WayDownSouth Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 Hi all. I have been married 5 years and suspect my wife has been seeing another man for at least a couple of years. Two years ago we were having problems and separated and she told me she started seeing someone else. We patched things up and got back together and she swore she was done with him. Well, since then I have found several text messages that were more than friendly, she is online late at night and his phone number is all over our phone bill. She sometimes leaves at night for a few hours without her cell phone on and a couple of times has been gone all night. She says she is at a friend's house but never tells me which one. I don't have any hard proof that something is going on, and she always denies it when I confront her. I just really want to know what's going on but can't figure out how. Does anyone have advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Tomcat33 Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 Yes, follow her. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 Install a keylogger on her computer, get the proof you need and then confront her. It's either YOU or HIM, not both. See, your wife has felt NO real consquence of her actions, and that is why she's still with the OM. She is in a fantasy-affair fog and isn't thinking clearly. She probably is justfiying her behaviour and actions, meanwhile trying to make it seem like things are fine with you and the marriage. Cakeeater.. You could also hire a PI, or get a trusted friend to follow her. Link to post Share on other sites
Tripper Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 Well, since then I have found several text messages that were more than friendly, she is online late at night and his phone number is all over our phone bill. She sometimes leaves at night for a few hours without her cell phone on and a couple of times has been gone all night. Does anyone have advice? WDS, I gotta say that this looks like pretty hard evidence to me. And is she's trying to work with you on the M, her actions are totally unacceptable!! She may not be lying by "commission" but she certainly is lying by "omission" by not telling you where she is when she's out all night. Cheaters deny, deny, deny, and that is a fact of life. If you really want to nail her, I suggest you hire a private investigator. Then a good divorce lawyer. Link to post Share on other sites
TMCM Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 On the surface it seems that she has continued her affair with the OM. Have the issues that led to your separation been resolved? Link to post Share on other sites
Author WayDownSouth Posted January 30, 2008 Author Share Posted January 30, 2008 On the surface it seems that she has continued her affair with the OM. Have the issues that led to your separation been resolved? Well, part of the reason we separated is that we had a blowout fight over the same kind of thing - my suspicions she was seeing someone - and I moved out. So, no it's obviously not resolved. I'm working hard to keep the marriage together. We've since had a child but that doesn't seem to have changed anything. I really don't want to split though she sometimes says she's not happy with things. I don't understand why she doesn't just admit to an affair? If she just admitted it I feel like I could let go. Link to post Share on other sites
TMCM Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 I don't understand why she doesn't just admit to an affair? If she just admitted it I feel like I could let go. Are you absolutely sure about that? Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 What is the point of staying in a marriage while your wife continues to be in a sexual relationship putting your health at risk for STD's? She goes out at night and does not return refusing to tell you where she is. I think you need to have a reality check. You are letting this woman continue to humiliatie and disrespect you. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 Well, part of the reason we separated is that we had a blowout fight over the same kind of thing - my suspicions she was seeing someone - and I moved out. So, no it's obviously not resolved. I'm working hard to keep the marriage together. We've since had a child but that doesn't seem to have changed anything. I really don't want to split though she sometimes says she's not happy with things. I don't understand why she doesn't just admit to an affair? If she just admitted it I feel like I could let go. Bro, your wife is a waste of time. You realize that she doesnt love you right? Why do you want to love someone who WONT love you back? Link to post Share on other sites
Wantingtogetitright Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 forget key loggers, following her etc etc as has been previously suggested. What is the point - to get proof? What difference will that make in all honesty. Quite simply you don't trust her so you shouldn't be with her. It is as simple and as black and white as that. The quicker people realise this the less heartache there will be for everyone. Trust is the key to all and any relationships, without it there is simply no point. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 Hi all. I have been married 5 years and suspect my wife has been seeing another man for at least a couple of years. Two years ago we were having problems and separated and she told me she started seeing someone else. We patched things up and got back together and she swore she was done with him. Well, since then I have found several text messages that were more than friendly, she is online late at night and his phone number is all over our phone bill. She sometimes leaves at night for a few hours without her cell phone on and a couple of times has been gone all night. She says she is at a friend's house but never tells me which one. I don't have any hard proof that something is going on, and she always denies it when I confront her. I just really want to know what's going on but can't figure out how. Does anyone have advice? You have all the proof you need. The writing is on the wall. Go get a p.i and get stone cold hard evidence. Detach and 10 in the meantime, and take care of your kid. And when you finally know the extent to your wife cheating, then serve her with divorce papers and get a 50/50 custody order written in stone. Good luck to you. You know what's going on. And your gut is telling you the right thing. Link to post Share on other sites
