Dana1977 Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 I have made a huge mistake. I have been in a relationship for 7 years and we have a 3 year old son together. We havent always got on, but we have stuck together. The romance in our relationship died years ago. I was on Facebook when a friend from 15 years ago tracked me down and we got talking, this developed into swapping numbers and i enventually agreed, 2 months later, to meet him. He knew my situation with my boyfriend and he also told me that he had a girlfriend but was planning on leaving her as she had cheated on him a few years back, he said he only stayed for the kids and somewhere to sleep. Our relationship developed into a sexual relationship, and before i knew it i had fallen in love. i made excuses to go out at night to meet him. He had temporarily moved into his mothers house (which was conveniently across the road from his "ex"). I was planning to leave my boyfriend to be with him permanently. He made me feel special and loved which my boyfriend hasnt done in a long time. His "ex" was continually calling me on the phone with obscenities and threats. 2 weeks into our "affair" he went back to his ex for 4 days. I was heartbroken and when he called me and asked for a second chance i stupidly gave him one. Our affair continued. I had to keep changing my mobile number as his ex was continually harrassing me. i decided to stop seeing him, i told him this and this is when the trouble started, the blackmails and threats. he blackmailed me to meet up with him otherwise he would tell my boyfriend. His "ex" rang me and told me that he had been still sleeping with her the whole time. He was in the background calling me filthy names and making out to her that i was chasing him, when it was him harrassing,stalking and blackmailing me. He turned up at my house and was out the front of my lawn at 2am 3 nights ago, my boyfriend come out and asked me who he was i said it was a friend that was from facebook. He tried hugging and kissing me when my boyfriend went back inside,i pushed him away, he kept telling me he loved me not his ex.Luckily he agreed with my story and didnt "dob" me in to my boyfriend. Then i get his text messages on my phone telling me i wouldnt hear from him again. i was glad. Then today i hear knocks on my front door and it is his "ex" actually his girlfriend again now. i didnt answer the door. He had told her where i live. luckily my boyfriend was asleep (he works nights) . I rang her mobile and he answered with her in the background, he was saying complete and utter lies just to convince her. i threatened to go to the police. i dont know what to do. what happens the next time he or she turn up at my house and my boyfriend is awake or i am out and he is home? every car that pulls up i am jumping up to look out the window to see if its them? They only live 10 minutes away. I know i have made a huge mistake, but all i was looking for was love and maybe a chance at a better life, instead i get this huge mess. i realise now i do love my boyfriend and i dont want him to find out as he will leave me and i will be alone. i have learnt a huge lesson. i have learned not to trust. What should I do?? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 Enroll in a drama program. I think you have the talent, seriously What are you willing to do to rebuild your relationship with your BF and provide a healthy home for your son? Are you willing to be honest, transparent and sensitive to his perspective and healing? Do you have access to counseling? IMO, you and he are going to need it. Hopefully, you'll get other suggestions. BTW, wrt trust, have a talk with your BF about that; I'll bet you and he have more common ground than you might think right now. You should be able to empathize quite sincerely. I'm glad your quick look at the 'greener' grass was fruitful. Hopefully, with some water and fertilizer, the grass over on your side will look just as inviting soon Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 Tell your boyfriend the TRUTH. You were planning on leaving your bf for this guy.. Seems you're putting ALL this on the OM and his girlfriend. OWN what you have done. You've cheated on your boyfriend, father of your young child. All because you met some guy from your past, fell for his crap willingly and now it's blown up in your face. Sorry this is such a mess, but the best thing you can do is come clean, admit EVERYTHING to your boyfriend and go from there. If he loves you enough, maybe he'll give you a chance to make things up.. BUT..You don't go from this: We havent always got on, but we have stuck together. The romance in our relationship died years ago to this: I was planning to leave my boyfriend to be with him permanently. He made me feel special and loved which my boyfriend hasnt done in a long time. and then back to this: I know i have made a huge mistake, but all i was looking for was love and maybe a chance at a better life, instead i get this huge mess. i realise now i do love my boyfriend Sorry to be harsh with you but you created this and now it's time to confess. Better your bf hear it from you rather than OM and his girlfriend, or what if the cops come to your door. and i dont want him to find out as he will leave me and i will be alone. i have learnt a huge lesson. i have learned not to trust. What should I do?? It's too bad you didn't of this beforehand..Again, sorry for the harshness.. I'm sure this isn't easy on you. You go to counselling. Fix what's broken inside of you. You show your boyfriend how remorseful and sorry you are, by doing EVERYTHING possible to make things right. Or, you end it and walk away .. Allow him to grieve and get over you so he can find love with someone who will love just him. You can't be scared of being alone. That's part of the consquence that one has to deal with when cheating. Be prepared to lose what you have infront of you..The life you once had, the comforts, everything. Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 (edited) i realise now i do love my boyfriend and i dont want him to find out as he will leave me and i will be alone. i have learnt a huge lesson. i have learned not to trust. What should I do?? You clearly stated in your post how your relationship was growing stale, that you were about to dump your boyfriend and had fallen in love with the other man. I think what you're explaining it's infatuation, not love. What if the other man would have dump his girlfriend and be with you? What if that mess you described didn't resulted? Then I assume you would have move in with OM and not state that you now realize you love your b/f. It sounds more like you're staying with your b/f only because it didn't work out with the OM, out of spite only, not love.. As for what you should do? You can call the police and have them charged for trespassing, afterall it is stalking... If you do plan to tell your boyfriend about it, tell him to break up. Only if he's willing to work it out for both you and the child, go to counseling with him... Edited November 23, 2009 by samsungxoxo Link to post Share on other sites
