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Is he lying again?


Moreconfused

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My husband and I have been together for 2 years. He has always been insecure about me possibly cheating on him. He has a son from a previous relationship (when he was in his early 20's) and the woman slept with three other men and married one of them (he didn't know his son was his till he was a year old). So he has trust issues. I've never cheated on him but I did cheat a long time ago (when I was in my teens) and I told my husband of this before we were married. I make sure I tell him who I talk to (when I stop to see friends) and I have a guy friend who I am close to. I've been friends with him since childhood and he is not married but dating someone seriously. Of course my husband has met this man and while I can't say they are friends they are civil to each other. My problem is that last summer i found out that my husband had an inappropriate relationship with a woman at work. she was not married, younger than him and he never told me of her. The only sign I missed was he bought a cell phone which he used to call her. he said he bought the phone so myself or my stepson could call him if he's at work (he travels from job site to job site). I thought nothing of that.

Well it turns out that my husband was talking to this woman three to five times a week helping her with HER relationship problems. He also discussed me with her as well. But at first he did not tell her he was married (we dont wear rings). he even took my step son over to meet this woman (he is 9 years old). Once he let her babysit him (he told me his brother was watching him) when we went out one night. He would tell me he was working late or stopping at his male co worker's house to target practice (which I had no problem with because I TRUSTED him). when in fact he was stopping at HER house. How did I discover all of this? Well she called our house one night instead of his cell. I answered and he talked to her and was very short with her. I asked who it was and he lied to me. Warning bells went off in my head right away and I ended up questioning him about the call and he continued to lie. said it was his sister. Duh, I know his sister's voice. I called the number back and found out who it was! She knew all about me but I had never heard of her. It turned out that they had been talkign for several months. At the least it was an innapropriate friendship or emotional affair. Maybe a physical one but I have no proof. She says it wasnt' physical that she just needed someone to talk to and she didn''t know that I had never heard of her! My husband says he didnt' tell me because he figured it would upset me that he had a close female friend. He said he didnt' think I would find out and that there wasnt' any reason to tell me. I could kill him for this statement!!!!!! I had complete trust in him and no reason to ever doubt him. He had freedom and most of his friends were jealous that i am such an easygoing wife. He has all of his needs met at home- I'm a good mother to his son, we have a great sex life, talk all the time, have fun together. So I have no idea why he would throw it all away for this woman. I met her and truthfully without trying to sound catty, I am shocked. She is the total opposite of me, not full of myself but I have a great body, I work out regularly and my husband has always said he's never seen such a great body in "real life". I'm pretty and all of his friends think I"m "hot". I'm educated, have a good job, enjoy a lot of the same activities as my husband (outdoors, sports etc). I expected this woman to be a knockout or something. No offense to her, but she is overweight by at least 50 lbs, she would not be described as pretty or even cute. She looks a lot older than she is (she's 22 but looks much older, harder than that) She actually looks older than me (I'm 30 but could pass for 25 or so) Also she lives with her mother!! My husband actually met her mother and her mother likes him! He didnt' tell the mother he is married. AHHH!!!

So the reason for my writing all of this is we are trying to work on our marriage. He has ended all contact with this woman (as far as I know) and he lets me check his cell phone, I monitor our home phone bills, he doesn't know how to use the internet so I dont' worry about that. Also I know this is crazy, but I bought a GPS tracking device and hid it in his truck. I check it about once a week. It records everywhere he drives. It tells you when he stops etc. I haven't noticed anything unusual and he hasn't gone to her house for as long as Ive been "keeping an eye" on him. He's always been where he says he is. Well when he comes home from work there are two ways he can drive home. He can take the main route or a back road. He normally always takes the back road, it is about five minutes quicker. The part of the main road he misses by taking this back road is the part where this woman's mother lives. The woman moved to an apartment (he showed me where it is) and hes never driven there since. But you can see her mother's house from the road and any cars (including hers) that could be in the drive way. So he could drive by to see if she is at her mothers' house.

 

I should point out that she no longer works with him (he is working on a diff. project) so there is no chance of them seeing eachother at work now. HE told me he actually met her about four years ago and met her mother at that point too and they were just friends at that time and he lost touch (this was before we were together). when he saw her at work he said they just started talking again. Anyway the other night I checked the tracking device and it showed that on thursday, friday, sunday and tuesday he had taken the main road home from work instead of the short cut he always takes. So he drove past her house four times in a week. I mean this is not out of his way, it IS another way home but he hardly ever takes that road. He always takes the short cut. So I ask him if he's taken the main road lately (i wait two weeks to ask him) He says no he never goes that way. that he has no reason to go that way because the back road is shorter. I ask are you sure, he says if he did he doesn't remember it because he'd have no reason to go that way unless the back road was snow covered (which it could have been). So no red flags yet, maybe he just doesnt' remember. I mean he'd only be driving on the road for five minutes. And the tracking device doesn't show him stopping anywhere so he didnt' stop at the mother's house. Well I tell him that my guy friend said he passed him one day (that I have proof he drove on that road) and honestly his reaction worries me! He flipped out and said that his truck looks like two other trucks in the neighborhood and how does my guy pal KNOW it was him. THat it could have been anyone and that he doesnt' remember being on that road and that he ALWAYS takes the backroad. He even mentions that he doens't go on the main road because there is a place where water runs across the road and ice forms (true). He says he knows what I am thinking (that he stopped at the mother's house) and that he DID NOT. which I know is true but he DID drive down the main road four times in five days!!!! Which he does not admit and I can not tell him I know for a fact that he did because I can't let on about the tracking device. What am I supposed to do and is he lying or does he just not remember because it was two weeks ago and not a big deal to him??