TMCM Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 forget key loggers, following her etc etc as has been previously suggested. What is the point - to get proof? What difference will that make in all honesty. Quite simply you don't trust her so you shouldn't be with her. It is as simple and as black and white as that. The quicker people realise this the less heartache there will be for everyone. Trust is the key to all and any relationships, without it there is simply no point. This is very true. If she was truly serious about gaining your trust, she would bend over backwards to attain it. She is obviously not doing this. Furthermore, she can choose to divorce you at anytime she feels safe to end the marriage. You do not own the sole right to get divorced. If this situation is unacceptable then you have to change it. Otherwise you will have no one to blame but yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
cj1988 Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 Find another car and follow her, she is up to NO good ! Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Eyed Brain Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 DO NOT USE Key loggers (they are against the law and your ex can have you arrested - invasion of privacy, even if you try to say it was for children). DO NOT Follow her. Why? So you can see the hurt? If you love her, tell her and see if it can work. If you are hurt or she is not willing to work with you. Apply for divorce, find yourself and then find someone who will love you. It's that easy, but it hurts much. Link to post Share on other sites
outofdarkness Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 Hi all. I have been married 5 years and suspect my wife has been seeing another man for at least a couple of years. Two years ago we were having problems and separated and she told me she started seeing someone else. We patched things up and got back together and she swore she was done with him. Well, since then I have found several text messages that were more than friendly, she is online late at night and his phone number is all over our phone bill. She sometimes leaves at night for a few hours without her cell phone on and a couple of times has been gone all night. She says she is at a friend's house but never tells me which one. I don't have any hard proof that something is going on, and she always denies it when I confront her. I just really want to know what's going on but can't figure out how. Does anyone have advice? Yes, something is most assuredly going on. Following her is not a bad idea. As far as key loggers..They may be against the law, but you might benefit from installing one just so that you can make informed decisions as to what you might want to do regarding the marriage. Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 DO NOT USE Key loggers (they are against the law and your ex can have you arrested - invasion of privacy, even if you try to say it was for children). DO NOT Follow her. Why? So you can see the hurt? If you love her, tell her and see if it can work. If you are hurt or she is not willing to work with you. Apply for divorce, find yourself and then find someone who will love you. It's that easy, but it hurts much. Where do you get that information? It is not illegal to place a key logger onto my own computer as it is my personal property! Similar to placing security cameras around my house! What is illegal is to place a key logger on a computer you don't own! Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 Hi all. I have been married 5 years and suspect my wife has been seeing another man for at least a couple of years. Two years ago we were having problems and separated and she told me she started seeing someone else. That should have been your signal to get a lawyer. Being separated is no excuse for seeing someone else. All that did was show what she really wants to do. Hook up with another man. Well, since then I have found several text messages that were more than friendly, she is online late at night and his phone number is all over our phone bill. She sometimes leaves at night for a few hours without her cell phone on and a couple of times has been gone all night. She says she is at a friend's house but never tells me which one. I don't have any hard proof that something is going on, and she always denies it when I confront her. I just really want to know what's going on but can't figure out how. Does anyone have advice? You have hard proof. Late night phone calls and texts to another man. Why don't you ask her to move out because you are tired of the lies and tired of a cheating woman and see what she says. She will either break down, or she just might leave. If the latter happens, then let her go. She isn't worth wasting the rest of your life over. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted January 30, 2008 Share Posted January 30, 2008 I say call a divorce lawyer first. She/he will probably have a pretty clear knowledge of what's legal and what's not. Link to post Share on other sites
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