opinions wanted

[aries]

O.k., i hate to make this lengthy, but i have noticed most of you like details to help form your opinions, so here it goes.

 

When i was in highshool i dated a guy who was 2 yrs. Older than me. When he went to college he joined a fraternity and i got to know alot of his frat. Brothers. Well, i was extremely attracted to one of his brothers who was also a close friend to my boyfriend at the time. We would flirt back and forth and eventually i told him how i felt about him. He told me that he could not do that to his friend or brother and i understood. Well after a few more times being together at parties and things and a few small things occuring we finally got together and had a one night stand.

After that he kind of freaked out and his best friend told me that he liked me alot but was confused about what to do, so we were both yong and we drifted apart(i had also broke up with my boyfriend during this time)

 

I had always thought of him and i found out he went into the military and then got married and had children. Well, i also am married(5yrs)and have a child. So that was that. I always said that if i ever cheated it would be with him(in joking)-my how words come back to haunt you.

 

It has been about 12yrs. Since all that had happened. Last summer my girlfriend from college that i am still close to called me. She lives in the same town as him, i moved away about 7yrs.ago. Anyhow she said that she saw him out and all he did was talk about me and that he would like to have my phone number. She wouldn't give it to him because we were both married and didn't want to get in the middle. Well after she told me all this i started thnking what harm it would do to call-so i did. I left a message saying that i needed to get into contact with my old boyfriend to give his cass ring back, which was true-he got married about 2yrs. Ago so i felt like i needed to do that.

 

He called me back and we talked about our lives and the past and how we would like to see each other. So i made arrangements with my friend(i live 2hrs. Away)to stay with her. We met, she came with me and we all had a great time, we ended up going on our own and making out.he took me back to my truck, but i had lost my keys, so he drove me to her house. The next morning he came by with my keys that he had found where we had made out.

 

We kept in touch after that but we both were having a hard time with the guilt of our families. We saw each other a couple of times after that, nothing happened just talk and kisses. Then he lowered the boom-he said that his father had done the same thing that he was doing now and that he didn't want to hurt his famiy like that, i understood. This was all in about a 5mth. Period of time.

 

Well, i couldn't get him off my mind so i would call his cell and he would call back ad say we're doing the right thing and if we get together i knew what would end up happening.

 

This feb. I called and gave him my new cell# in case he wanted to get in touch.

He told me that he would like to see me, so we made plans to meet at a local bar.

The next day he called and cancelled, said he had been drinking when he made the plans. I was disapointed but what do you do. I had already made plans to stay with my girlfriend so i called to make plans with her instead. Her and her husband had plans for dinner butshe was going to meet up with me later. I ended up going to the bar to waste time and who sat there but him. So i decided to sit by him-he seemed surprised but was alone. We talked and drank and the next thing i know he wants to blow off our friends(he was meeting friends later also)so we did. We ended up doing everything imaginable and it was great-the only thing was when he got ready to perform he couldn't-i don't know if it was the alcohol or guilt-but it didn't matter to me, just being with him was enough. It was really special.

 

Well, i told him to call me and after not hearing from him, i called about a week 1\2 later. I thought he might have been embarressed about sex)anyhow, when i called he pleaded with me not to call back because he had not been able to sleep because he felt so bad-which i understood i had been feeling very guilty also.he told me that it wasn't me but he just couldn't live like that. He also mentioned before that maybe in the future we could be together but the timing wasn't right now.

 

Anyhow, here i am, 4 months later still thinking of him, i feel like i have always been in love with him and maybe we were being tempted and failed, i don't know. I love my husband, but we just don't have the same spark and intimacy as we have. He said it was the same between him and his wife. The catch is my husband got a job in this small college town and we are going to move there when our house sells. I know i will probably run into him.

 

I would just like any honest opinions about this situation-why after all these years does he think of me-he dated plenty of girls-i never would have thought of cheating until all this has happened. I just feel like i might be missing out on a love greater than i have or that my husband may have with someone else. Thanks, once again sorry so long.

[Tony T]

Have some respect for this man. He has told you he values his current marriage and he doesn't want you to call him. Forget about it.

 

But I will say your longing to get together with him indicates some serious problems in your current marriage. Use your extra time to explore that, see just what the problems are, and either help that to heal or move on to somebody who is unmarried and available.

 

In the long scheme of things, you really don't want to have anything to do with a man who would cheat on his wife with a married woman. You would never, ever feel secure with a man like that who you would always be wondering if he was seeing his ex wife.

 

Go down another road, no matter how good you think this one may feel.

[EnigmaXOXO]

The “sparks” will fade no matter who you choose to involve yourself with for any length of time. That’s just the normal life cycle of a relationship. The passion and/or lust you are feeling now would eventually dwindle off even if your dreams would come true and you would end up with your old college flame.

 

The excitement and drama that drives you now is heightened by the fact you are doing something which is ethically wrong…tasting the “forbidden fruit”, so to speak. You were denied his companionship during your college years, and due to your marital situation, you are being denied it still now. It’s the challenge, not the “sex” that drives you. As humans, we all secretly long for what we can’t have. It may be exciting now, but be careful you don’t allow it to blur your judgment and common sense.

 

Think about all the people you are potentially hurting. The children; your husband; his wife. Think about all the lives that will be disrupted when the truth finally comes out. And think of what might happen when you move to his town and someone who has seen the two of you together mentions it to either your husband or his wife. It’s a small world, and secrets don’t stay buried for long.

 

Most importantly, how will you ever explain this to your child when he/she is old enough to comprehend what mommy has done. How will you possibly justify it? Are you being the kind of parent or spouse that you, yourself, would be proud to have?

 

Think, Think, THINK!

[aries]

I THINK IT WOULD BE A LOT EASIER TO MOVE ON FOR ME IF I JUST HAD A FEW ANSWERS TO WHY ME AFTER ALL THESE YEARS(FULL STORY UNDER "OPINIONS WANTED") I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY HE IS STILL THINKING OF ME. NEITHER ONE OF US HAS EVER CHEATED ON OUR SPOUSES AND IT WASN'T LIKE WE WORKED TOGETHER OR EVEN LIVED IN THE SAME TOWN. HE HAD'NT EVEN SEEN ME IN 12 YRS. AND FOR US BOTH TO FEEL THE SAME WAY NOW AT THE SAME TIME. I JUST DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND THE CHANCES OF THE CIRCUMSTANCES WORKING OUT AT THE TIME LIKE THEY DID. EVEN THOUGH HE ULTIMATELY FELT GUILTY ABOUT HIS ACTIONS AND SO DID I, I STILL WONDER WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN WHEN I MOVE TO HIS SAME TOWN, WHICH LOOKS LIKE IT WILL BE IN THE NEXT MONTH OR SO. WE HAVE NOT TALKED IN ABOUT 4 MTHS. BUT I STILL THINK OF HIM A LOT AND I WONDER IF HE STILL THINKS OF ME. I AM TRYING TO MOVE ON BUT I STILL HAVE SO MANY UNANSWERED QUESTIONS. WHAT DO YOU ALL THINK.