I'm currently living with an insane person

[Scrivdog]

For a few days all she wanted is sex. No complaints there. Then the other day - she pounced on me with no warning. Scratched my face, tore my shirt, and kept trying to beat me to a pulp until her arms got too tired to follow her rage. Now all she wants is sex again. That being said, I used to sleep naked, but now I wear drawstring shorts with the knot tied lest I wind up being John Wayne Bobbit part II.

 

I figure I have another week or so before I can begin to have a rational conversation with her about the state of the union.

 

I did tell the OW that things are off right now. She started crying a little - but then said that she understands and she hopes it works out between us. Thankfully that wasn't too messy.

 

I sure could use a couple of hours break from the drama - but hey, this here is the bed I made - right? Right.

[TheRain]

I did tell the OW that things are off right now.

 

Is there a reason you did not completely break it off with her, but just "off right now?"

 

How long have you been cheating and who is this OW? Why did you reveal it to your wife? There must be a reason you did what you did.

[Lookingforward]

For a few days all she wanted is sex. No complaints there. Then the other day - she pounced on me with no warning. Scratched my face, tore my shirt, and kept trying to beat me to a pulp until her arms got too tired to follow her rage. Now all she wants is sex again. That being said, I used to sleep naked, but now I wear drawstring shorts with the knot tied lest I wind up being John Wayne Bobbit part II.

 

I figure I have another week or so before I can begin to have a rational conversation with her about the state of the union.

 

I did tell the OW that things are off right now. She started crying a little - but then said that she understands and she hopes it works out between us. Thankfully that wasn't too messy.

 

I sure could use a couple of hours break from the drama - but hey, this here is the bed I made - right? Right.

 

Scriv, glad you're alive at least, was wondering if you were when the posts stopped after the revelation.

[Trialbyfire]

So you're okay using your insane wife for sex? Scrivdog, that's sickening, considering how unemotional you are about the entire situation.

[Lookingforward]

So you're okay using your insane wife for sex? Scrivdog, that's sickening, considering how unemotional you are about the entire situation.

 

He did say SHE wanted sex, what's he supposed to do? Refuse and make her feel even worse than she does ?

 

You have to know the lack of emotion on scriv's part is more of a protective device than anything.

[LadyDi]

Wow, be careful! She's probably just acting out all the emotions instead of holding them in like most people would.

[Trialbyfire]

He did say SHE wanted sex, what's he supposed to do? Refuse and make her feel even worse than she does ?

 

You have to know the lack of emotion on scriv's part is more of a protective device than anything.

I didn't know your name was scrivdog and that you had access to his mind. Let him respond on his own, if he chooses to do it. I'm not interested in debating with you, when you have no answers, just guesses.

[Lookingforward]

I didn't know your name was scrivdog and that you had access to his mind. Let him respond on his own, if he chooses to do it. I'm not interested in debating with you, when you have no answers, just guesses.

 

 

Gosh, thought I was entitled to post an opion just like you are

 

go figure

[OpenBook]

That being said, I used to sleep naked, but now I wear drawstring shorts with the knot tied lest I wind up being John Wayne Bobbit part II.

 

Um, the drawstring shorts aren't gonna help you if the knife is sharp enough. Remember, she knows you very very well...

[LucreziaBorgia]

Sounds like some enraged hysterical bonding there, Scriv. I think you have a bit longer than a week before 'rational' comes into play.

[NoIDidn't]

I see a woman that is hurt and still loves her H, while she thought that he only had eyes for her.

 

She is looking for reassurance from him, but all he seems is detached and unemotional (arrogant, even).

 

Me, myself, I couldn't do the hysterical bonding. My H was the one that wanted to do that.

 

Although, I, too, wonder "why tell the OW its off 'for now'"? That doesn't make any sense unless Scriv is waiting for his W to calm down enough to tell her that he wants a D.

 

Make sure you tell the OW about the hysterical bonding, Scriv. So she'll see how her hopes that things "work out" for your M are actually going. And stop calling your W insane. You dropped a bomb on her. You shouldn't expect rational behavior.

[whichwayisup]

For a few days all she wanted is sex. No complaints there. Then the other day - she pounced on me with no warning. Scratched my face, tore my shirt, and kept trying to beat me to a pulp until her arms got too tired to follow her rage. Now all she wants is sex again. That being said, I used to sleep naked, but now I wear drawstring shorts with the knot tied lest I wind up being John Wayne Bobbit part II.

 

She's "reclaiming" you.