bdawn Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 i have learnt a huge lesson. i have learned not to trust. ummm....have you learned not to cheat? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dana1977 Posted November 23, 2009 Author Share Posted November 23, 2009 ummmm... obviously that was what i was talking about when i said i have learnt a huge lesson! If u have just nasty sh*t to write to me, dont bother. I make one mistake and i am swarmed on like i do it all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 OK, as I asked prior, what are you willing to do to rebuild your relationship with your BF and provide a healthy environment for your son? Link to post Share on other sites
lovebubble Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 so you were gonna leave your bf of 7 years for this guy, but things didn't go in your favor.. so all of a sudden he is worthy of your '' love '' again? poor guy. (your bf) my advice to you is for you to tell your bf that you no longer feel loved in your relationship so, you've taken it upon yourself to look outside of the relationship for approval and failed horribly and see if he'll accept.. or just wait for them to show up, and your poor bf hear the info he deserves to hear. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 what happens the next time he or she turn up at my house and my boyfriend is awake or i am out and he is home? Obviously, there is nothing you can do about that. If it happens, your boyfriend will find out what you've been up to. You can't really stop them from coming to your house unless you get a restraining order. And even then, they can still come by, tell your bf everything, and leave before you even get home. Perhaps it would be best to tell your bf the truth yourself. At least that way, he'll be prepared if they come knocking on the door. Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 You just never know what your gonna get when you start messing around with liars, and cheaters. A big red flag should have come up, based on the way this guy was living. You need to tell your BF what you have done before one of the 2 of these crazies, "outs" you . It will be a lot worse if he hears you have cheated on him from someone else. I am surprised your BF is not more curious as to why this guy was over bothering you at all hours. He may actually have an inkling that something is going on, or something is wrong. You can go to atty., and get a restraining order, against the 2 crazies, but that may cost you some bucks. Call the police and ask them your options. Change your cellphone and landline #'s. Change your e-mail address, but of course that brings with a need to tell your BF, why you are doing that. If this guy is blackmailing you, you could go to the police and file charges against him. But again your BF is gonna find out. Also you will have his GF to deal with, if he gets taken away from her. He probably lied to you about his actual relationship with her, or why would she be after you. You pretty much are stuck with a bad situation, and the only way out is to tell your BF., and just hope your BF loves you enuff to want to work out an R. Link to post Share on other sites
lostsunsets Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 Why do you want to stay with your bf? If you don't love him, just break up with him. You don't love him, right? Or is it a security thing? Right now you are using your bf. No judgment, just hard questions you should be asking yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 I have made a huge mistake. you made a "mistake"?? you mean you didn't know whether the decision to cheat was ok or not? cuz thats the ONLY way it would be a mistake is if you didn't know cheating was wrong. I have been in a relationship for 7 years and we have a 3 year old son together. We havent always got on, but we have stuck together. The romance in our relationship died years ago. I was on Facebook when a friend from 15 years ago tracked me down and we got talking, this developed into swapping numbers and i enventually agreed, 2 months later, to meet him. He knew my situation with my boyfriend yup, and he used that to his advantage Our relationship developed into a sexual relationship, and before i knew it i had fallen in love. i made excuses to go out at night to meet him. He had temporarily moved into his mothers house (which was conveniently across the road from his "ex"). I was planning to leave my boyfriend to be with him permanently. He made me feel special and loved which my boyfriend hasnt done in a long time. His "ex" was continually calling me on the phone with obscenities and threats. 2 weeks into our "affair" he went back to his ex for 4 days. I was heartbroken and when he called me and asked for a second chance i stupidly gave him one. Our affair continued. I had to keep changing my mobile number as his ex was continually harrassing me. i decided to stop seeing him, i told him this and this is when the trouble started, the blackmails and threats. he blackmailed me to meet up with him otherwise he would tell my boyfriend. so what? you were planning on leaving your bf for this guy anyway? But oh, now all of a sudden, you want to keep your bf because it didn't work out with the other guy. typical and you talked about "stupidly" giving this OM a 2nd chance.....wouldn't it be equally as "stupid" if your bf gave you a 2nd chance? His "ex" rang me and told me that he had been still sleeping with her the whole time. He was in the background calling me filthy names and making out to her that i was chasing him, when it was him harrassing,stalking and blackmailing me. He turned up at my house and was out the front of my lawn at 2am 3 nights ago, my boyfriend come out and asked me who he was i said it was a friend that was from facebook. you were going to leave your bf for this guy anyway, why are you still with him? I know i have made a huge mistake, but all i