Have your wayward spouse read this

[american-woman]

HAVE THEM READ JOESEPH LETTER

 

 

 

http://www.network54.com/Realm/HealingHeart/index.html

[stoopid_guy]

From "Joseph's letter," the perspective of the BS:

 

Now let’s enter my reality. Let’s both agree that this affects our lives equally. The outcome no matter what it is well affect us both. Our future and our present circumstances are every bit as important to me as it is to you. So, why then is it okay for me to be left in the dark? Do I not deserve to know as much about the night that nearly destroyed our relationship as you do?

 

This BS is in pain, and wants to know/understand every detail of why the WS cheated.

 

Every case is different, but this is a great argument for concealing the affair. In many cases, the BS will never understand why it happened. (The WS may not even understand his/herself.) There are certain things some people simply cannot relate to. Face it, it both spouses really understood each other's needs, the affair probably wouldn't have happened to start with. (Not blaming the BS at all, cheating is a conscious decision of the WS.)

[american-woman]

From "Joseph's letter," the perspective of the BS:

 

Now let’s enter my reality. Let’s both agree that this affects our lives equally. The outcome no matter what it is well affect us both. Our future and our present circumstances are every bit as important to me as it is to you. So, why then is it okay for me to be left in the dark? Do I not deserve to know as much about the night that nearly destroyed our relationship as you do?

 

This BS is in pain, and wants to know/understand every detail of why the WS cheated.

 

Every case is different, but this is a great argument for concealing the affair. In many cases, the BS will never understand why it happened. (The WS may not even understand his/herself.) There are certain things some people simply cannot relate to. Face it, it both spouses really understood each other's needs, the affair probably wouldn't have happened to start with. (Not blaming the BS at all, cheating is a conscious decision of the WS.)

 

 

Cheating IS the consious decision of the WS and sometimes even IF needs are met by both spouses one may cheat sometimes, its just a character flaw in that one spouse.

But to repair and move on within the marriage the BS needs or may feel the need to know details of the affair and have every right to know. The WS needs to be an open book about everything in the past so the BS can learn to retrust again. Until the WS becomes an open book and answers questions about the affair the BS WILL always picture something just the opposite of what really happened and therefore the marriage cannot move on.

This may take years of MC, ect. Not an easy road Most WS would just love to forget and move on but that is not possible..The BS needs the WHOLE picture and not just pieces of the puzzle.

[stoopid_guy]

The BS needs the WHOLE picture and not just pieces of the puzzle.

I understand what you're saying.

 

If the BS finds out anything, they will probably want to know everything.

 

My points:

 

1) Depending on the circumstances, it may be better just to conceal everything. If the BS remains blissfully ignorant, there will be nothing for him/her to "repair and move on" from.

 

2) Even knowing everything, the BS may never understand it. If they don't understand it, they may never "repair and move on" anyway.

 

NOTE: There's a difference between "understanding" and "agreeing."

[american-woman]

I understand what you're saying.

 

If the BS finds out anything, they will probably want to know everything.

 

My points:

 

1) Depending on the circumstances, it may be better just to conceal everything. If the BS remains blissfully ignorant, there will be nothing for him/her to "repair and move on" from.

1) Alot of BS were`nt ignorant there were red flags to which they were in denial of. The WS if continuing his/her betrayl most likely will get caught at one point or another.

 

2) Even knowing everything, the BS may never understand it. If they don't understand it, they may never "repair and move on" anyway.

 

2) The BS not only needs to understand what caused the affair but also the WS, because if the WS doesnt understand what caused the affair it will happen again. If they both feel the marraige can be saved they can work from there.

 

 

NOTE: There's a difference between "understanding" and "agreeing."

 

NOTE. I dont think any BS would agree on why their WS had the affair they most likely would want to know the reason why.