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Well first of all, I'm laughing at your description of this other chick. I don't know why he would go for that. I think sometimes men just want a soft, squishy place to fall.

 

Anyway...it's sad that you have to monitor him with a GPS but all's fair in love in war, right? He may not have stopped at the house but he was probably driving by to see who was home or whatever. And yes, of course he's lying about doing it. How could you forget a route you've driven four times in a week??

 

P.S. Don't even dream of telling him about the GPS otherwise he will have "psycho ammo" to use against you.

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Last night my husband and I got into another arguement about this woman and his lying. He NOW claims that he met her years ago before he was invovled with me and that they were just friends. He said she was about 15 when he met her which would have made him about 24. There is something wrong with a 24 year old man befriending a 15 year old girl in my opinion.

 

Anyhow he said that when he and I first started dating his son who was about 5 at the time said to me one night when I took him to the video store "my dad has another girlfriend, you're not my dad's girlfriend" I questioned my husband (boyfriend at the time) about his son's statement and he said that his son thinks any female he talks to is his girlfriend and that he wanted his mom and dad to get back together and was probably referring to his mom.

 

I just took it as something a five year old would say. Well turns out he was talking about this woman. My husband said he knew her clear back then and used to hang out with her. That he hung out with her when he was dating his ex and that he never told his ex about her either!! OMG. I am absolutely floored. I feel like my husband is a total phoney. This is NOT the man I thought I married. He also told me that she's been calling him lately and that he hadn't told me. He said she just needs a friend. He claims he hasnt' spoken with her.

 

I told him I want to go see her (with him there) and talk to her. I want to find out if what he's said matches with what she has said. He agreed to go with me this weekend. Well this morning he'd changed his mind. He said that "you're the one who is jealous and wants to talk to her so YOU should go. This doesn't involve me. I KNOW what happened between us and it was NOTHING. So I dont' need to go with you to talk to her." This pissed me off to no end. I'm NOT jealous. I just dont' want to stay married to someone if he's a cheating prick.

 

I think I have the right to find out if they had sex. he said she will probably lie to me and tell me they had sex because if she finds out that I've requested that my husband quit talking to her she is going to be angry and lash out at me. He said that she may get upset and since she is so young she might make up lies to hurt me. I'm not buying that.

I told him that if she said they slept together I would ask her for proof. She would just have to give me details of what my husband looks like naked. (trying to put this delicately and its not a dig becasue personally it doesn't bother me) because a certain part of his anatomy is on the small side and I"m sure everyone who has slept with him notices this.

 

Its impossible not to. So she would know this info and if she really did have sex with him and wanted to hurt me there is no way she would know what he looks like undressed if they never had sex (as he claims) So basically he has NOTHIGN to worry about if NOTHING happened. He now says that he will go but I have to drop this after I find out nothing happened. I have ordered detailed billing on his cell so if he calls her I will find out (even if he erases her # on his phone) and I still have the GPS on his truck so I'll know if he goes to her house to "prep" her before we go talk to her.

 

What do you think the odds are that he slept with her? Oh and he told me that he is "grossed out" by the thought of having sex with her and that he doesn't find her the least bit appealing. He even wrote me a note (he writes down his feelings alot) saying the reasons he didn't sleep with her- that he's not attracted to her, that he woudnt' jeapordize his life with me and his son, that he loves me, that she isn't his type, and he even wrote that he is grossed out at the thought of sleeping with her. He goes on to tell me just how much I supposedly mean to him and all this crap.

 

I would LOVE to show her that note but I'm not a spiteful, mean person and don't want to hurt her. So what do you think the chance is that he DID have sex with her and is now worried about getting caught. Cuz if I find out he did there is NO working this out. I've given him my complete trust and I"m not wasting my life on someone who threw that all away. I wish my step son wasn't involved because this is going to be hard if I find out that my husband did cheat.

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RecordProducer
is he lying or does he just not remember because it was two weeks ago and not a big deal to him??
Of course he is lying! HE drove the truck, it's not a bus or a train. He knows which road he took.

 

What remained unclear to me is the nature of the relationship with this woman and why he hid her successfully for several months before you discovered their friendship. How was their relationship inappropriate?

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