brokenherz Posted October 28, 2007 Share Posted October 28, 2007 I’ve been going out with a man for one year and I found out he cheated on me this whole time. The first time I found out 6 month ago and I gave him another chance. The second time another 6 month later. I thought I could break up with him but I couldn’t the sex was too good. He offered to go to therapy with me and I said ok. One night I visited him unexpected and I caught him with the third woman. I’m so depressed because guess what I will meet him tonight. I want to get out of this relationship but I can’t. I’m so hurt on the other hand I keep on imagine he will change and stay with me happily ever after. I know it is an illusion but what can I do? I have a beautiful 20-month-old daughter and for her sake I want to stop seeing him. I’m also seeing a psychologist on Tuesday. He told me last night on the phone that he is a sex and love addict and he wants to go to group therapy. He also suggested not seeing each other anymore but I said no. So he is coming over tonight because he loves the sex and I believe I love the sex and the stress. I think if I keep this up I will loose the little dignity that I have left. My childhood was harsh, both of my fathers were cheating on my mother. They never stopped and she never kicked them out. My fathers stopped it eventually and I have a feeling that’s happen to me right now. He will control when it stops because I allow it. I feel horrible and so confused about myself. Does anybody understand me and been through this before? What can you suggest or tell me your experience. I don’t want to think about him anymore. How do I get out of this? I know I have to stop calling him but I can’t so what else can I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted October 28, 2007 Share Posted October 28, 2007 Clearly you can't have a relationship with this man because he is and will always be a cheater. That said, I don't think there's anything wrong with loving sex and as long as everyone involved is being safe and honest there's no reason for you not to have a sex-only relationship. I don't think it should be with this guy though, he's not honest about his sex life so you don't know how safe it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenherz Posted November 7, 2007 Author Share Posted November 7, 2007 we are trying to work it out...he said he wants to go to therapy and I do the same. I hope he will change and I'm scared to go for it. He is a yoga instructor and I have a hard time believing him that he can change. He said he loves me more than anybody and he doesn't want to loose me. Should I go in therapy with him together or should I not even give him another chance? Do men change once they get a taste of feeding they ego with woman? Is there a man out there who did change, if so how long did it take you to change? He has been like that since 4 years... Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted November 7, 2007 Share Posted November 7, 2007 I’ve been going out with a man for one year and I found out he cheated on me this whole time. The first time I found out 6 month ago and I gave him another chance. The second time another 6 month later. I thought I could break up with him but I couldn’t the sex was too good. He offered to go to therapy with me and I said ok. One night I visited him unexpected and I caught him with the third woman. I’m so depressed because guess what I will meet him tonight. I want to get out of this relationship but I can’t. I’m so hurt on the other hand I keep on imagine he will change and stay with me happily ever after. I know it is an illusion but what can I do? I have a beautiful 20-month-old daughter and for her sake I want to stop seeing him. I’m also seeing a psychologist on Tuesday. He told me last night on the phone that he is a sex and love addict and he wants to go to group therapy. He also suggested not seeing each other anymore but I said no. So he is coming over tonight because he loves the sex and I believe I love the sex and the stress. I think if I keep this up I will loose the little dignity that I have left. My childhood was harsh, both of my fathers were cheating on my mother. They never stopped and she never kicked them out. My fathers stopped it eventually and I have a feeling that’s happen to me right now. He will control when it stops because I allow it. I feel horrible and so confused about myself. Does anybody understand me and been through this before? What can you suggest or tell me your experience. I don’t want to think about him anymore. How do I get out of this? I know I have to stop calling him but I can’t so what else can I do? Why is it so hard and why CAN'T you stop? Isn't your daughter more important than this jerk? Aren't you MORE important than this jerk? Come on.. give yourself a kick in the ***... and leave him... don't be a doormat... be strong, independant, who need a loser like him? You don't want to think about him anymore... Well don't.. change your mind as soon as you start thinking about him. Go out... take care of yourself... write all the things you hate about him and put it on the fridge... LOL I know I have to stop calling him but I can’t so what else can I do? Look at you... you know you got to stop calling him.. but you can't ... so I say... there is absolutely nothing you can do.. if you don't stop... simple. Link to post Share on other sites
Desperate HH Posted November 7, 2007 Share Posted November 7, 2007 If he is really suffering from addiction (or compulsion, obsession, whatever) he should be getting serious psychiatric help. Not couples therapy, not a "group", but a Doc specializing in this sort of thing. Show him this NY Times article: http://tinyurl.com/332ps5 (or: http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9B01E3DA1138F93AA25752C1A9669C8B63&sec=health&spon=&pagewanted=1 ) and see how he responds. If he is willing to keep talking after he has read that, he might eventually be OK. If not, dump him YESTERDAY! DHH Link to post Share on other sites
JustBreathe Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 My opinion: You're used to having chaos and instability around you because that's what you grew up with and it feels normal to you. I know how that is. Good that you're going to a therapist because that kind of dysfunction is a cycle. You pass it on from generation to generation. The only way to prevent this is to break the cycle. A therapist can help you with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokenherz Posted November 9, 2007 Author Share Posted November 9, 2007 thank you so much for the responces. Yes therapy helps, I've been going for over 1 year but I stopped for 1 month. He is very serious about being with me, we shall see in 1 month or 2 and if he doesn't stop or doesn't get help I dump him. My daughter never got to see him but sure she felt I was depressed and I know I don't want to pass my depression or cycles on to her. She is the best daughter in the world Link to post Share on other sites
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