cheating with her boss

[jdefc]

I recently found out that my girlfriend of 4 years was seeing her boss. She first told me they were only friends and as he's married "would never want anything from her" but agreed never to see him again. To make matters worse I'm 10 years older than her and he's 9 years older than I am. Anyway I found out a week later that she'd arranged to meet him again.. to give him a weekend kiss. I found this on her 2nd email account and of course flipped. I moved out straight away and a didn't know where to turn. She begged me to come back and I did as I still loved her. I've since found out that she has slept with him and had been meeting him for at least 2 months. We've basically lived in each others pockets for the past 4 years and she does really love me and wants to try to get back to were we where before. Is it possible?

I don't know if I'm afraid to be alone or if I really believe that I can forgive her? She slept with him 2 weeks before her birthday trip to paris, which I'd booked and payed for long before. She insists that she got caught up in something she couldn't control and he chased her. When I spoke to him he was of course more worried about his wife finding out.

[FryFish]

and wants to try to get back to were we where before. Is it possible?

No. Its not.

 

I don't know if I'm afraid to be alone or if I really believe that I can forgive her?

You are afraid to be alone. You will NEVER look at her the same.

 

She slept with him 2 weeks before her birthday trip to paris, which I'd booked and payed for long before.

Its these little things that will go through your head every time you make eye contact with her.... You will remember this LONG after she forgets.

 

She insists that she got caught up in something she couldn't control

BULL****!

 

and he chased her.

So?

 

When I spoke to him he was of course more worried about his wife finding out.

This guy is a dick. Tell his wife.

[whichwayisup]

She's lied..Betrayed..Lied..And lied for so long. Knowing full well what she was doing was wrong. They both are to blame for this, they both 'chose' it to happen, it was NOT one sided. She needs to start owning up her side of this, take responsibility, be accountable for her selfish choices.

 

You aren't married yet, so really take the time to sort yourself out. Could you ever trust her again? IS she willing to quit that job? Never see or speak to her MM boss ever again? Is she remorseful? Or just feeling bad/guilty because it's out in the open now?

 

She is broken inside. This has nothing to do with you. It's about her, her ego and whatever it is that is missing inside of her. She needs to fix herself, understand why she chose to cheat, why she risked you, and your future together. Counselling will help, is she willing to go?

 

You could benefit from going too, but right now, don't go together.

[jdefc]

it all helps at the moment. thanks

[whichwayisup]

Considering telling his wife? I would if I were you as it's a sure way of endng the A once and for all.

 

She is upset she got busted. She's in desparation mode.

 

Keep venting..What are you thinking about now? Get it out of your system if it helps..

[cyabye]

You need to free yourself from this mess right now. Be glad you are not married (with kids). Walk away. Just walk away.

 

cya

[Sal Paradise]

She is feeding you a huge amount of bs.

 

1) She doesn't love you. She may have at one time but right now she doesn't. She has zero respect for you.

 

2) Don't buy into the lie that she had no control over what she did and just got caught up in it. That's her way of placing the blame on him and making herself out to be a victim. She had complete control. She enjoyed it and she knew exactly what she was doing. She chose to screw him. She chose to break your heart. She chose to destroy your relationship.

 

And now you need to make a choice. Stay with someone who doesn't understand the concepts of love, loyalty, respect and committment or dump the garbage. You're not married and there are no kids involved, you can make clean break. In the future it might not be so easy. Staying with her could be the type of life altering mistake that you spend the rest of your life regretting. I would make a clean break and get myself tested for any STD's she may have given you.

[Jeff1962]

I have to be straight up here as a guy to a guy. Your girl screw*d another guy, (HER BOSS) while lying to you the whole time.

 

How many times do you think she came home after having him in her mouth and then kissed you? How many times was this guy in her before you? Then factor in all of the feelings on top of this. I'm not trying to be cruel but you are saying that she still loves you and wants to work it out. I think you are considering this.

 

Do as you will. I would ask her to leave and not ever have anything to do with her again.

[imagine]

 

This guy is a dick. Tell his wife.

 

You owe this information to his wife... Your girlfriend will be extremely cross with you.

