Jump to content

Fallen for a married man.


Tiger Lily

Recommended Posts

For the past few weeks I have been sleeping with a married man. He has never said he loves me, btu he treats me with respect and at first our arrangement suited me perfectly. We just meet up for great sex. When we first met nothing happened immeadiately, we were just very flirty. I had just come out of a long relationship with a man I loved deeply and wasn't looking for anything serious, just a bit of fun when i wanted it. Now however I relise that I am falling for him. He is sweet funny and makes me feel safe when I am with him. This wasn't part of my plan. He has made it clear he will never leave his family and I know I'm going to get hurt? He's 25 and I'm 18. What can I do?

Link to post
Share on other sites

YOU ASK: "He has made it clear he will never leave his family and I know I'm going to get hurt? He's 25 and I'm 18. What can I do?"

 

You ask this question as if you don't know the answer. There's only one, maybe two answers. The obvious answer(s) is you stop seeing him, cut your losses, move on and avoid being hurt more than you already will be.

 

The second answer is to continue seeing this man under current adulterous circumstances, compromise your moral beliefs, and be hurt much worse when he drops you like a hot potato and/or you break up his entire family when his wife finds out about you.

 

There is no good that comes out of adultery. Many people suffer. It sounds like he was very honest with you from the start and you went for him anyway fully knowing the damage you could cause yourself, him and his family.

 

Take a very cold shower and then ask yourself why you would want any kind of relationship with a married man who so readily made him available to you sexually. How many others were there before you? Then ask yourself what good reason would he have for you to be any more than a temporary sexual partner, concubine, paramour, etc., in his life. He has all but told you that's all you are to him. Read your own post.

 

I think a more appropriate question for you to ask is why did you do this under those circumstances? What are the underlying dynamics in your psychological makeup that would make you take such serious risks for a roll in the hay when you could just as easily get laid by a sexually competent unmarried male? Why would you want to take the risk of hurting so many people, including yourself, in a situation where it is very obvious there will be no winners?

 

I urge you to seek psychological counselling not only for strength to get away from this guy but to extinguish the issues that propelled you into such a terrible situation to begin with.

Link to post
Share on other sites

....LEAVE!

For the past few weeks I have been sleeping with a married man. He has never said he loves me, btu he treats me with respect and at first our arrangement suited me perfectly. We just meet up for great sex. When we first met nothing happened immeadiately, we were just very flirty. I had just come out of a long relationship with a man I loved deeply and wasn't looking for anything serious, just a bit of fun when i wanted it. Now however I relise that I am falling for him. He is sweet funny and makes me feel safe when I am with him. This wasn't part of my plan. He has made it clear he will never leave his family and I know I'm going to get hurt? He's 25 and I'm 18. What can I do?
Link to post
Share on other sites

Seems to me, you just are not the kind of person who will/would be happy in a long term casual affair. You have met under those circumstances and he was honest enough to tell you that he wouldnt leave his family. Now your feelings have changed towards him.

 

As Tony stated you have two options: leave him now, which will sure hurt or stay in a - for your feelings now unsatisfing - relationsship and I promise you will get hurt even more. A relationsship can only work when both want the same out of it. If one wants an affair and the other commitement, the later will get hurt. The longer it lasts the more.

 

The best would be to leave and get over him and your ex, before you start dating again. If you need casual affairs to boost up your self-esteem, think about two things:

 

1. Can you keep it casual?

 

2. How will you feel about them afterwards?

 

A casual affair might boost your self esteem for the time being, but often they leave a bad aftertaste and then there is the future to consider. One day you will want commitement again, and even though its hypocritical, when a woman had loads of casual affairs, she will be a slapper in most mens eyes and this can cast a shadow into the far future. Will you be able to live with that stigma?

 

Wish you loads of strength and counseling is a very good idea. I wish I had done that your age, would have prevented a lot of hurt, not only mine but others too.

Link to post
Share on other sites

There are many things you can do. There are some things you could do. There are a few things you should do. The biggest question is, what will you do?

 

You are at a very vulnerable time in your life. When a person is vulnerable, they often find themselves in situations they normally would not get into. Under your circumstances, it's easy for me to see how you got where you are. Although being vulnerable may explain why you have found yourself in this situation it is no reason to continue down the wrong path.

 

You are in a destructive situation. The only thing good that can come from this affair is that you get out of it, now, and learn to take better care of yourself. You may not feel alone when you are with this man, but you are. He is present for you only in body. It is like an addictive drug that you keep going back to, just one more time. If you keep going back, it will drag you down until you are emotionally and physically exhausted.