 

Sc, you brought this on yourself - So just roll with the punches as they come - And, in the meantime you should be completely ending it with the OW, not saying that things are off right now. Go NC and decide what you want to do with your marriage first. Either fix it, or get out. Don't play two women and wait to see what happens.

[Lovelybird]

For a few days all she wanted is sex. No complaints there. Then the other day - she pounced on me with no warning. Scratched my face, tore my shirt, and kept trying to beat me to a pulp until her arms got too tired to follow her rage. Now all she wants is sex again. That being said, I used to sleep naked, but now I wear drawstring shorts with the knot tied lest I wind up being John Wayne Bobbit part II.

 

I figure I have another week or so before I can begin to have a rational conversation with her about the state of the union.

 

I did tell the OW that things are off right now. She started crying a little - but then said that she understands and she hopes it works out between us. Thankfully that wasn't too messy.

 

I sure could use a couple of hours break from the drama - but hey, this here is the bed I made - right? Right.

WOW, Scrivdog, your wife is trying to being honest with you, don't pretend, don't hide, maybe it is a good sign

[jmargel]

Scrivdog, you didn't tell your wife about the affair, but if you think your wife doesn't get that gut instinct then you are the one that is nuts.

 

You mistreat your wife, cheat on her and intentionally drive her to the brink of insanity and then you come on here and act all innocent. You are the one with major mental problems. I could only wish your wife was allowed to post on here so we could actually find out the truth.

 

Stop acting like a little child and face the consequences of what you are doing. Get yourself into marriage counseling with your wife and get your problems sorted out. If you think running away and divorcing is your solution, then I can only guarantee that your problems will follow you. Also, stop dragging this other woman through the mud.

 

Such a selfish, immature little kid.. You are the type of person who make us real men look bad.

[blind_otter]

Scrivdog, you didn't tell your wife about the affair, but if you think your wife doesn't get that gut instinct then you are the one that is nuts.

 

He did tell his wife about the affair.

[Owl]

I agree with LB and WWIU...as usual!

 

Its bonding. Its a very common "BS" response to infidelity. This is in response to the increased...err...physical intimacy.

 

And her sudden rage is no surprise either, but its definitely something to be concerned about.

 

While you definitely created this whole situation, you still don't deserve to be physically attacked and subject to her rage when she's like that. CAREFULLY set a boundary here. Don't accept it. Make it clear that you understand why she feels the way she does (assuming you do), and you can see why her anger is justified, but don't just sit there and take any kind of physical abuse. If she starts to do so, remove yourself to a part of the house where she can't get to you.

 

Don't LEAVE the house unless you truly feel threatened. Leaving the house is going to make her think/feel that you're leaving to go be with OW...it may not make any sense, but it doesn't have to. Its simply how she'll FEEL.

 

So unless you're convinced that you're in danger, avoid leaving the house, simply move to a situation where she can't attack you. And make it clear to her that you understand how she feels, but you're not going to sit there and be her punching bag/scratching post.

 

And...start looking for a good marriage counselor, one who knows how to heal a marriage from infidelity. One that is "marriagebuilders based" would do you a lot of good. Also, go get a copy of "Surviving an Affair"...start reading it so that you can better understand what's going on, what she's going through...and help come up with a plan for getting through this situation.

 

And...last thing. Why DIDN'T you tell OW that its over permanently????

[Scrivdog]

Scrivdog, you didn't tell your wife about the affair, but if you think your wife doesn't get that gut instinct then you are the one that is nuts.

 

You mistreat your wife, cheat on her and intentionally drive her to the brink of insanity and then you come on here and act all innocent. You are the one with major mental problems. I could only wish your wife was allowed to post on here so we could actually find out the truth.

 

Stop acting like a little child and face the consequences of what you are doing. Get yourself into marriage counseling with your wife and get your problems sorted out. If you think running away and divorcing is your solution, then I can only guarantee that your problems will follow you. Also, stop dragging this other woman through the mud.

 

Such a selfish, immature little kid.. You are the type of person who make us real men look bad.

 

1) I did tell her.

2) "You mistreat your wife".

3) "then you come on here and act all innocent" :rolleyes:

4) "You are the one with major mental problems"

5) "Also, stop dragging this other woman through the mud"

 

Dayum, son. Ordinarily, I let these kinds of maniacal responses slide except that usually you're a quality poster. But I must say - you slipped hard on this here thread.

Edited March 24, 2008 by Scrivdog

[Kasan]

You let her attack you, because you thought you deserved it.

 

What is your hope for the outcome of your "state of the union" discussion?

 

Interesting title of your thread by the way.............

