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My Wifes affair


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I know that this has been addressed many times, but I need my own discussion if I am to get through this.

 

Though not my wife by law, we have been living common-law for over seven years now. As well, we have a 5 year old son with mild autism.

 

I have just learned through internet investigations that my wife has slept with another man. I am 32 she is 27. It has been going on for approximately 2 months. The first slept together about a month and a half ago and only 2 weeks ago. She would not admit it to me until I showed her the proof of what I had found. She has finally admitted it and now I do not know what to do. I am heart broken. She says that she wants to stay with me forever but I do not know if I can ever trust her again.

 

Please help me.

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Then go to marriage counselling and together fix things. Find out WHY she allowed herself to fall into the arms of another man. What needs of hers weren't being met that made her feel insecure, or not be able to come to you.

This isn't your fault, the cheating was her fault, but there is a reason for her choices...

 

Could be stresses of having a child with austism, or she is depressed so some other guy paying her lots of attention made her feel good, desired and wanted...

 

Talk to her about how you are feeling inside and see if she understands the amount of pain she's inflicted on you. If she shows you compassion, and shows that she's sorry and is willing to take responsibility for her actions, then consider giving her a chance to make things right again.

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LakesideDream

Reggy, there is a reason you didn't marry the woman , (or that she didn't marry you).

 

At your young age, it's time to cut and run. Don't play the fool and find yourself hanging around LS for answers and solice twenty five years from now!

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You're still young, you're not married (technically) so I would leave her and find someone else. Why waste your time on someone who isn't worth it and doesn't value your commitment to each other as much as you do?

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I know that this has been addressed many times, but I need my own discussion if I am to get through this.

 

Though not my wife by law, we have been living common-law for over seven years now. As well, we have a 5 year old son with mild autism.

 

I have just learned through internet investigations that my wife has slept with another man. I am 32 she is 27. It has been going on for approximately 2 months. The first slept together about a month and a half ago and only 2 weeks ago. She would not admit it to me until I showed her the proof of what I had found. She has finally admitted it and now I do not know what to do. I am heart broken. She says that she wants to stay with me forever but I do not know if I can ever trust her again.

 

Please help me.

 

I just went through the same thing...I know how it feels. I suggest you read into what others have gone through, there is lot's of good advice here.

 

Reggy, there is a reason you didn't marry the woman , (or that she didn't marry you).

 

This doesn't necessarily indicate she was bailing out or things were on the rocks, some people think that marriage is a piece of paper. If you live with someone and both parties commited to a monogamous relationship, then it's no different than marriage.

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If you live with someone and both parties commited to a monogamous relationship, then it's no different than marriage.

 

Tell that to the family law courts, the medical profession and the tax man!

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  • 2 weeks later...

I am sympathetic to the cut and run messages, but this case has an mitigating factor. Having a son with a disability is stressful - autism is the most stressful among the disabilities one can deal with. If you had a typically developing child and no other issues - drug use, psychological issues, physical abuse on either side, then I would think your significant other is just plain cruel and be more on the side of leaving the relationship.

 

Its a wild guess, but I think its possible that your significant other has run out of resources to cope with stress. This is not an excuse for having an affair, but could explain why she would do so when normally she wouldn't. Also, a child with autism has profound needs and I don't know what kind of therapy program his is in, but I've never seen one that isn't somewhere between horrifically expensive and a certified guarantee of bankruptsy. (I'm not going to get into this area because it isn't relevant, but I am close to people who work with autistic children).

 

Probably what is best for your child is for you to make your relationship work and find a way to repair it. This means more money out the window in terms of getting you and your wife into some sort of counseling and it means it is going to be very painful for you for a while. I am sorry for what you've gone through and what you're going to go through and I wish you the best of luck.

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