 

It won't be easy to stop this. You will have to be strong and you may need some help. If you find that you can't get out of this on your own, get some help from a friend, family member, preacher or a professionally trained counselor.

 

My recommendation is that you end this affair. To do that, the first thing you will have to do is tell yourself, "It's over." Then tell him, "It's over." From there, you'll have to do your best to resist your own temptation to go back, as well as, fighting off any of his attempts to contact you. When you feel that temptation, whether it's from you or him, cut it off quickly by calling someone for help or find something else to take your mind off the situation.

 

You can, and in my opinion you should, get out of this. You will be much better off in the long run. Good Luck.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You know what the right thing to do is. What you don't know is the torment,agony, and pain that you will put yourself through, and more importantly the torture (and sometimes irreparable damage) that his legitimate family will endure if you don't end it now. Do you have to live it to believe it? Be smart and good to yourself and do the right thing for everone concerned.

YOU ASK: "He has made it clear he will never leave his family and I know I'm going to get hurt? He's 25 and I'm 18. What can I do?"

 

You ask this question as if you don't know the answer. There's only one, maybe two answers. The obvious answer(s) is you stop seeing him, cut your losses, move on and avoid being hurt more than you already will be. The second answer is to continue seeing this man under current adulterous circumstances, compromise your moral beliefs, and be hurt much worse when he drops you like a hot potato and/or you break up his entire family when his wife finds out about you. There is no good that comes out of adultery. Many people suffer. It sounds like he was very honest with you from the start and you went for him anyway fully knowing the damage you could cause yourself, him and his family. Take a very cold shower and then ask yourself why you would want any kind of relationship with a married man who so readily made him available to you sexually. How many others were there before you? Then ask yourself what good reason would he have for you to be any more than a temporary sexual partner, concubine, paramour, etc., in his life. He has all but told you that's all you are to him. Read your own post. I think a more appropriate question for you to ask is why did you do this under those circumstances? What are the underlying dynamics in your psychological makeup that would make you take such serious risks for a roll in the hay when you could just as easily get laid by a sexually competent unmarried male? Why would you want to take the risk of hurting so many people, including yourself, in a situation where it is very obvious there will be no winners?

 

I urge you to seek psychological counselling not only for strength to get away from this guy but to extinguish the issues that propelled you into such a terrible situation to begin with.

 

Link to post
Share on other sites

You must learn a hard lesson in order to become a mature adult woman.

 

You need to introduce the notion of morality into your relationship-picking strategies.

 

Conducting yourself in an affair with a married man is just plain wrong.

 

think of it, how would you feel if down the road you are married and your husband is sneaking around with a teenage girl!

 

OK, you're 18, legally an adult, but you are barely started as an adult.

 

You've discovered that if you ignore the immorality of your actions and sleep with this guy, your body and mind are perfectly capable of reacting to him in a way that you confuse with love.

 

Your only course of action is to leave this guy, cut off all contact with him.

 

I suppose you are wondering if you should 'wait" for him to come around to you, to love you as you think you love him.

 

Not even going to happen.

 

He's got a good thing going. Lie to a young, impressionable girl, get sex from her, go home, lie to wife, get sex from her.

 

You will not be his last conquest. He's a player.

 

Wise up and move on. You deserve a man of your own once you are able to handle an adult relationship with an available man.

 

BTW, I'm not trying to be harsh, just trying to spotlight the place you are in, a place that is not healthy for you. You are being used. Wishing he was different than he is will not make him different. He is a cheating married guy screwing a young girl.

 

Do you really want him?????

Link to post
Share on other sites

My response is to get out of this relationship as soon as possible. I have been there for two years and he never said a word. I found out the hard way. At least he told you. I was so busy going to University and working at the time that I never even realized that this guy could be married. Yes I was stupid and blind for not realizing it earlier. I found out at a shopping mall when I heard a cute little boy yelling DADDY and then "Bruce" came out and picked him up and this is when I saw the wife and the other children and this guy's wife was beautiful, I can not imagine what could be wrong in that marriage except that the man wanted more than he could chew sort of speak. It took me a couple years to get over the hurt because I loved him and thought he felt the same while he was lying thru his teeth.

