Told husband I have a date...should I go?

[Jade 02]

I am married to a daily mean drunk,and bareley works(went to work drunk yesyterday,and got sent anway from the property. Now This guy,and me havent slept together in 3 years YES 3 YEARS!!

 

I told him (Seperated hubby) I have a date saturday,I hate it because I work sundays. I have not told my date yet,and plan on it on the date so he will listen to me,and understand things. ITS OVER!,and My hubby also looks for other women but who wants someoe that slurs all the time?

 

Anyways should I go,and have fun,and explain thing to him? He keeps asking me to go out with him Date man (really cute too,but not too cute,perfect for me,I hate concieted guys. I really want to go,but I dont want to be like a 2 timer (and Im not,thre is no kisses no NOTHING with hubby.

My best friend said I should go,hubby is tearing my house apart with holes in wall,and attacks me sometimes. He said now that we are married i have to live like this.

 

My mom bought me this house after we got married,does that mean half of it is his if we split?

I might have his ass kicked,not killed just runn him out of here. ITS MY HOUSE,he had so many houses he drank them away,IM NOT!! letting his driking make me homeless.

Thanks for any replys

[ICallsEmAsISeesEm]

Firstly, you've done what you can as far as supporting this emotionally stunted drunk who can't get his sh*t together. You can't FIX him. You can't.

 

Only HE can fix himself. And it would appear this loser has no desire to do so. He can't hold down a job, he disrespects your property, and he just expects YOU to clean up the trail of sh*t he leaves behind himself.

 

Do you for some reason think you're tied for life to someone who doesn't have the emotional or mental capacity to live a normal life like the rest of us? Well, you're NOT. There's no unwritten rule that you have to stay with this jerk and let him bring you down WITH him. Boot his ass out. It could be YEARS before he finally hits bottom and actually does something PRODUCTIVE - like sobering up and actually becoming a PRODUCTIVE member of society, and not some leech who sucks the souls out of everyone he comes into contact with.

 

If I'm not mistaken (and I may be so don't take this to the bank) gifts acquired during the marriage are not considered community property and aren't subject to the same rules that other property bought or acquired together DO.

 

Stop the nonsense and start going through your yellow pages, looking for lawyers who offer free initial consulatations. During that consulatation, you can get an answer to this question about your house.

 

Why continue to let this worthless loser stain your life and systematically ruin your property?

 

Dating is the LEAST of your worries right now. Drop the dead weight that's sucking your soul and dragging you down into the tar pits with him. After THAT, get your house in order.

[bestadvisor]

 

If I'm not mistaken (and I may be so don't take this to the bank) gifts acquired during the marriage are not considered community property and aren't subject to the same rules that other property bought or acquired together DO.

 

The answer to her question depends on what state she lives in. There are two types of states, the seperate property states and common property states.

 

Based on the facts provided, it's highly unlikely that he will have an interest in the house, unless it's also under his name, because the house was not acquired based on the partnership of the marriage, but direct gift from one spouse's mother.

 

Consult with your local attorney to be certain.

[justice]

For heaven's sake, your spouse is abusive. Go to the police. Then go to court and explain your side of things and get divorced. Then and only then, can you freely start dating others. Do you really want things to get worse by dating while you're still married? Honestly that would only make matters worse for you if your husband is abusive as you've written here.

[bish]

I am married to a daily mean drunk,and bareley works(went to work drunk yesyterday,and got sent anway from the property. Now This guy,and me havent slept together in 3 years YES 3 YEARS!!

 

I told him (Seperated hubby) I have a date saturday,I hate it because I work sundays. I have not told my date yet,and plan on it on the date so he will listen to me,and understand things. ITS OVER!,and My hubby also looks for other women but who wants someoe that slurs all the time?

 

Anyways should I go,and have fun,and explain thing to him? He keeps asking me to go out with him Date man (really cute too,but not too cute,perfect for me,I hate concieted guys. I really want to go,but I dont want to be like a 2 timer (and Im not,thre is no kisses no NOTHING with hubby.

