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What is remorse?


heftysmurf

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I was curious as to BS and WS what remorse really is?

How do you know you are getting it?

When is it not enough?

How long did you wait for it?

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I am not sure, sorry enough my H has never shown it as of yet and probably never will.....he is right I am wrong.....he is perfect and I am crazy, it is called gaslighting and he is a d--- !

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LucreziaBorgia

Guilt tries to smooth things over without delving into what caused the guilt. Remorse guts, reveals and heals. Sort of the difference between putting some ointment and a bandaid on a raging boil, and getting it painfully lanced, drained, treated and then bandaged.

 

Guilt tries to appease the spouse, without addressing any internal stuff that caused the infidelity. Remorse appeases the spouse, but addresses the internal stuff. Truly remorseful people tend not to repeat their actions.

 

Guilt is 'forgive and forget'. Remorse is 'forgive, and learn from your mistakes.'

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When asked the other day in a post if my wife was remorseful, I said I don't know because I don't understand the word.

 

She has shown guilt and maybe even some remorse, but it always has to be drug out of her like pulling teeth.

 

Guilt tries to smooth things over without delving into what caused the guilt. Remorse guts, reveals and heals. Sort of the difference between putting some ointment and a bandaid on a raging boil, and getting it painfully lanced, drained, treated and then bandaged.

 

Guilt tries to appease the spouse, without addressing any internal stuff that caused the infidelity. Remorse appeases the spouse, but addresses the internal stuff. Truly remorseful people tend not to repeat their actions.

 

Guilt is 'forgive and forget'. Remorse is 'forgive, and learn from your mistakes.'

 

So there is guilt and there is remorse but in my opinion it wasn't her idea to address it. If I am the one starting the discussion every time is that truly addressing the issues from her standpoint? In the beginning she actually told me it scared her to even talk to me about it. She said she never knew what would set me off.

 

I think she has learned from her mistakes and as of right now she hasn't repeated her actions that I know of............remorseful????? I don't know.

 

I am a BS spouse. I am wondering what to look for. It is such a hard item to grasp in many ways.

 

This is also my question. Are we too bitter to see they are really remorseful?

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I may be bitter. I try to control it and tend to pull back a lot. That is my biggest issue. When I pull back she views it as me being mad. Well I am and not venting and trying to keep a lid on ite. It takes a lot for me just to sit their. I do not know what I can do to open the door to real remorse. It is just so hard to sit and be happy. I am trying because I do have a lot still to be happy for. My daughter, my health, my job, my real friends, etc.

 

One thing hits me that was said:

 

If I am the one starting the discussion every time is that truly addressing the issues from her standpoint?

 

What can I do to allow an enviroment to show remorse and what can one view as remorse?

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