moral dilemma

[Brandy228]

My fiance was having an EA with someone across the country. I believe it is resolved now, since the woman's husband found out everything (including the naked pics she emailed my fiance). Since then he has given me the password to his online cell phone records, and the passwords to his email accounts.

 

However, I never did tell him I put a keylogger on his computer, he has absolutely no clue to this day. He hasn't emailed her since everything went down, however I did discover something extremely unsettling - he has the password to her Facebook account, and to her email address! I suppose it wasn't the right thing to do, but I logged onto her email account just to see, and it's where she gets her bills, emails from her family, etc. It's clearly her primary email address. (please no bashing me for looking in her email, I am honestly trying to do the right thing here!)

 

So I can't tell him about it, because there would be no explanation for my knowing. I'm not ready to give up the keylogger yet, it's only been 2 weeks. I can't directly tell her about it, either. I can't let him go on looking at her accounts though!

 

Please believe me when I say that I want to do the absolutely right thing here, even though I'm sure some of you will say I'm trying to be a bitch about it.

 

Two options I've been contemplating:

 

1) Go into both of her accounts and manually change the password myself, in hopes when she resets them she will change them to something else

 

2) Sending her an anonymous email with her password in the subject line, and tell her to change it

 

Anybody have any other ideas???

[JaneInVegas]

I vote for simply changing the password, it seems the most innocuous solution. However, avoid the temptation to do anything less than honorable while you're in her mailbox, okay?

 

Good luck to you

[BlueeyedJonesy]

Don't feel too bad. I would've looked too, believe me! But I completely understand why you would want her to know. I would definetly just change her password that way she will know to change it or shut it down. NOW with that being said, if he knows her password again then thats a red flag..they could be trying to communicate through her email. If you think about it, its pretty smart.

 

I'm not trying to sound harsh but just trying to offer you a little bit of advice. I know you probably love him and all but you aren't even married yet and your having to install a keylogger because hes having an EA with some woman across the country? I would think really hard about this one...If these problems are occuring now it will more than likely get worse when you have children. I hope this is just a one time thing and you guys get it all worked out. just giving you my two cents! good luck.

[dazzle22]

Perhaps she gave him her password?....Have you thought about that possibility? That is an interesting way of communication without your spouse/lover discovering you. You have the password to someone's account. .. You type in a message in THEIR email or facebook, in the "drafts" section, or any other folder for that matter. Then when the other person logs on, they go there, read it, DELETE it, and viola! No "email" footprints for a lover/spouse to find....unless they have a keylogger. That would be my suspicion....I would do nothing at all....That is how they were communicating in an attempt not to arouse suspicion.....

[OnlyJake]

Perhaps she gave him her password?....Have you thought about that possibility? That is an interesting way of communication without your spouse/lover discovering you. You have the password to someone's account. .. You type in a message in THEIR email or facebook, in the "drafts" section, or any other folder for that matter. Then when the other person logs on, they go there, read it, DELETE it, and viola! No "email" footprints for a lover/spouse to find....unless they have a keylogger. That would be my suspicion....I would do nothing at all....That is how they were communicating in an attempt not to arouse suspicion.....

 

I agree, I wouldn't do anything yet, you might find out they're still in contact.

[road]

do nothing

do not reveal your capability to snoop

[lkjh]

You didn't do anything wrong and don't do anything yet. Wait and see if they start communicating when things settle down. Don't give away any of your advantages. All that would do is help your fiance get sneakier

[KikiW]

The first thing I thought was "well at least she has a secondary way of finding out if her guy started a secret email account to continue communicating with the other woman..." I wouldn't show any cards just yet if it were me. JMHO

[WifeCheatedOnMe]

Which keylogger are you using?

[LakesideDream]

Wow, what a distasteful thread. Advice? Sure. Dont marry the guy. Send him down the road where he belongs. Trust me, if he's cheating before you are married, when he's supposed to be burning with love for you, ... and he was. He will do it again..... been there done that, t-shirts and postcards available upon request.

 

Once he's gone you won't have to worry about the rest of it, situation taken care of.

Edited January 18, 2010 by LakesideDream
Spelling

[dazzle22]

Wow, what a distasteful thread. Advice? Sure. Dont marry the guy. Send him down the road where he belongs. Trust me, if he's cheating before you are married, when he's supposed to be burning with love for you, ... and he was. He will do it again..... been there done that, t-shirts and postcards available upon request.