 

This is in the script. Offer her a cookie. Eventually she will come around. She needs to know that you care enough to defend your relationship.

[Bryanp]

Why would you believe she only slept with him once? She has continually lied to you time and again and planned to meet with him again after you foolishly moved back in with her. She clearly does not respect you and knows she has a boyfriend who forgives her for lying, cheating and sleeping with her boss. The fact that she was willing to meet up with him again for another "kiss" (you know what that means) clearly tells you that she is playing you for a complete fool. How nice that she screwed this guy right before she went to Paris on a trip paid by you. Do you really need to have a piano fall on your head to see what she is and what she has been doing to you? Her excuse is that she go caught up in the moment for 2 months?....Oh Please!

 

If the roles were reversed do you honestly think she would be so accepting as you? Her boss must think you are a total wuss in that you did not even tell his wife. What message do you think you are sending him? The message is that you are afraid of speaking up and willing to accept all such humiliation from him without him suffering consequences. TELL HIS WIFE and DUMP YOUR GIRLFRIEND. They both have no respect for you whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will?

[Left in a Lurch]

It's funny how her boss thinks he is the victim not, afraid you'll tell his wife.

 

You should tell his wife and dump your gf, you can never trust her and everytime you have a fight or she goes somewhere without telling you, you're going to think she's boning some other guy, and the bad part is you'll be right to think that.

 

If she was willing to screw around on you and still go on the birthday trip, she really didn't care for you, and in fact showed great disdain by going there knowing you paid and she was screwing around.

 

The part about her not being in control was just her trying to make a victim of herself, another disrespectful thing she did to you. For her to say that she really deserved to get kicked in the baby maker. Either she was raped or she was in full control, no two ways about it. To try to pass the buck makes her a total piece of sh*t.

 

Do you really want to be with a girl that apparently can't control herself and is unable to stop from dropping her pants and presenting to any guy that "chases" her?

[BlueeyedJonesy]

Tell his wife, and cut your ties with this woman who doesn't deserve you!!!!!!! you bought her a trip to Paris?! and thats the way she thanks you???? I would have something completely different in mind.

[seibert253]

1st. Everyone here is right. TELL HIS WIFE. For two reasons:

 

1. She has a right to know

2. Nothing ends an A quicker, and insures it stays dead, than exposure

 

Whether you decide to stay with your girlfriend is ultiamtely up to you. I know what my decision would be, trip to Paris coming up and she rewards you by boinking the OM. By By my dear, don't let it hit you in the azz on the way out. But anyway.

 

If the relationship remains is UP TO YOU, not her. Now, her actions should dictate alot in your decision. If she's truly remorseful and sorry about what she did, and takes all the necessary steps to make things right, well then there's a chance.

Gauging by what you've wrote, I'm not seeing that from her. Unless that changes, get out the packing boxes, someone needs to go.

[mark982]

if you take this girl back, she'll laugh at you behind your back. she'll have absolutely no respect for you. dump her and tell his wife also.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I couldn't help but to think of this gem that someone posted here a while ago. Same scenario, girlfriend f*cks someone behind her boyfriend's back (in this case, his boss not hers), and he gets the ultimate revenge in the funniest way possible. It may not work for you, but I'm sure you'll get a laugh out of it.

 

[mybrowneyedgirl]

i disagree. even though I had an A i still was in love with my H. i just somehow seemed to tune out the reality of what i was doing. now, in hindsight i am ashamed, tortured and remorseful of what ive done. i never stopped loving my H. just in some selfish way put that side of things out of my mind.

 

it took a dday for me to realize the feelings for my H and the love that never faultered despite my feelings for another man.

 

please dont assume that she doesnt love you. she may be too concerned with herself at the moment to think about you. selfish yes, excusable no. its just something that seems to happen during an A.

[jnj express]

1st thing you do is tell your GF boss's wife---she deserves to know what kind of a slimeball she has for a H. She needs to be able to decide her future knowing what she is married to.

 

As to your GF, she just gave you lip service----said she would go NC, and kept right on servicing him.

 

You will never be able to trust her again. You are able to walk away from her with no legal entanglements---do so. She has a propensity to cheat on you, to disrespect you, to manipulate, connive, and lie to you. How would like to have to be dealing with this situation if you were married with kids. Get out now---do not be a doormat.

