers.

Trust me, as an American, I find it very hard to live with these kind of thinkers. Please don't think we all don't embrace education.

I'm surprised there aren't more 12-step programs. Porn addiction, money-laundering addiction, political corruption addiction, wife-beating addiction, repeated traffic violation addiction, carrying loaded guns on aircraft addiction... That way all these public figures who get caught for that stuff could just disclaim responsibility, say they're "addicted" to whatever illegality put them in jail, go to "rehab" and come out and say they're trying to resolve their demons but that they're feeling much better now.

 

Just an exaggeration. Be serious.

IMHO, 12-step programs are the 20th century version of "the devil made me do it, but now I have faith in Jesus" cry that you used to make in church after you were caught stealing a horse from your neighbor.

So, if Tiger is just a guy who likes to bang a lot of girls, what do you suppose he do to overcome this 'selfish desire'. Also, why do you believe he would risk EVERYTHING over this selfish desire? Desires are easily restrained. Addictions are not.

 

ps

Accepting the fact that one is addicted does not exclude personal responsibility. Sex offenders spend lots of time in jail to prove this. We hold them accountable. No sex addict gets off scott free. He either goes to jail, loses his family, money, kids, etc., and loses his reputation, regardless of how famous he is. Just look at the golf industry today.

Edited April 4, 2010 by White Flower