 

Once he's gone you won't have to worry about the rest of it, situation taken care of.

 

 

Yes, but sometimes I think it is like the "viewing" before a funeral. Sometimes you really need to SEE the "evidence" that the relationship is "dead" before you can accept it and it sinks in....

[Brandy228]

Perhaps she gave him her password?....Have you thought about that possibility? That is an interesting way of communication without your spouse/lover discovering you. You have the password to someone's account. .. You type in a message in THEIR email or facebook, in the "drafts" section, or any other folder for that matter. Then when the other person logs on, they go there, read it, DELETE it, and viola! No "email" footprints for a lover/spouse to find....unless they have a keylogger. That would be my suspicion....I would do nothing at all....That is how they were communicating in an attempt not to arouse suspicion.....

 

ugghhh ... I'm totally embarrased to admit I didn't even think of that.

 

They had plenty of communication before between 2 separate email accounts, so if this is the case, it's something they came up with on the fly.

[Brandy228]

Which keylogger are you using?

 

Google this exact phrase: All In One Keylogger

 

It's free to try with 0 restrictions for 1 full week. After that, obviously, it simply quits working. It costs $70 after that.

 

The beautiful thing about it is the fact you can set it to email you a log at regular intervals. So yeah, I get everything emailed to me once a day.

[Brandy228]

Wow, what a distasteful thread. Advice? Sure. Dont marry the guy. Send him down the road where he belongs.

 

Distasteful? Gee thanks!

 

I guess I was using the term 'fiance' out of habit. IF we ever get married, it won't be for a long time yet. I don't have a lot of options right now, other than staying single for as long as I choose.

[dazzle22]

ugghhh ... I'm totally embarrased to admit I didn't even think of that.

 

They had plenty of communication before between 2 separate email accounts, so if this is the case, it's something they came up with on the fly.

 

Well, it is pretty diabolically sneaky. But really, how else can you explain why and how he would have the password of someone across the country? Not because he's checking and snooping on her! Doesn't add up any other way... Nothing else really makes sense. Did he know this woman personally, or set up some connection on the internet? How did you come to know of it? Of course, also, just because he gives you his known email addresses, doesn't mean he couldn't have others set up that are under an assumed name that he only accesses at work, let's say.

 

Of course, you know this situation is kinda doomed I am sure. You just need to "see it"....

[Trojan John]

Google this exact phrase: All In One Keylogger

 

It's free to try with 0 restrictions for 1 full week. After that, obviously, it simply quits working. It costs $70 after that.

 

The beautiful thing about it is the fact you can set it to email you a log at regular intervals. So yeah, I get everything emailed to me once a day.

 

A cracked version is free. Just BT one from Pirate Bay.

[StalledGirl]

Why would you exchange passwords with someone you've never met?! I know people exchange dirty pics and emails but passwords are so private that i'd be wondering if they'd met and intending to stay in contact.

I wish you luck but I don't think he's being totally honest with you:(

[1_hangininthere]

Brandy... PLEASE don't marry him. I promise if you put on a keylogger now it will only get worse. RUN. It's too late for me, but you can still save yourself!!! (LOL).

 

Seriously, imagine one of your friends told you they were still dating someone after an EA and that she was doing the stuff you are doing to spy (genius moves BTW). You're starting off unhealthy. Here is the cycle I predict you will see in the future: everything seems normal and routine. You start feeling comfy. Then you notice something strange. You snoop. You WILL find something. You confront. He promises to change. then my favorite part "the Honeymoon" phase (flowers, attention, everything you wanted along). You stop checking and slowly he starts again.

 

Right now your heart is trying to talk your head out of seeing what is painfully evident. It sucks, it hurts, and you want to believe that it was an isolated incident. Sorry. He will do it again and it will escalate. RUNAWAY!!!

[Brandy228]

Well, it is pretty diabolically sneaky. But really, how else can you explain why and how he would have the password of someone across the country? Not because he's checking and snooping on her! Doesn't add up any other way... Nothing else really makes sense. Did he know this woman personally, or set up some connection on the internet? How did you come to know of it? Of course, also, just because he gives you his known email addresses, doesn't mean he couldn't have others set up that are under an assumed name that he only accesses at work, let's say.

 

Of course, you know this situation is kinda doomed I am sure. You just need to "see it"....

 

He has no other place to access the web, not even at work. The only other place he could log on would be a library, and all of his time is accountable. He has no reason to suspect the keylogger, I don't even think he knows what one is.