My best friend said I should go,hubby is tearing my house apart with holes in wall,and attacks me sometimes. He said now that we are married i have to live like this.

 

My mom bought me this house after we got married,does that mean half of it is his if we split?

I might have his ass kicked,not killed just runn him out of here. ITS MY HOUSE,he had so many houses he drank them away,IM NOT!! letting his driking make me homeless.

Thanks for any replys

 

sigh...if you feel the need to cheat...and so bold as to tell your husband you are on a date, and he is the jerk you say he is....here is a thought.....call me crazy but.....LEAVE HIM! why cheat? just leave already.

 

If you cheat you have become no better than him.

[Jade 02]

Hi everyone ,what great advice from everyone. My state is North Carolina if that matter ICallsEmasIseesEm,I got alot from your post,I need to make some calls.

Shoot hes so booze brain squashed he might believe me when I tell him that one. Great advive thanks I will use what you suggest.

 

Bish,Im not talking about cheating,just having coffee with a guy I have met,I plan on a public meeting. "Plus why should I leave my home?" Thats why my mom bought me this home cuz she sheen me working my arse off all the time,and boyfriend kicking me out every month cuz he so drunk,and does not know what he doing.

All I do is go in my roon,and mind my own bussiness,but he comes in just to start drama. Thank you bish,I amm all open for any kind of help or suggestions. you have a great day see you soon.

 

Justice,you are so wright,But I got to make a move,I need to get happy real son,I been in misery too too long,It is to the point of depression,and noway do I want to be depressed,ha mabey if my new date sees me with a black eye,he can teach a drunk a leson on hitting women. I can beat him,But I have enough assaults on my record. I am scared to hit even if its for self protection. Gotta be a right way how to do this,so he will leave. Any,and I mean ANYtime someone asked me to leave their house,I always left,even if I had nowhere to go. He thinks I owe him something or something,I dont know. And I am the one who got him EVERY job he has ever had since he has been with me (13 years) He did have lots of money in the earlier days so he didnt have to work then.

 

But he pissed that,and his own house on the beach away PLUS a 44 foot power cruiser. What a waste. Im trying not to let him take me,and my home under now. Thanks Justice you are awesome

 

Thanks bestadvisr,I will get on that,and see whats going on,and I will let you know what I found

 

Thanks again all

Off to work

[Jade 02]

Hi again all

Oh by the way,my home is only a mobile home,but it is all I have,and I want to keep it,I have been homeless before,untill I meet a man.

I know this is wrong,but I know no other way,boy I wished I did good in school,and stayed in school. Nelieve me kids if you are reading school will be an asett for you later.

[michaelk]

It's pretty clear that your home is most important to you, so if I were you I'd talk to a lawyer (as others have already suggested). If it turns out that he can't take half your home, then do whatever you'd like. If he can, then do not even give the impression that you're cheating because it will just confuse things at divorce time. As it is right now, he's clearly the bad guy. You're better off keeping it that way.

 

Most folks here will tell you not to cheat (including dating) for any reason as long as you're married. I agree from a pragmatic point of view, because if you're going to seek love and affection elsewhere, you've written off your marriage and might as well divorce anyway. But from a moral perspective, I think there are worse things than cheating, and abuse is one of them. When your husband started abusing you, he gave up the right to expect anything from you, fidelity included. So while I think the smartest thing to do is divorce and then date, I don't think you'd be violating anything he didn't already destroy if you stepped out on him.

[bestadvisor]

 

Thanks bestadvisr,I will get on that,and see whats going on,and I will let you know what I found

 

 

I think the house was yours, is yours and will be yours, UNLESS his name is on it too. Other than that, you should be safe.

[Mickle]

Jade! you only have one life date this guy and be happy.

The confidence you gain from dating will help you dealing with your husband and kick him out.

[justice]

Hi everyone ,what great advice from everyone. My state is North Carolina if that matter ICallsEmasIseesEm,I got alot from your post,I need to make some calls.

Shoot hes so booze brain squashed he might believe me when I tell him that one. Great advive thanks I will use what you suggest.

