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Hatesliars

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Ok so here's the story...it's crazy and im sure some of you will look down on me and think im bitter but im just really upset...I am 26 yrs old..a GAY young man and I was seeing this MARRIED man for the past 3 yrs almost...it was just sex though. No relationship really but I found myself sorta having feelings for him but tried to just let those be aside...well recently he sent me a email basically saying he's been depressed lately about cheating on his wife and not being a good parent (whatever that means. He's never told me much about his kids or family life) in the email it didn't officially say he was calling it all off but I've sent him 2 emails and have yet to receive a response back from him. This is over a week ago. Now understand I can't call him or anything. He's extremely private and always called me from blocked numbers. all I really ever knew about him was his name is keith and he told me he's in the wine business and has 3 kids and is married...he wouldn't even tell me what part of town he lives in...Now before I go any further you might be wondering how we ever met...I do massage for a living and he came to me for massage and sorta hit it off I guess.....

 

Anyways, I haven't heard from him but my friend recently got into some serious trouble back in early Oct. It's a long story but needless to say police

took his computer and he has a lawyer but wanted me to go online and give him some numbers from these other lawyers he's heard of cause he wasn't sure he was wanting to keep his current lawyer....but when I was looking at one of the sites I found a picture of the guy I was seeing...He's a freaking attorney and his name is James....not Keith or in the wine biz....!!! On his profile on the site it said what his wifes name was and I just did alittle investigating just typing in names on google and found out her work website....she works in the same building as him. I even found a profile for one of his kids who's 19 and he told me fairly recently his oldest child was 16...JUST ALL THESE LIES...now I understand he has to protect himself but what is with all the lieing?!?! Just stupid lies about ur kids age...come on. I really have the urge to just email his wife and tell her he's gay and a piece of **** but I dunno...please give me some advice.

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Well, if he has/had a secret life, relationships, etc. from his wife, why would you think he had been truthful with you all along?

 

I am sorry for your pain, and that you may never have the answer to this question.

 

It sounds to me that he was protecting his homosexuality at all costs from his family....maybe even from himself, and he has gone underground again.

 

What do you intend to do with the information you have uncovered?

You are upset, angry, and have been rejected. That hurt's!

 

But what would you hope to acheive by informing her of her husband's indiscretions. It's all about your motives in this regard.

 

I am a former betrayed spouse, and I would want to know at any cost. But would I believe it coming from a someone claiming to be a former lover? I am not sure about that.

 

The only thing that trumps this is if there was ever unprotected sex, and the spouse's health is at risk. Safety trumps all else, IMHO. Then, she has a RIGHT to know so she can get tested.

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I would tell her! He is putting her health at risk and what he is doing is horrible!

 

Dont be mean about it but tell her the details on one email and then let her decide what to do. I would defo want to know this! Who else is he shagging?

 

She may already know though, and if you do this then dont do it out of spite, this man obviously has alot to hide so of course he would lie to you and if you had sex with him on the sly knowing he is married then you know what kind of guy he is, so why so shocked that he lied to you? He is lying daily to his wife so what makes you so special?

 

If you decide to tell her, do it to help her not to get back at him ... He is trash and not worthy of your time anyway!

 

ps ... I hope he used protection

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I would tell her! He is putting her health at risk and what he is doing is horrible!

 

Dont be mean about it but tell her the details on one email and then let her decide what to do. I would defo want to know this! Who else is he shagging?

 

She may already know though, and if you do this then dont do it out of spite, this man obviously has alot to hide so of course he would lie to you and if you had sex with him on the sly knowing he is married then you know what kind of guy he is, so why so shocked that he lied to you? He is lying daily to his wife so what makes you so special?

 

If you decide to tell her, do it to help her not to get back at him ... He is trash and not worthy of your time anyway!

 

ps ... I hope he used protection

 

I agree. This is one of the times that telling is appropriate IMO.

 

Also, the protection thing... my guess is that you are not his only guy friend.

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Thanks for the replies so far. In response, I won't go into details about the sex cuz im sure no one wants to hear that...but there was never anything done unsafe. It was mostly just a physical connection...holding each other, kiss, roll around in bed...it was like making love to a spouse even though I always knew it wasn't real. I was just very naive...he always told me he wasn't seeig anyone else and I believed him but after finding out all these lies I just don't know....do u thi k I should let him know first I know his secrets before emailing his wife? Im still not completely sure I want to do that yet though.

Edited by Hatesliars
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Thanks for the replies so far. In response, I won't go into details about the sex cuz im sure no one wants to hear that...but there was never anything done unsafe. It was mostly just a physical connection...holding each other, kiss, roll around in bed...it was like making love to a spouse even though I always knew it wasn't real. I was just very naive...he always told me he wasn't seeig anyone else and I believed him but after finding out all these lies I just don't know....do u thi k I should let him know first I know his secrets before emailing his wife? Im still not completely sure I want to do that yet though.