 

However, I am now with a great looking and great friend and we have been together for just about five years,

 

Get out now, before the hurting starts, he has been honest with you that he will not hurt or leave his family. ANd please do not do what I was going to do and that is to tell his wife..Because it is the children that will suffer the most and it is not fair to them that their dad was a smuck. It hurts, but with time the hurt goes away

 

Best of luck and love to you

Link to post
Share on other sites

Tell the wife so she can see what a bastard of a husband she has. Otherwise the only person who will get hurt is you, and you deserve more than that. Why should you be the looser in this? I would tell the wife (write an anonymous note)

 

Or refuse to have sex with him unless he agrees to divorce his wife. If you continue to sleep with him otherwise, he will have all the power and you will be left with nothing! Hurt and used. You have to show that you also have power

Link to post
Share on other sites

I totally disagree with you...why break up a so-called marriage with kids, will that make you feel like the superior one for wrecking a relationship that has innocent children just because you got dumped and you wanted to marry a married man. Just be an adult here and take your lumps and losses and quit dragging your tail between your legs, grow up and move on...why dwell on the impossible...why want something that you can't have..why waste your time waiting and wondering and thinking what, when... if:

 

what if he divorces his wife?, when will he leave his wife so I can get a quickie between the sheets, will I win the lottery... why worry about something that may not ever happen

 

Get over it already

Link to post
Share on other sites

You say he treats you with respect? Hunny, the guy doesn't know the meaning of the word "respect", and obviously you don't either. One who truly knows the meaning of "respect" is one who doesn't sleep around on his wife with some young hunny. Respect is a man who knows the 'boundaries' and stays within them. Respect is a man who doesn't take advantage of a vulnerable 18 yr old who's likely still hurting very much from a recent failed relationship. Respect is about not using someone merely for sex, when you have made a lifetime commitment to be faithful to your spouse.

 

What the hell were you thinking, hooking up with someone who's promised himself to his wife? Don't you have any respect for his poor wife? Woman to woman, doesn't it bother you that you're taking part in something that could devastate her for the rest of her life? Don't you care at all about your fellow woman or do you only care about yourself? Don't you have a sense of right and wrong? No conscience?

 

How would you feel if someone you made a serious commitment to was out whoring it up with some chick 6 yrs his junior?

 

Stop thinking about yourself and look at the big picture here. You are taking contributing to the likely breakup of someone's marriage......what did his wife ever do to you, to deserve this? Time to grow up and think about someone other than yourself........and take some time to think about things like self respect, honor, pride, morals, principles, values, and the seriousness of someone else's marriage.

 

I'm not totally blaming you..afterall, he's the married prick who's made the lifetime commitment to someone (uh, his wife)....but surely you must have been taught (or have heard the rumor going round) that you don't sleep with someone else's partner/HUSBAND??

 

L

Link to post
Share on other sites

Are they swinging partners? If so, go have yourself a marry time but remember he prewarned you. "WARNING" "I will not leave my wife and family."

 

Your his weekend lover, not his friend!

 

You cannot steal him away. Nor will he fall in love with you.

 

I do not reccomend talking to his wife about this unless she already knows. Knows you and sleeps around on him too.

 

Go ahead cry now, whatever, get him out of your system. You can quit cold turkey or you can slowly move away gracefully. Spend more time with other people. You will find another man (hopefully not married) and you can forget about this one.

 

Be honest to yourslef, lookinside of yourself, get in touch with good person within. The one who means no harm and chooses to be strong and smart. The person inside yourslef that knows you will be okay when you walk away because he is just a waste of your time. When you could be walking hand n hand with a far better person who wants to show you respect and not pretend to show you respect.

 

He is not showing you respect and you dont know that because you are young. But common sense should tell you that you will be fine when you walk away from this because its just plan wrong. Your just playing with fire.

 

You wont hurt his feelings when you leave him (trusting you will leave him)and he can put on a show and cry on your shoulders, & tell you hes looking to leave his wife.

 

No, he wont!!!

 

 

 

For the past few weeks I have been sleeping with a married man. He has never said he loves me, btu he treats me with respect and at first our arrangement suited me perfectly. We just meet up for great sex. When we first met nothing happened immeadiately, we were just very flirty. I had just come out of a long relationship with a man I loved deeply and wasn't looking for anything serious, just a bit of fun when i wanted it. Now however I relise that I am falling for him. He is sweet funny and makes me feel safe when I am with him. This wasn't part of my plan. He has made it clear he will never leave his family and I know I'm going to get hurt? He's 25 and I'm 18. What can I do?
Link to post
Share on other sites
i know how you feel im in the same sort of situation except mine told me he loves me and is going to leave his wife......what we are both doing is wrong and im always thinking about how the wife would feel just imagin if we were her we would be heart broken

 

its so hard to break up with someone you have fallen for but he said to you straight out he isnt going to leave his family! so then whats the point in hanging around?

 

you could find someone else i know it will hurt but it will only be for a week or two which at the time will feel like forever but it will be worth it .........

 

and believe it or not my guy is 25 too! and ive just split up with a guy (husband) of a very long relationship as well

 

i hope you do the right thing and i hope you feel happy after all of this...take care

 

libi

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...