 

Bish,Im not talking about cheating,just having coffee with a guy I have met,I plan on a public meeting. "Plus why should I leave my home?" Thats why my mom bought me this home cuz she sheen me working my arse off all the time,and boyfriend kicking me out every month cuz he so drunk,and does not know what he doing.

All I do is go in my roon,and mind my own bussiness,but he comes in just to start drama. Thank you bish,I amm all open for any kind of help or suggestions. you have a great day see you soon.

 

Justice,you are so wright,But I got to make a move,I need to get happy real son,I been in misery too too long,It is to the point of depression,and noway do I want to be depressed,ha mabey if my new date sees me with a black eye,he can teach a drunk a leson on hitting women. I can beat him,But I have enough assaults on my record. I am scared to hit even if its for self protection. Gotta be a right way how to do this,so he will leave. Any,and I mean ANYtime someone asked me to leave their house,I always left,even if I had nowhere to go. He thinks I owe him something or something,I dont know. And I am the one who got him EVERY job he has ever had since he has been with me (13 years) He did have lots of money in the earlier days so he didnt have to work then.

 

But he pissed that,and his own house on the beach away PLUS a 44 foot power cruiser. What a waste. Im trying not to let him take me,and my home under now. Thanks Justice you are awesome

 

Thanks bestadvisr,I will get on that,and see whats going on,and I will let you know what I found

 

Thanks again all

Off to work

 

[FONT=Arial]Residency and Filing Requirements: In order to file for a divorce in North Carolina, residency requirements must be met for the court to accept the case. If the court discovers it does not have jurisdictional rights to hear the case it will not be accepted or it will eventually be dismissed. The requirements are as follows:

 

The plaintiff or defendant in the suit for divorce must have resided in the State for a period of six months prior to filing. The divorce may be filed in the either county in which the parties reside. (North Carolina Statutes - Chapter 50 - Sections: 50-8)

 

Grounds for Filing: The Complaint for Divorce must declare the appropriate North Carolina grounds upon which the divorce is being sought. The appropriate lawful ground will be that which the parties agree upon and can substantiate, or that which the filing spouse desires to prove to the court. The divorce grounds are as follows:

 

The court may grant divorces from bed and board on application of the party injured, made as by law provided, in the following cases if either party:

 

No-Fault:

(1) Marriages may be dissolved and the parties thereto divorced from the bonds of matrimony on the application of either party, if and when the husband and wife have lived separate and apart for one year.

 

Fault:

A spouse must commit one of the following acts: (1) Abandons his or her family. (2) Maliciously turns the other out of doors. (3) By cruel or barbarous treatment endangers the life of the other. In addition, the court may grant the victim of such treatment the remedies (4) Offers such indignities to the person of the other as to render his or her condition intolerable and life burdensome. (5) Becomes an excessive user of alcohol or drugs so as to render the condition of the other spouse intolerable and the life of that spouse burdensome. (6) Commits adultery. (North Carolina Statutes - Chapter 50 - Sections: 50-5.1 and 50-6)

 

Filing Spouse Title: Plaintiff. The Plaintiff is the spouse who initiates the filing procedure with the family law or domestic relations court.

 

Non-Filing Spouse Title: Defendant. The Defendant is the spouse who does not file the initial divorce papers, but rather receives them by service.[/FONT]

 

Maybe this will help you further. By dating before your divorce you are seriously endangering any chances you have at keeping your home. My advice is to go to an attorney now and explain the situation to them and see what your best course of action is and then proceed.

 

Good Luck.

[justice]

Oh and I must say this also, do not involve anyone else! Do this legally, so that your husband will have nothing to fight back with. If you involve another party who will physically harm your husband he may use this against you also.

[justice]

Is there any way to put the house back into your mom's name only?

[bish]

Bish,Im not talking about cheating,just having coffee with a guy I have met,I plan on a public meeting.

 

Oh come on...you called it a date. You don't think a girlfriend of mine wouldn't want to rip off my cohones if I told her I was going to have a coffee date with a woman I met?

 

If you are married, why are you meeting strange men anyway?