[Dexter Morgan]

I recently found out that my girlfriend of 4 years was seeing her boss. She first told me they were only friends and as he's married "would never want anything from her" but agreed never to see him again. To make matters worse I'm 10 years older than her and he's 9 years older than I am. Anyway I found out a week later that she'd arranged to meet him again.. to give him a weekend kiss. I found this on her 2nd email account and of course flipped. I moved out straight away and a didn't know where to turn. She begged me to come back and I did as I still loved her. I've since found out that she has slept with him and had been meeting him for at least 2 months. We've basically lived in each others pockets for the past 4 years and she does really love me and wants to try to get back to were we where before. Is it possible?

I don't know if I'm afraid to be alone or if I really believe that I can forgive her? She slept with him 2 weeks before her birthday trip to paris, which I'd booked and payed for long before. She insists that she got caught up in something she couldn't control and he chased her. When I spoke to him he was of course more worried about his wife finding out.

 

don't waste one more precious minute of your short life on this girl.

 

dump her and find someone decent. if you don't, you WILL regret it. That I can promise you.

[jdefc]

I've left her now and am staying with friends currently looking for a new flat. She's insists we belong together and has started cutting her arms as a sign of how fkd up she is...but find myself still visioning the two of them together and going through details that I really need to forget.

She has fkd up and is fkd up so these are 2 good reasons to stay away.

If anyone else is going through the same sort of thing i'd probably advise looking after yourself and don't look for instant pain relief. I stopped respecting myself by constantly reminding myself that she used to be perfect and went back to her because at the time it made me feel better as she was everything for me in last 4 years and i'd neglected my friends in favour of her.

Starting over is not that easy but i'm sure i'll be fine.

[JaneInVegas]

I've left her now and am staying with friends currently looking for a new flat.

 

It probably was for the best. Thanks for the update. By the way, did the jerk's wife ever find out?

 

You WILL be fine. Someday you'll look back on all of it and wonder why you didn't leave sooner.

[dreamingoftigers]

As a BS, I can honestly say that 2 months is not that long in affair world. Yes she really, really mistreated you. That is really a ****ty ****ty thing to do. If she confessed and is genuinely repentant, I don't think a four year relationship is one to just throw away. Don't just forgive, she has a lot of work ahead of her, and a lot would have to happen to regain trust, it would take about two years. She would have to totally acknowledge the damage she has done. The relationship need not be dead. Women get really conflicted about these things. I mean, what was she supposed to do? Say "I can't go on the Paris trip because I am totally being an ******* to you." No, she wanted this to be hidden until she figured her **** out.

 

TELL THE WIFE> her not knowing is awful.

[Chrome Barracuda]

I dont think it matters.

 

She screwed her boss. She knew what she was doing, it wasnt a mistake, it was her choice. Your advice was for him to stick it out? 4 years and she screws her boss and you want him to wait.

 

It isnt his fault she chose this. So let her deal with it. I think he made the rght choice in leaving. Why would he take her back? Yuck. He's probably seeing nightmares in his mind everytime she goes to work. Everytime he leaves the house. Every time he closes his eyes!!

 

Why should he deal with that?

[Joe Normal]

Tell his wife what happened (she deserves to know). Dump your gf and never speak to her again. And if it's politically doable, tell HR about your boss's affair (be careful though in case it could affect you badly e.g. small family-run company).

[phineas]

take it from someone who's been there.

She is a liar & cheater.

She will NEVER change.

She will continue to crap on you for as long as you take it.

 

She will say & do anything to get you to come back then cheat on you again.

 

She is defective.

[whichwayisup]

She's insists we belong together and has started cutting her arms as a sign of how fkd up she is

 

She has a funny way of showing that you two belong together.

 

And yes, she has issues. Cutting is not normal and she needs to get professional help since she's a cutter.

 

You don't need her in your life. You're not responsible for her reaction to all this, (cutting,acting out - it's her DESPARATION of losing you, all the meanwhile still wanting what she wants) and the best thing to do now is protect your heart and shut her out.