 

I don't think you should. I know it hurts and I'm sorry for your pain. He's obviously lying a lot. I don't know what it feels like to be gay, but my son is gay. He told me when he was 12 or 13 (can't remember anymore), but I knew for about a year before he told me. I just found things when I cleaned his room, etc. that led me to feel pretty sure he was gay. I didn't ask him about it because I thought it was important enough for him to be comfortable with telling me -- so I waited him out. I wanted him to be okay with himself enough to know it was fine to share who he is as a person with me.

 

Obviously, this man has had terrible issues with dealing with his homosexuality. Now, I'm not defending him. What he is doing is wrong, wrong, wrong and his wife and children are certainly a victims of his dishonesty. I'm just not sure you outing him is the thing to do.

 

I just don't see what you have to gain by telling her and I'm not sure his wife hearing it from you will be a benefit to her. It does beg the question what would your motivation be for telling her? Are you actually concerned for her welfare or trying to convince yourself you are, when in fact you're just angry as Hell at him for being such a liar?

 

You have every right to be angry, that's for sure -- but you also knew going in he was married, right?

 

Just as a general comment, it is disconcerting to think he is homosexual and married to a female. Perhaps, he is bisexual and enjoys both men and women? As a heterosexual, I cannot see myself ever having sex with a female. It just isn't palatable to me at all. I'm not being a smart ass -- and maybe it's just me -- but as a gay man, can you see yourself having sex regularly with a female? That thought process makes me wonder if he isn't bisexual? Not that it matters, one way or the other -- just me thinking out loud in type. :)

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After at least three years with you, and who knows how many came before, or during those years he was with you, my guess is his wife HAS to know something isn't right with the marriage. Maybe she's in denial too, and if she is that would tell me that she chooses not to know. She could find out what/who he is if she wanted to. So, maybe she doesn't want to know. JMO.

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I agree about not telling. You do not need to take that responsibility on for his mistakes and how he is choosing to live his lifestyle. You knew he was married when you were seeing him and the fact that you have more information about his life is inconsequential.

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HL you knew going in this man was married, he was on the DL. He's a liar, a manipulator and you willingly fell for it. the moment you knew this "straight" man was married you still cheated with him.

 

Why are you so surprised to know things he told you was a lie. That's what cheating people do, tell lies to get what they want!

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I am sorry you are going through all this. keep in mind you NOW KNOW you are involved with a LIAR and someone who is in another COMPLICATED relationship. Regardless of sexual preference, ask yourself, why would you get involved with someone who is in a "committed" relationship involving kids? You are better than that, and need to move on. Easier said than done, I know, but you need to do this. Get out while you are still young. He is living on the down low, and you just can't make time for that sort of thing. Good luck, hon.

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OP, How do you know that he is not carrying STD's home to his wife? If you do decide to tell her anything about this, only mention your concern for her health.

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Wow...the innuendos....what about, how do you know HE has not infected YOU with anything? since you do not know anything about him? Did you insist that HE use a condom?...

 

Anyway, why do you want to tell the wife? You knew he was married, you knew he did not want you to know more about his personal life, you knew he was in the "down low", you knew you were just his little secret.....why now? you have to know that at some point you are going to go your separate ways-just because you developed feelings for him, doesn't mean he has for you.....perhaps he felt you were getting emotional on him and wanted out before it gets any deeper....

 

Leave the man alone...let him carry the burden of his betrayal to his wife....you were ok being used by him all these time, it's the nature of the beast....you allowd him to use you without as much as demanding a workable phone number that you can contact him with....let it go...

 

By the way, to some who said maybe he is bisexual....perhaps...but studies show most bisexual men are really homosexual-in the research, homosexual men and those claiming to be bisexual where made to watch an erotic movie of women and and their response was the same-very little to no arousal. But when shown an erotic movie of men...they had the same measure of arousal.

 

That is why they say....a man is either straight, gay or in denial.

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Hateliars

 

Do you hate cheaters?

 

Do you hate thiefs?

 

You cheated with a married man. Your relationship stole from this mans wife and kids.

 

Grow up. You can cheat without lying. You new what you were getting into. You were a F buddy that pretended you were ok with that while not being honest that you want the whole bull and not just the horn (couldn't resist a take off on.... wanted the milk for free but not willing to pay for the cow).

 

Moral of the story do not date married men or women.

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That if this was a young woman involved with this manipulative married man then more people would be urging OP to most certainly contact the wife...just a thought.

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