was looking for was love and maybe a chance at a better life but you were hanging on to your bf, dangling him on a string until you were sure this would pan out. So you want a better life? Things not working out with this OM shouldn't change that. You should move out and leave your bf. Do him a favor. He doesn't deserve someone that is clinging on to him until she has another man to go to. i realise now i do love my boyfriend bulls##t. you would have left him for this OM if OM didn't turn out the way he did. and i dont want him to find out as he will leave me and i will be alone. and thats the real issue here.....you are hanging on to your BF just so you won't be alone. You were going to leave him. I feel sorry for him that he doesn't know what he is living with. i have learnt a huge lesson. i have learned not to trust. you bf should learn not to trust you either. but I know you will keep this from him. you woudn't want to afford him the same courtesy of choosing whether he should be able to trust that you got to decide for yourself. So you learned not to trust, well your bf shouldn't trust you either. You and this OM are cut from the same mold...only difference is he and his X went psycho on you. What should I do?? well with the psychos you chose to involve yourself with knocking on your door, he WILL eventually find out. They WILL tell him. So you better tell him...not because there is a good chance he will find out anyway, but because he deserves that. He deserves to have the information of what he is living with so he can make his own mind up how his life will turn out. But since you are afraid of being alone, my guess is you are going to be selfish and try to cover this up and deny him honesty. And YOU learned not to trust?? Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 i have learnt a huge lesson. i have learned not to trust. ummm....have you learned not to cheat? she learned not to trust? I wonder if she learned that she isn't trustworthy herself:o Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 If the roles were reversed wouldn't you want your boyfriend to tell you he was cheating behind your back and putting your health at risk for STD's? You know it is matter of time before your boyfriend finds out. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 Personally, I don't believe you really love your boyfriend. As anything more than a friend, anyway. Through all that drama he's somehow remained oblivious to what's really going on (the OM showing up on your lawn at 2 AM? I'd love to have seen THAT go down without your BF getting suspicious). You'd have left him already for the OM if it wasn't for the fact that things went so out of control with the OM and his GF. Come clean and let the poor bastard go. He doesn't deserve your second-hand, cast-off, "if we break up I'll be alone" selfish pseudo-love. You don't care about him much at all. Tell him the truth, and let him get on with his life. Then sort yourself out. Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted November 23, 2009 Share Posted November 23, 2009 Yup it was stated that she was about to leave but all of the sudden loves him now that things didn't work out with the OM. If you're not happy in the relationship and only want your b/f as a security blanket due to fear of being left alone with no man then breaking up is the better option. You situation differs from most of the cheaters' stories because while you are still remorseful about it, the others still wanted to be with their BS and never made thought about leaving them while being with the lover. You, however, were going to leave him anyways if things had worked out good with the OM. That's what gets me wondering if things get stale again and other man comes in the way, are you going to think about leaving b/f again for yet another man in the future??? Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 Your ex is psycho. He's eventually gonna tell your BF what's been going on in an attempt to break you two up. You need to tell your BF what happened, and be truthful. HE'S GONNA FIND OUT. If he finds out from anyone other than you, I'll bet the farm your relationship is finished. Plus it's the right thing to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 Cheating wasnt a mistake! It was your choice!!! I hate it when people say it was a mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 Why are you so intent on hiding the truth from a man you don't love and planned to leave? Are you planning to tell him yourself, so he doesn't have to hear it from the two psychos you are dealing with? I am sorry, but I really don't see the lesson that you say you've learned. Link to post Share on other sites
Bobby2010 Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 There are 3 options. 1. Tell your boyfriend everything, let him choose your fate together. 2. Let the others tell your boyfriend, because they will eventually. Option 1 is much better for him, and you. Especially if you really want him to take you back. 3. Before your boyfriend finds out, convince him to move to another city, state, or country with you. That way, the crazies can never tell him. Then you can continue searching for greener pastures behind your boyfriends back without having to worry ! Link to post Share on other sites
MadMission Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 what happens the next time he or she turn up at my house and my boyfriend is awake It will be a thing called 'consequences.' i realise now i do love my boyfriend How convenient. all i was looking for was love and maybe a chance at a better life Tell your bf this...be honest with him...and let him decide if he wants to continue with you or not. Stop making decisions (effecting HIS life) without him. You CAN leave. Then you will be free to persue "love" and a "better life" all you want. i dont want him to find out as he will leave me and i will be alone You are with your bf for the wrong reasons. You are just using him. Stop using him. It is wrong....and very sad for your bf. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 i think this one trick pony doesn't like the truth and has gone over to gloryb Link to post Share on other sites
Maggotface Posted November 24, 2009 Share Posted November 24, 2009 Tell your boyfriend everything since he will end up finding out anyway. He needs to know for his own safty since these crazies are coming to his home at all hours of the night. Link to post Share on other sites
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