LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Marriage & Life Partnerships > Infidelity

depression, ADD, and an EA


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 28th January 2008, 3:41 PM   #1
New Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: South Louisiana
Posts: 1
depression, ADD, and an EA

I found out about a month ago that my H has been having an EA with a woman he met online. There was much lying on his part plus he didn't tell me the complete truth at the time (he met her through an online game and was still talking to her after I found out). He has since cut off all contact with her although I have emailed her a couple of times to find out information. Still not satisfied because my H doesn't remember many of the details and the OW won't tell me much. My H has just been diagnosed with adult attention deficit disorder (ADD) and is severely depressed and suffering from intense anxiety as well. He tells me he had the EA with the OW because she made him feel good and less depressed and less anxious. I'll admit our marriage was faltering a bit at the time, but I didn't stray so why did he? Has anyone had a SO who cheated but had ADD, depression, or anxiety? My H is seeing doctor and on meds. Doctor says that ADD, depression, and anxiety could have made him more suscpetible to cheating.Any advice? Thanks
cajunfirecracker is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th January 2008, 6:12 PM   #2
Established Member
 
Mustang Sally's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Denial Planet
Posts: 1,846
Well, I'd say that I could see how all of those diagnoses could have made him more likely to make a bad decision....

But I don't think I would allow them to excuse the behavior. Sounds like a "Devil made me do it" approach. I just don't buy that.

Obviously, YMMV.
Mustang Sally is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th January 2008, 6:16 PM   #3
Owl
Established Member
 
Owl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 12,070
There you go.

I know that undiagnosed and untreated depression was a FACTOR in my wife's choice to have an online emotional affair...

...but it doesn't excuse it.

Get him treated for these issues...but continue to seek marriage counseling to sort through 'affair proofing' your marriage going forward.
__________________
"Do, or do not. There is no try." -Yoda
Owl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th January 2008, 8:10 PM   #4
Established Member
 
D-Lish's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 15,878
I agree that depression can contribute to bad decisions.

I think it's great he's on meds and seeing a doc. I do agree that you should be a part of the counselling process. Not only does that show that you are also capable of being a support system- but it might give you both better insight into the problem.... and give you both better tools with how to deal with it.

It takes meds anywhere from 1-2 months to start to work well (if they are going to). So be ready to deal with alterations in dosages- the need to switch meds, etc. Not every Anti-depressant/anxiety med works well for every person across the board.

I started off with Cipralex for Depression and Anxiety and the side effects were awful. I have now found a great combination of Wellbutrin and Clonozapam. It's worked wonders- I am a happier, less anxious person.
I hope things work out for both of you.
D-Lish is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th January 2008, 10:40 AM   #5
 
outofdarkness's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: southeast
Posts: 1,329
Quote:
Originally Posted by cajunfirecracker View Post
I found out about a month ago that my H has been having an EA with a woman he met online. There was much lying on his part plus he didn't tell me the complete truth at the time (he met her through an online game and was still talking to her after I found out). He has since cut off all contact with her although I have emailed her a couple of times to find out information. Still not satisfied because my H doesn't remember many of the details and the OW won't tell me much. My H has just been diagnosed with adult attention deficit disorder (ADD) and is severely depressed and suffering from intense anxiety as well. He tells me he had the EA with the OW because she made him feel good and less depressed and less anxious. I'll admit our marriage was faltering a bit at the time, but I didn't stray so why did he? Has anyone had a SO who cheated but had ADD, depression, or anxiety? My H is seeing doctor and on meds. Doctor says that ADD, depression, and anxiety could have made him more suscpetible to cheating.Any advice? Thanks
Lots of people have these problems and they don't cheat.
__________________
I am not a marriage expert!
Blessings
outofdarkness is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th January 2008, 10:44 AM   #6
Established Member
 
Blue Eyed Brain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Just North of Fantasyland
Posts: 814
Quote:
Originally Posted by cajunfirecracker View Post
I'll admit our marriage was faltering a bit at the time, but I didn't stray so why did he?
You treat him differently than he treats you. Besides you are different people all together. So, it's not "well I didn't so why did he." It's he found affection from someone else and why? What about your marriage is leading one of you away from the other? These are the questions that need to be discussed.
Blue Eyed Brain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th January 2008, 4:05 PM   #7
 
outofdarkness's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: southeast
Posts: 1,329
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue Eyed Brain View Post
You treat him differently than he treats you. Besides you are different people all together. So, it's not "well I didn't so why did he." It's he found affection from someone else and why? What about your marriage is leading one of you away from the other? These are the questions that need to be discussed.
Sometimes, it's not the fact that there's something wrong w/ the marriage...Sometimes it's just that someone makes a poor choice and uses poor judgement. Sometimes, cheaters are just plain selfish cake eaters.
outofdarkness is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
BF and possible depression?? Guest Self-Improvement and Personal Well-Being 3 26th July 2006 8:52 PM
Depression & LDR femme Self-Improvement and Personal Well-Being 1 1st November 2004 11:41 AM
Depression K12345 Self-Improvement and Personal Well-Being 3 19th July 2004 10:17 AM
is this depression or is she using me??? traveler General Relationship Discussion 2 27th February 2004 9:42 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 3:08 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.