[Ladyjane14]

I'm in agreement with Owl... who's in agreement with LB and WWIU and anybody else who's told you that hysterical bonding and sudden rages are normal. I'm also in agreement that just because she's overwrought doesn't mean she gets to hit you. Owl's right... don't run, but set limits.

 

Has it finally occurred to you that your wife really did love you?

 

I mean, think about the adrenal reaction you're observing in her. Her emotions are DRIVING it. All this time, you've perceived "sexual rejection" as a withdrawal of love. And as I've been telling you for the better part of a year now, a woman's libido doesn't work like that. Men and women are different not only in sexual apparatus... but in what DRIVES the libido.

 

She loved you, Scriv. That's why she's acting crazy. A slap on your face might be ego-driven. Hysterical bonding is not.

[jmargel]

Sorry that I didn't read the part that you told your wife. Though that is a moot point, because if you didn't tell her she would still be able to sense that something was wrong.

 

IMO you are dragging this OW through the mud, she deserves to find happiness and commitment. Something she won't be able to achieve with you.

 

Though I didn't read all your posts, and if your wife has mistreated you in the past then why are you with her? Are you two going to counseling to resolve this?

 

I'm not quite sure what you were trying to accomplish with getting with this OW. Was it to get revenge on the way your wife was treating you? Was it because you are lacking something in your marriage?

 

What do you want at this point?

[Darth Vader]

Scrivdog, you didn't tell your wife about the affair, but if you think your wife doesn't get that gut instinct then you are the one that is nuts.

 

You mistreat your wife, cheat on her and intentionally drive her to the brink of insanity and then you come on here and act all innocent. You are the one with major mental problems. I could only wish your wife was allowed to post on here so we could actually find out the truth.

 

Stop acting like a little child and face the consequences of what you are doing. Get yourself into marriage counseling with your wife and get your problems sorted out. If you think running away and divorcing is your solution, then I can only guarantee that your problems will follow you. Also, stop dragging this other woman through the mud.

 

Such a selfish, immature little kid.. You are the type of person who make us real men look bad.

 

 

Agreed, however jmargel, it seems that this guy gets a thrill out of his actions, his wife on the other hand will wake up one day and leave him.........

[Darth Vader]

1) I did tell her.

2) "You mistreat your wife".

3) "then you come on here and act all innocent" :rolleyes:

4) "You are the one with major mental problems"

5) "Also, stop dragging this other woman through the mud"

 

Dayum, son. Ordinarily, I let these kinds of maniacal responses slide except that usually you're a quality poster. But I must say - you slipped hard on this here thread.

 

 

Talk about your psychological abusers, they attempt to twist, to warp everything onto you so they don't have to deal with problem, or take responsibility for their actions! So typical! Believe me, I can spot one!

[OldEurope]

Sorry...I fail to see how attacking a person, almost "beating them to a pulp" and something called "hysterical bonding" are signs of love.

 

These are only signs of someone who cannot control herself and of her own possible mental imbalance; of someone who fears losing control she had or thought she had over another person; of someone who is, through sex and violence, desperate and acting in desperation. In other words--only signs of one thing: a pitifully low self-worth.

 

If this woman, his wife, had some self esteem, she might, yes, get upset at him, but she would most likely leave. She would expect him to prove himself to her. But she would not stay around for more humiliation. She only reinforced her own humiliation with these actions; she made herself look undignified and weak.

 

If I recall Scrivdog's original posts, he was trying rather hard to approach his wife about their problems, and these approaches were rebuffed. She is not innocent in this marriage break down. And she has absolutely no right to go attacking him.

 

I think the two of them need a separation from one another. That is the only thing that will allow perspective on their marriage.

Edited March 24, 2008 by OldEurope

[Trialbyfire]

While physicality isn't my thing, as in attacking a cheater or even considering having sex with one , you have to understand that most betrayed spouses aren't in any condition, so close to D-day, to be rational. Self-esteem, for some strange reason, isn't at its highest.

 

It's like having your heart and soul ripped out, put on the table, bloody and pulsating. Dramatic? Try it sometime. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy...well...maybe I would wish it on a few people...

 

"Hi honey, I had a great day, banging some strange woman. So how was your day?"

 

"You ****** ******* *** ***** ******!"

[Owl]

OE...you might do well to educate yourself on the emotional impacts of infidelity.

 

Pick up a copy of "Surviving an Affair", and a copy of "His Needs/Her Needs"...read those. You might learn a lot on exactly what she's going through right now, and why she's reacting the way she is.